Chapter 9

With the introduction of Ian, Julian had something over me, and he knew it. He successfully turned my son against me. There was nothing more I could do to him in Grismal's court without him reporting it to my estranged son. To make matters worse, I couldn't leave Mearnox, not freely.

"The meeting didn't go as well as you expected?" Julian asked as we drove back north to Cairn. Julian seemed nervous about my driving. I was speeding and had side-swiped a parked bicycle before we even left the vicinity of Manna City. I ignored his unease. He was, after all, already dead, and I was still alive. If I decided to crash the car, he would float back to Mearnox, or however, it was that ghosts traveled.

"I don't know if he hates me because I'm wrong or because I'm his middle-aged mother." I laughed softly to myself and let my elbow hang out of the side of the car. The late afternoon breeze felt divine against the bare skin of my arm. Up here, even in the wake of the Blight Rain's destruction, the air tasted sweet in my lungs. "You'll never know what it's like to grow old and become irrelevant."

"Yes, you've spared me of that, Melody," Julian flashed a quick, seductive smile in response to my gentle ribbing. "Dying young has its benefits."

"My son Orion was in love with Angela Liang recently," I mused and chucked. "It was a mistake. Everyone knew it. It was clear as daylight that she wanted nothing to do with him, but we had to stand back and let him make his own choices. Perhaps, that is the hardest part, watching your children make obvious mistakes just because they won't listen."

"Angela Liang? Of Yageron?" Julian whistled appreciatively at that. "The dumb kid has lofty ambitions. What does he want to do? Combine Tercel with Yageron and create the most evil empire ever to exist?"

"Orion has a good heart. Sometimes, he shows me a glimpse of it, and I saw that today. Am I a bad mother to confess there are days I wish Ian were a little more like Orion?"

Julian chuckled again. "No, trust me, you're not a bad mother." Julian took his eyes off the road and smiled at me momentarily. "You did the best job you could in the circumstances you were placed in. You should never have come back to Manna City."

I chuckled at that but didn't reply. Poor mad Melody, Julian must have thought that too which is why he didn't hold me responsible for Blake's crimes. Oh, Julian, you fool. I knew all along what I was getting myself into. Yes, I hesitated at the dance that night twenty years ago, but then I embraced the darkness with both arms. I wasn't misled. I was the one who led.

But there was no purpose in arguing with a ghost. Even poor mad Melody had better things to do. Instead, I squinted at the reflection of my eye in the rearview mirror and tried not to think too hard about my wrinkles.

I wondered if having them made it easier for my sons to see me as a cantankerous old witch.

Sometimes, I wondered if we have become villains of our own story simply because we've left our children a deeply flawed world to inherit. At some point, we stopped being the dreamers, the rebels, and the heroes. Overnight, it was as though we woke up and became the people responsible for the ugliness in this world only because we dared to exist, live, and love in the best way we knew how.

I parked the car about a mile away from my father's property. Julian said it was best not to drive right up to the doorway to hell. He was right. It made sense to avoid making a lot of noise and create tire tracks near the entrance of Mearnox. We continued the rest of the way on foot. As we entered the caverns, once again, we walked by the pits filled with the cries of suffering souls.

Julian was taking his time going back down to that damned palace. I didn't hurry him. He took one last drag of the cigarette he found in the glove compartment and offered me a puff. I chuckled and took it from him. I didn't smoke, but I assumed with all the sulfuric fumes I was breathing down here, cigarette smoke could hardly be considered worse.

He watched me enjoy his precious cigarette and smiled. For a second, his eyes were full of nostalgia.

"Now, now, Vivie—I mean Melody," Julian made a grab for the remains of his cigarette. It was barely a handful of embers, but he dragged one more puff out of it. He tossed the cigarette butt into the cavern of souls below. "Your beloved never liked to smoke. I had to twist his arm to get him to try it once. It was the night he met you at that dance. I see the smell of that cigarette didn't turn you off."

"He also doesn't drink," I added with a laugh. "Twenty years of having lost his mind was enough to convince him to swear off alcohol. You can understand why he doesn't like having memory lapses or losing his grasp on reality."

"But you haven't let any of the trauma of the past events prevent you from enjoying the remainder of what life has to offer."

