#CYECChapter30

EVERYONE was flooding me with questions. They kept on asking me if I killed Biel Sanprado but I couldn't answer them. I don't even know if I did! I can't remember anything after talking to Hope—I mean Biel, over the phone. All I remember was crying over the phone because he didn't want to see me anymore. Pagkatapos no'n ay wala na akong maalala.

Hindi ko maalala.

Hindi ko maalala kung nagkita pa ba ulit kami pagkatapos no'n.

Hind ko maalala kung nagkabalikan pa ba kami? O tinapos niya na talaga ang kahit na anong ugnayan niya sa 'kin.

These people just barged in to my house this morning and arrested me for murder. Ngayon ay nandito ako sa presinto, at wala akong maisagot sa mga pulis na nasa harapan ko.

"Ms. Monroe—"

"I want my lawyer," I cut him off. I remembered Adam telling his clients that if they're arrested for anything, or if they're in for investigation, he told them not to say anything and to keep insisting to wait for their lawyer.

"Have you called Adam? I gave you his number!" ubos pasensya kong sabi. Paano akong hindi maiirita at matataranta, lahat sila ay pinaliliguan ako ng mga katanungang hindi ko naman talaga alam kung paanong sasagutin.

"Wala na ba tayong ibang puwedeng tawagan? Baka may iba ka pang kilalang abogado na puwedeng tawagan. Hindi kasi sumasagot iyong number na ibinigay mo kanina," kalmadong sabi sa 'kin no'ng kausap ko.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko at hindi malaman ang gagawin. Napamaang ako nang maramdaman ko ang pagdudugo ng labi ko.

Wala na akong ibang maisip, kaya sinubukan ko na ring patawagan si Sandro, pero hindi raw puwede at tanging abogado lamang ang puwede kong makausap o tawagan.

I know some lawyers because of Adam, but I couldn't call them because I don't know if I could trust them like I trust Adam. Si Adam lang ang alam kong makatutulong sa 'kin.

"C-Can you please try calling Adam again?" I begged him. He let out a long sigh and slowly nodded.

He tried calling Adam again, and Adam finally answered his phone.

The police officer talked to him, and I couldn't hear what Adam told him over the phone even after he ended the call.

"What did he say?" tanong ko, nangangambang tutulungan ako ni Adam.

"Binigyan niya ako ng ibang abogado na puwede raw tumulong sa 'yo. Saglit lang, tatawagan ko lang."

Nanlumo ako nang sabihin niya iyon. Nasasaktan at nalulungkot ako dahil ayaw akong puntahan ni Adam lalo na't sa ganitong sitwasyon. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito niya ako itrato. Ano bang kasalanang nagawa ko sa kanya? Hindi ko pa rin talaga maintindihan kung bakit nangyayari sa 'ming dalawa 'to. No'ng nakaraan lang ay ikakasal na dapat kami, pero bakit nagkaganito?

Nanatili akong tulala at hindi alam ang gagawin. Binigyan ako ng tubig no'ng isa sa mga pulis, pero hindi ko magawang inumin iyon.

Hindi mawala sa isip ko lahat ng mga nangyayari.

Bakit nangyayari sa 'kin lahat ng 'to?

"Ciem," tawag sa 'kin ni Attorney Dela Fuente pagkabukas na pagkabukas ng pinto sa detention area.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. He helped Sandro win his case four years ago, but I don't think he could help me this time. I can't even remember anything after that time Hope and I talked over the phone.

"B-Bakit hindi mo kasama si Adam?" Pilit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na maging matatag ako, pero hindi ko magawa. Kailangan ko si Adam. Kailangan kong makita si Adam.

Magsasalita pa sana ulit ako pero hindi ko inaasahang kasama pala ni Attorney Dela Fuente sina Sandro at Calizo.

Calizo . . .

Is he even really Calizo?

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang totoo. Para bang lahat na lang sa buhay ko ay kasinungalingan.

