Book: The Masked Nerd

Editor: FirstNailInTheCoffin

Client: Hazel_Cahill

¨¨¨

Prologue:

~ The beginning of the chapter had an incredibly tense vibe going on, but the sentences didn't always show that off. When writing a tense scene, the best way to make the reader feel the anticipation is with the use of short sentences. It's simple but really goes a long way to improve a books quality!

So I decided to shorten some of the sentences in the opening paragraph.

"I can't just give up, I can't be a coward" --> "I can't just give up. I can't be a coward"

and so on...

~ When writing percentages, there are a few ways in which it can be done, correctly. The most common is to write numerically: 95%. Or in word form: Ninety Five percent.

But you decided to mix those two together, which is fine since it's such a big number. The only issue was that you hyphenised the word when there is no need to do so.

"95-percent" --> "95 percent"

~ There were some minor word changes I made which I won't go into detail here. I either replaced, deleted or added little word in to enhance the readability. I felt the changes gave the sentences an easier flow as well as making them easier for the reader to read.

"Maddie might suffer from slight complications." --> "Maddie could suffer from slight complications."

Chapter 1:

~ Usually, when writing a song, book any kind of title, there should be quotation marks around it, if the title is short.

"Taylor Swift's Ready for it." --> "Taylor Swift's "Ready for it.""

If a title is much longer, like the title of the article the character is reader at the beginning, the title should then be italicised.

~ Changed the spelling of "fulfill" to "fulfil"

~ Some sentences lacked articles, like "what is fandom." Which should be "what is a fandom"

~ There were some little tense mix-ups.

"I wish I could go to mars" --> "I wished I could go to mars"

"won't be the first time" --> "wouldn't be the first time"

~ "I squinched my eyes" To my knowledge – there is no such word so I changed it to "I squinted my eyes"

~ I noticed a little problem with its/it's.

"Its" is used when something belongs to someone while "it's" is an abbreviation for "It is"

so "Its called saving your energy" should be "It's called saving your energy"

~ When a dialogue is followed by a tag (He said, she screamed, I laughed) the dialogue should end in a comma, not a full stop.

~ Made some more minor wording/spelling changes

"She then went back to her phone." --> "After which she went back to her phone."

"like a little kid caught with his nervous hand in the cookie jar." --> "like a little kid caught with her nervous hand in the cookie jar."

"brand new" --> "brand-new"

"I didn't need to do photosynthesis." --> "I didn't need to photosynthesise."

"thumbs up" --> "thumbs-up"

"Cringey name" --> "Cringy name"

"Gathering my rebellious hair into a ponytail." --> "I gathered my rebellious hair into a ponytail."

~ It's usually better not to use shortened version of words in a narrative – many people frown upon it.

"till" --> "until"

~ Just like titles, excerpts from articles and such should also be italicised.

Chapter 2:

~ There were a lot of tense mix-ups in this chapter. You need to remember that when your writing, you must be consistent with the tense you use. You can't keep changing from past to present. It really confuses the reader and pulls them out of the story. I outlined a few of the changes, but not all of them as there were a lot of them.

I mean --> I meant

I finally stop --> I finally stopped

I should be --> I should have been

~ There was a part at the beginning which didn't make too much sense to me:

"I'm-better-than-you-can-ever-hope-to-be attitude and a callous disregard for the ruels.

Oh, did I say ruels? I meant rules. Although Ruel is just so amaz - okay, so not the time! Concentrate on securing your books, not daydreaming about Ruel."

I didn't change it because honestly, I have no idea what's happening there. I think you should sit down yourself and try to make it a bit clearer. It reads like a dialogue, yet it is a piece of narrative.

~ I made some more minor wording and spelling changes.

"Lastly, Mr. Hernandez entered, looking grave as always." --> "Mr Hernandez was the last to come in, looking grave as always."

"I had almost risked getting detention once at the start of the year," --> "I had almost risked getting detention at the beginning of the year,"

"typical cliche" --> "typical cliché"

"Lena gave me a small smile eyes as we both made way towards the parking lot" --> "Lena gave me a small smile as we both made our way towards the parking lot"

~ Introductory words such as However, Well, Yes, must be followed by a comma

"Clearly I wasn't the only one who was annoyed." --> "Clearly, I wasn't the only one who was annoyed."

~ I once again noticed the "its" and "it's" mix-up

"Its not they're not good together." --> ""It's not they're not good together."

If you're ever not sure which one to use, think about it this way,

"It is not they're not good together." Does this sentence make sense?

If it does, it should be "it's" if it doesn't, it should be "its"

~ The word "French" should always be capitalised (even if you're referring to kissing)

"and some colourful french from Lena." --> "and some colourful French from Lena."

~ When a character greets someone by referring to them with their name, there will be a comma before said name.

"Hey Mads" --> "Hey, Mads"

~ When you're using the word "nevermind" to tell someone to disregard the matter, the word needs to be split into "never mind"

~ "...knock knock jokes..." should be hyphenised. 

