T/W: attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, self harm

Summary: Anakin attemps suicide and Obi-Wan finds him.

"See you around, Anakin!" Obi-Wan called as he walked away. "Don't forget the Council meeting later!"

"Don't worry, I won't." Anakin's grin vanished as soon as Obi-Wan turned the corner. Finally.

Anakin walked into his room, eyes dull. He closed the door, opening a drawer and grabbing a small blade. He'd been waiting to do this all day. He rolled up his pants, revealing countless pink and red scars, some more faded than others. He drew a line with the tip–it was easier that way–blood dripping out of his skin where the knife previously was.

After Anakin had almost covered both legs in cuts, he moved on to his arms. He was starting to feel a little lightheaded from blood loss, but it wasn't too bad.

Anakin rolled up his left sleeve, seeing dozens of other little cuts there too. With each cut, he remembered little details about how he was a failure.

You're worthless.

Cut.

You're a failure.

Cut.

You're a mistake. Why do you think your father left you and Shmi?

Cut.

You're just a stupid slave.

Cut.

The entire Council hates you.

Cut.

Padme just dates you out of pity.

Cut. (Mood though)

The only reason people tolerate you is because you're the Chosen One.

Cut.

And you haven't even brought balance to the Force yet.

Cut.

You can't fix things. You just say that to feel better about yourself.

Cut.

Shmi was glad when you left.

Deeper cut.

You couldn't even save her.

Tears stung at Anakin's eyes. He gritted his teeth, cutting the deepest he had ever done, as far as he could remember. And of course, he accidentally hit a vein.

Good, Anakin thought dimly before he passed out. This is for the better. No one wants me here anyway. They can find another person to bring balance to the Force. I'm replaceable.

Like five minutes later

Obi-Wan sighed, standing at Anakin's door. "Anakin, we have to go to the meeting now, remember?" No response. "Anakin, we're going to be late." Still no response. "Anakin, I'm going to count to five and then I'm coming in!" Still nothing. Obi-Wan groaned, assuming Anakin fell asleep. "1...2...3...4...5." No Anakin. Obi-Wan opened the door and froze.

No, no, h thought. This isn't real. He wouldn't...would he?

Anakin was lying passed out on the floor, bleeding heavily from both his legs and left arm, blade darkened by blood in the other.

Obi-Wan rushed to his side. "Oh, no no no," he checked Anakin's pulse desperately. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found one. It was faint, but it was there.

Obi-Wan picked up his former apprentice gingerly, running out the door to the medbay. "MEDIC!" He bellowed as he reached the room. "I NEED A MEDIC!"

Kix ran up to them. "Lay him here," he ran over to a vacant bed. The medic quickly bandaged the Jedi's wounds. "Need to stitch up the vein and a blood transfusion," he muttered under his breath. He darted to the back room and came back out carrying blood and all the medical supplies. (Uhh, insert medical stuff here.)

Kix performed the mEdIcAl StUfF (i need to just shut up), and after many tense minutes, the medic sighed in relief. "He's stable for now. You're lucky you got him here quickly." He raised an eyebrow at Obi-Wan. "So...what happened?"

Tears stung yet again at the Jedi's eyes. "I..I don't know," he whispered. "I walked into his room because we were going to the Council meeting, and I found him like this." Obi-Wan swallowed thickly. "The...blade was in his hand too." He avoided Kix's eyes. "I'm going to..inform the Council that we won't be here," he said numbly, his movements feeling robotic, almost as if it wasn't him. It was just sinking in that if he had been any later Anakin would have died. By his own hand. Obi-Wan felt guiltier than he ever had before. He should have seen this coming. He should have opened up to Anakin, showed him that the younger Jedi could come to him whenever he needed to. He should have just been there, tried to understand what Anakin was going through.

Obi-Wan shakily holo-ed (? sorry ima dumbass lol idk if that's the right word...with the hologram thing🤡) Mace Windu, who's face popped up in front of him. "Master Kenobi," the Jedi said sternly, "where are you and Skywalk..." he trailed off, noticing Obi-Wan's expression. "Did something happen?"

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Ah, yes, I'll tell you after the meeting, but Anakin and I can't make it. We're in the temple medbay. I'll explain everything when you get here."

"Obi-Wan what–" Mace was cut off as Obi-Wan disconnected the call.

Obi-Wan returned to his spot next to Anakin's bed. "How long until he wakes up?"

Kix's eyes darkened sadly. "Probably somewhere within the next few days."

Obi-Wan buried his head in his hands. "This is all my fault."

"No it wasn't," Kix told him sharply. "If anything, it's mine. I'm his head medic, I should've seen this coming."

Obi-Wan's head shot up. "No, no, this was far from your fault."

"Thanks, but," Kix mustered a small smile. " I can't really believe that."

Le time skip

It had been two days, and Anakin still hadn't woken up. Obi-Wan has told Padmé, Ahsoka, and the 501st, and they visited frequently. Obi-Wan, Padmé, and Ahsoka hadn't left his side at all. Plo Koon had also visited (his dad instincts had kicked in). Word spread like wildfire, and soon the whole Jedi Order knew that Anakin Skywalker, Chosen One, Hero With No Fear, had tried to kill himself.

Ahsoka's head was on Padmé's shoulder, the Togrutan sleeping peacefully.

Anakin pov
Anakin groaned lightly as his eyes adjusted to the bright light shining in his eyes. "Wha–" he trailed off, recognizing the temple medbay around him. He sank back into the bed. "Oh no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen."

He noticed Padmé, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan sleeping around him. He scrunched his eyebrows. They must be here to yell at me, he decided. There's no way they actually care about me. I annoy everyone, and–

His thoughts were interrupted by Padmé, who had just woken up. "Ani!" She cried, engulfing him in a hug. He hesitantly hugged back, distractedly noticing her sobbing into his shoulder.

Why is she so sad? he thought, awkwardly patting her back.

3rd pov
Padmé cried into her husband's shoulder. "I-I thought w-we lost you, Ani," she whimpered. "Wh-what happened? Why?" Her voice cracked. Anakin buried his face into her shoulder. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan had awoken, and joined the hug, happy to see their friend.

"I-I just couldn't take it anymore," Anakin cried. "It hurts, Padmé." He curled up into a ball in their arms.

Padmé soothingly ran a hand through his hair. "Shh, it's okay Ani, it's okay."

"We don't ever wanna lose you, Skyguy," Ahsoka's voice was muffled seeing as she was speaking into the hug.

"I'm sorry," Anakin whispered.

"It wasn't your fault," Obi-Wan told him. "If anything, it was mine. I should've realized what was going on."

Anakin's eyes filled with guilt. He never realized that they really really did care. "It wasn't your fault, Obi-Wan. It had nothing to do with you." He looked down, ashamed. "I didn't realize you guys cared this much," he whispered, voice much smaller.

"Of course we care, Ani," Padmé told him passionately.

Anakin sniffled, burying his head into her shoulder once more.

Kix rushed over. "General! All of you, back up! General, what hurts? I need you to tell me everything right now!"

Anakin shrunk down in his bed, red-faced. "Y-yeah, I'm okay Kix," he mumbled.

Kix raised an eyebrow. "You'd say that after being set on fire with multiple blaster and stab wounds."

"Really, Kix, I'm fine," he insisted.

Everyone simultaneously gave him disbelieving looks; and he squirmed uncomfortably.

Kix checked all his vitals and the wounds on his left arm, specifically the cut that hit his vein. "You're stable, but you are not leaving this room for four days, is that clear?"

Anakin sighed. "Yeah," he mumbled.

"Good." With that, Kix hesitantly walked away, although not really showing it, wanting to stay and make sure his General was okay.

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It had been three days, and so far the entire 501st, and Plo Koon, along with the rest of the Council (including Mace Windu, even though Anakin never expected him to) had visited him.

Anakin had fought the urge to cut many times, but Kix, Ahsoka, Padme, and Obi-Wan were always near him, and he did promise to try and stop. It would be hard to completely stop (he was just so used to it), but he had to do his best. Also, Kix hadn't left a single blade near him.