Para bang lahat na lang nang nakikita ko ay hindi totoo.

"I saw them outside. No one wants to let them in, so I brought them here," Attorney Dela Fuente explained as he noticed me staring at those two.

"Nasa'n si Adam?" tanong ko kay Attorney Dela Fuente. I dropped the formality because he became a friend of mine for the past few years. Attorney Dela Fuente was Adam's professor when Adam was still in law school. But because of their small age gap, they became good friends, and he even hired Adam when Adam was just getting started to find a job.

"He said he doesn't want to see you." There's a pause. "Look, Ciem. I don't know what's going on, but I know Adam. He loves you. He wants to be here for you, but he's working on something that might prove your innocence." Attorney Dela Fuente tried to convince me, but the thought of not having Adam at this dark times still pains me.

"I think I know what Adam's been working on," Calizo intruded. Our attention shifted to him, and that made him sigh.

"I've been tailing a girl named Rysie. Ciem knows her, by the way. Rysie and Adam kept in touch for the past few years. At first, I didn't know why. I actually thought they were dating behind Ciem's back, but it turned out that wasn't the case," panimula niya.

Attorney Dela Fuente and Sandro didn't speak. They just listened to whatever Calizo has to say.

"The private investigator I hired last year finally completed his mission. Last night, he called me and sent me the proof that Rysie was Chas' younger sister. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pagkokonekonektahin 'yong mga nangyayari, but my private investigator sent me another file. It contains photos and videos of Biel Sanprado, also known as Hope Vegas, dating Chas. He was dating Chas, and finding about their relationship has blown me away. But that's not what I'm pointing out. The private investigator found out the main reason why Rysie approached Adam and kept in touch with him. It was because Rysie thinks Ciem killed Chas' ex-boyfriend. And that death caused Cha's life fall apart. Rysie blames the killer of Chas' ex-boyfriend. And she thinks that it's you. He approached Adam four years ago and told him everything. She threatened him that if he can't prove you guilty, she would kill you. That's why Adam decided to work with her in this case. Adam was investigating you behind your back, but that's not because he wants to prove you guilty. It was to prove your innocence." He paused. "Adam believes that you are connected to Biel Sanprado's death because you see me as Hope Vegas. But Adam also believes that there's someone else behind everything."

"W-Wait. H-Hope dated Chas?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. Sa dami nang sinabi niya ay iyon talaga ang tumatak sa isip ko.

"Before you react, Ciem, let me remind you that I'm Calizo. Not Hope. Not Biel. And the one you introduced to Chas, was me. At hindi si Hope, okay?"

"F*ck. Now everything makes sense," Sandro commented. Napunta sa kanya ang paningin ko at nakita ko kung paanong kumunot ang noo niya.

"He once mentioned about her ex-boyfriend named Biel," pagkukuwento ni Sandro. "Tapos bago siya nagsimulang mag-absent sa trabaho, nakuwento niya sa 'kin na con artist daw 'yong ex niya at ngayon niya lang daw nalaman 'yong tungkol do'n. Nalaman niya rin na Hope Vegas 'yong ginamit na pangalan ng ex niyang si Biel. And she asked me why Ciem kept calling Calizo—Hope Vegas. She found it odd. Tapos 'yon bigla na lang siyang hindi pumasok sa trabaho. Mga oras 'yon na nag-aalala kami ni Ciem sa kanya kung nasa'n na siya o kung ano na ang nangyari sa kanya."

"Nagkakalabuan na kami ni Chas no'n," singit naman bigla ni Calizo kaya napunta sa kanya ang atensyon namin. Nananatiling nakikinig lamang si Attorney Dela Fuente.

"She told me she hired someone to investigate Ciem. That creeped me out for f*ck's sake. She started showing sides of her that wasn't normal. And that scared me. Few days later, she told me she found out that her ex used to date Ciem. And that was the reason why Chas tried to kill you," he said as he pointed his finger at me. "She thought you killed Hope for what he did to you and your family."

