dedicated to ibby_galfor being my first reader

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛~ 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒//

{𝙲𝙻𝙾𝚄𝙳𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙶𝚁𝙴𝚈}

~𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓮~

~ K O M I S O L A ~

I hated myself.

And cursed the day I was ever brought into this world.

As the daughter of a General Overseer, I used to think about my responsibilities and liabilities.

I was being punished, being restricted and being tortured and everyone else just called it Responsibilities.

Was that what responsibilities were?

If it was a responsibility to keep shut after being abused neither once not twice but multiple times...

If it was a responsibility to continue living like everything was okay without any care or love...

If it was a responsibility to lay low and endure every pain and suffering this damnation called life gave unto me...

Then I would rather die.

So many times I had been told to endure, to keep quiet, to avoid damaging a General Overseer's reputation by speaking up and I couldn't stop myself from asking if I was worth less than a person's reputation...

Was that really my worth...?

Nothing less than a reputation...?

I was sick and tired of everything... Everyone... And I had felt so much pain in my heart that my heart had been left with a huge hole that couldn't be filled.

And every day when I woke up... I never felt like waking up... Because I would always wake up to a dark place called home... And outside it was clouds of grey...

Clouds of grey that were angry and seemed to want to pour their heart out by raining...

These clouds of grey... Was me... My life...

And to end all of this... I thought about Suicide...

Would be a good decision.

Because I had thought about it... And if it were up to me... Then I would definitely end all these pain and suffering right here and now by taking my life...

And I tried to do it...

I was supposed to die after falling from a rooftop...

But somehow... Just somehow... That man upstairs whom I had broken all ties with refused to leave me alone... He refused to let me die and be at peace...

Somehow I survived that incident... Even after falling from a rooftop, I still survived!

I was being unlucky... I guess the rooftop wasn't that high.

Too unlucky and it was unfair because all I wanted was peace... Yet the universe didn't seem to want that for me...

I tried again...

Tried one more time to end all of these pain and suffering...

Downed all of my father's sleeping pills but unlucky me... This life had me tied around it and wasn't ready to let me go... Even while strangling me with everything... With all these pain and suffering...

But it did not mean I would give up.

⇜⇕⇝

"You're starting school today," Mother said. "I want you to lay low..."

As usual... It was always as usual... It had always been as usual... Never to stand up for myself...

I felt sick just by looking at my mother and focused my stare on the broken girl in the mirror who struggled to keep her composure...

"Don't make trouble, so your Dad won't have to worry about clearing up any mess alright...?"

All I wanted to do was yell at her to keep quiet and stop as she spoke... To not make it seem like I was actually that much of rubbish and some messed up thing...

"You have to be good at school, Komisola. If by any chance, your Dad and I hears any news of you making trouble--"

"I get it," I interrupted. My grey eyes were lifeless and dead as I stared into them in the transparent frame.

Even my own parents judged me...

They didn't know what they saw... But they judged me...

What was the use of fighting if the people you loved the most and expected to fight the world with you... for you... were against you?

"I should lay low. Not make trouble. And just endure pain. As usual. I can do that. It's very very easy. Isn't that what I have been doing for all this while? All this time?"

Mother released a sigh and rubbed her temple as she tried to defend herself, "You know that is not what I meant, Komisola."

"It's not like I care what you meant," I finally looked at her fighting the sick feeling that bubbled up in the pit of my stomach, "But I just don't think you should keep telling me over and over again to lay low... I get it already," I picked up my small white Chanel backpack from the vanity and walked out of the bedroom without any more words being exchanged between Mother and I.

⇜⇕⇝

To everyone at home, I was a shame.

And to everyone at school, I was a repulsive image.

Which one was better?

None.

At home, a young teenage girl already had her life killed before she knew it and became trapped inside darkness.

And at school, this same teenage girl would not stop being punished for merely wanting to speak up.

I had been accused of committing incest.

And you know what made me sick of all the allegations and accusations...?

My parents were ready to cover his-- my brother's shame and secret by throwing me away like I was worth nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Davies Abayomi Adedire Matthias.

That had become the name I dreaded and hated most over these years.

That name was like a key to buried pasts and hidden secrets... Terrible secrets that wasn't meant to be opened up.

And that name... Was my brother's.

"Watch where you're going," I looked up at the deep, gruffy voice that had just opened and was surprised to see him in the same uniform as I was in.

Out of fear and shock, I gripped bag handles and looked around.

I definitely don't remember entering my school. And entering my class either.

Then, how did I get here?

I glanced at the guy in front of me who looked very sleepy with a tight scowl on his face and closed eyes. "We're going to have a whole lot of talking to do, Mom," he grumbled and immediately paused, flapping his eyes open like he had just been slapped while asleep.

Fair in complexion, curly hair that was styled in afro, slightly thick black eyebrows, honey eyes and full pink lips.

Okay...

His gaze was straight at me, making me very uncomfortable and I tried to go somewhere... Maybe to the restroom or the Leisure room our school had or anywhere... Just anywhere...

"Oh sorry," he finally said. I looked up, startled at the change of voice from bitterness to sweetness. "My bad, my eyes were shut as I was coming out and you didn't seem to even know you were here." He gave a slight chuckle. "What's your name?"

He stretched out his hand for a shake. My eyes travelled down to his hand that had been stretched out and paranoia immediately made me take a step back.

The thought of making contact with him made me remember how my brother used to touch me. How he used to assure me everything was okay and would force me to sleep with him. How he practically raped me over and over again and turned me into his sex slave, using his drug addiction to cover up.

I couldn't touch him...

I would never even dare to...

So, I ignored him and roughly pushed past him since his tall, lean frame blocked the door.

It was better to stay away than to rather fight.

I had to lay low.

~

𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐡? 𝐢 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐤𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐠𝐮𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰... 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬... 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥.

𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤-- 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐲--, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞'𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐊𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐨 𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲...

𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲, 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤... 𝐢.𝐛𝐞𝐠.𝐨𝐟.𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐛𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐞/⑅.

𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒍'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑!