How Did Love Become So Violent?

CALUM

I always have two different reactions when Luke tells me we are visiting one of his parents. Two very different reactions that expose itself in my head. One is good, and one is bad. And unfortunately tonight, my reaction was bad.

Luke's father, Andy, is as kind as a rose's thorn. He's a government official, some sort of high up representative that is well respected in the community. He's stern, bold, controlling in every shape and form. He's like Luke, except that he lacks the warm side of him. Andy is nothing but sharp edges.

It's no wonder he raised Luke, which goes without question. When Andy and Luke's mother got divorced, Andy gained custody of Luke. Because of this, I blame Andy for Luke's controlling personality and his strong opinions. Luke and Andy are one of the same, and being in the same room as them at once is absolute torture.

Of course, it would be idiotic for me to actually say that out loud. That would be asking for a beating.

Luke's mother, Liz, is everything Andy is not. Kind, caring, charming, etcetera. She works as a schoolteacher, and spends time at home with Ben and Jack, Luke's brothers. She gained custody of them, and it always amazes me to see the difference in the way they grew up. The way their behaviors were formed.

Jack and Ben are possibly the nicest human beings I've ever met. If it weren't that they had the same features as Luke, I wouldn't be convinced that they were related. And it's not that Luke isn't kind, because he is. His anger issues just seem to overpower his kindness at times.

But Jack and Ben don't get angry. I've never seen them angry, not once. Not even when Luke yells at Liz and calls them names, not even when he leaves early and drags me along with him. They just smile through it all, and it makes me wonder how different Luke would be if it were Liz who raised him, and not Andy.

It makes me wonder how different I would be.

Luke breaks the news to me that we're going to dinner with Andy when I get in the car after work. My hair was messy and clothes dirty, still in my uniform from the restaurant. Luke drove us home to change before we went, and I tried to mask my resentment towards meeting with Luke's father.

At home, Luke tells me what to wear and leaves me to it. He picked out a button up dress shirt, a pale blue color that looks far too light on my skin to be complimenting. I slide it on anyway, careful not to brush it against any of the bruises on my upper arms. Luke likes to grab me and yank me around there.

I fasten the button of my black jeans and slide on my Vans, taking my time slowly, even if it makes Luke mad. I hate going to Andy's and I want to stall as much time as possible.

Luke knocks on my door loudly. "You ready yet, babe?" He asks. I brush through my hair hurriedly before opening the door, seeing Luke leaning against the doorframe. He smiles lightly when he sees me, nodding contently.

"You look good," he says, and I thank him quietly as he leads me out the door. As we walk towards his car, I can feel him eyeing my face, making sure I've covered up any injuries with makeup. I have. I don't know what he would do if I hadn't, considering he doesn't like to own up to the fact that he does hit me. If I say anything about it, all he says is that I deserve it.

After so many times, you begin to believe it.

Luke doesn't live far away from his dad. He likes being close by, I guess because of his tight bond with him from his childhood. I personally wish he lived closer to Liz, but she lives in the next city over, taking at least an hour to drive there. It takes a mere ten minutes to get to Andy's, and it makes me want to scream.

Andy's house is big, massive actually. He's the kind of guy who likes to show off his wealth. He has three expensive cars in his driveway, despite that only one person lives in the house. It's large windows are structured into the walls of white brick, huge columns lining the front porch. It's like Luke and I's home, except bigger, more grand. Although I'm sure Luke isn't far off from buying a house like this, either.

Luke walks us up to the front door, not bothering with the doorbell. Instead, he walks right in, and I reluctantly follow at his heels.

"Dad!" Luke yells. I mentally prepare myself, tensing up as I hear footsteps make their way out of the kitchen and into the room where we are.

"You're finally here," says Andy, who walks through the door and gives his son a smile. His tall frame and broad shoulders match Luke's, and I feel even smaller than usual beside the two Hemmings'. Andy walks forward and hugs his son. He releases him shortly and greets me next.