Natahimik ako at napaiwas ng tingin nang sabihin niya iyon.

"What if I did?" I trailed off. "What if I really killed him?" natatakot kong sabi. Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko na may posibilidad nga na nagawa ko iyon kay Hope. Pero bakit wala akong maalala?

"T-Teka. Adam knows everything? Pero bakit hindi niya sinabi sa 'kin?" Sa wakas ay naproseso na ng utak ko ang mga sinabi ni Calizo kanina.

"He knew something's wrong with you when you saw me as two different people. You called me Calizo, sometimes you called me Hope. It didn't make sense to him. To us. He asked me why I let you call me that, and why I let you believe that I'm sometimes Hope. And my answer was simply this—" There's a pause. "Because I'm a doctor."

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

Pilit kong iniintindi ang mga nalalaman ko, at bigla kong naalala 'yong unang araw na nakaharap ni Adam si Calizo.

THE moment he stepped his foot inside the house, I watched Adam's reaction.

He was completely taken aback. Of course, who wouldn't? He used to be known in our campus.

"Y-You?" gulat na tanong ni Adam kay Calizo na nakatayo ngayon sa harapan namin.

Kumapit ako sa braso ni Adam at bumulong sa kanya. "He's Calizo. He used to be a psychiatrist."

"You must be kidding," he said, staring at Calizo without even blinking.

"Now I know why you look so familiar to me." Adam scoffed, making me shift my eyes to him. I remember him saying that someone seems familiar to him, but if I remember it right, he was pertaining to Hope. Natahimik ako bigla. Pati ba si Adam ay napapansin ang mga bagay na napapansin ko?

Hindi umimik si Calizo at nanatili lang seryoso ang mukha ni Adam. "Can you give us a minute, baby?" tanong ni Adam sa 'kin at agad naman akong tumango.

"Sure. I'll just make some coffee," nakangiting sabi ko saka ko sila iniwan sa sala.

Abala akong nagtimpla ng kape sa kusina at palihim kong pinagmasdan sila Adam at Calizo habang seryosong nag-uusap. I couldn't hear what they're talking about, but it seems like Calizo is explaining my condition to Adam.

Tinagalan ko pa ang ginagawa ko para mabigyan sila ng sapat na oras sa pag-uusap, at nang mapansin kong tapos na silang mag-usap ay saka ako bumalik sa kanila na may dala-dalang kape.

Inilapag ko 'yon sa mesa saka ngumiti si Calizo. "Thanks."

Napansin ko ang pagiging tahimik ni Adam kaya hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Wala sa sarili siyang napatingin sa 'kin.

"You should undergo therapy, Ciem," bigla niyang sabi kaya parang natuyo ang lalamunan ko.

"No," sagot ko saka ako bumaling kay Calizo. "We called you here because I want you to be the one to tell him whatever it is that you've seen in me. I didn't call you here for me to get treated. Ikaw na nga ang nagsabi 'di ba, you can't offer me any professional help because you no longer practice anymore," madiin kong sabi. Bakas sa boses ko ang pagiging irritable.

Napatingin ako kay Adam dahil sa biglaan niyang paghawak sa sentido niya na na para bang may malalim na iniisip.

"But that doesn't mean he couldn't help you, Ciem. He may not be practicing anymore but he used to specialize in this field. And all you have to do is ask for his help. God, Ciem. Bakit ba hindi mo maintindihan? Hindi ka na okay. Hindi na okay 'yong nangyayari sa 'yo. And it's all because of your intense fear of sleep," he said impatiently, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"You need help, Ciem," sambit ni Calizo kaya mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ko. Maling-mali yata talaga na pinapunta ko pa siya rito.

Kaya pala gano'n ang reaksyon ni Adam no'ng ipakilala ko sa kanya si Calizo. Kaya pala pamilyar sa kanya si Hope, dahil nakita niya na noon si Calizo. He used to see Calizo often when we were in high school.

