REVIEW DONE BY : nickknack_

Cover :

The cover is very plain and simple and suffice to say it looks kid of unattractive. The font could be much bigger and placed differently so that the attention diverts to it. I'd definitely suggest looking into it!

Blurb :

The blurb is quite unfinished as I see it. Like a blurb is basically a short description/idea about what the story is about. From this blurb, I only got the fact that this story is going to revolve around Cassidy and Cason and honestly, it was basically the gist of the first two chapters. I think you can improve it. All you need to do is collect the plot of your story and produce a simple, but eye-catching summary which will make the readers want to know more about your characters.

Summary :

Cassidy Adam's is a girl with a strong no-bullshit personality. She lives alone with her mom and she has a past that has made her physically and mentally problematic. She then catches the eye of the school's bad boy who turns out to someone she never expected.

Chapter 1 :

The start of the story was a typical waking up scene. This is an amateur mistake. Why don't you start the chapter something else? Like, her eating breakfast or something. Also, the indication of alarm sound could be changed for the better if you italicize the words.

The interaction between her and her mom was very unique but it seemed kind of unreal. Of course a mother-daughter relationship can reach heights but not to the point it's disbelieving. I'm sure no mother in her mid thirties would tackle her almost legal kid to the ground just for the fun of it.

Your sentence formation is pretty good and I sometimes found humor in your words. But what this chapter lacked was descriptions. I have no idea how she or her mother looks like. Same goes for the surroundings and that makes hard for me to picture things.

Lack of emotions is also a problem. The main emotion portrayed were playfulness, rudeness and peppy-ness.

I mean, if she just woke up then she should have been a bit drowsy and when she fell off the bed, you could signal a bit of pain in the body. Just open your eyes, it's right there!

Then, while she walked to school, it'd feel more real and easier to picture her surroundings if you described it. The trees, the chaos of the students around, the wind or anything at all really.

Once again, I had no idea how the *ete candies* looked like. You could mention their hair colors, or what they were doing, etc.

The end of the chapter was kind of rushed. Like, just saying, "I hate it" doesn't cut out. You should try working on it.

Chapter 2 :

Now now, there were many unreal events in this chapter. Like how cana regular guy just pick up a bench, *with* a girl sitting on it and move it all the way to the class' exit? Then can't, no.

Also, even if the professor and the male protagonist are related, that doesn't make it good enough to talk so informally. I'd suggest not mentioning at all about their relation and let the students find out through gossip. High school logic.

Another unreal event was when Cason pulled Cassidy out of the class in front of the whole class, professor included. I mean, did he just stand there and watch the drama unfold? This even led to the sudden kiss. Now hold on, where's the distance between that class to the parking lot? I'm sure there is some distance, or did they teleport? You should concentrate on these details too. Chapter 3:

This time we got to see things through Cason's point of view. But it was just what we saw through Cassidy's point of view. You could try adding what the guys were talking about before Cassidy bumped into the pole and then forward the events. Also, try not to use "15 minutes later" they just ruin everything.

The chapter seemed very emotionally detached. There were no feelings included. And that too not in a way that it was stoic bit it was completely and utterly unemotional. You should try adding feeling verbs. It'll help, trust me.

A tip if I may give, is that you should just do this flashback thing and then in the present time, he's smoking with his friends and then finally decide to attend class. That way, the interaction with his friends will also be existent.

Something that I noticed was that you were trying to force him to be rude. His mood was all good and okay until he spoke in a *cold* voice. That gave me the feeling that he was being rude on purpose. And I'm not sure if that's what you wanted but oh well. Then comes the abrupt kiss. I noticed the way Cassidy's confidence vanished in thin air when she started twiddling her thumbs while saying "you dont even know my name" That was a kinda boo moment.

Okay coming back to Cassidy's point of view again, her fleeing away was kind of expected but her repeating again and again that she doesn't want anyone to know her and then the flashback was really rushed. You could clean it up by writing something like, I pushed Cason away and started walking away until eventually I started running, leaving Cason staning there startled.

Then the flashback, to be honest, it was actually quite nice. The description and thought put into it was neat. Everything was good until Cassidy *ordered* her father, Damon to move ahead. It just ruined the moment. And Damon actually obeying her ruined the moment even more. I had expected Damon to scoff and show her her place but he didn't. That was kind of disappointing.

But after that, the events were neatly laid out and it was pretty good.

Chapter 4 :

The start of this chapter was great. The descriptions were good too and everything was going smoothly. Her crying her heart out and bawling. I mean, it was an emotional scene that proved that at least Cassidy isn't emotionless.

All until she abruptly mentioned that she ran up the stairs and blasted music. I mean, it's completely okay but dont you think that her mom would be worried to leave her daughter alone in this state knowing what happened in the past? I think you should have added her mom running and calling after her and Cassidy locked the door and said to her mom that she needs space or something.

The self harm part was nicely placed. The only thing left missing was that there could more feelings in it. You could've mentioned the over bearing pain which was over powering the sadness in her mind so it would feel more attached.

Also if you mentioned that she was tired, then she should have passed out sooner. Far sooner than her mom busted in.

But in conclusion, you did good. Good job!

Chapter 5 :

The explanation in the start of the chapter was perfect. The only change you could do was to remove the 15 minutes later sign. It doesnt fit in properly.

An obsessive girl who thinks Cason is hers is so very cliche. It's getting boring. You can either remove it or add something even more interesting, I.e. why the girl think Cason is hers. It would be better.

The rest of the chapter was pretty smooth. The descriptions were well written, better and bigger. I think it will get much, much better if you keep up. Just keep in mind of the points I gave You.

The scene in which Cassidy found out Cason's room and the emotions she felt while remembering the memories was what I was talking about! It was really emotional or very close to it at least.

But then, punching Cason and dialing Lucas's phone was really rushed.

Now, I really hope you took note of things I told you because this took me so long to get it done. I really hope that you'll not dump the idea of this book and complete it ;-;

Thank you so much!