TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. BOX OFFICE – DAY 1

Luke sits inside the box office. Patrons line up at the counter.

LUKE

Two for Mateys of Piracy: Curse of the Parley.

He pushes the two tickets through the window hole. The patron collects them and exits. The next patron is in pirate cosplay with a stuffed parrot on his shoulder. He lifts his eye patch to see the showboard. Mateys is sold out.

PIRATE PATRON

Sold out! I've been waiting months to see this movie.

SECOND IN LINE PATRON

Didn't it just premiere today?

PIRATE PATRON

No. It premiered when it was released as a novel two years ago. Get your facts straight ARRR-Right. (to Luke) Do you know how long it took me to perfect this masterpiece?

He gestures toward his ensemble from his wigged hat to his black boots.

PIRATE PATRONS (CONT'D)

Three days!

LUKE

Not a problem. (checking computer) There's another showing tomorrow at—Wait no that is also sold out. Hmm...How's next week?

PIRATE PATRON

Next week!

His parrot squawks and drops, dangling on his shoulder.

PIRATE PATRON

But all of my friends will have seen it by then, and they are not good at giving spoiler alerts. This is a disgrace. To the plank with you Royal Cinema. The plank!

He exits.

INT. CONCESSION STAND – SAME TIME

Craig hands a patron a bucket of popcorn.

CRAIG

There you go. Enjoy the movie.

A southern woman approaches the counter holding an empty Royal cup. She's wearing a charming smile.

LEMONADE PATRON

Hello there. May I have a lemonade refill, please?

CRAIG

Of course, you may. That will be two fifty.

The woman's smile drops.

LEMONADE PATRON

But that's regular price.

CRAIG

Correct. We do not give free refills.

LEMONADE PATRON

No free refills? Well, why not?

CRAIG

It's part of the policy, ma'am. I don't make the rules. I just abide by them. You could, however, purchase a new drink.

LEMONADE PATRON

How about I just never purchase anything from here again? Until you start giving refills, I am boycotting the concession stand. Ladies!

An army of southern ladies flank her.

LEMONADE PATRON (CON'T)

The concession stand is now off limits. They don't give free refills.

The ladies gasp.

LEMONADE PATRON (CONT'D)

I am commencing a boycott. Starting now.

Together, they crush their cups in their fists and one by one throw them in the trash. They exit in a neatly filed line with their noses in the air.

Craig gulps.

INT. TICKET TAKING LINE – SAME TIME

Derek stands at the ticket taking line. He notices a couple walking over carrying takeout bags.

DEREK

(under his breath) You've gotta be kidding me.

He points to the bags.

DEREK (CONT'D)

That cannot come through. No outside food allowed in the theater.

FAST FOOD PATRON

That's ridiculous! (on Derek's face) What I mean is, this is our lunch. I don't think that rule is fair.

DEREK

And I don't think it's fair that you're holding up the line with your grease bags. Toss it or get out of the way.

FAST FOOD PATRON

You won't have to worry about me or my food ever again. Let's go.

Outraged, the couple exit.

INT. MANAGER'S OFFICE – LATER

Trevor cowers at his desk as Craig, Luke, Derek and Daisy crowd around him, ranting.

CRAIG

We could hire someone to babysit screaming kids.

LUKE

I'm just saying, we should do something about the angry customers before they do something about us.

DEREK

The rooms are too dark? Really?

DAISY

Who cares about adjustable cup holders?

TREVOR

All right!

The ranting stops.

TREVOR

I've found a solution. The next person who comes to me with a complaint will be fired.

This ignites an even bigger dispute.

CRAIG

OR...You could put out a complaint box. Whenever a patron has a complaint, he or she can slip it in the box allowing you to consider them one at a time.

TREVOR

That might also work. Thank you, Craig. I am on it.

DAISY

Oh, and one last thing. The next time you threaten to fire me, I quit.

She exits. Craig looks at Derek who's enjoying this new side of Daisy.

CRAIG

I blame you.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER