Slate;; SeaWing OC
For anyone interested this is a revamping of Ocean from waaaay back when.
Submitted by Blade-Of-Spirit.
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BASIC DETAILS;;
------ Name: Slate
I approve of the name change.
------ Age: 23
You've ditched the dragon years!!! I'm a proud mother.
------ Gender: Female
------ Sexuality: Asexual heteroromantic
I love seeing all the ace characters slowly parading through here.
------ Tribe: SeaWing
------ Abilities: Ordinary SeaWing abilities, but her SeaWing stripes are slightly brighter than normal - a byproduct of living and training in the Deep Palace during her early years while her scales and body were still developing (I have a headcanon that SeaWings that live underwater for most of their lives have brighter stripes and better night vision due to spending much of their time in darkness).
Interesting! That's a really good idea, and makes sense too.
She also has animus powers.
Hmm, alright.
------ Relationship Status: She's single for two reasons—a. the Queen doesn't want her incapacitated by a mate unless it's to pass on her powers, and b. She's too busy planning her escape from Queen Cerulean's side to bother.
Already I'm seeing the Queen is a very strong influence on her. Very interesting.
------ Occupation: Queen's bodyguard/weapon/tool/pet/occasional negotiator. Cerulean uses her on a lot of diplomatic missions as a sort of threat to the other royals.
That's a lot of different words to use. She reminds me a little of Peril so far? Similar connection to her queen.
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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION;;
------ Scale Color: Slate has white-green scales as her primary scale color, with a rich mossy green as her secondary scale color.
White-green; do you mean light green or green-and-white?
------ Eye Color: It's the same as her name—slate, a bluish-gray
Ah yes, I remember this from her last bio.
------ Build: She's lithe and wiry.
Interesting choice for a bodyguard - usually, you'd want a large, muscular dragon for intimidation. But whatever suits.
------ Height: About normal for her age and species
After all the "slightly taller/shorter than average" I've been seeing, normal is a nice change.
------ Stripe Color: Her SeaWing stripes are a bright neon green, as are her wing membranes.
Very... visible.
------ Other: She's got a few pinkish scars on her tail and back from training and the assassination attempts she's foiled. She also has a smattering of circular SeaWing markings beneath each of her eyes, a feature she got from her mother.
"Circular SeaWing markings" - are these glowing stripes, or just scale markings like Nautilus' black markings? What colour are they? Don't get me wrong, though, it's a nice addition.
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PERSONALITY;;
------ Strengths: She's good at reading dragons and even better at reading a situation, and prefers to wait to see what's going on before jumping in. She's also patient and a relatively good negotiator, having been forced to act as one for the Queen, and knows how to play the field.
I suppose she'd have to be. She seems to have adapted well.
She's also a good fighter, and is good at adapting. You have to be, to survive in the courts.
I thought courts were about diplomacy more than physical violence?
Still, if she manages to befriend someone, she'll do her best to try and get along with them despite her various issues.
I can imagine that must be quite rare if she sends so much time caught up in the Queen's affairs?
------ Weaknesses: She's not too good at reading social cues and is often blunt or rude towards the dragons she isn't trying to manipulate.
Hang on, you said she was good at reading dragons and situations.
And yes, she's very manipulative and has no trouble using others to get what she wants, due to having spent twenty years of her life as a player in the eternal cutthroat chess game that is politics.
I like it, although it doesn't fit in at all with the social cues struggle.
This has made her cold and ruthless. She's not good at trusting others, either, having been viewed as a commodity for most of her life, and is always looking for the ulterior motive in others, even when it doesn't exist.
I was going to complain about the "doesn't trust others" cliché, but you've developed it well. So, I'll leave you be.
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BACKSTORY;;
Slate was three when she discovered she had animus powers during the Talons of Power test.
You took my last advice in hand! I'm infinitely proud.
Queen Cerulean immediately claimed her as her ward, which Slate was originally excited about, but this soon changed when she discovered Cerulean's real reasoning behind taking her.
That's very sudden of her, and I'm interested to see how her parents reacted - but if the Queen says it, then it goes. It makes sense that she'd be excited, and more so that she'd change as time passed. Cerulean sounds like a very interesting character.
She was to be a weapon for the Queen, a silent shadow, an eternal threat against the other tribes.
So do the tribes know about her, then?
She was trained in the use of her powers, but was only permitted to do very small enchantments during her training. As a result, her soul is mostly intact, since Cerulean never had reason to give her a larger task (the other tribes found that the threat of what was currently the only known animus in Pyrrhus being turned against them was very, very frightening).
