"I wanna sleep next to you

But that's all I wanna do right now

And I wanna come home to you

But home is just a room full of my safest sounds

'Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my three A.M. shadow

I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone"

There were too many lights. Red, blue, orange and they were disturbing him. Jimin could also hear some muffled voices. He wanted them to leave. Couldn't they see that that he was trying to sleep? Couldn't they allow him to find some relief from his pain? Jimin could distantly hear somebody's voice calling his name. The voice sounded familiar and made his heart warm. He knew this voice. For a second Jimin thought if the voice belonged to god. Had he reached heaven?

- "Jimin-ah? Park Jimin, can you hear me? Oh my god, what have you done?"

Jimin smiled to himself. Of course he knew the face to whom this voice belonged. It was his roommate and best friend Kim Taehyung. But wasn't Taehyung gone for the night? Jimin could not figure out what had made Taehyung return. Jimin could hear Taehyung crying. Jimin wanted to open his eyes one last time and tell Taehyung a final goodbye and to not waste his tears on someone like him, but his eyelids were too heavy. He wanted to shout out to Taehyung that he had to let Jimin go. Jimin had gone far away from him. He had gone away to a place from where he could never return.

Jimin felt something being inserted in his nostril. Breathing suddenly became easier. He felt himself being pushed. What were these people doing to him? He wanted to die. Couldn't someone just respect his wish for once?

- "Mr. Park, we are going to give you an antidepressant. It is going to help you sleep while we try to recover you."

Recovery? Who the hell wanted a recovery? Jimin tried to resist but he felt a slight sting in his right arm. Slowly Jimin drifted to unconsciousness again.

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- "Mr. Park you have to understand that Jimin has lost a lot of blood. His wound is too deep. We have tried our best but we cannot say anything before twenty four hours."

- "Yes doctor, we do understand."

Taehyung's panicked voice on the phone had woken up Park Shi Jin and his wife Yoona in the middle of the night at their home in Seoul.

- "Mr. Park, this is Jimin's roommate Kim Taehyung."

- "Yes Taehyung-ah. Why does your voice sound like that? Is everything fine? Where is Jimin?"

- "It is about Jimin. Uncle, Jimin tried to commit suicide today. Luckily I came back home in time and found him lying on the floor unconsciousness and in a pool of blood. He is currently in Busan Multipurpose Hospital undergoing surgery. How fast can you get here? I can't figure out what to do. I am so scared. Can you please come soon?"

Yoona, who was hearing the whole conversation beside Shi Jin cried out her son's name in pain. What were they hearing? Their son Jimin had tried to commit suicide. But why would Jimin do something like that. Nothing made sense to them anymore.

- "We will be there by the next flight. Thank you Taehyung for taking care of our son."

- "Come fast uncle."

- "Yes."

Shi Jin had never imagined that he would ever have to face a situation like that. Didn't he talk to Jimin just a few hours back? Jimin did sound a bit upset on the phone but Shi Jim had thought that it was just Jimin feeling nostalgic about home. What had happened that had forced Jimin to take such a drastic step. He wanted nothing more than to see his son recover well.

Shi Jin made his way across the waiting room. Taehyung was comforting Yoona. Yoona had not taken the incident well. Her blood pressure had dropped and she hadn't stopped crying ever since Taehyung's phone call. Taehyung saw Shi Jin approaching and stood up to offer him a seat.

- "Uncle, how is Jimin-ah?"

- "The doctors won't be able to say anything before twenty four hours."

- "Oh Park Jimin, what the hell did you do? Couldn't you just wait for me to get back home?"

Yoona rested her head against her husband's shoulder and sobbed harder. Shi Jin looked up at Taehyung. He had met Taehyung once before on the first day of the doctoral program when Jimin had introduced Taehyung as his roommate. They had later moved out of the dorms and rented an apartment together. Shi Jin liked Taehyung. He knew that Taehyung and Jimin were pretty close and decided that Taehyung must have an idea of the reason behind Jimin's decision to end his life.

- "Do you know what forced him to take such a drastic step?"

Taehyung looked down at his feet. Shi Jin could see him biting his tongue. Shi Jin could understand that Taehyung was contemplating in his mind if it was his story to tell or Jimin's.

- "Jimin has a lover."

- "A boyfriend?"

- "Not exactly but they did spend a lot of time together. They had a secret relationship b... b... because..."

- "Because?"

- "Well he is married and that son of a bitch took full advantage of Jimin's innocence and insecurity of being gay. I did try to stop him but Jimin never cared about what I had to say. It was as if he was in a trance, a trap set by him. I am so sorry."

Taehyung sighed. If only he had tried harder maybe then Jimin would be here.

- "It is not your mistake son. But I want to know something."

- "Yes anything."

- "Could that lover be capable enough of doing this to Jimin?"

- "Are you indicating an attempt on Jimin's life?"

- "Yes."