"No," I whispered sadly. I didn't know why I was pouring my heart to Julian now. Perhaps, in the end, I missed having him as a friend. "While I was trapped inside Villaris, I could always feel Blake nearby. It was like we were in the same house, but he was just in another room. I saw glimpses of his face and heard bits and pieces of his words. But it was it was all coming from behind a brick wall. I repeatedly begged him to let me go, to kill me, but he never heard me."

"Perhaps he should have let you die on Diremore," Julian offered with a respectful nod. "Maybe that would have been preferable to whatever it was that he condemned you to."

"Maybe," I whispered and stared into the souls deep inside that pit, writhing n agony, never to return to the land above. Would that fate have been better than being trapped inside a demon for twenty long years? "Thank you for reuniting me with my son, Julian. I mean that truly."

Julian bowed his head at me and placed his hand over his heart to accept my heartfelt gratitude.

"For the record, I hated your husband, but I never hated you. Even now, I don't hate you, not even after you drove that dagger into my heart." Julian approached me and tilted my chin up. I could feel his breath against my cheek. I wondered if he would dare to try to kiss me. A part of me wanted to jokingly ask him if he was too young for me. "Blake wasn't the only one who fell for you that night at that ball in Manna City. You should know, Melody, there are many beautiful girls in Manna City, and I've sampled them all. But your beauty is different. It is unforgettable even in death. If I had to die at anyone's hands, I'm glad it was yours."

Julian reached down and clasped his fingers around mine. He rubbed his thumb against my palm and brought my hand to his chest, directly over his heart. I appreciated the irony of that gesture. Of all the women he had chased, I was the one who finally captured his heart. The only way to truly own Julian's heart was by ripping it out of his chest. Perhaps, we were a better pair than anyone ever gave us credit for.

"Can I make a confession?"

"Why not? What am I going to do? You're already in hell."

"Do you ever think of me?" Julian smirked as though the look of confusion on my face was exactly the response he expected from me. "Your Blake imprisoned you between life and death for twenty years because he couldn't bear to let you slip into peaceful oblivion. If he had, he could have saved Ian. He could have stopped the world from descending to the chaos that ripped Manna City apart. We could have been together in Mearnox, you and I. Perhaps, you would have been happier. Have you ever considered that?"

I scuffed at Julian's words, but in a way, he did have a point. Ian ended up where he did because Blake chose me over his son. Ian had a reason to be angry. Perhaps, I was to blame.

"When I killed you, I told you that I've loved two men in my life. I loved both of you. That wasn't a lie."

"Do you ever think about what could have been?" Julian asked. "I could have loved your son, been the father to him that he needed. I could have been a loving partner to you too. I still can. Let Blake go off with Orienne. She's no more fond of you than you were of that Yagerin brat, Angela Liang. You don't have to entangle yourself in this business of gods and goddesses. You're not one of them. Never will be one of them. Just tell me, Vivienne, do you still love me?"

"I do," I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. "Sometimes, when he shuts me out from his plans, my mind wanders back to you and the time we spent together. Every time he leaves me, I wonder if it will be the last time. Marriage is hard enough. Being married to a demigod is more than a girl from a broken family like myself can manage."

Julian leaned in so close his lips were nearly brushing against mine. I didn't push him away. I just wanted to dwell on the past for a second, to relive our memories of that ball from so long ago, just for a minute longer.

"You're not alone, Melody. I'll always be here by your side. If you let me, I can be more than just a memory."

I chuckled at that and drew him close, so close I was practically whispering into his ear.

"I forgive you for trying to kill Blake. It would be hypocritical of me not to, after everything he did in the name of avenging his father. From another viewpoint, you only did what he would have done in your position."

Julian nodded with relief. He leaned in for that kiss, but I planted my palm firmly against his chest. Without another word, the demon fire coursed through my body, sending him flying backward into the pit of souls. He didn't even have time to scream. Standing there alone, with the cold winds lashing at my bare ankles, I kicked the last remaining dust from his footprints into the pit. There was no escape from this pit for at least another one hundred years.

"I forgive you, Julian, I do. But Blake is the one I married." I chuckled and dusted my hands off as I walked away. "Maybe now that I've killed you again, you'll finally stay away from my goddamn son."