Review for one of this book's most dedicated readers, Goldtalon!

Thank you for being so patient with me, and for your encouragement throughout this book.

I don't say this enough but when people leave nice comments I'm always really excited to read them (even if I forget to reply sometimes).

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BASIC DETAILS;;
------ Name: Goldtalon
Plausible.

------ Age: Five
I'm not sure why, but it's really calming to read numbers written in letters (two as opposed to 2, kind of thing).

------ Gender: Female
------ Sexuality: Straight

------ Tribe: NightWing/SandWing
All right.

------ Abilities: Can read minds and foretell the future, (born under two moons) her powers are faint though, fire-breathing, animus, black and gold stinger with no venom
... look. Moons-given powers are already enough; what's the point in making her an animus? The only animus mindreading prophet we know of is Darkstalker, thus indicating it's pretty rare. It wouldn't be impossible for her, since both the SandWings and the NightWings have an animus bloodline, but... don't do this. Please.

------ Relationship: Nope nada zip zero zilch
Single characters are nice!

------ Occupation: Student at Jade Mountain :D
Hmmm, okay.

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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION;;
------ Scale Color: Black and gold, with gold stars under her wings instead of silver, with gold talons, leg plates, and (two gold) horns with five gold scales under her eyes (also has black and gold stinger with no venom).
Very detailed, and I like the black and gold colour scheme you have going on here. Reminds me a little of a bee.

------ Eye Color: Dark brown fading close to black.
Alright. That's passable.

------ Build: Medium build and slightly muscular.
Woah, a muscular female? Not many people do that. Nice job! Although the only SandWing/NightWing hybrid we know of is really small and stunted, that doesn't mean all hybrids of that type have to be.

------ Height: Slightly taller for her age.
It fits with the build, so okay.

------ Notable details: Three scars on her neck and a silver enchanted bracelet that has a gold circle etched onto it.
If that bracelet is enchanted with a soul protection spell I'm going to cry.

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PERSONALITY;;
------ Strengths: Loyal, intelligent, and clever, loves reading.
Nice start, but try explain a bit more? Who is she loyal to?
(Also, intelligent and clever mean the same thing).

------ Flaws: Over confident, smart alec, always corrects others, usually only cares for her own scales unless she really loves a dragon.
Ah! This is actually one of the first smart-alec sort of characters I've reviewed. I love how you've used her intelligence as a flaw as well as a strength. Good job.

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BACKSTORY;;
When Goldtalon was just an egg, Queen Thorn's soldiers came to collect her and her mother (a NightWing named Lightslayer) and bring them to live in the SandWing royal palace, and her father, Scorpion (SandWing) refused to let them go if he didn't come with.
Okay, okay, slow down. Why did Thorn want her to live in the palace? There's a lot of hybrids in Pyrrhia; what made Goldtalon so special?
Also, that's a reasonable demand on Scorpion's behalf. He is her father, after all.

That night, Goldtalon hatched in the royal palace under two full moons, granting her the power to read minds and see the future, but being half SandWing, she is only able to use these abilities if she focuses.
So did they let Scorpion go with? I'm assuming so.
Look... I can't say I entirely approve of the powers. It does make sense that NightWing hybrid has powers, especially if her mother's the NightWing, but... really? It's a bit clichéd.

Goldtalon grew up in the SandWing palace under Thorn's protection with her mother and father.
Once again, why is she in the palace?

When she was five, she realised that she was an animus and quickly enchanted a silver bracelet with a gold circle etched onto it to protect her souls...
I'm going to stop you there.

1. How did she realise she was an animus? Did she tell anyone about it?
2. No no no no no not a soul spell. Please. Please not a soul spell. Please.

... and give herself full NightWing powers whenever she double tapped the circle, since she didn't want to have visions and voices flowing into her head 24/7.
This seems reasonable. But didn't you say she can only use them if she's focusing? Surely that means they're not flowing into her head 24/7?

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COMMENTS;;
------ The good...
I'm going to say it now: Goldtalon is in need of work, but she's not unbearable. Her backstory was surprisingly untragic for an OC of her sort (hybrid, lots of powers, etc). I also really like her personality, although you could expand it a bit. Her physical description is alright, too.

------ The bad...
To be brutally honest, she strikes me as a little too perfect. She has too many "unique" qualities about her. Hybrids are uncommon; mind-reading and prophecy are rare; animus powers are virtually unheard of, save for a few exceptions (you can literally count the number of living animus dragons in Pyrrhia on your fingers). Lump them all together and... well, unless you have a lot of development and a very good reason, you end up with a big mess.
That's what happened to Goldtalon. I know it can be tempting to add powers to make your character seem cool or interesting, but it doesn't come across like that. You were already pushing it by giving her NightWing powers, but adding unprecedented animus magic too? It's too much.
There's also the soul spell, which is a Darkstalker ripoff everyone does. As we were clearly shown with Darkstalker and Anemone, protecting your soul doesn't necessarily guarantee you safety if you're an animus. Having infinite powers like that eventually comes back to bite you, no matter how carefully you arrange things.
Then there's the backstory. Why does Thorn want her in the palace? There's nothing special about her egg that would distinguish her particularly.
Also, you didn't mention Jade Mountain Academy anywhere in her backstory, which you probably should if she's a student there. All I can say about that is: if she joins the Jade Winglet and starts hearing Darkstalker's voice in her head, I'm going to cry.

------ How you can improve!
First things first, take out the animus magic or the NightWing moon powers. One or the other. Preferably the animus magic, since it's less common and would require less changes to her character (depending on how you look at it).
Have her hatch outside of Thorn's palace - perhaps with her parents in the Scorpion Den or somewhere nearby. As she grows up and reveals her powers, Thorn instructs the guards to move her to the palace so she can help raise the tribe's new prodigy personally.
You should also ideally explain how she was sent to Jade Mountain Academy, if that's where she is now.
You could also expand on her personality, as I've said.

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OVERALL RATING;; 4/10.
I always feel awful giving out lower ratings and I promise you this character shows a lot of potential. She has an awesome personality - I love the smart-alec dynamic especially! - and her physical description was really unique, what with the gold and black. Goldtalon has a promising future ahead of her; all she needs is a few tweaks.

Thanks for submitting!

- Siri Mom.