058| See Through

~H A N N I E L~

I didn't realize I was this... liked.

After everything I'd done, from the fight to everything else for Komisola, I expected to be treated like an outcast.

But what was happening was the complete opposite of it.

Anyway, I was back to my favorite spot with Grey eyes. It was lunch time and with her water bottle in my hands, both of us stared at the players on the field, watching with silence.

But I wanted to do a lot more than be silent. I missed her so much.

"How have you been?" were the words I wanted to say but she beat me to it. I didn't think she realized that because her eyes were trained on one person on the field; Ibrahim.

I tried to suppress the tinge of jealousy that coursed through me as I followed her gaze. The Ibrahim in question was effortlessly showing off his skills on the field, but I wondered why he was playing football today when his major in sports was basketball. Not that it was any of my business.

I shrugged, more to myself when Komisola finally tore her eyes off him and looked at me, her soft grey eyes studying every little detail of my face. For a moment, I got scared of how intense her gaze was. Made me feel like I was hiding a lot of secrets from her, from myself. But I wasn't hiding anything from her at least.

And for the first time, I hated how vulnerable and exposed I was with her. I hated that I felt this way too. It was how I felt when I told her she was the cause of my problems. That was a huge lie, and I had no idea what shit went through my head for me to say that.

"What are you thinking of?" she asked another question, seeing that I was not ready anytime soon to give an actual response.

"I don't know exactly," I told her. "There's so much to wrap my head around, it's so interesting." I laughed sarcastically, one which slowly died down as a scowl formed over her beautiful face.

"How's your dad?"

At this point, she was more curious and wanted me to tell her everything that was happening to me without missing in on a detail. It surprised me. I didn't expect her to be this concerned about me.

But I was going to be honest with her. "That, I don't know either. It feels like something really scary is about to happen. Like he's leaving me. They're hiding something from me." I took a long pause and continued, taking Komisola's silence as an encouragement.

"I asked Mum what illness affected Dad this badly," I said and turned to look at Komisola. "I know you've asked me too, and you probably thought me not having any idea was a lie. But I really am clueless. I know they're hiding something really serious from me. Dad's sickness has something to do with me, I know that. But I don't understand how, and it's fucking frustrating because every time he talks to me, it's like he's saying his last goodbyes. A crazy ass farewell that's not even proper one bit with so many hidden truths."

I didn't stop my rambling. "And they're not helping. Mum's not helping. She's never paid attention to how I felt and keeps treating me like a coin to be tossed. Made sure I went with her to Australia, and made sure I came back to Nigeria. What if I wanted to stay with my dad? Of course, I did. And they're so hellbent on keeping the cause of Dad's illness from me, because I asked his doctor what it was and he was too afraid to tell me, going on about some my parents paid him not to tell me."

I could only stop my endless rant when Komisola placed her hand on mine intertwined her fingers with mine. That meant a whole lot considering her phobia.

My shoulders relaxed visibly, a sigh coming from me as I said nothing more to her, allowing myself to be enthralled by the effect she had on me.

"You're so strong, Cardin. You're going through so much."

I smiled weakly. "I usually need a distraction in moments like this in my life."

"You want a distraction?" Komisola asked and I nodded. "You really want a distraction?"

She removed her hand from mine and looked like she was hesitant for a minute. Why was she acting weird?

Shaking her head like she was deciding against something, she looked at me and asked a question. One about my relationship with God.

I was confused. I wondered why she asked that question out of the blue.

"I'm genuinely curious. Isn't God supposed to be in control of everything? Like those that believe in him. I thought he answered their prayers faster than any one," she said.

"That's not how it works, ma'am," I corrected her. "Being a believer doesn't mean all your prayers or your desires get granted." It seemed like I was talking more to myself now as I stared deep into oblivion. "God knows best, doesn't He?"

"Before... when you spoke about God, you always had this big smile on your face like you were talking about your favorite person in the world. But now, Hanniel, do you know what look you have on your face? A solemn, dejected look. You're blaming him for everything, aren't you?"

One thing was, Komisola would always see through me. She'd always see through the facade I always put on and past the perfectionist lifestyle I tried to live by.

I would be very honest with her then.

"I pray every night. And I do know he hears my prayers, I know him so much, but it feels like I do not. I have tried to be so patient but it feels like my sanity is hanging on a small piece of thread. I try not to blame him for anything, for keeping me in the dark, for whatever is happening to Dad... but I am angry. I am angry at him."

"Aren't you allowed to be angry at him? It's a relationship, isn't it? He gets angry at you when you offend him, and you get angry when he does something you're not pleased with. Maybe I'm wrong, I've never had a solid relationship with God, Hanniel. So I wouldn't know."

I didn't say anything in response to that.

"But I do have a feeling your anger will leave very soon. God probably likes you just as much as you like him. I've seen wicked people live the best lives, e.g, my father, so imagine what he'd do for you. You're surely one of his favorites. He'll be there for you."

Komisola sure did know her way with words. For someone with no established relationship whatsoever with God, she assured me with more confidence anyone had ever.

And she also did well in making me feel ashamed of myself. Her words were a quick reminder of who God was to me, and how I'd forgotten him. I really was about to throw it all away.

I felt so ashamed.

~

"Chemistry is way better than Physics, OMG!"

It was just one of the random, useless loud arguments in the name of discussions SS3 Science was having with one another.

"Yes, yes but Biology is on top, bro!"

"Unpopular opinion; Biology is yuck." Miyu was the one who said that, disdain evident in his tone.

"Unpopular opinion; we don't need your opinion." That was Yusrah, his ex-girlfriend. So hard to believe. They were literally always all over each other. Name it obsession.

The people around Yusrah let out a series of ooh's and aah's. She was acting very differently. Actually sitting with the class and not her clique or Tiamiyu's clique and not to mention the reply she'd given him.

She turned to the people she was surrounded by. "I'll prove it to you that Biology still tops Chemistry and Physics. Majority carries the vote."

They all watched her, and her next action took everyone by surprise. "Komisola! Biology, Physics or Chemistry? Which is the easiest?"

Komisola looked at me, and I looked at her, both of us amazed that she was included in the conversation. She blinked like she was processing what had just happened, meanwhile Yusrah scowled at her. "Oya nau. Which is the best?"

"Uh..." Komisola was literally a stuttering mess, fumbling around for words to say. "I don't like any but I believe Biology is the easiest, or the best."

Everyone was still watching. However, while some of our classmates were also surprised, the others didn't look too fazed about it. Almost like they were aware of Yusrah's sudden change of heart.

"You nko? Aussie boy." Yusrah nodded her head at me. "Or you agree with Adedire?"

It was my turn to nod.

Beside me, Komisola muttered, "so fucking disturbing."

"Why are you talking to her?" I could recognize Ameenah's voice any time. She sounded so upset and bitchy about it.

Yusrah scoffed, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Because I want to, Ameenah, it's not that deep. I'm not enemies with the girl, all I've done is a few things."

That must have probably struck a nerve in Komisola. The way Yusrah made all of the evil things she'd said and done to Komisola sound so trivial.

Except, Komisola never said anything in response. All she did was pretend like she wasn't the subject of matter and read her novel. She tuned out the whole world with that book.

It was so hard not to like her.

a/n: atp, you people will have to bear with my wack delivery of chapters. apologizing won't even cut it.

i don't really have much to say, but i wish y'all a great night <3

byeee,
my luvsss🫶🏾