*Aslesha*

I wait with bated breath for his response. But there is none. I slowly look at his face above me and see that he's in deep sleep.

Oh.

I look at the clock and chuckle lightly. Aadhe ghante se mai ye sab soche ja rahi hu. Tab tak so gaya ye pagal.

I smile looking at his face. He is so good looking. Do I even deserve him? I lightly run my fingers down the side of his face and he leans into my touch. A strange kind of warmth fills into my chest and I close my eyes, the exhaustion finally taking over me.

Kal, I decide, kal I'll tell him about my feelings. That's the last thought before the subconsciousness pulls me.

~•~•~•~•~•~•

The throbbing of my head breaks my deep slumber. It's like somebody is hammering my head. I shield my eyes from the harsh sunlight and groan as I open my eyes.

Blue eyes.

The first thing I see is blue eyes gazing at me intensely. I rub my eyes and slowly sit up. My cheeks are slowly turning pink thinking about yesterday.

We kissed!

We kissed!

So it was not a dream then. Holy moly. And today I'm gonna tell him that I love him.

He is sitting on a chair beside the bed and he quickly stands up when I sit up.

This is not what I expected. I feel bile rising in my stomach but I swallow it down.

"Good morning" he says, his eyes roaming everywhere but not looking at me.

"Morning" I reply cautiously.

He gives me my shirt jacket. "Um ye.. vo.."

"Thanks" I say and wear it above my crop top. I'm starting to feel really sick now.

What's wrong with him?

Awkward. Something I've never felt before around him. He always makes me comfortable and at ease around him. But the whole situation now screams awkwardness. Is it about yesterday? Maybe he didn't...

"Okay I'll get straight to it" he suddenly speaks up and my thoughts come to an abrupt stop.

I nod for him to go on. But I want anything but for him to go on. I don't wanna hear what he's going to say. Because I know what he's going to say and I'm not ready for the harsh slap I'm about to get on my feelings. I clutch the bedsheets tightly and wait for the blow to hit me hard.

Here it comes.

"Yesterday jo kuch bhi hua nashe me.. I'm.. I'm sorry.. Mai soch nahi raha tha.. I shouldn't have kissed you like that.. actually I don't even remember much of it, it's all a blur. The whole of last night is a complete blur.. I.."

Before he continues any further I run to the bathroom, slam the door shut behind me and throw up. All the content of yesterday comes out as my eyes become watery.

I clench my stomach as some tears flow down my cheek. My head and stomach is paining so badly. It's unbearable. I am never going to drink again.

Nor am I going to fall in love.

There is slight banging on the door. "Aslesha? Aslesha oh my god are you okay? Aslesha?" I hear his muffled, worried voice.

"Yes" I croak a reply. "Kal thodi jyada pee li thi na. I'm feeling sick" I say and slide down the cold bathroom floor and put my head in my hands.

Ye sab kya ho gaya?

"Mai abhi orange juice laata hu wait ha" I hear his voice and then his hurried footsteps fade away.

I get up and wash my face and mouth and look at myself in the mirror. I look terrible. Hair sticking out in all directions. Eyes looking heavy and all my features seem dull.

How could I over think so many scenarios? Obviously he doesn't like me that way. Kya soch ke itni high expectations rakhi maine?

First of all he doesn't even remember properly yesterday's night. And second, the parts he remembers are making him think that it's a big drunken mistake. Shit shit shit.

And here I was gonna confess that I loved him. I love him. Uske side se jab ke koi feelings bhi nahi hai. Bloody hell. Yesterday was like a dream and it's like suddenly someone shook me awake and slapped me back to reality.

Just because Viraj kissed me, mai ye soch li ke vo mujhe pasand karta hai? How stupid.. How stupid am I? Mujhe kyu pasand karega vo?

I'm the plain simple Aslesha. Jo sirf romance novels read kar ke apne bedroom ke chaar deewaro me zindagi kaat rahi hai.

I go out and wipe my face and Viraj comes in with a big glass of orange juice. He sits beside me and smoothens my hair from behind and gently rubs my back.

I have an urge to shift away from him. His touch is injurious to my health. Seriously. I want to shove him away. I want to pull him closer. I'm screwed. Ugh! I feel a stab in my heart.

"Ye peeyo" he says and I drink the orange juice in a go. I was feeling really thirsty.

"Thanks" I whisper.