--> "...Knock-knock jokes..."

~ "facepalmed" should should be split. 

--> "face palmed"

~ "...gently brushing them lightly..." had to get rid of 'lightly' as it's not necessary. 

--> "...gently brushing them..."

Chapter 3:

~ A few little spelling corrections

"hundreth" --> "hundredth"

"forhead" --> "forehead"

'second class" --> "second-class"

~ When introducing an additional piece of information in a sentence, it should be separated by commas.

"find Charles aka my brother" --> "find Charles, aka my brother,"

~ Any kind of name should always be capitalised.

"silicon valley" --> "Silicon Valley"

"wicked witch of the west" à "Wicked Witch of the West"

" nutella" --> "Nutella"

~ When something belongs to someone, we need to use an apostrophe.

"parents" --> "parents' "

~ I noticed this issue a lot, so I'm sure it's not just a simple type. When using the word "so" as an introductory word, you must follow it with a comma.

"So what?" --> "So, what?"

~ I understand that you wanted to emphasize it, but typically in a narrative sentence, you shouldn't have words like "ughhhhhh" they're usually cut down to "ugh"

~ Similarly to my above point, you also shouldn't use slang or shortened words in a narrative.

"cause" --> "because"

Chapter 4:

~ Even if it's a nickname she gave someone, "dumb face" still looks better when it's separated into "dumb face"

~ Had to change a couple wordings

"I muttered a thanks" > "I muttered some thanks"

"lottery-kinda" > "lottery-looking"

"Who you calling dumbo, dumbo" > "Who you calling a dumbo, dumbo"

~ When writing someone's name as Mr or Ms something, there should always be a space after the full stop.

"Ms.Owens" > "Ms. Owens"

~Once again, it's best not to use shortened words in a narrative sequence.

"Ap calc" > "Ap calculus"

"gonna" > "going to"

~ Missed some hyphens

"Jet black" > "jet-black"

"good looking" > "good-looking"

"knock knock" > "knock-knock"

"mid sentence" > "mid-sentence"

~ If your link comes before the dialogue, there should be a comma after the link.

"staring hard into eyes as I said" > "staring hard into eyes as I said,"

Chapter 5:

~ "anytime" should be split "any time"

~ Some words needed splitting.

"anytime" > "any time"

"firetruck" > "fire truck"

~ There was a missing comma in this sentence:

"She's not bullying you or anything right?" > "She's not bullying you or anything, right?"

"him and even then it only" > "him and even then, it only"

~ Little misspelling

"frowing" > "frowning"

"cheerly" > "cheerily"

~ I wasn't sure if this was wrong on purpose or not, so I left it. You can go back and change it if it wasn't.

"expressionally" is in no way a word, I think she meant "exceptionally"

~ Always capitalise names.

"brennie" > "Brennie"

Chapter 6:

~ When something belongs to someone, there must always be an apostrophe.

"neighbours" > "neighbour's"

~ "ill" > "I'll"

~ "spongebob is a name so it should be capitalised. "SpongeBob"

~ "Then" is used to express a sense of time or what comes next or what used to be. "Than" is used to form comparisons between two things.

"any other way, than as it spared" > "any other way, then as it spared"

Chapter 7:

~ Minor wording change

"another head shake" > "another shake of the head"

~ Minor spelling mistake

"business" > "business"

Chapter 8:

~ "She handed my a cup of coffee" > "She handed me a cup of coffee"

~ Some more spelling mistakes

"dumbas" > "dumbass"

"ashhole" > "asshole"

"emojis" > "emoji's"

"coversation" > "conversation"

~ Languages are always capitalised

"Spanish" > "Spanish"

~ There is no need for a space before a colon, but there must be one after it.

"Moral of the story : Never make a person watch..." > "Moral of the story: Never make a person watch..."

Chapter 10:

~ Minor spelling mistake

"bruger" > "burger"

***

Upon completing the chapters, I have a few things I noticed were quite common in your piece, which I'll mention down below. There weren't too many mistakes, except for a few which tend to be quite common. With the spelling mistakes, a simple read through of the chapter before publishing should do the job.

Some of the recurring problems I noticed were:

~ Differentiating its/it's

~ Forgetting hyphens in certain word

~ Joining up random words that shouldn't be eg roadtrip > road trip

~ Leaving out commas after introductory words.

~ Lack of capitalisation in names of places and brands.

These were in all chapters. I didn't outline them in every chapter as the note would just get repetitive. I recommend to have a read through the rules I mentioned above as without those mistakes, the piece would be almost impeccable!

Other than that, this is a great story! If you'd like some more detailed thoughts on it, I reccomend checking out our review book; The Senate's Verict: CLN's review shop. One of the senators would gladly review your book to help improve on  other bits and pieces!

I also do apologies for the long wait, life has been pretty busy recently!

Please do remember to give me credit for my work on your story!

Good luck in your writing journey!