Author:  Kerihalfacre

Reviewer:  cinnamonskies-

F I R S T      I M P R E S S I O N:

I really like the cover! It's bright, the text is clearly visible (although, just a little suggestion, make it bigger so that it's more readable), simple, and chic! The vectors are amazing, so kudos for a job well done!

However, when it comes to a mystery-action (and humor!) novel, I'd expect something different. This cover, bright and sleek, gives me the vibes of a romance story, and while there is a nice pinch of . . . ardor, it's not what I would call the main genre of the story. Looking at a cover, I'd want to see the themes of the story on full display, and that's a bit lacking here.

And the title? Well, I think it's fabulous!

S U M M A R Y:

I've only got three words to say. I love it! For starters, it's short and concise, and it lays out the central conflict of the plot. It also gives a general idea of the book's genre. In my opinion, it's perfect!

The only thing I can point out is the use of "--" where there should be an em dash (—). However, given that Wattpad is to em dashes as Karens are to people, I don't think it's really an issue. It's probably Wattpad's bug-repellant not working, and it doesn't really hurt my reading experience. Overall, kudos for a job really well done!

G R A M M A R     &    W R I T I N G S T Y L E:

I find your writing style to be pretty direct and hilarious! Some of the descriptions were amazing (I loved the imagery) and the one liners really helped increase the suspense and make it a jaw-dropping read! I loved it. (You're going to find me coming back as a dedicated reader later on.)

In some cases (like in the first chapter), I found the abundance of details to be a bit overwhelming. While it was interesting to read, and helped me picture Baz, some of the descriptions were a bit distracting. I'd suggest cutting them down just a tad bit!

What I really appreciated about your writing style was that you dropped tidbits of Baz's personality: what he considered fair and unfair, how he viewed the rich upper class, etc. It made him a very vivid character to me, and I loved it.

Some lines were also incredibly powerful because of how emotive they were, like the end of chapter two. They tugged at my chest, and I think you've done a wonderful job with them!

Also in chapter two, I think there's a missing no in the paragraph where Baz thinks about a second chance.

For the most part, your grammar was on the point! I had to reread it to see if there were any mistakes, and the only thing I could spot was an occasional typo. I'll list out a few here!

Excerpt: [They were agile, quiet, and, most importantly, did not stare him down while barring dripping, yellow teeth.]

In place of barring, it ought to be baring.

Excerpt: [The dog's eyes shown yellow. Baz remained motionless The way he came in would not be his way out.]

There's a missing full stop after motionless.

Excerpt: [Would ever have to slip into their homes in the dead of night to lift open their showcases.]

There's a missing he after would.

Furthermore, in come cases, I think the sentences would read better if a full stop replaced a comma. For example:

Excerpt: ["Something like that," he said, "how did you meet Rei?]

In this case, something like that and how did you meet Rei ought to be two different sentences in the dialogue. Thus, it would flow better if written as:

Edited excerpt: ["Something like that," he said. "How did you meet Rei?"]

There were a few more, but as above, they were nothing big, and with a quick read through, can be flushed out!

P L O T:

The hook of the story (Baz, the dog, the Egyption artifact) was amazing! I know I was hooked to read more.

The more I read, the more interested I became. (At some points, I forgot I was reviewing it. Okay, who am I trying to fool. I'd forgotten right after the first chapter.) It's a great mystery, built up even more by that conversation with Diego (which is, in my opinion, a great way to build the conundrum and show us what Baz might do next).

And given how some authors want to twist and break our hearts, I'm inherently suspicious of anyone who pops up. I'm suspicious of Gwen (she's so interested in the disappearance and Baz . . . maybe for the wrong reasons), Jasper, the receptionist and anyone who pops up. There's a wide variety of characters to be suspicious of. However, something I think would enhance the mystery would be to slide in details about each of the characters that make you doubt their said-motives for looking into Rei Collingwood's disappearance. For example, something that would make the reader doubt if Jasper prodded Baz to investigate the case for reasons apart from wanting Baz to cover up his tracks. Personal gain, maybe? And maybe add a doubt that something apart from concern is pushing Gwen on.

C H A R A C T E R S:

Let's start with Baz! Cat person (my kind of person!), practical, thief, young, strong, tall. I think you've brought him out really well! He's a good liar, has a conscience (Scott Lang-ish vibes!), is smart and agile, does not dress up, and is charismatic (or can be, when he wants to be). His thoughts about the rich class and inequality make him, in my opinion, relatable and real. I think you've done a great job bringing him out, and making him real and vivid!

And then we have Jasper. Jasper made me laugh, with his sunglasses and movie-style silent-lovable-evil villain attitude. He's practical, and like Baz, memorable!

Gwen? Well, I admire Gwen. I'll take a moment here to appreciate how well-written she is. She doesn't go by the stereotypes of models, which is something that makes me glad. It's refreshing to read about real characters, so great job!

I could go on all day about how authentic your characters are, from Diego to even Tracy the receptionist. You've done an awesome job!

C O N C L U S I O N:

Overall, I think this is a great book! I had fun reading it, and I will come back for more. Just a bit of patching up here and there, and it would be flawless in my opinion!