He gets up and sits in front of me. He starts wearing his shoes. I gaze at his expression carefully. He is tying and untying the shoe laces again and again.

Regret. Regret written all over his face.

He regretted kissing me. Maybe I was a really bad kisser and he is internally cringing at the memory. That, if he even remembers it.

It's my fault. I got my hopes up high. He is Viraj Singhania for fucks sake. He has kissed half of the female population of Goa. Mere kiss me koi jaadu thodi hoga jo vo achanak mujhe like karne lagega.

With a lot of courage I say the next sentence.

"Viraj. It's fine. You don't have to be so awkward. We both were completely wasted last night. And.. lets just leave that memory here on this island. I'm not blaming you for anything. Our friendship is much stronger than this. Right?" I say and force a smile on my lips.

He looks at me and a sigh of relief escapes his lips. He gets up and sits beside me.

"Oh Aslesha, thank God. I really thought ke tum mujhse kabhi baat nahi karogi. I'm sorry. Really sorry paglu" he says and takes my hand in his. I quickly blink back my tears.

"Oh god! Tumhe kya laga, mai tumse pyaar karti hu aur agle din roungi ke tumhe bhi ab mujhse pyaar karna hi padega? Because we kissed. Pagal ho kya? Even I don't remember it properly. Baap re tumhare saath daaru peena mehenga padd gaya" I joke and chuckle and the aching in my chest increases.

He laughs. "Aslesha Aslesha Aslesha.." he sighs. "You are so bloody special to me, pata hai tumhe? I never wanna lose you. I'm seriously so relieved that you didn't over react. And you know what? Love is just temporary. I've never believed in it. But this" he points the space between us, "this is forever" he says and pulls me close as I place my head on his shoulder.

I let a tear escape my eye now that he is not looking.

"I don't ever wanna lose you. Sach me Aslesha". He says rubbing my arm.

"You never will" I say.

Because to lose something it should first be yours. And I was never his.

~•~•~•~•~•~•

"What if we beat him up with a hockey stick. Mere ghar pe ek hai" Pari says flexing her fingers and I sigh.

"Paro..."

"Tu kuch mat bol. Mai toh kehti hu apne ladkiyo wala tarika aazmaate hai. Sandals. Aur naakhun toh hai hi. Itna maarenge usse ke vo kabhi..."

"Pari stop!" I say rubbing my forehead. Why is this headache not going away? "Usne mujhpe jabardasti nahi ki hai. I kissed him too" I say remembering our kiss as goosebumps erupt on my skin. Damn!

I arrived home early afternoon. The journey back home was much more silent. I told Viraj that I was not feeling really well so he was quite too.

Thankfully Papa ghar pe nahi the jab mai ghar aayi. I wouldn't be able to hide it from him. And agar vo bass ek baar puch lete ke kya hua toh mai ro padti.

Freshen up hone ke baad papa aaye. He asked me about yesterday and I told him about the Fiesta. Not in detail of course. I hope he didn't see the real pain behind my smile.

"I hate seeing you hurt like this Aashi" she leans towards me and wipes my cheek. That's when I realise that a tear fell off my eye.

"It's fine. I'm fine. He likes me. I know he does. But just as a friend. Mai usse force toh nahi kar sakti na ke vo bhi mujhse pyaar kare" I say and put my head on her lap.

"I can force him. With a knife. Tu bass bol de Aashi. Bass bol tu. Dekh fir mai kaise.."

I chuckle. "Shut up now. Rudra has made you really violent ha" I say and her lips curl upwards.

"You always change the topic to me. But not today. Just tell me everything. Tu sab kuch apne andar rakhti hai Aashi. Mujhe bilkul pasand nahi ye baat teri. Let it all out. What you feel. What you're gonna do? What should I do for you. Tell me" she says and sleeps beside me.

We both stare at the ceiling. I look at the sticker stars which I had stuck there with dad when I was small. I used to love it when they glowed at night. Pehle kitni chhoti chhoti baato me khushiyaan milti thi. Bachpan ke din hi sahi the.

