\hey humansss, update! btw, that's Komisola in the media above, face claim change :/ she's really pretty though, right?\

046| Clean, Dirty Hands

~H A N N I E L~

Komisola had actually opened up to me for the first time. Part of me thought she had done that easier and quicker than I'd expected her to, but I didn't want to dwell too much on it.

I was glad and furious at the same time.

Glad because nothing was going wrong at the moment with us and furious because how could so much happen to someone?

I had always lowkey felt a lot of disrespect of her brother, but hearing all of this right now, I honestly didn't know what to feel.

Her brother sounded more fucked up than I could ever be.

It was saddening.

"I don't know if I'm supposed to forgive him, Hanniel," Komisola continued. "I am so confused; he has this mental issue and it's like he has split personalities, but that's not supposed to be an excuse for the way he's treated me. If anything, it's pure BULLSHIT."

"I am also trying to understand him, Komisola. But I simply cannot. I'm sorry. He should have gotten himself checked, not keep on living his life in that manner. You're his sister for Christ's sake. His biological sister."

"I don't think I am, Hanniel. I don't think so."

Hm?

I blinked as I stared at Komisola. "What do you mean?"

"My brother told me I had an uncanny resemblance to Mother's friend, and she had an affair with Father. I'm trying not to read so much into it, Hanniel, but I can't help it. I think Mother knows something, and maybe that's why Father keeps treating me this way--"

"You think you are not your mother's child?" My jaw dropped in shock. "Don't think that way, Komisola. You don't have to."

"I have every right to think that way!" Grey eyes exclaimed. "What if I'm someone else's child and this family is just taking care of me for care's sake? That thought has always haunted me! I know they are hiding something from me, Hanniel. I just know it."

"They're not. And if you feel they are, just ask. Don't read too much meaning into it."

Komisola held my gaze for a moment before looking away.

All I wanted to do was hug her till all of her sorrows had gone away.

I wanted to comfort her, but not when she had this phobia of people like me.

"Can I tell you something?" I said to Komisola who looked at me in approval, urging me with her inquisitive gaze. "I'm not going to be all emotional or poetic, right now. I'll just say what I think; I think you're holding yourself back from happiness, Komisola...

"...there are other problems, yeah, but you are becoming a problem to yourself. You think you don't deserve good things, but you patiently wait for them, you patiently hope that they do come to you. But you are always so scared and when you realize they won't be here any time soon, because you're not taking any steps towards those good things, you get so angry."

"Be happy, Komisola. Why don't you?"

"Are you happy?" Komisola asked. "You're not happy. You are putting on a facade, aren't you? You are. You can't lecture me on happiness--"

"I am happy." I smiled. "I am very happy. See, happiness isn't something that's always there. Sorrow, sadness, it'll all come but when you truly learn to be happy, you'll realize you can overcome all of that. Even with all the problems I face, I still make myself happy, because why not? Why don't we make ourselves happy?"

I almost missed it.

I almost.

I almost missed the tear that dropped from the corner of her eye. She'd been crying since but this one was lone, single.

"I am just so tired. I put so much energy into resenting my brother all my life, just for him to tell me all of this, and how he thinks he cannot live for long because of a stupid illness! He still smokes, for goodness' sake! I hate him so much. So so much."

Then I discovered.

Komisola still cared for her brother. Despite everything he had done to her, she still cared for him and wished for nothing more than his well-being.

~~

The next day, I'd gotten to school and we were all settling down before the teacher came in. My eyes met with Ameenah's but I tore my gaze away and went to my seat. She'd been doing nothing but ghosting me these days, and even if she was dealing with a situation or problem, she didn't have to completely ignore my existence and then go ahead and talk and laugh with other people like I was nobody in the first place.

I sat down and pulled out a snack from my backpack, dropping it on Komisola's table. She was, as usual, reading a novel and was deeply immersed in it but she looked up when she saw me drop the snack on her table.

"Why did you drop Bourbon biscuits on my table?" she asked, staring at me with a perplexed gaze.

I shrugged, "because I wanted to. My father always drops tons of his products at home and I hardly eat them. But you seem to like them though," I told her.

Grey eyes seemed obsessed with chocolate. I'd never seen her eat or drink anything apart from chocolate juice and cookies or biscuits.

To be honest.

"Oh..." she trailed.

I turned around on my seat, facing Komisola as I asked, "did you speak to him?"

Komisola who had been staring at the Bourbon biscuits looked up at me and blinked. "My brother? No. I don't want to."

"You have to--"

She snapped, "but I don't. I don't want to talk to him, and I don't feel any need to. End of discussion, Hanniel."

I sighed and turned back, sitting normally and facing straight ahead. Then Ameenah appeared at my front, dropping a notebook on my table which belonged to me.

My Chemistry note.

We held eye contact for a moment before Ameenah shook her head and walked away, to the front of the class. "Listen up, Science class, the Chemistry teacher said we should all stay in our classes for now, and by second period we should come to the laboratory. We might be having a pop quiz so I'll advice you to read."

Beside me, Komisola dropped her novel with a sigh and picked up her Chemistry notebook. I did the same too, I couldn't afford failing a test.

Ameenah walked out of the classroom immediately after that and then, Komisola also stood up beside me.

I was about to ask where she was heading to but that was none of my business, I supposed...

~K O M I S O L A~

I was headed to the restroom. I had no idea why but washing my face seemed an appealing idea at the moment.

I walked in on Ameenah. And she was washing her hands, again.

