Inkwriter;; NightWing OC
Submitted by StragglyCat.
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I have had this OC for months and only got him rated on Wattpad once, and the format of this book seems very good. Hope you like!
Thank you! Let's get into it.
BASIC DETAILS;;
------ Name: Inkwriter
I hate to be this picky this early on, but this name feels a bit weird to say. It sounds like he's writing the ink, as opposed to writing with the ink. It's like having an assassin called Knifekiller or a chef called Spooncooker.
------ Age: Dragon years are weird, so... 19 human years? Like, young adult. Idk what that would be in dragon years. (Born a few years before his tribe moved to the rainforest, and lives afterwards)
*inhales*
It's not that hard. It's not that hard. It's not that hard.
There is no such thing as human years. There is no such thing as dragon years. There is such thing as a year, which is the time it takes the planet to orbit the sun. This is how we measure age.
Dragonets grow quickly. The second they're out of the egg, they're learning, processing and thinking. They're children and young adults for a very, very brief period of time.
Childhood:
At hatching, they're a newborn.
At age 1-3, they're a child (for example, Anemone is 1 in The Lost Heir).
At age 4-7, they're a teenager (Moonwatcher is 4 in Moon Rising, and the dragonets of destiny are 6 or 7 throughout their arc).
At 7-8, they are an official adult. This is the dragon equivalent of us when we turn 18.
Adulthood:
They stay adults for a long, long time. Queen Scarlet had ruled for 40 years and still looked pretty fresh up there. Growth slows, and the dragon slowly ages until they reach seniority, which is around the 90-100-year range.
Old age:
At 80, they start looking grizzly. From 90 onwards, they're pretty old. It is very possible to live past that age, though (like Tapir, mentioned in The Hidden Kingdom - he was more than a hundred years old!)
So, if Inkwriter is roughly 19 in terms of maturity, you'll want to make him 8 years old.
------ Gender: Male
I'm not sure why, but for some reason I thought
------ Sexuality: Asexual
What's his romantic orientation?
------ Tribe: NightWing (I'm sorry for adding to the masses of these, this is my only NightWing OC)
No worries.
------ Abilities: I'm assuming this counts for physical and mental abilities, so I'll do that. Very intelligent and a fast learner, as well as an astounding writer. Reading skills are exceptional. As far as fighting goes, he is pretty good skill-wise but hates seeing living things in pain. Could be much better if he tried. And, of course, normal NightWing abilities. But no mind reading or prophetic powers.
Hmm, he seems a bit... over-skilled, even without moons-given powers.
------ Relationship Status: Asexual, no preference or desire for romance.
Well, asexual people can feel romantic attraction. What you're trying to say is aromantic asexual, or aro/ace.
------ Occupation: Author, basically writes fantasy-based stories on scrolls and sells them.
I never quite know what to make of author/artist OCs, since to me they seem bit like self-inserts.
------ Residence (I know this wasn't in the form but I wanted to add it): Small hut in the rainforest, lives on his own.
I love it when people add stuff to the form. Good detail!
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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION;;
------ Scale Color: You might want to sit down, this one's a doozy. I wasn't sure where to put these details so I'm piling them in with scale color. First of all, the main color is black. Kind of a given. But he also has dark blue scales that fade up from the following; his legs, tail, end of snout, and outside of wings. His horns, talons, neck/back spike things, and the whole insides of his wings are silver.
He sounds exquisite, although keep in mind bright blue isn't a common NightWing colour. Not impossible, though.
------ Eyes: Same shade as his blue scales, black pupil, and kind of bloodshot from smoke on the NightWing island.
Very descriptive.
------ Build: Scrawny and wiry, he has no muscle tone whatsoever.
Pretty good skill-wise at fighting, mm?
------ Height: A bit on the short side, but not very much.
Bit predictable, but not bad.
------ Other: He has pieces of actual silver embedded into the scales down both sides of his neck, almost like piercings. To compliment this, he also wears a hoop earring made of silver. The dude really likes silver.
The dude has good taste.
Although he doesn't fight much, he has a few scars on his body, the largest being a long and twisted claw mark down his back left leg. He slightly limps on that side. Any other "scars" are just a few cuts and scrapes on his feet from sharp rocks on the island.
Ow. Where did that come from?
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PERSONALITY;;
------ Positive Personality Traits: Inkwriter is and has always been very smart and gifted with reading/writing. Even though he is, it is never like him to gloat or talk down to younger/less educated dragons.
Humble, then?
He is honest and kind, and cares deeply for living things. Inkwriter made the decision to become a vegetarian, because killing anything was too much for him to bear.