Anakin was currently snoring peacefully, curled up between Padmé and Obi-Wan. Anakin's head was resting on Padmé's shoulder, and she ran her fingers through his soft hair.

By now even Mace couldn't ignore the obvious bond between Anakin and Padmé, and the Council had no idea what to do. On one hand, attachments were forbidden and could be dangerous. On the other, Anakin was the Chosen One, a great fighter, and punishing him right now would just be a horrible idea. They decided they'd wait on making a decision, mostly because they didn't know what their decision would be.

Even the Chancellor had tried to see Anakin, but Kix refused to let him in, saying that Anakin needed rest. In reality, Kix just didn't like the Chancellor, or him trying to be buddies with his general.

Fives and Tup walked in, heading over to Kix, who had just finished tending to another clone.

"How is he?" Tup asked quietly.

"Physically? Much better. Mentally..." Kix sighed. "He tries so hard to tell us he's better now, but it's obvious he isn't." (well considering he tried to commit the big dead I would think not-)

"Can we see him?" Fives asked hesitantly.

Kix sighed. "Alright, but don't let people know I let you see him. I just turned down the Chancellor a few hours ago."

The Arc Troopers couldn't resist laughing a bit at that. They walked over to Anakin, who was still asleep.

"Hey guys," Tup whispered to Padmé, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan.

Padmé smiled tiredly at them. "Hello Fives, Tup. How are you two?"

Fives shrugged. "We're okay. We've been going on missions with Commander Wolffe, which isn't bad. How are you guys?"

Padmé sighed. "Could be better, but Ani's going to be okay."

The two smiled at her. "Glad to hear it."

Ahsoka yawned. "Hi guys."

"Sup, Commander?" Fives fist-bumped her, trying his best to stay cheerful.

She yawned again. "'M tired."

"That's what happens when you don't fucking sleep," Kix hissed as he walked past.

"Sorry," with that, Ahsoka was snoring again.

Kix nodded. "Good." He briskly walked away.

"He scares me," Fives whispered.

"You'd have to be crazy to not be scared of an angry Kix," Tup agreed. Their commlinks blinked. "Uh, sorry, gotta go," Tup apologized.

Padmé smiled at them. "See you soon."

The two saluted and left the medbay. Padmé also fell asleep a few minutes after that. Kix sighed in relief when he saw all four of them resting. "Fucking finally."

-----------------------------------------------------

The Council decided to take Anakin off the front lines, which he wasn't very happy about.

"But how am I supposed to keep my men safe if I'm stuck back here?!" He'd protested as soon as Obi-Wan told him.

Kix had glared at him. "General, you need rest and a mind healer. I'm not letting you out of this medbay until you get a therapist."

Anakin had groaned, flopping on his bed. "Ugh. You guys are the worst."

The entire 501st came in to assure him that they'd be fine, and they all fell asleep in a big clone + Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Padmé pile. Kix told everyone that he allowed this because it was "good therapy" or something, but he would never admit that he joined the pile.

Five months later

The Council decided, after much debate, to change some of its rules. For example, the Jedi were allowed to have attachments and feelings. Obi-Wan and Satine unofficially got back together after that, and Anakin and Padmé told everyone about their relationship (even though everyone knew). Fives, Rex, and the Bad Batch got Echo back, and Tup and Fives are still very alive. They found the chips, which enraged Anakin (they were just like slave chips). Palpatine desperately tried to kill some of the Jedi, but Anakin struck him down. Unfortunately, Tiplar, Tiplee, and Luminara died in the fight. Not long after that, Ahsoka and Barriss started dating as well, and Plo Koon adopted Ahsoka and the Wolfpack.

The war was still going on, since they hadn't captured Dooku or Grievous. Padmé (now pregnant) gave speeches about ending the war and having peace, which were so much more successful (ya know since she's pReGnAnT). They eventually captured Dooku, and negotiated with the Separatist alliance.

Anakin got better over the course of a few years, especially since the war was over. Plo may or may not have adopted him as well.