She wasn't looking at me, but her gaze was directed at herself in the mirror. Her reflection. There was a look of helplessness that marred her features, one that mixed with sadness and anger.

Then she finally noticed me after staring at herself a little bit too long. "Ya Allah," she jumped, her hand flying over to her chest as a sign of fear or panic. "What the hell have you been doing here?"

I realized, I'd been standing like a fool behind her, watching and staring. I cleared my throat and pulled on a mask of composure. "What else do people do in the restroom?"

Ameenah gazed at me suspiciously before looking away, tearing her gaze from me like I wasn't that important to waste her precious time on. "That's why you stood there like a fucking creep," she muttered and a hiss followed.

I didn't want to waste time. I made such an observation that was either very relevant or very useless.

So I asked, "why do you always wash your hands?"

Ameenah froze in whatever she was doing. Literally. Her whole body went rigid and tense, and she didn't maintain any form of eye contact with me. "What the fuck do you mean, Komisola?"

"It's just a fucking question," I said. "If it's not important, then say it isn't. I know you're hiding something."

It was none of my business, to be honest. Ameenah's problems were none of my business. But this? I was very intrigued. My gut feeling was never wrong.

Ameenah's hands were very ugly... and I said that only because of how it was a great contrast to her full appearance. No one usually looked at hands of a person whosever. But her hands were so dry, they'd peeled in different places and I could see red marks on them like she'd been bruised or hurt.

"What if I am hiding something? Who are you and what should I do? My friend, fashi abeg."

For the first time, I actually summoned courage to stop Ameenah from walking past me. I turned my head to look at her and she was glaring daggers at my arm that was outstretched in front of her.

"Drop your hand, Komisola--"

I didn't do as she said. My hand remained right at her front. I was asking looking for trouble where trouble lay gently, and the anger blazing in Ameenah's eyes only confirmed my actions.

"Guy," she started, sounding irritated and annoyed to the core, "what the actual fuck do you want from me, Adedire?"

"I asked you a question," I said. "And for the first time in my life, I actually want you to answer that question."

Ameenah let out a scoff, amusement and disbelief glinting in her eyes. "Hanniel's giving you confidence, nice," she remarked, feigning an impressed look as she smirked at me.

"It's not important, so stay the hell away from me, guy," she added. She left the restroom immediately, not waiting for any reply from me.

Ameenah Ahmed was hiding something from everyone, and I had no idea why I was so curious to know even if it was none of my business.

~~~

I was surprised to see Mother at home, in her room. Everyone in this family had this habit of leaving the door to their room opened apart from me and Father.

For the first time, I had this urge to speak to Mother. Even if it was just a small interaction, for a brief moment, I wanted to talk to her.

I entered the room with slow, hasty steps, rethinking my decision with each further step I took.

Then it dawned on me.

What was I doing?

What on earth was I doing?

I turned, rushing out of the room when Mother's gentle, soothing voice stopped me. "Do you want to see me?"

I froze in my steps. Ugh! She saw me.

I turned back, shaking my head slightly at Mother whose stare pierced through my body and soul. "Um, no. I thought this was my room," I told her.

"Your room?" Mother repeated. She looked, and sounded suspicious, obviously not believing what I said. Her eyes squinted through her gaze, before her lips stretched thin into a smile.

I nodded. An akward silence enveloped us after that, as both of us didn't say anything to each other. I broke the silence, noticing the papers in her hands which seemed like documents and the brown paper envelope on the bed next to her. "What's that? If I may ask." I pointed towards the papers.

She dropped them on her laps. "Come," she waved me over, pushing the envelope behind her and patting the now empty space for me to sit down on. It was my turn to be suspicious as I walked towards her.

"I've been meaning to tell you something..." she trailed. "Take," she handed the papers to me, "these are divorce papers. I'm divorcing your father, Queen."

My jaw dropped and I yelled, "what?!"

Even before I could stop myself.

"I'm tired of this marriage, Queen. Because of your father, I can't be a good mother to my children and I can't be a good person to myself. I've been staring at these papers for days, Komisola."

"Does Father know?" I asked. This was too much for me to take in, and I didn't know how to react to it. First Davies, now this.

"He's the one that gave them to me. He hesitated because he was a pastor, but now he just wants to leave me... leave us alone. Your father doesn't care about us, he only cares about himself, his mistress and money."

"Mistress?"

Could it be Mother's friend?

"She was my friend, Queen. I made a grave mistake. I made a really grave mistake by introducing her to your father. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for being so stupid."

My heart wrenched as a tear slipped down from Mother's eye. "Your brother wants to go back again, I can't even hold this family together."

"Mother..." I called, ignoring what she had just said. I wondered if it would be proper to tell her about Davies' illness.

If he wanted to tell her, he would have told her already, right?

"Yes?"

"It's nothing." I stood up, looking away from Mother. I felt guilty for not telling her about Davies' illness. He was her son. She deserved to know. But Davies brought this upon himself.

We brought this upon ourselves.

That's how fucked up everyone of us was in this family.

"I have assignments to do, Mother. I have to go."

I glanced at Mother and the hurt that flashed in her eyes broke my heart more. I swallowed, looking away again. Before I took the last step out of the room, I said to her, "you're doing the right thing, Mother. It's better late than never."

a/n: my goodness, what do you all think of this chapter? and Komi's new face claim? I had to change it, I realized the face claim I put for her looked too old and matured for her, but this was better.

I'm not so active on social media, bc school has been really hard on me. but I hope y'all liked this chapter, please comment, vote, share, share your thoughts too :)

bye luvsss <3