Do you ever just... vividly recall a conversation you had weeks, or even months ago? And think to yourself, "I could have been so much less awkward" to the point where it literally kills you a little inside?

Is that just me?

Like, I was talking to this guy I really like (who I find incredibly adorable) and I was telling him my weird thing about attraction. Like it kinda stops at the face. And he's like, "So what do you think of mine?"

And I give the so-so hand gesture.

The SO-SO HAND GESTURE

WHEN HE IS VERY CUTE

Because I'm a goddamn idiot and somehow thought it would be funny?

I mean he just laughed it off because it think it's pretty hard to get under his skin about stuff like that BUT I COULD HAVE FLIRTED AND MAYBE SHOWED HIM I SEE HIM AS MORE THAN A FRIEND

I DONT KNOW HOW TO FLIRT PEOPLE

ITS BAD. VERY BAD.

What's worse is this came after he junior prom where he was really sweet to me and I did at one point say he was adorable but I'm not sure he took it the right way.

God. Now I'm stressing about a thing that he probably doesn't even remember.

I hate my awkwardness so much, it's excruciating, honestly.

Ugh. Sorry about this, really. But I like the anonymity, it helps me rant. I'd rant to one of my irl friends but... ugh. I don't think they'd know what to say to me. I'm so viciously awkward it surpasses all levels of imagination, I swear to god.

I may delete this, I don't know. Whatever. I'll figure it out tomorrow.

Thanks for braving my teenage angst for a bit, if you stuck around.