third person pov

' down by the water
under the willow '

The next morning Rose had woken up to being attacked with Theo's form of love, aka suffocating her with kisses over every centimeter of her face. After getting ready for the day with a Queen singing Whitman following her around and a hectic Blaise rambling about his plans with Luna, Rose slipped away and went to meet Hermione on the first floor corridor.

Hermione stood by the wall with a bright smile and a bushy head as she saw her bestfriend lazily walking down the hall with exhausted face, "Chop chop!" Hermione yelled, "Double potions today!"

Rose yawned tiredly, yelling back much louder. "Finally! I needed this!"

Hermione laughed as she neared, lowering her voice to a normal tone. "You know most people wouldn't be so happy to go Snape's class"

Rose yawned again, pulling her wand out of the Slytherin robes pocket and beginning to pin her hair back. "Trust me Mione, I'm well aware"

Hermione held out her hand for Rose to take, "Well best get to it! Just because you're his top student doesn't mean he won't cause a scene over you being late"

"Gods Mione, breakfast has only just begun," Rose grumbled and slipped her palm into the outstretched one, "I think I spoke to Minnie two days ago while drunk"

Hermione gaped at her as they headed down the corridor, "You don't remember if you spoke to her?!"

Rose had a thoughtful expression on her face before replying, "No, I really do not. I do however remember you grilling me about that tosser of a minister"

Hermione scoffed loudly, "You need to speak with him! He is a important person!"

"Important my arse-all he cares about is media and money"

"Unbelievable! He holds the wizarding world in his hands!"

"Exactly my point, why should a man like him be in charge?" That silenced Hermione and made Rose grin maliciously, "You just proved my point with your silence! Now come on, I need at least four cups of coffee to be on my A game for potions"

Hermione rolled her eyes as the two girls entered the great hall hand in hand, Rose quickly spotting her boys already there-somehow beating her once again.

Theo noticed them coming in, not even acknowledging the fact Blaise had brought Mattheo over to look at his schedule. "Does Ro seem off today to you guys?"

He was special, Theo was really special. Him and Rose had a way of communicating without words, something was off-it was obvious.

All the boys heads turned to look at the two girls walking together with their joined hands swinging while talking animatedly, Whitman cutting in to remind Theo that a 'outsider' was present. "We'll talk about it later"

Draco spoke before the conversation could be taken further, "Disgusting how close she is with that mudblood, isn't it?"

The table seemed to tense at the use of the word, each of them were all used to hearing it at home but Rose had firmly instilled in them to not say such-of course Blaise and Draco didn't listen and Mattheo had no idea about her beliefs.

Whitman rolled his eyes, "Drop the word Draco, Hermione is a great witch and one of the only girl friends Ro has"

Draco raised a eyebrow, "Does that change her wizarding history? Is there a new spell I'm not aware of?"

Whitman scoffed, he thought the words were pointless. "It would serve you well to remember she's right behind you in every single class"

Draco quickly shut his mouth because Whitman was right, Rose was top of every class with Draco second and Hermione third. She was brilliant, whether he wanted to admit a muggle born could keep up or not. And she had been a good friend to Rose but Draco still had animosity at Hermione 'taking Rose away' during first year.

"Is that Harry Potter she's talking to?" Mattheo asked curiously, everyone looked over at him as Draco and Blaise rolled their eyes in sync.

"Stupid Potter, always getting her to risk her life for him. Completely ludicrous if you ask me" Draco spat.

Blaise nodded firmly, "I'm telling you-I'm going to brainwash her into realizing not everyone needs to be saved...they barely even speak now? I don't know why she ever goes to chat with him"

Mattheo took in their words, her being close with Harry Potter was just another reason he should stay away from the girl.

When Rose finished her quick scolding to Harry and Ron about their potions grades, she made her way over to the boys in green and slumped down between Theo and Whitman as per usual.

Without saying a word she started pouring herself coffee and chugging it all down in one go before repeating the process.

Blaise looked her over oddly, "Is little Rose mute today?"

Rose was grateful Theo's warm hand slid onto her anxiously bouncing knee, the storm in her mind calming down in some way from the simplest of touches from him. "Didn't sleep much-got a letter from Walburga"

Mattheo was confused by the tension that spread out amongst the table and the air suddenly feeling thick. Theo and Whitman exchanged a silent look, a knowing one with a promise to talk to her later about it. Before anyone could speak a word Rose switched the subject and began pouring another cup of coffee, "So! Are we excited for double potions or what?!"

Whitman and Blaise both groaned as Theo simply smiled fondly at the girl, he loved that Rose was so obsessed with potions. It went hand in hand with her alchemy studies and experiments, not to mention now nice it was that the number one person in his life had a journal telling the correct way to perfect each potion instead of the shitty textbooks the school had.

"I hate that sopping class-Snape needs a woman or man or something to make him relax and maybe I would put some effort into his assignments"

Whitman was quick to agree with Blaise in some form, "I would actually enjoy it if he didn't speak so bored-that new professor has made defense my favorite class"

Draco, the one who could truly understand Rose's adoration of the subject, began to defend Snape. "Blaise you wouldn't even have to try if you simply took Rose up on her offer to help you study" He glanced at Whitman, "Regardless of his voice I'd like to see you name someone besides myself and Black that's better at potions than him"

Rose wanted to clap for him, he had said it so beautifully. "Agreed blondie! He is a bit of wanker, but he's amazing at potions!"

Blaise switched their topic of conversation to the horrendous recall of Graham running from Theo and Draco after practice, refusing to debate with two of the smartest people he knew about school. Rose had to be the most joyful to hear all about it again, giggling at the image of Graham yelling for her help against the two boys as Blaise carried her off the field.

