EPILOGUE: ASHTON

It's been almost six years since Calum and I officially got together, leaving behind the mess of our pasts and moving on together with each other's help. Six years. It hasn't been easy, but I've never felt happier than where we are in our life now. It doesn't feel like it's been a long time, but looking back, I suppose it has.

Calum wanted to take things slow after his experience with Luke. He told me he went headfirst into the relationship and got himself in too deep without anything to help him get back out. I saw all of that with my own eyes, so I didn't argue. I would wait decades for Calum if that was what it would take.

We got married sometime when Calum was twenty four and I was twenty five. We had a very small wedding that only included family and a few friends. Michael was my best man and he was probably more excited than I was about the wedding. He definitely changed after Luke and Calum ended. Apparently he only stayed away from Calum because he was terrified of the Hemmings's. Not that I blame him.

We bought a house in a better neighborhood after we got married, and we stayed like that for another three years. Calum focused on getting a degree in education at a college downtown and I got promoted to become the head manager of the restaurant. Our old boss stepped down and handed it off to me, which I was immensely grateful for. I like business and I like working in it. It's worked out well, and I can easily help Calum pay for his college tuition without a problem, which was my main concern.

The difference between Calum six years ago and Calum now is astounding. He's happier than ever, constantly smiling and no longer hesitating to ask for what he wants. He's comfortable with being himself and isn't afraid of much anymore, which is a major improvement. He's healed mentally and physically, confident in himself and his achievements, and I couldn't be more proud.

Of course, someone who went through the type of relationship Calum did can never fully heal from it. There are still times when Calum flinches away from people and panics when he breaks something in the sink, but he can calm himself down soon after.

There was a moment about a year ago when Calum was putting away the dishes in the kitchen and accidentally shattered a plate in the kitchen sink, sending glass and shards onto the kitchen floor. When I heard it I had yelled his name and rushed in to make sure he was okay, but Calum thought I was raising my voice at him. He had crumpled against the kitchen counter and shakily bend to his knees, picking up the pieces and murmuring apologies quietly as he worked on cleaning up. I still feel guilty for it. I should have known not to raise my voice in front of him, since I know how Luke always got mad at him if he broke something. I did my best to comfort him and tell him it was okay, but it was terribly agonizing to see how quickly he switched into that old mindset of his from when he lived with Luke. It's like a light switch, fast as can be. One moment he's doing fine and the next he's back in Luke's house, trying to stop the tears running down his cheeks as he wilts under Luke's gaze.

He still doesn't trust people at all when he first meets them, but I don't think that will ever change. Luke has left a scar too large in his mind to keep his faith in humanity strong.

But I expected this. I know someone can't heal completely from that type of abuse, and I do everything in my power to make sure Calum knows that I'm here, with open arms, a shoulder ready to cry on. He knows I love him with all my heart, and he knows he can trust me. That's how we get by together.

It wasn't until we were well into our years of marriage that Calum admitted to me that he wanted to have a kid. It shocked me pretty bad when he first told me, since I listened to him panic over having a kid with Luke for months. Luke was obsessed with the idea of starting a family and it scared Calum every single time he brought it up. I just assumed kids wasn't on his list of things to have.

I felt guilty when I realized it wasn't the kids that scared Calum. It was the idea of having kids with Luke. I should have known-- I mean, Calum adores children. He's studying to become an elementary teacher right now, of course he would want to have a kid.

I wasn't totally keen on the idea at first, but I would do anything for Calum, so I said yes.

Calum has a friend at his educational program that agreed to be our surrogate for the child. Calum tried to get me to be the other half but there was no way I was going to let the opportunity to have a little miniature Calum running around pass, so I convinced him otherwise.

And fortunately, the baby boy was born healthy and happy, and he looked like Calum. He had his dark skin, his brown eyes with the little creases underneath them, the wrinkles at the corners when he smiles. His hair is just as dark as Calum's, but is much curlier, with high cheekbones and pouted lips. He's absolutely precious. I never knew I wanted a kid until he was born.

We named him Nathan. Calum picked out the name and I immediately fell in love with it. It fits him.