I was going to complain that the kindness and unwillingness to see things being hurt was overly clichéd, but it actually affects him, so I'll let it pass. Does his diet have any impact on his health? I can imagine it would, since NightWings are omnivorous and used to a diet of meat after the volcano.
He will always strive to do the right thing, and tries to find a peaceful solution to everything.
Very common and a bit cliché, but it fits well, so I can't very well ask you to get rid of it.
------ Flaws: Because Inkwriter has high anxiety, being in large events or just in the vicinity of other dragons scares the crap out of him. Though he is kind when he speaks to others, he often stutters, freezes up, or just makes an excuse to leave as politely as possible. He rarely goes outside of his house or attempts to socialize, which results in him often being lonely (which he doesn't really mind too much).
Hm, alright.
He also could be seen as much of a coward in both social and fighting aspects.
Do you need to have him be a good fighter, then? It doesn't fit.
He was told all his childhood that being weak would be his downfall if he didn't toughen up, and that made him want to less. He fears bring hurt by others mentally or physically, and his emotional walls get in the way of letting him be stronger. This is part of why he doesn't talk to people or engage in any fighting/hunting when it's avoidable.
All right, I like the explanation.
------ Other: Much of Inkwriter's personality can be seen through his writing. He is completely dedicated to it, and puts everything he feels into his words. Even though he is not very popular, he makes a decent income off his scrolls.
Huh. Most of the time if an author isn't popular they make no income off their stories.
Writing is his definite favorite pastime and always calms him down when he is stressed.
As is always the case with writer/artist OCs.
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BACKSTORY;;
Oh boy. I hope you like reading.
Try me.
Inkwriter's mother (Nebula) had him quite late in life, so he never met any of his other older siblings. Nebula was the only family he had, and when she died of old age he was still quite young.
1. Who is his father? I get that some NightWing fathers don't stay with their mate and dragonets, but you could at least say a little about him.
2. And how did his mother's death affect him? You can't just drop that bomb and then... not go into detail.
A large male NightWing who was already fathering twin dragonets (at least two years older than Inkwriter) volunteered to take him in as his own.
Twins? Dragonets are pretty uncommon in the volcanic Night Kingdom. What motivated him to adopt him, anyway?
His name was Charcoal, and his adoptive sisters were Coulee and Pyre. Inkwriter didn't have much of a choice in his new family, so he then became Charcoal's step-son.
I've never seen the name Coulee before. It's quite nice - suits a volcanic NightWing.
Charcoal was nothing short of awful.
Oh? Then why did he adopt him?
He told Inkwriter that writing was a silly thing to like, and the only way he could earn money was to be a soldier or war general.
The NightWings didn't participate in the war; thus, there would be no huge pressure to form an infantry until in the future, when they planned to ally with Blister. Also, they're a very scholarly tribe; lots of dragons were valued for their intellect over their war capabilities (for example, Mastermind and Morrowseer). Of course, Charcoal is an individual dragon, and his opinions could very well deviate from the norm, but just bear in mind that most NightWings wouldn't be like that.
He picked apart everything Inkwriter did and nagged him over every mistake or slip-up. The twins were no better, and just bullied him in general. This went on for years until Inkwriter got to the breaking point. Up until then, Charcoal had always encouraged battle training. But one day he decided to force it on him, when he was seven. The twins, who didn't need encouragement, were put with him in a two vs one battle.
That's a bit unfair, especially if he's less experienced than the twins.
Inkwriter avoided them as best he could, and after a few minutes decided to just run from the fight. Coulee grabbed his back leg as he lunged to get away, twisting and turning her claws as she pulled him back. This resulted in his only real scar.
Nice! I like that you've explained his scar.
Charcoal, disappointed in him for trying to flee, called the battle quits and the day went on from there. It was only until the night when he and the twins were sleeping that Inkwriter decided to run away. He was almost an adult, and though he had nowhere to go, he was tired of the abuse. It happened to be this night that the volcano erupted. Inkwriter found his way to the RainWing tunnel and saw the whole event of the dragonets of destiny offering the NightWings life in the rainforest if they let Glory be their queen.
Ah, alright. I like that you've included the canon events without having him directly interact with the dragonets of destiny. Also, it's nice to have the climax coincide with the volcano's eruption; good literary technique.
Inkwriter decided that life there would be much better than the island, even if it weren't going to be destroyed. And he didn't mind bowing to a RainWing because from what he heard in scrolls, Glory was a just and fair ruler.