"I don't know Paro. I don't know what to say or do. Kal Monday hai aur mujhe pure din uske saath baithna hai. Hassna hai, normal behave karna hai. Pata nahi mujhse hoga ke nahi. Darr lag raha hai. I don't wanna lose the friendship that we have. But how can I look into his eyes and not remember the kiss. How can I breathe the same air as him and simply ignore the fact that I'm madly in love with him. Will we be able to stay friends now? Aaj ka din tujhe bata rahi hu itna awkward tha. Mai uski aankho me dekh nahi paa rahi thi. Vo paas aata toh mai unconsciously peeche ho jaati so that he doesn't touch me and I don't feel the way I feel when he touches me. Kyu ki mujhe pata hai ke vo ye same chiz nahi feel karta"

I sigh and continue. "Pyaar badi mushkil chiz hai na.. matlab hum har ek chhoti chiz itni overanalyze karte hai ke kuch bhi sochne lagte hai. Like kal jab he took me bungee jumping and let me ride his bike, I was thinking that maybe he likes me. Or loves me. Maybe. Aur aaj subah I'm questioning everything. Ye sab one sided hi tha. These gestures of him made me feel special and so loved. Kisi ne mere liye kabhi itna kuch nahi kiya hai. Lekin uske liye vo sab gestures utne maayne nahi rakhe honge shayad. He just asked me out kyu ki maine exams ke time uski help ki. Abhi bhi dekh le" I chuckle "Abhi bhi mai sab kitna overanalyze kar rahi hu" I say and my face crumples as tears fill my eyes.

What's wrong with me. One moment I'm laughing and the other I'm crying.

"Aashi.." Pari looks at me worriedly as I bury my face in the pillow and start crying.

"Kyu yaar Pari? Kyu vo mujhse pyaar nahi karta? Mai roz college jaati hu uske liye jab ke I hate college. Itna tayyar ho ke jaati thi ke usse mai achhi lagu. Itne achhe kapde kabhi life me pehni hu kya mai tu hi bata. Roz do tiffin le jaati thi, extra effort le ke kuch special banati thi.." I cry looking at her and she rubs my shoulder lightly.

"Aur mujhe bhi Viraj se hi pyaar hona tha kya? Goa ka heartthrob. The blue eyed cricket star. Bloody hell. Kamina. I fucking hate him. I'm gonna become a lesbian now. Kyu ladko ke peeche apna time waste karna. Aur Viraj koi itna bhi handsome nahi hai. I don't even love him. No I don't" I say as my sobs get louder. I know I'm just babbling bullshit now.

"Tu sahi keh rahi hai. We should beat him up. That asshole. Aise kaise mujhe kiss kiya. Aur aise kiss kiya ke mai bhi usse return me kiss ki. And now I wanna kiss him again. No no. No! We're gonna beat him up. Tu hockey stick la. Aaj aar ya paar ho jaaye" I say dashing my tears away and get up.

Maarungi mai usse. Bahot maarungi. Kamina harami gadhaa. Bloody idiot!

Pari takes my hand and pulls me back on the bed. My lip starts quivering again and I break down in a fresh set of tears.

"Paro vo kyu mujhse pyaar nahi karta?" I say as she hugs me and I cry on my best friend's shoulder over a guy who I'm crazily in love with and who unknowingly broke my heart today.

~•~•~•~•~•~•

*Viraj*

"Wapas tu vo video dekh raha hai. It's becoming really creepy now" I jerk up when I hear my mom's voice from behind me and sigh.

"Will you ever learn to knock?" I say and resume the video again. Aslesha twirls gracefully in her angelic white dress and a faint smile appears on my lips.

"So how was your trip ha?" she asks.

"Good" I say.

"Viraj"

"Maa"

"Bol na nalayak! Tu aur Aslesha akele gaye the na? Kuch hua?" she asks.

"Kya hoga?" I pause the video and look at her with raised eyebrows.

"Bol naa" maa whines and I look at her amused.

"You are acting like a teenage girl who is excited to know what happened with her favourite celebrity couple" I say and laugh.

"So what? I want my little boy to find true love and end up with a lovely girl" she says and pulls my cheeks.

"First of all I'm not a little boy. And second, end up with matlab kya? Shaadi karana chahti ho kya ab meri aap?" I ask.

"Tu shaadi karega Aslesha se? Oh my god!" she squeals.

"Maa kya shadi and all. We just kissed" I say and immediately regret that I said it because maa squeals so loud that I have to cover my ears.

Ghar ke saare kaanch ki chize tootne wali hai.

"Maa.. stop it! We were drunk and I told her that it was a mistake on my side. Thankfully vo samajh ke li aur jyada drama nahi ki. Isliye vo mere liye itni special hai. She's just really cool and perfect" I say and maa looks at me like I just told her that I'm gay.

"YOU DID WHAT?" she shouts.

"First of all, aap chillana band karo. Ye khidkiyo ke kaanch dekho kaise hill rahe hai" I say and she hits me on the back of my head.

"Arre! What?" I say rubbing the spot where she hit me.

"Kitne stupid ho tum. Viraj.. Hey Bhagwan! Sharam aa rahi hai mujhe tumhe apna beta bulaate hue" she huffs.

"You're being overdramatic now" I roll my eyes.

"Tu usse bola ke vo kiss ek mistake thi? How could you?" she glares at me.

"Hum log peeye the bahot. Aur jo ladki ko mai pee ke kiss karta hu usse yahi bolta hu. Tab kaha hum apne hosh me rehte hai" I say.

What's wrong with her! It's not the first time I told her that I kissed a girl.

"Vo har ladki ki tarah hai?" she asks.

"Obviously not! Vo iss duniya ki sabse perfect ladki hai. She is the best" I say proudly.

"Toh kya problem hai? Don't you wanna make her yours. Ye perfect ladki ko tum chahte nahi ho kya?" she asks.

"Problem? Problem yahi hai ke vo itni perfect hai maa. Mai uske laayak nahi hu. Ye pyaar vyaar bahot risky hai. And the way I've treated her, by thinking ke ussne meri complain ki, was so bad. Vo mujhe kabhi pasand nahi karegi. And even I don't wanna hurt her. Relationship khatam ho toh friendship bhi khatam hoti hai" I say shaking my head.

"But agar relationship khatam hi na ho toh" she prompts.

"Uske bahot kam chances hai. Uske jaise itni pyaari ladki mere jaise jerk ko kabhi jhel paayegi kya. And a girl like her deserves the best in the world. Because she is. Mere paas dil nahi hai maa. And uska dil itna bada hai na.. Mai khud usse mere jaise ghatiya ladke ke saath nahi dekhna chahta" I say and chuckle humorlessly.

"Why do you think so lowly about yourself" maa asks looking at me with concerned eyes. "Tum bahot achhe ladke ho.. tum.."

"Maa, aap meri maa ho. Mai khoon kar ke aaya toh bhi aapko mai achha aur innocent lagunga" I say and laugh.

"Mujhe hamesha aisa lagta hai ke vo mere jaise ladke ke liye bahot achhi hai. And I'm not just talking about her beauty ha. Vo na, apne coffee me itni sugar daalti hai kyu ki usse vo thoda kadwa taste bilkul pasand nahi. Coffee ko itna meetha kar ke peeti hai pagli. Vo aisi ladki hai jisse koi funny video dikhaao toh vo itni hassegi aur itni der tak hassegi ke uske aankho se paani aa jaayega. Lekin vo aisi bhi hai ke raat ko koi emotional movie dekh ke royegi aur agle din pura time college me uska muh chhotu sa rahega. Usse nahi dekhe jaate sad movies fir bhi dekhti hai. Kabhi kabhi raat ko do baje cookies banati hai jab usse neend nahi aati aur agle din subah sab ko khilati hai. Novels padhti hai, Kathak karti hai, best khana banati hai, bahot smart hai, bahot funny hai, sabki help karti hai. Vo khud ko kabhi credit nahi deti. Usko dikhta hi nahi ke vo kya chiz hai. But mujhe dikhta hai maa. She is... I don't know. She is just Aslesha. And if I fall for her, I'll fall bloody damn hard, but I'm not going to let that happen. She is my best friend and we'll be just that forever. I won't fall for her" I say as I shake my head and smile.

Maa gets up and leaves the bedroom as she mutters something under her breath.

"Oh but you've already fallen little boy".

~•~•~•~•~•~•

Mixed emotions wala chapter.. toh Aslesha's experiencing her first heart break and jisne ye kiya usse pata hi nahi. Ladke kabhi kabhi bade dumb hote hai na? Actually hamesha. But don't worry. Agar har ladke ki aisi mom hogi toh koi tension nahi hai. Bahot deep hai ye chapter aur bahot time laga likhne me. Toh agar aap sab vote aur comment karoge toh mujhe bahot achha lagega. Ily :)