Reviewer: chaotic_naturx

BEFORE READING

I'm just gonna get this out of my system right now. I LOVE your cover with a passion! But, I'm not sure about that name. It seems like it's right in the middle of Aragorn and Eragon, which seems kinda tacky to me, but it's fine, I guess! The subtitle adds a lot to the cover. It really tells you something about the story.

Aight, the blurb makes me love this story even more! Great work!

WHILE READING

Disclaimer

This is unneeded. You can easily just say this stuff in the description. I understand that people might not read it if it's on the blurb. But is there a person that would read a 'Disclaimer' chapter if they didn't read the blurb? It's possible, but probably not. But, you can keep it if you like. I can't force you! (And I won't...maybe;)

P.S. I think I like @HayleyLHeureux's cover is the best.

Achievements

Again, you don't really need this. I understand that you might want to show off how many people have liked it so much. But, I always think it's best to let the readers discover the wonder of a book on their own. They don't need to know how successful your story has been. All they need to know is that the cover is freaking amazing, the title sounds like two legendary fictional characters, the subtitles give them the chills, and the blurb is flawless. And BAM! Just like that, they love your book.

Characters

Also unneeded. Instead of directly showing the readers what your characters look like with pictures and art, show their appearances with your words while you're writing! Trust me, it is infinitely more attractive to true book nerds around the world!

Volume One

Honestly, no offense meant, I just want to get on with the book lmao...SO MANY CHAPTERS BEFORE THE ACTUAL GOOD PART AHHHHH...sorry, it do be one of my pet peeves lmao

P.S. Who makes these graphics? They're amazing!

Chapter One

first off, love all the adventure! Your descriptions are admirable and your MC even more so. I always appreciate a good badass chick who takes no-nonsense. I also really like the world it's set in. The fantasy system is just...wow. I don't understand it fully yet, but I do have to say that when Raia yells the name of the magic, it's really, really, super-duper tacky. But, if you want to keep it m, go ahead! It is very entertaining! There's not much else to correct other than a few minor punctuation errors and some weird sentence structures. Good job on your first chapter, love!

Chapter Two

I realize that this is highly influenced by the anime genre, but it's a book, so it doesn't have the same effect as actually watching and hearing a show when it comes to yelling the name of the manic they're using. I know, it looks cool and it's amazing on the animated screen, but in a book? I'm not so sure.

Alright, so...Let's talk about "slash". You used that word in a sentence that sounded really weird because of the word being used. It was something like "Raia and Raiden slashed them." It's just a bit off, I think. So, I recommend you change that. And, there were some punctuation errors, but not serious ones. More sentence structures that feel off. And, the rest is amazing! I love all the action and the character growth in the last Theo chapters is just greatness! Now, let's see if it continues in the third!

Chapter Three

Alright, I'm confused. Whose POV were these chapters? I kept on thinking it was Raia, but then Raiden's thoughts would randomly appear and it was all jumbled in my dumbest-nutso brain. It could just be me being stupid, but just in case, I decided to mention it. You're welcome!

And, for the rest of the chapter...ABSO-FRUIT-ELY AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Only the usual grammar mistakes that aren't that serious. And no plot holes got behind my eyes without me noticing! So, I really do have to admit, this chapter was pure genius. And one of my favorites too. World and character building are and have always been my favorite parts of any book. And you have done it masterfully! On to the fourth chapter!

Chapter Four

All Aight, so I forgot to mention this but I think Great Wizard is a tacky name, but it's also ingenious. I love it! You're officially a genius in my mind! Well, minus the grammar mistakes, which were actually not as bad this chapter, so good job on that! But, you really need to look back on this chapter and start editing because there were multiple sentences in that words were switched around when they shouldn't have been, so just make sure to catch those while you're in the editing stage!

I am so excited to learn more about the order and the organization or whatever it's called! It's sooooo interesting so far! But, I did get a wee overwhelmed with all the unfamiliar names shooting my way, but I have faith that you explain all of those effectively throughout the story! I also really like the whole Branding ritual thingy with the Sacred Water. Ah, sacred water. It's not fantasy until you have some form of holy water. Oh, good old fantasy. You've almost matched the mastery of Robert Jordan! (I wish, right?)

Chapter Five

Ooo!! The first glance at the bad guys! That's always an exciting chapter! I loved all the adventure and all the information we got from this chapter! It was written masterfully with very few grammar mistakes! Amazing job! I can tell that your writing skill has progressed a lot and it's always fun to read through that progression before the editing stage!

So. The content in this chapter was just...amoozing! And that's all I have to say because I am at a total loss of words (and I'm just really lazy). 😉

AFTER READING

LOVE! SO MUCH LOVE! You just need to edit (you can hire an editor on @CLNighters' profile page) and your book will be ready for publishing! Well, after you finish it, of course!

I plan on sticking with your book till the very end and, don't worry, I won't let any of those grammar mistakes get past me! Good joberson!

(P.S. Sorry if this review was really weird lmaoo.)