From what I've heard of his voice so far, he's got a very soft but melodic tone in his lungs. He's naturally very reserved, quiet for the most part, but he also learned the word "no" a few weeks ago and won't stop saying it, so I have no idea how he'll turn out to be. I couldn't care less though, because Nathan has so much of Calum in him. I get to love two of them wholeheartedly and I couldn't be happier.

Today is his first birthday. I dressed him in his favorite red and pink striped onesie and sat him in between Calum and I on the couch, feeding him applesauce for breakfast. It's his favorite food.

Calum helps him hold the spoon to his mouth. Nathan can hold it himself, almost, but he doesn't quite get the aim right. The dog lies at our feet. He's gotten a few gray hairs in his fur, but Calum still doesn't hesitate to give him as much love as possible. I've never seen someone with so much love in their heart as Calum does.

The boy smiles down at the kid between us, admiring him quietly. "How did we get so lucky?" he asks softly, glancing up at me.

A smile spreads on my face and I shake my head at him, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I have no idea."

We wait for Nathan to finish up before we place him on the soft ground, giving him a few toys to play with. The big dog moves out from under us and lays down gently beside Nathan, almost like a guardian. Calum takes the opportunity to curl up into my side, resting his head on my chest.

"This sounds so cheesy," Calum says, "but I never thought I would get this." He waves his arms around, gesturing to the house and the dog and our sweet baby boy playing with toys on the blanket. "This life. I-- I can't imagine what I'd be doing right now if I hadn't met you."

He'd still be with Luke, is what I'm thinking. Calum's thinking it too, I know, because his lips drop a little and his eyes turn a little sad at the mere thought. He holds me a little tighter.

"It doesn't matter, peach," I say softly, running my hands through his hair. "You're here with me now. And you're right. We're very lucky people."

Calum nods with a smile, closing his eyes as he rests his head on my shoulder, my arm around his waist. He falls silent, his steady breathing and the muffled noises from Nathan filling the room contently, as though the entire world were holding its breath.

I hold him closer, feeling like I never want to let him go. It's almost like our lives are molded together into one now that we are together, inseparable. Stitched together with the gentle fingers of an artist, pulling us close so that neither of us with break apart on our own. Empty canvases, marked with tear and torn apart in the worst ways possible, but the surface is still clean. Started fresh after we spoke our vows and blossomed into something beautiful after we kissed.

I've never loved anyone like I've loved Calum before. I didn't believe in love, because every relationship I saw was ripped apart or broken to begin with. I thought it didn't exist, a trick made up in our minds to get us through the day.

But when I see Calum, I know it's real. When I see Nathan, I know it's real. It's real and alive and burning like a wildfire in the center of my chest, spreading through my veins and sending me into a constant state of pure adoration for our tiny little family, something I never thought I would get.

Calum is always telling me that I saved him. From Luke, from abuse, from being trapped in an unhealthy relationship. He makes me out to be some type of hero, but he saved me just as much as I saved him. I was cheerful, sure, always smiling, but I didn't love anyone enough. I would have spent the rest of my life taking care of my siblings and frowning upon couples who pass by me because I didn't realize the universe had love in plan for me. Calum opened me up to this, and without him, I would still be feeling terribly alone.

I lean down and kiss the top of his head, shutting my eyes. "Thank you," I say softly. Calum continues to sleep in oblivion, but I know I'll tell him again as soon as he wakes up, just as I have been thanking him almost every single day since he welcomed me into his life. I can't ever repay him for everything he has done for me.

Life hasn't treated either of us well. Calum fell for the wrong person and got beaten into a pile of broken pieces for years of his life, all because he never experienced real love. My father left and I became the parent to my siblings while my mother worked, and I saw life for what it was at way too early an age. The two of us have been broken down and knocked off our feet way too many times to count. It's a wonder we still have beating hearts in our chests.

But as long as we are together, hand in hand and love in our hearts, we are strong, and we are clean.

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A/N: i'm such a bad driver lol

wait omg this is the end of clean. its over

I've enjoyed writing this so much and I really hope you guys are happy with the ending and how everything worked out.

thank you as always for reading and leaving comments and being so supportive through it all.

ghostofcalum our first born child has grown up can u believe

ya'll are the best. I'll see you in my other stories and some more that will be published soon!

thank you again. I love you to the moon.