Carl

Right after practice, I send out a text with an invite to the chat app. I like it because it's private, not everyone can see your profile, not even your username, until you invite them to your group. Harry found it, and we use for group chatting. This is the first time I'm inviting someone outside of my family. I created a new group just to talk with Terry. This is something I don't want to discuss on some public apps.

My phone pings in a few minutes. I eagerly open the app.

Terry Stewart: Prince Carl?

I smile, Fio came up with this idea that we all should be royal.

Prince Carl: Yep. WYD?

Footman Terry: Working. On Tuesdays and Saturdays I've evening shifts at downtown 🍕

Prince Carl: Busy? We can chat later. Y Footman? 🤔

Footman Terry: A Prince needs a footman. 😉

Terry Stewart: Bad joke. Forget it. Usually Tuesdays are slow. But today we have a tourist hippie crowd. TTYL.

I put the phone in my pocket and try to figure out what the joke is. I can't. Sighing I start the car.

****

My door bursts open and Fio climbs on my bed and assaults me with a hug.

"Why didn't you tell me? Are you okay?" She takes my head in her hands and scrutinizes.

I swat her away. "I'm fine. Why are you treating me like I got some disease or something?"

"Your first ever break up. Don't bottle it in. Talk to me. You should have told someone. Share your pain." Fio gets comfortable in my bed.

"I did. Told Mom." I grumble. She's two and half a year younger than me. But she bosses around all of us.

"Really? She's your BFF now?" She's surprised I told mom first. I usually go to dad for everything. It just happened, mom was there at the right time.

"Since you didn't make my cookies." I stick out my tongue.

"There's no butter left! Can you imagine? I sent mom a very nasty text just now. She promised to buy it on her way back. Seriously Carl, aren't you feeling sad? You look terrifyingly normal." She pulls me into a cuddle.

"Did you have a break up or something?" I pet her hair. She has the curliest hair in our family.

"No doofus. I'm giving you sibling comfort. Talk to me. What are you feeling right now?" She asks, reminding me of our dentist.

I give it some thought. What am I feeling?

"It feels like when they stopped Real Reel."

"Carl! You're comparing your relationship to a TV show!!" Fio shouts in my ear.

I rub it furiously. It was a local TV series, the cast was funny and lively.

"You asked! I wasn't ready, I was shocked. I was hoping for more. It halted abruptly." I finish.

"And are you hoping for another season?"

"No. I wish her well." I really do.

"Don't you love her? I thought you loved her." Fio shakes my shoulder.

It still surprises me that Jas didn't correct the rumors, why did she let the whole school think she dumped me for repeating the grade? Is it the real reason? It matters not. It's over.

"I don't think so. I liked her a lot. I already miss her. But like Real Reel, she will also become a fond memory. Mom said it well yesterday. I'll find my next groove soon." I hug Fio closer.

"You're both heartless monsters." She punches me in the gut.

I laugh when she cries out in pain. My gut is sturdier than her skull.

"Yes, that's why we love you, a horrible nightmare with hands made of jelly."

She rolls her eyes.

My phone dings and I spring across Fio and snatch it before she can take it.

"Looks like you already got a new show going." Fio raises her eyebrows.

It's just a text in our family chat. Not from Terry. It's not like she would have been able to read it if it was. I put a lock over it. Every group can be locked individually and needs a code to unlock it. I show the phone to her.

King George: I'm coming home.🦁

"Yeeessss!" Fio jumps up. "I'm gonna surprise him with my new project. I'll finish it before he comes." She dances around the room.

Dad's on a business trip in Europe. I type e response.

Prince Carl: 😻😻😻😻

Queen Theresa: 😘😘😘😘

Prince Harry: What are you bringing?

"Go, first reply." I remind her. Dad will worry if we don't reply, especially if it's not school hours.

"On it, bro." Fio swirls around and makes a curtsy and giggles and waves before leaving. She's hyperactive when excited.

My phone dings again. This time it's Terry.

I lock my door and unlock his chat.

Terry Stewart: We can talk now.

Prince Carl: Okay. Still at work?

Terry Stewart: Yes, it ends at 9. But now it has slowed down. Let's do gay 101.

I stared at the ceiling. Why am I even doing this? All I wanted was Terry to not feel uncomfortable. But somehow it took all kinds of turns and now, here I am. About to ask him to explain how gay works. It's true, I do want to know. Till now, I never really thought much about that topic. When it came up, I just shrugged and let it go. It's one more thing, I don't get in a long list of things. Like yeast or colonoscopy.

