REVIEW DONE BY: Krippy93

Summary

As much as I understood, we have a "post Covid-19" POV (I suppose around 2035) and a "during outbreak" POV in 2020. The story follows both Regina, the Quaranteen living in a world where Covid-19 has been erased from the world but has left its marks on humanity, forcing them to undergo rigorous procedures to live on; and Trevor, a young adult that lives during the virus outbreak.

Chapter 1

Here we meet Regina and the post-apocalyptic world she lives in. But what year is it? I suppose it's around 2035 or something since you say that people born during the quarantine are now called "Quaranteens", but it will be better to state it clearly at the start of the chapter or more clearly in the text.

You present here very briefly what this future world looks like, but you just add info without explaining much. Why don't you explain a little better how humanity reached that point? Why are people required to live at a distance? Why do they need to wear a bracelet and what does this bracelet do? Why people don't wear masks? What is the Government afraid of if the virus is not in the air anymore? Why are people so scared even after all this time?

Chapter 2

Here we see Beth disappearing, We know this because she doesn't go back home even if the curfew is near, and then Regina's mom tell her that her friend hasn't returned home.

Your writing style is very concise, and I feel like your descriptions are more like telegram messages (short, precise, not very poetic, basically a bullet list of things). This has been done especially in this chapter, where events unfolds one after the other almost in a robotic way. The call at the end happens too fast, plus you are using it to tell the reader what happened (and very fast too) instead of showing it. I would slow down the entire chapter pace.

Chapter 3

Here we meet Trevor and we see the outbreak starting in America as well. This one is kinda good plot-wise but remember to improve the general description style. Again, you're basically writing a bunch of sentences that tell what happens but in a very distant and cold way. I don't feel engaged. This is not a POV problem (I write a lot in 3rd person too) but a writing style issue.

Chapter 4

Trevor again. He and Rick took shelter in an abandoned bar (?), then Rick leaves to gather supplies (??) and never comes back.

Why did Trevor and Rick take shelter in a random bar and even thought about living there for a while, as the "supplies errand" of Rick suggests? I know they're scared but this makes no sense. Is this something that has been reported in America during the first days of the outbreak there or you just came up with this?

The China attack to America is awful to read too. You are writing about a real historical event which already attracts a lot of hate to Chinese people as it is, but by writing this you are adding fuel to the fire. This is a complete lie about a real-life event. If you want to go for China attacking America with a virus, then make up the virus and create your own setting.

Chapter 5

Back to Regina to finally know what happened to Beth.

Clean water is a luxury, why? In this scenario there's advanced technology to monitor people wherever they go but they cannot provide clean water as always? Governments ensure that food and water prices will not skyrocket during these kinds of events, they haven't even in Italy or China so this feels kind of unrealistic. Plus, in 2035 I expect industrial plants to move to fully automated work layouts (I mean, they're trying to achieve this even now in 2020, of course in 2035 this will be a reality).

You know what will make clean water scarce?

Environmental issues and pollution or a virus that spreads using water.

The Officers tell Regina that they don't know precisely where she and Beth went the day before. But how is this possible if they are required to check in/out to checkpoints? If Regina did it as requested, her own should function as intended, thus signaling to the police where they have been seen last.

Conflict

The conflict your characters are in is different because of the year they live on. Regina hates her Quaranteen life and is extremely worried about her friend; while Trevor is scared to death about the whole outbreak.

The characters feel underdeveloped up until this point, because you only use them as POVs to show us the world situation.

Plot

In this story your plot doesn't seem very clear up till chapter 5. In Regina shoes we see her friend Beth disappearing in a very mysterious way, while in Trevor shoes we see the Covid19 outbreak starting in San Francisco. What exactly is the story you want to tell? It is not clear.

Overall, I don't feel engaged in the story: why should a reader keep on reading your book if you just describe "almost" real life events without adding some spice in it? You started to do it with Beth disappearance, but I don't understand Trevor role at all. What's your objective? Why should we follow these two if they look so uninteresting from the start?

Maybe if you made up a virus completely new and defined a new post-apocalyptic setting, you could have aroused my interest more, at least because I would have kept on reading to find out the answers to questions like "What's this virus?", "What are the symptoms?", "Will the character get it or not?", "Will they find a cure?".

As it is it's not very interesting. Try to add some questions for the reader from the start, to make clear the role of both characters towards the overall plot development.

Pacing

Sentences are way too short, in general you don't use fancy words, so everything feels too easy or simple. The pace is fast, too fast in my opinion; in fact, events occur one after the other without adding in descriptive sequences or even important info about the setting. Don't be afraid of mixing longer sentences with short ones, greatness stands in-between. Long sentences slow down the pace, hence are perfect for descriptive sequences or to describe inner thoughts of the character; short sentences are perfect for action scenes or situations where things happen fast. Do not abuse them or the overall feeling of the book will be of a too quick development without focusing on the important details when needed.