From what he heard in scrolls? The NightWings didn't even know who Glory was before she became queen. The few that did know about her (read: Morrowseer) saw her as a failure because she wasn't a SkyWing. She hadn't been queen nearly long enough for there to be scrolls about her, anyway (literally the only dragon she came into contact with who had any writing capacity was Starflight). Moreover, the only scrolls the NightWings had on RainWings depicted them as lazy and useless. No self-respecting NightWing is going to look at that and go, "Ah, yes. Perfect monarch material!", no matter how perfect and awesome Glory is.
So he swore his loyalty to the dragonets as he passed through the tunnel, just like all the rest of the NightWing tribe. But as he looked back on his old home, he saw three familiar faces in the midst of the crowd, all with expressions of disgust. Charcoal met his eyes just before Inkwriter came out the other end of the tunnel, and he realized they weren't going to save themselves if it meant having a RainWing queen. They were choosing to die on a fiery explosion over a RainWing. Inkwriter was incredulous but also slightly relieved they wouldn't be near him anymore.
I'd throw myself into a volcano too if it meant avoiding Glory. This seems very well-suited to Charcoal's character, though. Good job.
Once in the rainforest, Inkwriter settled down in a small hut he built on his own. After a while he grew accustomed to the place, and soon chose to be a vegetarian just like the RainWings. As Queen Glory was teaching the RainWings to read, there were writing materials available to the NightWings. After a few years of hard work, Inkwriter built up enough popularity as an author to make an income off his scrolls.
Okay, you have acknowledged here that it is a pretty hard process. Where is his main audience? The emerging Rain Kingdom? The NightWings?
He now lives happily with all the goals met he had strived for and was told he would never achieve.
All right. Nice happy ending, although he's a bit young to have achieved everything.
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COMMENTS;;
------ The good...
For all the critique, Inkwriter is a nice OC. Pretty quirky with the vegetarianism and the docile, scrollish personality, but I like it. His backstory seems to have had a prominent influence on his character, which is one way to win my heart forever. This bio is full of canon, and for that I applaud you; a lot of people avoid having their OCs in those events by saying, "She wasn't raised in the volcano," or, "She left the forest before Darkstalker came." Kudos.
------ The bad...
Is there anything he can't do, that isn't related to socialising? Writing, intellect, battle skills... you've got one too many things in here, methinks. Especially if Charcoal scorns him for his combat ability; if he's all right in battle, skillwise, then he shouldn't have had a problem with his stepfather.
The death of his mother didn't affect him at all, which is something I can't let you off for. Losing a parent is a big deal - especially when you're young, and living in conditions like the volcano (in which most dragons cling to what little love they can find).
I don't really see why Charcoal adopted him - it doesn't really strike me as fitting with his character, although I don't know him nearly as well as you would. I'd consider changing this - perhaps the queen instructed him to adopt Inkwriter, knowing he already had two other charges? That would also explain why he's so awful to him.
Okay, the thing with him reading about Glory in scrolls is downright stupid. There were no scrolls written about Glory at that time. It's okay to have him think Glory is a good queen - your explanation just doesn't make sense.
Another thing I noticed was that you've emphasized a lot of battle and war and stuff. That may just be with Charcoal and his daughters, but keep in mind that the NightWings aren't a very warlike tribe. They're a bunch of scared starry dragons cowering under a volcano, trying their best to survive. While it makes sense that they would be starting to think about battle - they were planning to join the war eventually, after all - they also valued their scholars. Why is Charcoal so fixated on battle training?
You also haven't mentioned Darkstalker's coming, which is a bit of a shame, because I'd love to see how he reacts to it.
(Unless you submitted this before Talons of Power. I don't think I've been that slack. Right?)
------ How you can improve!
If I were you, I'd be looking at getting rid of the "good fighting skill". It's unnecessary and contributes nothing to his either his character or the story.
Also, include something more about the death of his mother. Such a significant event should affect him a bit more in some way.
Elaborate on Charcoal, Pyre and Coulee a bit more. They seem like very good characters.
You may also want to think about incorporating Darkstalker's arrival into his story, seeing as you've already included the NightWing exodus.
Finally, try write his journey to success in a bit more detail. He came from a hard life, so fulfilling his goal of becoming a writer and gaining popularity should take a bit longer. It should feel like a climactic point in his life, rather than just a "The End". I'm a writer myself, and let me assure you, it takes a long time to become popular. Writing is hard, editing is hard, publication is hard, actually getting readers to pick your finished product up is hard... you get the picture. It takes a long time to even produce a book, let alone succeed with it. I'd make him a bit older, and then have him fulfil his goals. You'd get a lot of character development from the hard work.
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OVERALL RATING;; 6.5/10
This is one of those OCs where I was hovering between 6 and 7, so I decided to plonk myself right in the middle.
I seem to be getting back into the swing of things?
- Siri Mom
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