"Calum, good to see you," he says, and wraps his arms around my slimmer frame. He crushes me towards his chest, squeezing me too tight to where every single muscle in my body aches. He lets go and stares at me, expecting an answer.

"It's good to see you, too," I say, my voice a bit flat. The words taste bitter in my mouth. Luke gives me a harsh look when Andy frowns and turns his back, and I my ears burn under his stare.

"Come sit down. Dinner is already prepared." The three of us walk into the dining room and Luke pulls my chair back for me, waiting for me to sit down. Andy watches me as I sit, and we stay silent as Luke situates himself in the seat beside me.

It's a wonder Andy doesn't know about the bruises on my skin, considering he is just as controlling as Luke is, if not more. I would have thought Andy would have encouraged him if he found out, but clearly I've thought wrong if Luke goes to such drastic measures to keep his secret safe under thick layers of makeup.

"So, Calum, how is your job at the restaurant?" Andy asks, picking up his fork and starting the meal. I fidget slightly.

"It's good, sir. Business has picked up lately."

"Yeah?" he says. "So are they hiring more workers?"

"Yes, sir." My mind wanders back to the new waiter, Ashton. His curly hair and bright eyes come back to my memory, and I almost smile. "They've hired a new waiter named Ashton. He's actually really nice, and he's super good at the job."

Andy notices my tone pick up, and he raises an eyebrow, glancing at Luke shortly before returning to his composure. He ignores my previous comment and continues.

"Being a waiter is a good job for you, Calum. Teaches you obedience, you know. Being respectful, taking orders, all that stuff." Andy says. My clench my draw, hatred returning like a wildfire. "That's why Luke and I decided to have you apply there."

"Exactly," Luke adds on to the conversation, nodding at his father with an understanding in his eyes. I stare at him for a moment longer than I should, quickly taking a sip of my water.

Luke and Andy start up a conversation, so I quietly slide down in my seat and work on finishing the dinner. It's some sort of steak, nearly red on inside, making me a bit uncomfortable. I can't figure out why Andy got so weirded out when I mentioned Ashton. He's just a new employee, a conversation starter. Andy acted as though simply mentioning the guy was betraying Luke.

The only reason I mentioned him in the first place was because Andy asked, and because the hazel eyed boy is the first employee in that entire restaurant to actually speak to me, other than my boss.

Although, that might change considering he sat and listened to whatever Michael had to say about me during lunch break.

"Calum!" Luke shouts, pinching me harshly on my arm to grab my attention. I quickly look up, seeing both Andy and Luke staring at me with stern expressions.

"I swear to God, Calum, don't space out like that. It's disrespectful." Luke scolds, his voice hard. Andy leans forward.

"It's extremely disrespectful. Don't act like that towards us." Andy frowns, his voice just as stern as Luke's. The two of them combined are like clones, their blue eyes both narrowed and lips frowned.

"I'm sorry." I say softly, and Andy clears his throat.

"How many kids do you want, Calum?" Andy asks, catching me by surprise. I raise my eyebrows, his questions squirming through my head. I haven't even began thinking about kids yet.

I turn towards Luke, who just looks at me expectantly.

"I—I don't know." I say honestly. "I haven't thought about it." Luke wraps his arm around my shoulder, his nails digging into my skin.

"I think Calum and I will have a good many. Calum loves kids." Luke says, and his words bite into my flesh. Kids. With Luke. I hadn't even put the two together yet.

It's not that I don't want kids. Kids are great. And not to mention, really cute. I've never been against the idea, but for some reason, the thought of having kids with Luke is absolutely terrifying.

Luke would be a great father. I know that for sure. The kids would be beautiful if they got the Hemming's genes. Tall, blonde, blue eyed. Intelligent and hard working. But I can't help but think of the bruises on my skin and Luke's chapped knuckles. I can't even imagine bringing kids into our damaged world. It's dangerous, destructive. I don't want to help cause that sort of disaster.