Tension

I can feel the tension of the events you're talking about but I feel like a spectator. I don't feel attached to the characters since they're plain and you haven't said much about them. The most developed one is Regina but, again, we only know she cares about Beth and hates to live as a "Quaranteen". I suppose you're focusing more on the story than on the characters, but please consider building up the plot in a realistic manner (San Francisco revolting? Come on...)

Setting and Locales

I'm sorry if I'll sound rude here but you messed up the plot and I need to point it out.

1)    If America saved the world from the virus, it means they developed a vaccine. Which means there's no need to live in quarantine, yet alone living six feet apart and so on. This apocalyptic setting makes sense only if the virus has not been eliminated by vaccines, hence America cannot have saved humanity from it.

2)   Let me also add that it's kind of unrealistic that America saved the world from the virus: if you want to write a book about an historical event you need to do research about it. Do you know that researchers from all over the world are working extremely hard to find a cure? Do you know that most of the results have been found by Chinese and Italian researchers (especially the latter, since Italy has been quarantined since February 2020 and has undergone autopsies on bodies, which China didn't). Please research first, Covid19 outbreak is an historical event hence you need to be realistic on this, otherwise people who know something about it will lose interest in the story.

3)   The year of the events is not clear. First we see Regina which I suppose lives in 2035+, then we see Trevor, which lived in 2020 during the outbreak. It is better to write it down clearly, maybe at the start of the chapter or in the descriptions, just to let people know they're reading past and future POVs.

You are writing about an historical event (yes, Covid19 is history). I know you want to spice up things adding some made up events, but you can't go too far. Adding "China attacked America with secret agents with no symptoms" is untrue and EXTREMELY RACIST. It could have been ok if that piece of info was said by a character which was depicted as racist, but it's San Francisco Mayor who said it, so basically it's official news. Please consider that the outbreak is a serious event where people lost their lives. What if I was Chinese? Shouldn't I feel extremely offended by your book now, claiming (even if it's fiction) that my people purposely developed the virus to kill people?

POV

You have two characters with very similar POVs. Both are in 3rdperson and both sound "distant" from the reader. This is not an issue relatedto the 3rd person narrator voice but instead on your writing style,which lacks characterization and details to make the two sound different. Don'twanna tell us how they feel? Cool, then show us at least. I wanna see Reginadeeply shaken, I wanna see Trevor questioning himself about what's happening.And I wanna see what they see, I wanna think what they think. Instead,everything feels boring, cold and distant. You need to improve on this.

Voice

I'm not sure if the problem with the POVs is a problem related to your voice; in general, I feel very distant when reading your book so I cannot make assumptions about you as an author. The only questions I have about this are related to the extremely wrong details you used (which I described in detail in the Setting section). I'm now wondering if you hate Chinese people yourself, if you think America is the biggest and only powerful country of the planet (the only one capable of saving the world., hah such cliché) and if you are scared about the virus.

Please try to be objective when defining your setting and do not addpersonal thoughts in the story as much as you can. You can, however, try tomake it sound funny or cold or seductive etc. That's your narrator voice, yourpersonal style. Are you sure your own is "cold and distant"?

Characters

The characters are plain and uninteresting. Both are underdeveloped and I don't feel empathy for them, nor I can dive in their minds enough to guess. Regina is like every other teen; Trevor is like every other young adult scared for his life. Add in some of their thoughts, some of their habits, some pieces of their backstories! For example, Regina and Beth are friends but when she disappears Regina is mostly scared about herself. Why? They're not that close? How did they meet? Why don't you talk about their friendship more, maybe adding a memory about something happened to them in the past that forged their relationship?

Truth be told I don't even know how the two look like...

Dialogue

There aren't many dialogues in the first 5 chapters. The two characters, for as much as I read about, do sound different between each other (Regina is more like a scaredy cat, Trevor sounds stronger even though he hasn't talked much up until now).

Try to make the dialogues real, use tags here and there to split up a single big chunk of dialogue line (for example the Officers). Tags are helpful to add in details about the speakers, since we cannot hear their voices or way of speaking, nor accents or habits.

Keep in mind that using capital letters to represent screams is something done in comic books not in literature. When the mom yells, try to write her line with a tag like this: "Regina come here!" she yelled, scared and angry at the same time.

Overview

Generally speaking, the book is not interesting, the idea is cliché (especially during these times) and poorly developed as well. You are trying to write a book about a real event so you have to stick to what happened and make guesses about what will happen in the future, yes, but you also have to provide readers with suitable explanations.

The plot is not clear, and the characters are plain. The writing style should be enriched to attract readers and make them read through the end. Avoid using wrong and racists claims, especially since you're talking about a real life and extremely delicate event.

Chapters feel rushed and in general way too fast, descriptions are almost completely lacking because you focus more on the action.

In my opinion, you need to rework the book entirely. Try to answer basic questions such as "what will Regina story be? Why is Trevor story important for the plot?" and so on. If you add details such as the checkpoints, then add in a brief explanation and a motive for their existence. What do you want to tell your readers with this story? What's the take-away? Try to rise the interest adding in some mysterious details and questions both about the setting and the characters.