Ah, they do. Just keep in mind that she isn't the only known animus, unless this is set pretty far in the future. The animus bloodline also runs through the SandWings (Jerboa II and Sunny), and the NightWings (Stonemover). All of those dragons are known to Pyrrhia; the animus we've seen whose powers were kept secret by their kingdom was, ironically, Anemone.
At the age of six, she was being brought to all councils and treaty-signings that took place in the Sea Kingdom. By the time she was eight, she was traveling with Cerulean wherever she went.
Very interesting. I like Cerulean's motive - it's vicious, and just the sort of thing you could expect from a cunning royal. How did she feel being paraded around in such an obvious display of power? How did Cerulean convince her to serve her? (Bearing in mind that she's an animus, so the Queen can't exactly force her).
Seeing the cutthroat nature of royals turned her into something of a pessimist, and made her more like them than she'd like to admit.
Nice.
Despite all of this, however, she had two forms of freedom that helped her keep her sanity (and not end up like Peril, thinking that her Queen loved her when she was merely a tool).
Peril didn't really think Scarlet loved her. It was more that she wanted to please her. The question, "Does Scarlet love me?", was at the root of all her being. Her actions were based on whether they'd please Scarlet, and her emotional wellbeing grew to depend on the Queen. If she was certain Scarlet loved her, Scarlet would lose her leverage over her.
Having said this, how does Cerulean keep Slate under her control?
The first was the repeated visiting of a RainWing royal messenger named Panther, who would regale her with tales of his travels.
"Regale" is a great word. Also, this is cute. What does Cerulean think of it?
The second was scrolls, which took her to parts of Pyrrhia she knew she'd never be allowed to see. Her favorite detailed the saga of the dragonets of destiny, who she felt a strange kinship with. Like them, she was a commodity to others, the means to an end.
Remember, common Pyrrhians don't know that the dragonets were used by the NightWings. They think the prophecy was real and their efforts to stop the war was wholeheartedly of their own initiative. Most of the scrolls, I imagine, would depict this.
In the end, it was this scroll that inspired her to plan an escape.
I like it! You've ended it on a great cliffhanger.
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COMMENTS;;
------ The good...
Comparing this to your first submission, I'm proud of how far you've come. Slate has come a long way - you've had an OC glow up, essentially. Her life as an animus is much more realistic - I love what you've done with Queen Cerulean - and her personality is a good reflection of its effects. You cut out a lot of nonsense from her first bio, and it's done wonders. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful job.
------ The bad...
There's the inconsistency with the personality - you say she's good at reading dragons and situations, and then that she's bad at it and it causes her to be rude? The rudeness would surely get in the way of her manipulative and diplomatic abilities. If she can't read social cues when she's not manipulating someone, how is she expected to when she is?
Another issue I picked up is in her relationship with Cerulean. The queen having a pet animus is a fantastic choice; but you haven't explained how they stay that way. You mentioned their relationship isn't like Peril and Scarlet, but I have a feeling you're misunderstanding that. Peril stayed with Scarlet for a number of reasons:
- She believed she needed Scarlet to keep her alive (the black rocks).
- She was insecure. Nobody wanted her. In her mind, Scarlet was the only one who would accept her, and for that reason she stayed with her.
- She idolized Scarlet. She was raised to want her approval, and only her approval. That's why breaking away from her was so difficult and such a big deal.
If it came down to a fight, Peril would be easily more powerful than Scarlet. She could burn her to a thrilling little crisp and escape into the wide open world without getting so much as a scratch. But she didn't, because Scarlet manipulated her into obeying her. When Peril did eventually break away from her, it was because she discovered the flaws in the logic that had initially compelled her to stay:
- The black rocks were a lie. She didn't need Scarlet to keep her alive.
- There are other dragons that wanted her, such as Clay and Kestrel.
- When Scarlet harmed her friends, this dampened Peril's opinion of her.
Cerulean and Slate, I can imagine, would have a similar situation. You need to find a leverage - a reason for Slate to stay with Cerulean in an obviously cruel situation. If she's aware she's being used, but still accepts it, there must be a reason she's staying.
This reason could be anything: maybe she sees Cerulean as a mother. Maybe she likes the jewels and glamour of royalty (though this wouldn't tie in well with her personality). Maybe Cerulean is threatening her family back at home.
The choice is all yours here.
------ How you can improve!
I'm honestly considering removing this section, since all I do is repeat myself. Fix the inconsistency in the personality (I'd do that by removing the inability to read others entirely), and have a look at her relationship with Cerulean. Once you're done, you'll be flying.
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OVERALL RATING;; 9/10.
I'm rating you highly because of your improvement. You took what I said into consideration, and the results have turned out fantastic. Well done!
- Siri Mom.
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