"That's what I thought," Andy says contently, taking a swig of his beer. He eyes the both of us, and Luke hand falls onto my leg, gripping my thigh tightly. By the strength of his hand I know he's getting angry, I know I've done something wrong. I'm not responding correctly, not saying the right thing in reply to the question about kids. But it's not fair to me. It's not fair to pull out that kind of question and expect a certain answer, and then plan out my future for me regardless of my opinion.

And that makes me mad, too.

"I mean, we may not have kids at all, really." I say, my voice incredibly shaky. Both Luke and Andy's eyes whip towards me, and my cheeks turn red as their incredulous stare focuses on me. "We're far away from anything like that, really." I blink, suddenly not so sure about voicing my opinion. I know it's not allowed, not wanted, but I've said it anyway. I should be allowed to speak my mind.

Andy furrows his eyebrows, eyes flashing as he looks at Luke. Luke is eerily calm, and for a moment I wonder if he will back me up. Luke picks up his napkin and places it on the table, taking a sip of his beer. He then scoots back, standing up out of his chair and locking eyes with his father.

"Thank you for dinner, Dad." Luke says. His voice is controlled, strained back almost. A sinking feeling spreads through my chest and into my stomach, making me want to throw up what I just ate. He wouldn't leave if he wasn't mad. "It was lovely. I have work early in the morning, though, so we need to leave a bit early."

Andy looks shocked by the sudden departure but quickly regains his composure. He stands up, clearing his throat and nodding formally.

"Of course, we can meet again when you don't have to be somewhere the next day. My bad." Andy smiles. He takes our plates and carries them to the kitchen.

The minute he is out of site, Luke grabs my arm and yanks me out of my seat, fury clear in his blue eyes as he pulls me roughly to the door. I stumble after him, struggling to regain my footing as he shoves me against the front door, leaning in close to my ear.

"You are unbelievable," he whispers harshly, his grip tightening on my arm. His words sting, and I flinch as says the words. As Andy returns to the foyer, Luke lets go, turning around with an apologetic smile on his face.

"I'll schedule another time, yeah?" Andy suggests, and I plead Luke mentally to say no. This house is like poison to me. I don't want to be in here any longer than I have to.

Luke says yes, however, of course. It doesn't surprise me.

On the drive home, Luke is completely silent. He doesn't look my way, not once during the entire drive. The closer we get to home and the farther away we get from Andy's house, the more I realize how much of a fucking idiot I really am.

I wish I never opened my mouth at that dinner table. It was a mistake, a silly comment or question about the inevitable question that I never should have brought up. I never should have spoken my thoughts out loud, never should have voiced my opinion. I know this, I realized this years ago, that speaking out of turn is unacceptable, especially something like that.

I know Luke wouldn't have been this mad if it were just me and him. Yes, mad, maybe a few hits to the stomach, but I know I made a huge mistake by talking in front of Andy. Andy and Luke are controlling, very particular on what they want, and I had the audacity to question something that Andy brought up.

And I hate myself for it.

Luke stops the car in the driveway and wastes no time pulling me out with him and locking the doors. I hurry to catch up with his long stride as he unlocks the front door, pushing my inside as he shuts the door behind us.

For a moment, I wonder if he is going to do anything at all. He takes off his jacket, hangs it by the door. Places his keys and wallet on the front table. I almost let out a sigh of relief.

But then he's shoving me up against the wall, smashing my face on the corner as blood starts to bleed from my nose from the force. He's shouting at me, his arm digging into my lower back painfully, screaming at how I can't seem to do anything right at all. My eyes are squeezed shut as they always are when this happens, struggling not to let any tears fall from my eyelids. My body is completely numb, hardly feeling the punches Luke serves to my arms, my legs, my stomach.

Everything is numb. I can barely feel the blood from my nose dripping off my chin, bright red against paled skin.