"Adam and I agreed to go on with the treatment by letting you see things the way you want to see it. Because eventually, you will remember everything." Saglit siyang huminto sa pagsasalita at napabuntonghininga. "Nagtaka rin ako, Ciem. Nagtaka rin ako kung bakit lagi mo 'kong tinatawag sa pangalang hindi ko naman ginagamit," dagdag pa ulit ni Calizo. "That day I ran after you on the convenience store when you stormed out of my apartment when you declined my help, you didn't recognize me. You kept saying weird things, and you didn't even listen to me. It's like . . . I wasn't even there. It's like . . . it was just you and your imagination."

"B-But you told me you're Hope Vegas!" I retorted.

"No, I never said that," madiin niyang sabi. "You can ask Sandro. He heard what I said," sagot niya pa ulit.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Hindi ko na magagawang tanungin pa si Sandro dahil nakausap niya na ako tungkol dito at pareho nga sila nang sinasabi ni Calizo.

Halos mabaliw na ako sa mga nalalaman ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin o kung ano ba ang dapat kong paniwalaan.

"Did the private investigator told you when was the time Chas and Hope—I mean Biel, dated?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan. Gusto ko rin kasi talagang malaman ang tungkol doon.

"Yes. They dated eleven years ago and broke up eight years ago."

Napatango ako. Hindi ko pa kilala no'n si Hope dahil nakilala ko lang naman si Hope no'ng second year college na ako at hiniram niya 'yong I.D. ko. Naalala ko na ang mga bagay na 'yon. Hindi ko lang talaga maalala 'yong mga nangyari pagkatapos naming mag-usap sa phone no'ng sinabi niya sa 'kin 'yong totoo tungkol sa panlolokong ginawa niya sa 'min ng pamilya ko.

"Do you remember when you asked me for help?" tanong sa 'kin ni Calizo at marahan naman akong tumango.

"I told you that your dreams meant something, that your nightmares are correlated with traumatic experiences, and that maybe something happened to you that you have forgotten," he reminded me of that day. Again, I nodded. I clearly remember everything he said that time.

"I think you might have experienced an overwhelming trauma the same year after your parents died. I still don't know what caused that trauma, but now I'm sure of one thing. Whatever happened to you that year, it caused your brain to essentially block that memory in a process called dissociation or detachment from reality," Calizo said. I know he's no longer practicing his field, but it's still his profession, and I think this is the right time for me to listen to him.

I just stared at him, my mind full of unanswered questions.

"Your brain attempted to protect itself, that's why you forgot about that traumatic experience. All the moments you had with me when you were seeing Hope Vegas in me were just all in your head. You were seeing things you wanted to see. You made yourself believe that Hope's still alive. It was your brain's way to bring back the memories you buried."

Nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kanya. Naiintindihan ko ang sinasabi niya pero hindi ko magawang matanggap sa sistema ko na baka nga tama siya.

"So, everything falls to two possibilities," Attorney Dela Fuente finally intruded. "It's either your brain buried those memories to deal with the fact that you witnessed a murder, or—you are the murderer."

He shot a glance at Calizo. "Did I get it right, Doc?"

Calizo clenched his jaw as he slowly nodded. "Damn right, Attorney."

"So, we stand a chance to win this case, right? We have to prove Ciem's innocence. We have to find the person who really killed Hope. He's a con artist, and I'm sure as hell that he conned thousands of people, and there's somebody else out there who holds grudge against him—enough to kill him," Sandro concluded.

I shook my head and avoided their eyes. "What if . . . I was the one who killed him?" My voice was shaking. "I took a life, and I have to pay the price."

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Epilogue upnext! Kumusta kayo d'yan? Any thoughts about the story? Pasensya na kayooo, ako rin mismo sumakit ang ulo sa storya na 'to. Huhu.