Written By: May

When I first saw him I had what teen romance writers call a spark, from that moment I liked him, he was the new kid in school walking past me in the maths class.

He was quiet and shy.

I was quiet and anxious.

He took the same bus as me to get home, he used to sit with his two sisters and I sat with my friend.

Nothing really happened for months, I remember trying one time asking if he wanted to borrow my text book but all he did was stare and then turn back around.

It wasn't until April 2016 that he added me on Facebook and a couple of days after it was his birthday.

It took my entire art class to convince me to message him happy birthday, as you see I wasn't very good at hiding things.

I remember him replying just saying thank you and I was ecstatic.

The next time something happened was a few days after that, it was after the bus driver had taken the wrong turn. And then the next day after that which lead to 3 days full of conversations, well as full as possible since I was in the Outback with no signal.

I remember him telling me on the last day of the three that he liked me and was hoping that we could be in a relationship. I told him that I wanted to take things slow and actually talk to him face to face before I took a step like that.

I hadn't had a relationship before that time and neither had he, two 16-year olds both inexperienced in the relationship world. Both never had been kissed, nothing relationship wise.

I met up with him the next day both awkward and uncomfortable. I had to regulate my breathing constantly at the time since I had a panic disorder.

First two weeks of us hanging out together at school were quiet and with a massive space in between us.

After those two weeks he asked me out and I accepted, it was amazing.

We got a little bit closer each day from then, meaning actually closer physically.

It took us a month before we held hands or hugged.

It took us a month and a half before we kissed.

I have never regrated something so much in my life.

We were at his house, in his room, laying on his bed.

We both just moved in to kiss, I automatically closed my eyes, but he would never shut his.

After the first kiss it escalated so quickly, he went on to try and have sex with me without asking, it was just dry humping but I didn't want it, but I didn't know what to do, I thought that it was normal.

I constantly grew up hearing how girls are just there to please their partners and that they should do so without complaining so I didn't, I just accepted what he wanted to do.

We had a five-week school holidays and I wasn't allowed to go home, I had to be anywhere but home. So, I just stayed at his house during the day, his mum and stepdad didn't mind me there and his sisters didn't have to worry about him tormenting them.

The days were long, I only had him and his family to talk to.

He liked to go through my phone reading my messages, he liked to go through my contacts and friends list on Facebook telling me who I could and couldn't be friends with.

So, I just found myself doing what he wanted, sleeping and watching him play on his PlayStation.

I was fine with it at the time, every time he won a match he would kiss me or talk about how beautiful I was to his friends.

When I was sleeping he would too, just the two of us curled up together.

He also liked when I took selfies on his iPad, so he could paste them on to his Facebook for everyone to see.

I didn't see anything wrong with it until my friend wanted me to hang out with her, he obviously saw the message before I did and tried to hide it from me, it wasn't until two hours later when my mum messaged me that I saw it.

I knew it was him but I didn't want to cause a fight, so I just said my phone must have glitched.

In the last week of the five week holidays my mum had signed me up or an 'ART your life' program which helps girls learn valuable skills and how to deal with mental illnesses. He was going away at the time on a camping trip with his family so there was no problems with it.

It's after the talk about what was okay in a relationship and what wasn't that I realised that I wasn't safe.

Most of his messages to me were about if I ever broke up with him he would commit suicide or if I didn't respond straight away he would call me names. I feared for the times that Facebook Messenger would crash for it to come on again and him calling me names or claiming that I had never loved him.

When he came back he wanted me to give him a blow job I said no, I had done it before but I just didn't want to do it again. He got angry at me and would just try and push my head down there anyway.

It was always like that, he would get more and more angry with me as time went on I fell out of line he would either shout, call me names or raise a hand but never hit.

Afterwards he would always calm down and apologise to me, telling me that he loved me.

I loved him, I was scared of him at times, but I loved him. If I didn't I would have been out of there so quickly.

There came a time where I got so scared of him I begged a friend in class to come see the school counsellor to talk about it.

The counsellor's meeting went on over recess and a study line I had with him.

The counsellor told me that I was in an abusive relationship and that it was up to me to decide whether I wanted to leave it or not.

After the counselling was over I had to go to a class with him, I remember sitting next to him, he was pissed, he turned to me and asked where I was and why I had left him by himself, I had made up a lie with my friend saying that I was going to the counsellor for her that she was having some problems.

As he was turning away from me all I remember him say was "It better have been, cause if not..." leaving the threat hanging in the air.

The class was hell, the teacher made us a seating plan and she'd left me sitting next to him and no-one else, I was trapped. I couldn't talk to the teacher about it because he was always there, I couldn't email her about it because he had my password and read them all.

If I was late to where he wanted to meet up at school he would get angry at me, even if it was only a minute late.

To him I was stupid, pathetic, and lucky to have him.

He even told me one time when he was angry that he originally liked my best friend but only went for me because I was easier.

Imagine being told that, I was destroyed and I felt like I wasn't actually loveable.

The time that broke me the most was the time he tried to rape me, we had just got off the bus and were going to his house, no one else was home at the time.

All I did was put my bag on the floor, take my shoes off and sit on the bed before he was on top of me.

He was kissing me, moving his hands down my body and then one hand down my shorts. I didn't have time to say anything before they were off.

I kept saying no to him but he told me that I wanted it, that I had been teasing him all day at school.

I told him that he didn't have protection but he didn't care, he said he wouldn't put it in long.

Luckily his sisters came home leaving me free from what he was trying to do.

But after them went to their rooms he was trying it again, he told me he was only going to put it up the back entrance.

All I remember was feeling pathetic and just saying no over and over again, getting louder and then finally pushing him off the bed.

That was a big mistake, he got angry grabbing my neck then my jaw squeezing until it felt like it was going to break, doing the angry whisper into my face spit flying. Telling me that I was too loud and that I was going to draw attention to us and what he was trying to do.

He pulled himself together leaving me silently crying trying to fix myself up. He went on to facetime one of his friends, acting like nothing had happened. He was being friendly to me and talking highly of me, this went on for some time until he put the iPad down and told me to go to him so he could apologise.

So I did, and he kissed me but it wasn't like the other kisses, his hand was firmly on the back of my head pushing me into him. I didn't want to do anything to upset him so I just accepted it until he started laughing, I opened my eyes and he was looking at me and then up to the iPad he was holding above up which was on facetime so he could let his friend watch.

It took two weeks after that where I broke up with him, it was in the class me and him had together, he was in a bad mood so he was just insulting people, insulting me. I had had enough so I told him to shut up and only talk if he had something nice to say or needed help.

So he was silent throughout the whole time and then over lunch where I followed him out, I messaged a friend and just left him there. I hadn't done nothing wrong and I had done anything to make me feel guilty over.

He harassed me that night, I was going to watch a movie with my friends, he knew about it but he continued to spam telling me to reply to him.

I was done with him so I broke up with him.

It didn't last long as my mum forced me to take him back, I was unhappy but he said he was going to change which he did for a bit but I was looking for ways to get out.

It came after he told me he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted to break up, to which I agreed to but then he said that he was joking that he loves me and that he never wanted me to leave him but it was already too late, I was gone.

It took over a year from when we first started talking for him to leave me alone and stop trying, he still tries to start conversations with me but I end them before they start.