REVIEW DONE BY: _I_WONDER_WHY_

CHAPTER 7

Okay so as I read the first paragraph, I noticed a very unprofessional thing you do. You use (...) a lot to emphasize your words. Don't do that! It makes it look like you're not serious enough writing this. Instead, you can you use a coma (,); Hyphen (-); Or sentences like 'She dragged out the word wel' or 'she emphasized the word well' You know what I mean.

I'd suggest if you italicize certain words  when you're showing that a character is yelling or raising their voice and avoid writing in block letters. Like Agent Talle does when she sees Rosaline in the starting.

I really love how you presented the friendship between Rosaline and Amber. Amber being the perfect friend, A concerned and angry mother hen & Rosaline is your regular smouldering and hard on the outside, tough girl Agent. I also quite like how Rosaline shrugged off Amber and she still didn't mind, being angry and concerned at the same time.

But sometimes, you get too carried away with the dialogue so much so that you forget to show us what's actually happening. You also don't describe the surrounding aside from the outfits the characters are wearing. How are the readers supposed feel alive while reading it?

Writing requires balance between the dialogue and what's happening during the dialogue. Most people can manage to balance it, but you certainly can. Just try to explain what's going on while the characters talk and be a little more descriptive and also look into the character's emotions while all that.

I think the grammar was okay, aside from a common mistake that was whenever you end a quotation mark, the next word you write should be in capital .

Talking about character development, you mostly seem to focus on Rosaline and Amber. What about Gus? Give the poor guy some attention too!

CHAPTER 8

I'm certain you gave a lot of thought into how Tim was gonna instruct the agent and you get a brownie point for that. What I didn't like was I wasn't feeling the thrill that I should have been. Like, of course when you're on a mission you have you're heart rate increasing, the adrenaline pumping through your veins. Where's the excitement? Come on, bring out your big guns.

Talking about guns, I think you put a little too less weapons on your Agents! You've got to give them some more. Some secrets weapons they can use when in trouble. Just some titanium stars won't do.

The way Tim instructs them to do things shows his personality. But if you have mentioned so many times about Rosaline's cocky and confident personality, then why did she not butt in with a snarky remark? Why did she go all school kid like 'yes sir'? You've got to improve that bit.

On a positive note, I love how Beau leans in to Rosaline and says 'especially after what happened last night'. Believe me, I read the sixth chapter searching for last night's events XD.

But, yeah, you need to improve. Once again, I didn't need to fan myself while reading this. You've got to describe her heart rate, how warm/cold husband feels on her flesh and all that. You've got to bring in the feel, the emotions.Once again, stop using the dots. Replace them with the alternatives.

You don't smile when you've located a missing agent remembering your first date in five years, yeah? Why's she smiling then? She's like, breaking the agent-code or something. Improve!

And why is Rosaline stuttering when she sees Gloria up close? Like, I don't understand! She had time to get over the shock when she saw Gloria around the corner, right? She didn't even froze then. Then why is she stuttering. This doesn't make sense.

Please stop writing ok, write okay. Stop being lazy. Please.

That's all!