In this fan fiction, Eren is 20 years old and Levi is 30 years old (in the anime their age difference is but for the story's purpose it will be like this). This chapter might be triggering to some people so if self-harm does something to you PLEASE DON'T READ it. I don't want something to happen to any of my lovely readers.

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~8 years ago~

In Eren's old village, three 12-year-olds are running around, chasing each other through the market stalls, causing the vendors to yell at them.

The brown-haired boy with strong green eyes teased his blond best friend. The brown head's adoptive sister calmly watched over them, as a request from their mother.

"Armin, Mikasa! Let's go play hide and seek!", Eren squeals excitedly.
"Ok!", they both reply happily.
"Ok Mikasa, you count to 20 and Armin and I will hide ok?", Eren says while he pulls Armin away from Mikasa.

They all find their respective hiding places and Armin waits for Mikasa to stop counting but Eren quickly runs away.

That's why he always wins hide and seek. Not because he's good at it or because he wants to win it.
He always wins because hide-and-go-seek is always his only chance to sneak away alone.

Why? Well, there was this person he liked and he always sneaked off during hide-and-seek to go see him.

Yes, his crush is a boy...a gorgeous boy with dark hair and the most beautiful eyes. But he doesn't know the boy's name...all he knows him by is sir...

Of course, the boy is older but the first time Eren saw his pale skin reflecting against the light of the sun, he appeared to be an angel. And that angel could never seem to leave Eren's mind.

The older boy's face was always tranquil and cold, but something about that harsh coldness radiating off of the older boy made Eren feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So after 2 months of just standing in the background, he decided to approach the angel. And he did.

It did not go well...

After he was laughed at by the older boy's friends, the boy told him with a straight face that it would never happen and that he should leave him alone.
Eren went home that day with a face full of tears and a mind full of emotional scars. He didn't tell anyone why he was crying and if they asked, he just said that he fell down some stairs.

He wished he fell down the stairs instead of what happened.
The pain of his heartbreak was much worse than any type of physical pain that he could ever experience.

Maybe... maybe he could make his pain go away somehow...

He was in the bathtub.
He was contemplating whether or not to do this. So, he just went forth and did it.
The physical pain was still nothing compared to his emotional scars.
But when the pain started to become numb he just kept on doing it over and over, the bathwater already a bright red by now.

A knock was heard on the door, it was his mother, Carla, asking why he is taking so long. After saying that he is almost done, he stops the cutting and gets out of the water, taking a wet rag and wiping himself clean from the bloody water dripping down his small body.

He brushes his teeth with his other hand, the one he usually uses being wrapped up and tucked safely under his long-sleeved shirt.

After he finishes, he goes out of the bathroom and goes to kiss his parents good night, and then he retires to his bed, not seeming to have any thoughts of sleep and he lies awake for most of the night, the throbbing in his arm part of the reasons why he can't sleep.

As he lies with his back to the window and his eyes closed, he starts to hear soft pitter-patter sounds coming from outside, he turns to the other side of his bed and he smiles.

It's raining...

He stands up quietly from his bed, trying not to wake Mikasa, that was on the other side of the room in a deep sleep.

He stands at his window fame, with his head resting on the bottom part of the frame, his good arm underneath his head.

He sighs softly, inhaling the fresh scent of the falling rain. It calmed him down somehow...and someway he felt better. He could cry with the sky and not feel like he is all alone.

Each time it felt like life was getting too much for Eren, he would resort back to his old ways and the blade would appear. Only two people knew about the fact that Eren was cutting himself....and that were his two best friends, Armin and Mikasa.

But even they didn't know the reason why Eren did it. That part he always kept to himself, probably because he didn't want to expose himself but mainly he didn't want to look weak in front of the people that always stood by him.

That vicious cycle continued for about 3 years until Mikasa and Armin had an intervention with Eren and told him to stop. At first, he didn't want to listen but when his mother died and his father disappeared on them, he realised that he was needed to protect his family.

Before she died, Carla didn't even know about the wounds, always because they would be healed the next day, but of course, then Eren didn't know about his titan side. Mikasa walked in on him one day while he was in the act and she quickly stopped it.

She was a good sister. She never left Eren's side, so that she could always protect him as he protected her. She was always wary when they had to part ways and when she found out about Eren she became even more protective of him, sometimes not even letting Armin close to her brother.

~present day~

As Eren recalled these memories, he sat in the bathtub, which had already gone cold and held the sharp blade in his hand. He looked at it, not stared at it as if waiting for it to tell him what to do next...

As he brought the blade closer and closer to his arm, the blade touched this tanned skin and the first drop of red fell into the water...

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Hey u guys... this chapter was really hard to write because of how sad it is.
No one needs to go through this type of pain... no one deserves this type of pain

Pls if this had happened to you at a time or you feel like doing this...pls don't.
I'm no one to tell you guys what and what not to do but please if you have these thoughts talk to someone u trust and that you KNOW won't judge you.

This subject is really close to my heart because I have friends that have suffered from this and that fell into that dark hole, luckily they had people to help them through it, but pls I care about you all even though I don't know some of you.

Self harm and suicide is no joke...it's real and it's really bad. So pls take care of yourselves and be safe. Don't take the risk and think that what you do won't affect you or those around you because believe me it does...

And if you think that no one would care if you're gone, let me tell you,you are also wrong...there are people you don't even know about, that would do anything they can to keep u with them.

They could be your friends or family or even the person you don't really talk to, you never know...so pls think before you do.

Be safe and love yourselves...
saranghae♡♡♡

~Litchii