- "I don't think so. He is pretty sly. He wouldn't do anything to ruin his reputation."

- "Can you tell me everything from the beginning?"

- "I think it is better if you hear it from Jimin. He would want you to hear everything from him."

Taehyung had seen Jimin suffer everyday. He had told Jimin countless times to break up with that son of a bitch. Taehyung knew that it was that monster who had seduced Jimin. Jimin was forced to fall for him. He had wanted nothing but Jimin's body and Jimin had given him his everything. Taehyung blamed himself for leaving behind Jimin with that monster. He had no idea that Jimin had begun to cut himself. If only he had knocked some sense into Jimin, this wouldn't have happened. Taehyng felt fresh set of tears in his eyes.

"Oh Jimin you deserve so much better, you don't even realize it yourself."

The twenty four hours was the most difficult time in the lives of the Parks and Taehyung. Taehyung had never felt anxiety to this level. Whenever a nurse would come out of Jimin's room, his heart would race. What if she brought any bad news? After some time Shi Jin sent Yoona to a hotel room as she did not want to enter the house where her son had tried to kill himself. Shi Jin asked Taehyung to go and rest as well but Taehyung did not want to leave. What if he never saw Jimin again? Shi Jin liked Taehyung's company as both of them could silently lament in their own minds without disturbing the other. It was five in the morning and Taehyung and Shi Jin had dozed off when the doctor came to them.

- "Mr. Park, Jimin is out of danger now. We were able to stop the bleeding. He should gain consciousness soon but he is very weak. I recommend a few weeks rest."

Shi Jin felt himself breathe for the first time in two days.

- "Thank you doctor. Can we see him?"

- "Yes you can."

Shi Jin decided to give Yoona a call and went outside the hospital. Taehyung had never liked hospitals. Going to see Jimin in the I.C.U. was one hell of a challenge for him. After Yoona rushed to the hospital, both the Parks and Taehyung entered the I.C.U. Yoona choked up immediately seeing her son covered in tubes and oxygen mask. Jimin's body looked so fragile and weak. He was in a deep slumber.

- "Jimin-ah, my son, are you okay? Mama is here baby boy. Can you look at me once?"

Yoona could not hold back her tears and sobbed holding her son. Shi Jin and Taehyung could not stop themselves. Jimin always used to be a loud and cheerful soul and seeing him in such a miserable condition broke their hearts. The nurse said that Jimin could wake up at any moment and they should wait for him or come up later during the visiting hours. Shi Jin wanted Taehyung to go back home and rest for some time but he did not have the heart to do so to Taehyung because he knew what all of them were going through, the level of anxiety and tension in each of them. It was forever before Jimin finally woke up.

Jimin tried to remember where he was and why he was covered in so many tubes. The incident came pouring into his mind. He had tried to kill himself because of him. Jimin looked around the room and his eyes fixed on his parents and Taehyung. His parents looked tired with tear stricken faces and his best-friend Taehyung, who never failed to look handsome did not even care about his messed up hair right then. Jimin had wanted to die because he did not have the courage to face them again but he had survived. Perhaps somebody in the heavens hated him a lot.

Yoona's face brought the smell of cold noodles back to him. Suddenly he wanted to go back to Seoul and sleep on his bed. He wanted to confess his sin but not in some church. He wanted to confess to his parents.

- "Dad?"

Shi Jin quickly opened his eyes and looked at Jimin. Jimin was smiling at him weakly. His eyes were half closed and it seemed as if he was in pain.

- "Are you feeling well?"

- "Actually this tube right here is hurting me."

Jimin pointed at a tube going into his right arm. Taehyung went out to call the nurse to fix the problem. Meanwhile Shi Jin decided to have a heart to heart with his son.

- "Jimin why did you have to take such a harsh decision? Couldn't you share your pain with us? You know we are always there for you."

Jimin's lips trembled. He tried to sit up but failed to do so. He extended his arm towards his dad and patted on the bed next to him. Shi Jin took hold of it and sat on his son's bed.

- "Dad... "

- "Son?"

- "I truly loved him. Maybe I still do."

- "I know son."

- "You do?"

- "Not really but I can guess that you did love this person with all your heart."

- "Dad..."

- "You have a pure heart son."

- "No dad I have sinned. You don't know everything."

- "I know who you are Park Jimin. If you think you have sinned then I don't think I can provide you with any possible explanation in my knowledge that will make you think otherwise, but I know that you cannot sin. So whenever you feel like sharing it just know that I am here, your mom is here."

- "Dad, I want to."

Shi Jin pointed to Yoona and Taehyung who had already returned with the nurse to leave the room and give them some privacy. Yoona did not want to leave but she knew that Shi Jin was the only person who would be able to comfort Jimin without becoming a sobbing mess like herself. They left the room to get some coffee.

- "Will you hate me?"

- "No."

- "You will."

- "I won't."

- "Dad it started... "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Playlist suggestion - Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan