It's been four months. Four months since the break-in, four months since the auction, four months since [Name] has seen Sasuke. She hit him up a few times within that four months, but never received a response. At first, she thought he was mad at her, or perhaps his phone broke. Then she remembered his illness and allowed his absence. If he needed time away, then so be it, who was she to dictate or justify his actions? Sasuke was a grown man making grown-man decisions.

However, a few days later, Naruto calls. She answers, in the middle of her studio gathering paints for her next project. "Hey, Naruto, how's it going?"

"Have you seen Sasuke lately?" He's direct to the point of his call. The thought of entertaining pleasantries never even crosses his mind.

Her mind reels for a moment. The panic in his voice raises the hairs on her arms and she stands up straighter than before. "No. Why? What's up with him?"

Naruto groans over the receiver. "Well, Ma is upset 'cause we haven't seen him since the auction. He just won't come home and he's not answering his phone."

[Name] pauses. She feels her chest compress as she sits on the stool before the half-painted canvas. "Do you think he's okay?" She asks breathlessly. She wants to ask another question, but the words shiver in her throat thinking of the possibilities.

"We wanted to give him some space," Naruto explains, "So, a week went by, then a couple weeks went by. We tried his phone, but he didn't pick up. Dad wanted to get some projects outta the way and two months passed. I have my own thing and just... Life got in the way, you know?"

It sounded like Naruto wanted to explain away his mistakes rather than outwardly say he forgot about Sasuke for a bit. Surely, this revelation ate him up inside prior to this call---he's supposed to be the dependable brother, the one Sasuke calls on whenever he's in a bind, the one that always knows where Sasuke is; he is his brother's keeper. It's not his fault, however. No one can keep tabs on someone that doesn't want to be found.

"I get it," [Name] mumbles, despite wanting to say something else.

"If he's on the streets, Ma's gonna be so, so mad at me," he chokes out. It's hard for [Name] to tell if Naruto is more upset at the thought of Sasuke being homeless right now, or the possibility of Kushina being pissed off. To her, one is obviously more important than the other, but different people have different priorities. "I don't mean to bother you with this---it's my fault---but, could you help me find him? Or report him missing?"

[Name] sighs. She ponders it for a while. This family is the same one that jumpstarted her career as an artist. Wealthier clients have trickled in for her pieces. Abstract art seems to be the trend for those kinds of people. Color but with intent, was something one of her clients said to her as they commissioned a small piece. All in all to say, without them, [Name] wouldn't have made it this far. Sasuke is a friend, and he possibly needs help.

She places the paints back on the wooden shelves and shrugs off her smock. "Yeah, I'll help."

It's not long until Naruto comes to pick up [Name] in his car. They travel around the town, searching in Sasuke's usual spots and hangouts. They ask shared friends regarding his whereabouts or if they've heard from him recently. His social media has gone cold. His number is no longer in service.

The longer [Name] sticks to Naruto's side, the more drab he becomes. The once bright blue eyes become lightless with every dead-end. His warmer skin tone pales to an ashen grey, evolving into a pallid and unremarkable complexion. The worry shows on his face, ages him by the hour. The bags under his eyes reveal themselves in the setting sun---a purplish blue that sinks his eyes further into his skull. As they ask some friends at the gym---the last place Sasuke would be---Naruto begins to sweat.

"Seriously, you haven't seen him?" Naruto asks again. He grips Kiba's shoulders, a look of desperation in his eyes. Kiba shrugs off Naruto's hands.

"No, dude," Kiba scoffs, "Why are you looking for him anyway? He was kinda a dick."

"He's my brother." He stresses the word as if Kiba has forgotten. It's also a reminder to himself of what Sasuke is to him; what he's always been to him. "He's my brother, and I can't just leave him out there!"

Naruto begins to shake. The worry has escalated far enough. Anxiety sets in. A million questions and scenarios run through his head. What if Sasuke is hurt? What if Sasuke is lost? What if Sasuke ran into a couple of thugs? What if Sasuke was cold, alone, and scared? What if Sasuke was dead?

[Name] holds Naruto's hand, grounding him. His palms are sweaty and cold. He puts his other hand to his chest and feels his heart pounding. The tips of his fingers and toes tingle, growing numb. A wave of nausea floods his insides, bubbling up to his throat but never allowing him to gag. A panic attack. He wants to laugh at himself, for he should know how to quell these having dealt with Sasuke all his life, but tears fill his eyes quicker than he can let out a belly laugh.

"Naruto?" [Name] calls to him, worried as he crouches down to the floor. He still holds her hand, scared that if he lets go, he'll sink into the floor and never get up.

"Has Lee heard anything?" Naruto croaks out to Kiba, who only shrugs.

"The group chat isn't talking to him right now," Kiba says, returning some weights to the stands, "Apparently, he was fucking on Sakura while she dated Sasuke. Kinda a scumbag move."

Naruto snaps his head up. "When was this?"

"Like four months ago?" He throws his hands up in feigned ignorance. "And you didn't hear it from me, but Lee and her were fucking for years! Sasuke broke up with her and stopped paying for literally everything. She had to downsize extensively. Like, imagine getting kicked out of your apartment, selling everything you ever had, and still not making ends meet 'cause student loans are kicking your ass! I mean she was a bitch, but I wouldn't wish that on anybody."

As Kiba rambles on about the affair, Naruto slowly stands. Everything seems to click together in his head. Four months ago Sasuke disappeared from everyone's lives. He ceased to exist. Sasuke also broke up with Sakura four months ago. An affair he had no knowledge of prior. And when Sasuke found Sakura with Lee, it drove him to run away from home.

"And---And! Sakura never had a roommate. She was using Ino as her alibi and the 'roommate' all along was Lee! Oh, my roommate is coming in an hour! She was talking about Lee! Oh, I'll let my roommate know you're over! She was actually telling Lee not to come over. It's some crazy, fucked up shit! I mean---"

In the middle of Kiba's endless story, Naruto says, "Thanks, Kiba."

"Oh, uh, no problem."

With [Name's] hand interlocked with his, he runs out of the gym. [Name] has a few questions to ask---ones that stir around in her brain like soup. She asks the one that's most prevalent in her mind, "Sasuke had a girlfriend?"

Naruto lets go of her hand to fish for his keys. "Yeah. He always has. Since like late high school, I dunno."

There's a sting of betrayal that stabs her heart upon hearing this. Looking back, Sasuke was always a little reserved when it came to her. He kissed her twice of his own volition; granted, he was under the influence of alcohol, so maybe she could chalk it up to loose inhibitions. But between them, they've always shared sweet moments, and behind his eyes, she sensed he wanted something more from her. He seemed sad, lonely, and starved for affection and respect.

[Name] ponders this for a while as Naruto unlocks the car. The doors automatically open. He slides inside and waits for her to settle in her seat.

"Maybe he already knew," she says suddenly.

Naruto raises an eyebrow at her as he backs out of the parking space. "What're you talkin' about?"

"Sasuke and the affair," she speaks solemnly, "Maybe he already knew about it but didn't want to believe it. And when reality came crashing down on him, he had to escape it, 'cause it was just too horrible for him to handle."

It explains the times he kissed her. Sure, his self-discipline was muddled, but one doesn't just forget they have a girlfriend after two drinks. He seemed to want to explore what it felt like to have an affair too, and [Name], being single and the first one to kiss him that drunken night, was an easy target.

"I mean think objectively, if 'roommate' was code for Lee, then, Sasuke probably had never met him before. And no boyfriend is just gonna let their girlfriend have a male roommate without getting suspicious," [Name] thinks aloud, trying to justify Sasuke's actions. "And, no one expects their loved one to do something so horrible to them, ruin their trust, and backstab them---especially when he's battling with so much already. So, he put the affair to the wayside, and just, let it happen until he couldn't anymore. He loved her too much."

To take it any further with me, she thinks but doesn't say. The words fizzle on her tongue. The thought of being a product of someone else's entanglement doesn't sit right with her spirit. She's wounded by this divulgence. A betrayal she didn't see coming.

She slumps in her seat. Worry, sympathy, and a feeling of violation mix in her chest. She wants to cry, but on whose behalf she doesn't know. For Naruto? For Sasuke? For herself?

They drove in silence for a while. The air between them is stiff and stuffy. [Name] wishes she could clear the awkwardness and say something to lift their spirits. Although, nothing forms on her tongue.

"Thank you for doing this," Naruto says softly. The first to speak and it's in gratitude. Truly, he's grateful to [Name]. She enhanced Sasuke's life tenfold just by being in it. He thinks of that night she came over and fit into the family like a missing piece. Yet, Sasuke couldn't handle sharing her, and that caused this whole issue. Naruto doesn't give [Name] a glance, too ashamed to tell her his argument with Sasuke that led him to flee home was over her. Sakura being a cheater wasn't good for him either, but ultimately, he wouldn't have left home because of that. [Name] was the straw that broke the camel's back, and his girlfriend being a cheater was the stick used to beat the dead horse.

"It's for Sasuke, so, of course," she says.

They arrive at a police station shortly after. Naruto never said where they were heading, but [Name] isn't surprised this is the next step. The purr of the engine cuts off as a weight sits in both of their stomachs. It's one thing to think about Sasuke as missing, it's another to acknowledge it and report it.

"You're reporting a missing person?" The sheriff clarifies. "Sasuke Uchiha-Uzumaki, was it?"

Naruto nods. "Yeah, he's my brother. He's been missing for four months now. We last saw him at an art auction. But he fell out with his girlfriend later that night and just disappeared."

The sheriff scoffs out a laugh. "Doesn't that boy have a lot of money?"

Naruto bristles at the insensitivity. He has half a mind to punch this guy's lights out but doesn't want to be arrested. "Who cares?! He's missing."

"I'm just saying, it's been four months, and you're reporting it now?" The man raises an eyebrow, skeptical of the story. The question digs guilt into Naruto's regretful heart. The sheriff continues, writing down what Naruto said previously, "And don't you think---oh, I dunno---a new-made bachelor with an assload of money is out tasting every pleasure this world has to offer?"

"Take this fucking seriously, please!" There's desperation in Naruto's shaky voice. [Name] can only watch as he toes the line of another panic attack. "Yes, it took me four months to report it! Yes, we argued before he left entirely! Yes, I'm a terrible, awful, no-good brother! But, fuck, man, Sasuke's been off his meds for four months! He just needs to get home and know his family is looking for him. That I'm looking for him. Please."

The sheriff raises one bushy eyebrow. It's clear to him that Naruto is looking for some sort of redemption. Humbling himself before his last resort, begging and cursing until tears fall from his eyes. It's obvious he regrets whatever argument they had, but the remorse came four months too late. Typically, people like Sasuke end up dead after the first week, but the sheriff can't say that until they have something concrete. So, he sighs and throws up his hands.

"Alright son, calm down. We're gonna find your brother," he reassures Naruto. "Can you tell us anything else about him?"

In shaky breaths, Naruto gives up every piece of information he can. His age, his appearance, what he last wore, his height, his approximate weight, what medications he takes, and even his shoe size. Anything that can help, Naruto tells the sheriff about it. And after all that, Naruto feels empty. He knows so much about Sasuke, that he wonders if he knows anything about himself.

[Name] takes his hands, thanks the officer for his time, and gingerly walks Naruto back to his car. He slumps against the hood as she releases his hands. He feels empty---tapped out of all emotions and sensations. He wonders who he was before Sasuke, before all of this, before he had to grow up so fast. A goofball kid who had some reprieve before Sasuke entered high school, then he became like his mother---a nag. Friends stayed at an arm's distance while Sasuke consumed every facet of his life. Then he became like his father---tired. Vigor and youth withered away from his life. And it wasn't fair. He never experienced life like a young man should. Sasuke entered a prestigious college cause Naruto urged him to, meanwhile, Naruto held himself back until his brother graduated. Sasuke got a girlfriend first, but only because Naruto pushed him and Sakura closer together. Hinata's boiling love for him, however, simmered to nothing and he missed his chance. Every opportunity that passed him by, he made sure Sasuke got it. He was a good brother; a damn good brother.

So why does he feel so fucking awful?

"Naruto," [Name] says, gripping his shoulders. He snaps from his trance, finding her brilliant eyes full of worry. "You gotta snap outta it. Sasuke's okay."

"Thanks," he mumbles. "Sorry, I dragged you into this."

"It's okay." She finds the right words to say. "I mean, we're all worried."

Naruto stews for a little longer until he says, "I'm really grateful for you being here. The least I can do is take you out for dinner."

"Please, it's fine. Just doing what any good friend would do."

"Just do me this favor, okay? It's the least I can do."

With that, she nods. Naruto takes her to one last destination. It's a local place. A ramen place. The best ramen in the world, as Naruto describes it. [Name] smiles as they find a small booth for themselves. A sparkle of life comes back to Naruto's face as he scrubs the menu with his eyes. He orders a lot, to make sure she's comfortable with getting exactly what she wants too.

As the waiter takes their menus, she blurts, "You look so much better."

Naruto stares, not sure how to take that. He reaches for his complimentary tea, taking a sip of it, allowing her to elaborate.

"Not like in a bad way! It's just that you looked so down today," she quickly explains. "I know this whole Sasuke thing is eating away at you, and I'm happy that you're brightening up."

"Oh," he hums, relaxing his shoulders. "Yeah, well, I've taken care of Sasuke for so long, you know? I forget who I am without him sometimes. I've fallen into, like, this stupor. All my movements feel like molasses and everything's grey. You'd think I'd be relieved to not have to take care of a grown man, but he's my brother. And, god, the day he disappeared, I called him a burden."

Naruto presses his palms into his eyes, forcing back the tears physically. "I didn't mean to say it, it just came out."

[Name] listens intently, remembering Sasuke also called himself a burden all those months ago. "How long have you been taking care of him?"

He doesn't think long about the answer. "Ever since that event. Since I was eight. He's turning twenty-four soon, so like, sixteen years. I gave up my whole life for him. And it's to the point where I don't know where Sasuke stops and I begin. Am I searching for him for my own peace of mind? Or am I doing this for his sake, again?"

She nods, understanding him to the fullest degree. A kindred spirit sits across from her. All [Name's] life she also took care of people. In so many ways, she exhausted herself to make others happy. But in the end, was she happy?

"I get it," she speaks softly. "I get exactly what you mean. My mom was more or less like Sasuke. Bipolar depression, paranoia, and anxiety. She'd have high highs and the lowest of lows. You'd never know what mood she'd be in that day. Dad was never around---chased after someone younger. Mom was heartbroken. My grandmother became our second parent while Mom moped around. She'd come over every weekend to make sure we were okay. I was only six, Luke was four. That old biddy put so much shit on our shoulders. Being the oldest I had to put forth more effort. Clean the house, learn to cook, take care of Mom and Lu. It was neverending. That's just how it is! Grandma would say when I cried about wanting it to stop, or I was too tired. By the time I was ten, I was used to being independent and taking care of everyone. Heh, have you ever cleaned a depression room? The mold, the mildew, and the stench. Mom would thank me every time I did it though. One less thing off her plate, but it's something a kid should never have to deal with."

[Name] watches the condensation roll down her cup until it hits the table. Naruto thinks about all the times he cleaned Sasuke's depression room while his brother lay in bed wearing week-old clothes and staring blankly at the wall. [Name] continues, "My mom taught me the joys of art. I stuck with it 'cause it made her smile. I don't know if I even liked it or if I did it to make her happy. I don't know if I actually have hobbies, or if I'm just floating along with the breeze, letting things happen to me."

She stops for a moment to fight back the tears. Her throat constricts and she reaches for her cup. It's warm in her hands and it anchors her back into reality. The grief never goes away, however. It sits just as big as it was when it first planted itself there. It grows like a tree, spreading its roots to wherever it can reach, letting its branches sprout out of her mouth.

"You know," her voice shakes and she clears her throat to disrupt the trembling. "It never goes away. I'm sorry to tell you, Naruto. But it just never goes away---that feeling. You take care of someone for so long, they become a part of you. They become integral to your life. A necessary aspect of it. They are you. And you want to help them as much as you can and you feel so helpless because you don't remember who you were before them and they're just you. And you are them."

She shuts her eyes to keep herself from crying publicly. Her hand comes to cover her mouth and she mutters apologies through the gaps of her fingers. She's supposed to be alleviating the stress off Naruto's shoulders, but instead, she's telling him it doesn't get better.

What a joke, she thinks. What friend you are, huh?

Naruto reaches for her unoccupied hand and squeezes. "Hey, don't apologize. It's okay. It lets me know I'm not alone. You know, I never thought anyone else felt like me, but you've been doing this for even longer than I have."

She sniffs, wiping the wetness of her other hand on her jeans. She finds a napkin and wipes her nose. "Sorry to break it to you, but my mom killed herself when I was fourteen. The hard part is over. Grams took care of us for as long as she could but died of heartbreak on my mother's seventh anniversary. It's just me and Lucas."

He pauses, his mind spinning. The thought of Sasuke dying saps all the life out of Naruto. Dread takes its place, worming into every nerve until they're stiff with the stuff. His throat is dry. "You don't think..."

He doesn't finish his thought. [Name] puts it together, and instead of reeling back on what she says, she takes it seriously. "Sasuke never gave you anything before he left right?"

He clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably beneath her stale gaze. "No."

"Good," she relaxes. "That's usually the first sign. They're euphoric, almost like they've returned to who they are before all the shit. They give you things, personal items mostly. Make the day about you, because by the end of it, they've already decided their fate. I remember when Mom did it." She gazes out the window. Cars pass by and people walk with their families. Couples hold hands, and children skip along the pavement. Life moves on. "Ha, but I've trauma dumped enough and probably made everything worse. Sorry."

"It's fine," Naruto says. They hold one another's gaze. "Thanks for sharing with me though. Gave me more insight, I guess."

Their food comes. And they're too sick to their stomachs to eat.

...

Naruto returns [Name] home with at least three bags of takeout. He ordered all that food just to give it away. She waves at him from the door, two bags on each arm while she carries the third. She shuffles in, kicking her shoes off at the door and placing the bags down on the coffee table.

"Hey, Luke! I brought dinner!" She calls. Her cat, Ace, emerges from her cat tree at the word, slinking down to her cat bowl. When she finds nothing, she yowls, and scampers across [Name's] toes. "Luke, come on! Can't eat this all by myself."

She wonders if Naruto can. If he is blessed to have a bottomless stomach and not gain a pound. Lucas finally surfaces from his room, tired and scatterbrained.

"Sorry. Busy," come his short, choppy excuses. He points to the bags. "Where'd you get it? Doesn't smell like that burrito place down the street."

"Actually, a friend bought it for me," she says, opening one of the bags. She worries the broth of the ramen spilled alongside the bottom. "We ate and chatted and stuff. It's ramen. That place has been in business for over a hundred years. Passed down from father to son and daughter."

Luke stares at his sister rummaging through each bag. Her face is as still as the surface of the water, and with one drop it'll ripple and show its true colors.

"I'm moving out," he says simply. He doesn't entertain his sister's fantasy of small talk. He watches her movements. He watches as she stalls. Her eyes hold forward, possibly counting the threads on the couch cushion which fray at the ends. Then she resumes taking out all the food from the bag.

"Why?" She questions, her voice small but the question is deliberate.

"I think it's time to move on from this place," he says as if he's rehearsed this a thousand times in his head. "It's been ten years."

[Name] knows exactly what he's talking about. She ran from it all day today, almost blurted it out to Naruto but stopped herself from saying anything more. It has been ten years---three for their grandma.

The anniversary of their deaths. The anniversary of the best day of [Name's] life, turned awful at her mother's suicide.

"Why now?" She keeps her questions short. It's a way to hold in her anger, to hold in her frustration and sorrow and grief. The branches of it spread to her throat, wrapping themselves around her lungs and squeezing every breath out of her.

"Because I think you should move on from this place too. You're holding too much."

"You don't know anything, Lucas."

"Whatever, I knew you wouldn't understand," he brushes it aside, leaving the matter completely. "It doesn't matter. I've already accepted the job transfer. Nara wants me to move to the city, so I am. I'll be getting movers for my stuff tomorrow."

"You're always so fucking selfish, you know that?" [Name] laughs humorlessly. "You make the day about yourself. Well, congrats, Lu! You don't have to be tied down to us anymore! Leave me with the ghosts, I don't care. You were hardly here anyway."

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You hold it all in. You're not the only one grieving, but I've decided to do something about it! I'm not sticking here to let it eat at me, like you."

A boiling rage spills over. Her skin flares hot as angry tears surface but don't spill over. "Oh, shut up! You didn't find Mom's body! You didn't find Grandma's body! They were beneath sheets by the time you came home! So how dare you insinuate I'm just wasting away while my past traumas eat at me! My life is fulfilling!"

"Sure it is."

"I actually have friends that like me and not coworkers that tolerate my pathetic, worthless, pedantic existence."

"Oh, big words from the college dropout."

"You wouldn't have gotten anywhere without me wiping your ass for twenty-two years!" She yells. Then there's silence.

Luke claps his hands together, his face says it all. The hurt, the anger, the exhaustion of this conversation. Although he feigns apathy, she can read it all on his face. He was never the best at concealing his emotions. "Welp, there it is, sis. I never asked you to do any of that."

"You don't ask someone to care for you," she says through clenched teeth. "They do it because they love you."

Luke says nothing. He grabs his keys, his jacket, and shoes, and leaves.

[Name] screams. Loud and horrid. The type of scream that left scars on the throat. One full of rage and misery, pent-up frustrations, and ten years of regrets. Ten years of pain. Ten years of torture. Tethered to old ghosts and dreams all forgotten. Tethered to something that isn't her life, but now has become it. An integral part of her. She has become the ghost.

She rushes to the basement, sees the half-painted canvas, and rips it off the easel. She stabs it. Rips it. Tears it into large shreds. It's nothing but an open heart, bleeding its colorful blood.

She cries.

...

A/N: Promise the mom thing is going somewhere. it's not just filler.