At some point, when it's over, I'm collapsed against the wall, too weak to hold up my head. I'm staring at my hands, smeared with blood from trying to clean up the mess my nose made. I'm startled when Luke drops down beside me, his knuckles swollen.

He reaches forward, ignoring how I immediately flinch away as he touches my chin in his hands, lifting it so I can see his face.

"You deserved this. You know that." Luke says, voice void of emotion. I swallow thickly, tears beginning to form once again in my eyes. Luke frowns at them, and I avoid looking at him.

"Stop crying, Calum." Luke demands. I struggle to stop the tears, trying to tell my eyes to stop producing them, sniffling loudly. "Look at me. Look at me, Calum."

I raise my eyes until they meet his, so bright and crystal blue. The same beautiful eyes I fell in love with at that college on the edge of California. Luke's jaw tightens once I make eye contact with him, just like he told me to.

He stares at me for a moment before saying, "You're never going to find someone who loves you like I do, Calum. No one's going to love you but me."

His words ring true in my ears, and it makes me want to cry even harder, because he's right.

"You've got me though, baby." Luke says, and I stare at my blood that has smeared itself on Luke's hand. "You've always got me."

Luke watches me for a second, so pitifully worthless against the wall, before leaning down and picking me up bridal style, letting my head fall on his shoulder. Luke's arms are so strong, his hands so rough and warm against my skin as he carries me back to our bedroom.

I feel him drop me onto the bed, pulling the sheets over my broken and bloody body as he traces one of the fresh bruises under my eye. His finger presses down a bit too hard, and I bite back a cry.

Luke takes off his shoes, crawling into the cold and empty spot beside me as he switches off the lights for the night. It's late, and my tired body is begging me to go to sleep, but its so hard to when so much is left unsaid between Luke and I.

"I-I'm sorry." I say softly, my voice cracking a bit. I feel Luke nod beside me.

"I know." he says, but it has no ounce of warmth in his voice. I want desperately for him to roll on his side and pull my lovingly to his chest, tangling his legs with mine and pressing soft kisses on the top of my head to comfort me, but it never comes. I've never received that from Luke, not since the first year that we met.

That first year was the best year of my life. Luke was the definition of a knight in shining armor, his eyes clear and happy, his lips soft and forgiving. His voice was the kindest, and his touch was so incredibly gentle. Moving in with him was the best decision of my life. It still is.

I know Luke loves me. I know he does. He's protective, wanting only the best for me, wanting me to be safe. He gets angry, yes, and maybe I'm his punching bag when he gets mad, but I can still see the lovebird look in his eyes that I find so familiar from when he showed me around the college and told me I was beautiful.

And I love him. He's my boyfriend, the one person who has ever showed me one bit of care in my life. He gives me attention, he provides me food and a home, he watches out for me. So what if he gets a bit angry sometimes? In the whole scale of things, isn't that just a small part of a beautiful love story?

Sometimes I hate myself for loving him so much. It's toxic, nights like these, that Luke is passed out beside me with cracked knuckles and I can't go to sleep from the sheer amount of pain that is coursing through my bones at the moment. I'd take it any day though in preference of moving back in with my parents and my sister. Luke is Prince Charming in comparison to that.

It's not that I could get away even if I wanted to, of course. Luke wouldn't ever allow it. He'd find me if I ever left, if I ever disappeared. And that's okay with me.

I wipe away my tears and turn on my side, closing my eyes and giving in to the night. Luke, he's the only one who's ever cared. This broken love story is the only one I've ever known, and I'll take it with open hands.

---

A/N first day back from spring break and I want to cry already

sorry I haven't updated in 25 years! very busy times over here

what time is it where you are?

it's about 10:30 am for me. i'm in geometry class I cri

thank you for reading this chapter and I promise I will get back on track with my updates soon! thanks for being the best readers ever I love you so very much

see ya'll cute human beings soon bYE

Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top