ROUND 2 — DIALOGUE DILEMMA

Use your characters senses, thoughts and feelings to show the scene as you write about two characters being stuck in a lift. The aim of this is to write the most natural and engaging dialogue. Your characters are strangers who are stuck in a lift (elevator) making small talk. This scene should be written in a single pov so either third person or from the POV of ONE of the characters. 

STUCK WITH YOU

Macy was late again. As her snoozed alarm finally blared into the darkened room, she shot up out of bed after seeing the time. She raced around the room, shoving herself into mismatched clothes originally strewn on the floor, not bothering to check if they were inside out.

After grabbing an oatmeal breakfast bar from the kitchen counter and her handbag, she hurriedly left and locked up the apartment. Fumbling to put the keys in her bag, she briskly walked towards the lift. Pressing the button, she tapped her foot, her leg bouncing as she watched the arrow point down and the numbers decrease with every floor it passed.

Screeching to a halt, the lift doors jutted open to reveal a space surrounded by dirty mirrors. Macy noted the fingerprint marks left by curious children and makeup smudges. Getting into the lift, it was hard to not take notice of her appearance—the messy curls pulled at odd ends thanks to a restful night of sleep, her salmon shirt untucked against her faded jeans and the lack of make-up on her normally ready-made face. She looked unlike herself, but that was the new norm for the last week.

As the doors began to close, a stubby hand stopped them. They pushed apart to unveil a man with unkempt hair wearing a neatly pressed suit. He was cute, but the prolonged delay made Macy itch to be safely on the train to work. He smiled cordially as he stood a reassuring distance away from her. The doors closed, this time sealing them both in as it made its way to the ground floor.

Only, it never made it that far.

Somewhere around the fourth floor, the elevator shuddered to a complete stop. The dim amber lights flickered before resorting to a demonic red. Macy and the stranger glanced at each other with equally perplexed expressions.

With a sigh she hoped would hide her hammering heartbeat, she pressed the button for the ground floor. The lift groaned in response. She clicked again, but nothing. Then, her finger prodded the button, again and again and again with more frantic speed.

"I don't think that's going to work," the stranger said from behind her.

She turned her head to glance at him. He was straightening his tie in the mirror, his calm, brown eyes momentarily meeting her frazzled ones.

"You're better off calling the help button," he instructed gently.

"It doesn't work," Macy bit back with the bitterness of a sour lemon.

His eyebrow raised. "How would you know? You haven't even tried it?" he enquired, genuine curiosity taking his tone hostage.

"I know this lift and I know the people who work for this building. If they can't be bothered to maintain a stupid lift, they can't be bothered to answer when it's going haywire." Macy's bitterness began to spread to her face with each word, ageing her by twenty more years than she was.

He snorted, pulling at the neck of his dress shirt. "We would never have had this type of service back in my day."

"Back in your what now?" Macy wondered, tiredness biting at her as she stared with drooped eyes.

His face slackened. "Never mind." He shook his head. "What's your name by the way?"

Macy blinked at him.

"I'm thinking if we're going to be in here for some time, we may as well become acquainted." He smirked, his eyes sparkling with little diamonds. She didn't see the harm in getting to know someone.

"Macy." She held her hand out for him to shake, but instead of shaking it, he gave it a small kiss as if she were on the set of Bridgerton.

"Peter," he replied with a bow of his head before straightening up. "You know anything can happen in a lonely lift."

Rubbing her arms, she nodded and tried to avoid those piercing eyes.

Peter moved closer, stalking and predatory. She glanced sidelong at him, trying to put some distance between them. But when her back became pressed to the wall, she found he hadn't moved at all. Rubbing her neck, she blinked back the aching tiredness. Was it possible she imagined it?

"Are you alright?" Peter asked.

Macy nodded just as the lift began to work again. It jolted to a stop on the ground floor, the doors slowly opening. She rushed out of the lift with Peter following closely behind. Checking the time, she rolled her eyes at her inevitable tardiness when she finally made it to work.

"It was nice to meet you," Peter said with a wave, turning in the other direction on the street.

She silently wondered whether she would meet him again but found it unlikely.

JUDGES COMMENTS

Judges Score: 7
Public Vote: 7
Total Score: 14

It's a solid scene, I give you that. Spelling and grammar leave nothing to desire, your main character is built up with description and general characteristics in a very natural way, and the dialogue between her and Peter sounds natural enough. 

The thing that caught me on the wrong foot was the implied predatory scene - I had to read it three times to actually realize that this was most likely all in her imagination. If it hadn't... well, even in fiction I cannot accept that a totally strange man would spontaneously decide to pass the time in a stuck elevator by resorting to sexual assault. But if Macy expects that kind of behavior from the everyday man, then she has some serious issues. Sorry, but I had to address that.