Hate me or love me?

• Chapter Sixty Four •

Do you ever get those feelings where your whole body constricts with pain? Where you can physically feel your knees ache and your entire abdomen twist in the most excruciating way possible? That's how I feel right now as I stared out the window from Shawn's penthouse. Noah had his chubby arms wrapped around my neck as he peacefully slept, his drool dampened my camisole. I rubbed my hand along his back in a soothing manner, his cries had softened after he took notice of me once Harry brought him downstairs and set him in his playpen.

I gasped in surprise seeing Noah lift himself off the ground as he then found his balance and made his way towards me. "An!" He shrieked with a smile before bursting into sobs "Aw handsome, I missed you too" I kissed his head as he mumbled incoherent words into my neck. I felt a presence behind me and I stiffened, "Harry, just don't" I choked, the sensation of his fingertips brushing along my back only caused my body to shiver slightly. "I'm sorry, Anna. I really am" He sincerely apologized "Why would you even say that, Harry?" I turned around to face him, the fear and pain in his eyes made me gasp softly as I blinked away my tears for the umpteenth time today.

"I don't know" He looked down at his shoes, he fiddled with his fingers, twisting the rings on them. The clouds burst open drenching the ground, droplets of rain created a soft patter as it fell against the glass windows of Shawn's penthouse. "Will you let me explain? Please, Anna, give me this chance" Harry pleaded, don't give in Anna, you're just going to end up even more heartbroken, brushing the voice aside I decided to obey Harry's words and give him one chance to redeem himself "I'm listening because there's nothing more that you can say that can break my already broken heart." He breathed in, eyes fluttering closed for a second before he gestured towards Noah. Taking Noah off me, he placed the infant onto the couch, boxing him in.

"I was 18, immature and fucking stupid, Brielle was 6 years my senior and I immediately felt attracted to her just like any hormonal adolescent would towards a grown woman who possesses the right assets" I scrunched my nose as he began talking about her, "I was taking an art course and she came in as an assistant, the sexual tension was there between us and something just clicked that one day I found myself walking through her apartment doors and I don't think I will go any further since you get the idea" He continued, teeth gnawed at his bottom lip and my eyes followed his actions, even in this type of situation I want to kiss him until we're breathless.

"It was as if Brielle had the powers of a siren and she lured me into this inescapable trap. Being inexperienced in most sexual matters, I decided to use my time spent with her to learn a few things. Eventually time passed by and I lost contact with her until now, when Simmons sent her as that fucking social worker" I furrowed my brows at that, he nodded at my look of confusion before explaining further "A month back, Simmons called me to her office to discuss some legal matters regarding Noah" I folded my arms against my chest, the slight chill around the penthouse nipped at my skin.

"Social services gave me an ultimatum that if I don't have anyone to play a mother figure in Noah's life, he will be taken away from me. This was based on previous articles where I had been seen with various women and they thought that I was not fit enough to be Noah's guardian all alone" He said and reading about those articles came back to me when I searched for him on the internet, that was the night of my birthday. "So, inevitably, Simmons had a preposterous plan that I pretend to date someone and you were her first choice" Harry said cautiously, glancing up at me and I felt the bile rise in my throat.

"Couldn't you have just asked me? Harry, I love Noah and I'd do anything for that little boy but what you did, is unforgivable" I breathed, licking my lips as they got dry from not speaking "Would you have agreed? Would you have said 'yes' to openly kissing me and being a girlfriend to me in public just so that the media can get a couple shots of how tied down I am?" I clicked my tongue knowing that I wouldn't have agreed at all "So, that was your plan, lure me in and break up with me once social services backs off?" My voice choked as I felt another bout of tears surface and Harry nodded, warily "Initially, yes that was the plan but then I found myself actually falling in love with you and I just.. I just couldn't get enough of you" He rasped and my heart did a somersault in the confines of my ribcage.

"The day I realized my feelings for you was the day I asked you to be mine, to be my girlfriend and so much more" His green eyes poured into mine and I gulped at the sincerity in them. Sincerity is scary. "What about the receptionist? Was it the day the officials came to your office?" I asked in a meek voice, afraid of his answer, and Harry sighed "No, God no. That happened way before I could ask you. To be precise, it happened after your birthday" He said and I nodded, rubbing my hands along my arm to provide my body with warmth. "I'm also sorry for calling you 'easy' in the car that night, it was wrong of me because you're not, you're not like those girls that will drop to their knees at the sight of any guy. You're the most enrapturing girl I've ever laid eyes on"

Harry casted his gaze down to his hands, twisting the rings on them before continuing "Every move you made, like I've said before on countless occasions, frustrated me that I could not get you out of my mind so I retreated to what I knew best," He bit onto his bottom lip as he finished and I took in shaky breath realising what went on in his office while I was just a few feet away ", and I can't tell you how sorry I am for doing all of that. I regret all of it except one thing" He said and I looked up at him, speaking in small voice "What is that?" He nears me, taking my hand in his "That I'm utterly and profusely in love with you, Anna"

I want nothing more than to reciprocate those words, those feelings but the ache in my chest held me back. I was about to open my mouth to speak when he cut me off, his words acting like a sword that cut right through me and I blinked away the tears that sprung to my eyes. "You're the ray of sunshine that brightened my life. The rainbow that passed by during the raging thunderstorm, that drenched me in sorrow, and filled my monochromatic life with beautiful shades of happiness." A small smile played on my lips at his artistic choice of words, such poetry, carried with such strength.

He then took a deep breath before continuing "You're everything I ever wanted, ever needed. You made me feel wanted again and fuck, you drive me insane but that's what I love about you, you didn't give up on me when I gave up on myself. I love that you crinkle your nose each time I smoke, I love the way your tongue sticks out of your mouth when you're concentrating. I love every little thing about you. I don't want your sympathy but you don't know what you do to me, heck I don't even know but what I do is that I love you Anna" My heart swelled at his emotional confession, "So, will you please forgive me? Will you give me the chance to redeem myself and prove to you that I will never break your trust again?"

Well then.. What do you think she's going to do? Will she accept his love and forgive him or will she leave him stranded?

Stay tuned to find out more :)