But after Terry's confession, I am curious to know how it works. I can ask Harry, he'll make fun of me till he lost all his teeth. Dad will not make fun, but he'll tell Mom, and I'll never hear the end of it. Terry seems like a cool guy. After all he offered.

Decision made, I type out a reply.

Prince Carl: Isn't our body made certain way? To respond to certain things?

Terry: Sexual attraction is subjective. What makes you horny could make another guy puke.

Prince Carl: What makes you horny?

I chew my nails in worry, it feels very naughty to ask such a question. But I'm learning gay. I'm allowed to ask questions. Aren't I?

Terry: Can I be honest? Or you want a gay text book answer?

Prince Carl: honesty. I won't puke. Promise.

Terry: Thanks.

Terry: Small private touches. A palm cupping my back, a thumb under my ear, a rub along my throat. Fingers on my thighs.

I stare at the text, like it's a ghost. I read it again. My hand goes to my butt and I cup a cheek and press. Nothing. I try the next, I put a thumb under my ear. Again nothing.

Another text comes in during my experiment.

Terry: Sometimes I get to watch your practice matches, the way you tackle your opponent, it makes me want to take his place. Your agility is a big turn on. You lift your leg all the way up, and your well defined muscles all turn and accommodate that move, it's beautiful. When you don't wear a shirt, I can't stand it. That would make any gay guy horny.

I read the text fast and again slowly, it feels like a compliment and dirty at the same time. I type a reply to acknowledge that I am there.

Prince Carl: Oh.

Terry: Do you think it's not normal?

Prince Carl: I don't know how it is possible. We all breathe, eat, drink water, shit, sleep and have sex. Because our body demands it. It's all primitive nature right?

When we were kids Harry wanted to see how long he could hold his shit in. Not very long.

Terry: yes, but we also have taste, preferences. For some of us it runs deeper, so deep that we can't get it to work if it's not the right person. It's as primitive as the other things you mentioned.

Prince Carl: What do you mean? Your 🍆 won't become 🥕 for a nice naked lady?

Terry: lol.Yep. It won't.

Prince Carl: I can't believe it. I thought you just wanted guys over girls. You know mentally.

Terry: I repeat, it's not a mere preference. You seem to have a cave man's knowledge on this subject. Why don't you attend some GSA club? You'll be surprised by how many varieties of primitive sex are out there.

The text sounded angry. I don't even know how a text could do that without any swear words or emojis.

Prince Carl: Sorry, did I offend you?

Terry: It's alright. It's my mistake. I just assumed with so many friends you might have a much better exposure to this subject.

Prince Carl: Sorry to disappoint you.

Terry: you knew about little girls suffering in Africa but not about LGBTQ?

I felt like crying.

Prince Carl:😔

Terry: Sorry Carl. You did say you didn't understand gay. Let's move on. Next question?

Prince Carl: I already upset you. Suggest me some books. I'll read.

Terry: Don't you have enough to read from school?

Prince Carl: I do, but it's better than harassing you.

And having him insult me. He said he liked me. Yet, he hurt me.

Terry: I'm sorry, I came off mean. I'm just surprised. This is why we should talk face-to-face. You would know that I didn't mean it as a bad thing. 😑

Prince Carl: Promise? You're not mad?

Terry: Crossing my heart. I'm not.

Satisfied, I ask the next question.

Prince Carl: Ok. How do I know if I'm gay? I tried your private touches. Nothing worked. Does that mean I'm not?

Terry: Jesus Carl. Did you really touch your own ass?

Prince Carl: yes, I squeezed it too. Just to be sure.

Terry: kill me now! Now I'm so horny imagining it.

What's there to become horny?

Prince Carl:😕😖

Terry: I'll take care of my personal problems later. Back to your question. You can't test it on yourself. You need to do some soul deep digging, to find out what you like, and if you got the guts, experiment it with a guy. These are the initial steps. After all this, you still may think you're hetero. For some people it takes years and years to know it.

Prince Carl: oh. So what should I do then?

Terry: I'd say, stay open. Don't squash down any possibilities. Don't fret over what you're. Labels are there to help, not to make you worry over them. Technically you don't know, what you like, so don't put yourself in hetero box. And maybe go out with me?😉

I smile. Cheeky bastard.

Prince Carl: I'll think about it.

****End of Chapter Four****