When all of them entered the Potions classroom, Rose was extremely jumpy-the five cups of coffee she had drank affecting her greatly. She made her way to a table with Theo, Whitman and Draco taking to the one next to them.

Rose began tapping her fingers and bouncing her leg up and down again. She didn't stop until Theo copied his calming actions from earlier, sliding his hand onto her knee and rubbing her skin with the pad of his thumb. Theo leaned toward her to speak quietly, "Maybe not so much coffee next time love?"

From behind them, Goyle leaned up out of his seat next to Blaise. "Why are you acting as if you've done muggle drugs?"

Rose whipped her head to him, shouting on accident. "I'm fine!"

Goyle's eyes widened with no clue what was happening, he had missed breakfast from doing Draco's dirty work with Crabbe. Whitman noticed his confusion, deciding to fill him in.

"Chugged down five cups of coffee like a maniac this morning...she's a menace!"

Theo shook his head before whispering lowly, "Do you want me to sneak you some food from the kitchens since you didn't get much today?"

"Don't even start on the food thing Theodore" Rose snapped, suddenly sounding very cold.

Whitman and Draco both let out a breath at the words, Theo swallowing thickly and preparing to handle this how she always needed but was too late. The door of the classroom slammed shut, Snape walking to the front with his robes sweeping behind him and every student falling silent.

"Today I will be partnering you up the remainder of the semester" Snape drug out the monotone words, "You will be receiving a grade at the end of each class for that days potion"

Many people in red and green groaned, but quickly became quiet upon receiving a glare from the professor. With the now quieted space, Snape could hear incessant tapping as he swept his eyes across the room until they landed on Rose.

"Miss Black!" Snape yelled harshly.

Rose jumped in her seat from being so zoned out that she would've considered herself to be in another world. After recovering, she shot Snape a smile to further his agitation. "Yes Professor?"

"Stop your ridiculous tapping this instant!"

The Black nodded, sarcasm spewing out of her in an all too familiar way for Snape to handle. "Anything for you Professor!"

Snape sneered at her before continuing, "As I was saying, you will partnered up. When I call your name move to a table quickly with whomever I set"

Rose and Theo both experienced a pang of sadness to know Snape would not partner them up willingly, seeing as she was his best student-he always stick her with someone who needed the most help when it came to times like this.

"Mister Weasley and Mister Rosier"

Whitman sluggishly tugged his books off the desk, Draco laughing under his breath before yelling out. "Look Weasley! You might actually have a chance at passing!"

From the front of the classroom Ron's head snapped back, "Oh buzz off Malfoy or I'll-"

"You do what Ron?" Rose snapped, Draco's eyes going wide before he smiled to himself.

"Silence or five points from Gryffindor!" Snape scolded.

As Whitman began to walk around the desk Draco leaned toward him with a condensing tone, "Don't give him all your smarts-you know how much I love seeing him fail"

Rose smirked up at Whitman, "Why is Snape partnering up the smartest boy with the dumbest?"

"Oh fuck off" Whitman muttered, a twitch to his lips as he pushed by the two.

The next words to fall off Snape's lips made Hermione gasp, "Miss Granger and Miss Parkinson"

Hermione head from beside Ron slowly turned to Rose as she stood up and let Whitman take her seat, silently begging her bestfriend to do something.

Rose laughed loudly before calling out to Snape, "Now that's just cruel Professor"

Hermione nodded in agreement as she quickly walked to the back where a scowling Pansy sat alone, Snape yelling loudly to silence Rose at the same time. "Zip it Miss Black!"

"Gladly, just make sure Miss Parkinson behaves herself. I'd hate for her to wake up one day with no hair or worse"

Theo lips pulled up before he pressed his thumb in on her knee and yelled back at Snape, "I'll be helping with that fun project"

"Detention Miss Black and Mister Nott!"

Rose and Theo smirked at each other before beginning to whisper about evil plans they could conjure for Pansy Parkinson, both feeling a lightheadedness that seemed to always stay each time they shared a smile. Truthfully, Rose wished Pansy wasn't such a bigot to Hermione. If she wasn't, then maybe Rose could take the girl under her wing. But since that wasn't the case and Pansy seemed to hate any woman who breathed near her, Rose nor Theo had any issue ruining the girls existence.

Time flew by, neither stopping their shamelessly way of flirting over malicious ideas until Snape's hand slammed on the desk and he spoke to Theo pointedly.

"Mister Nott and Mister Finnegan"

"But that will ruin his grade! Seamus can't touch anything without exploding it!" Rose began to attest like a frantic mother.

Seamus stood from the left of the room with a scowl, "Oi! I can hear everything you say Black!"

Rose looked at him with such hate and coldness he shifted, "Good" She spat, "You are awful and deserve to have your wand snapped for your incompetence"

"Miss Black!"

Theo got to his feet and slung the leather bag over his shoulder before grasping onto the back of her head-about to kiss her but was stopped by Snape who spoke in warning.

"Don't you dare Mister Nott"

Theo glanced at Snape before pecking her head quickly with a cheeky smile as he backed away, "No can do Professor-my girl needs it"

Snape's eye twitched, "The PDA must stop!"

Next to Hermione and Ron, Harry spoke up. "With all due respect It's been three years Professor, get used to it" He shrugged, "We all have"

The class muttered words of agreement, Rose's eyes going wide as she glanced back to find Theo sitting with a shameless smirk on his face.

"We are not that bad!" Rose attested.

Seamus laughed beside Theo before making kissing sounds, "Oh Theo! Oh Rose!"

Theo's face dropped, staring at Seamus with that infuriatingly hot voice that sounded more intimidating than anything. "I will not hesitate to smash your face into that cauldron"

Seamus gulped, scooting his stool away as he squeaked. "Professor"

"By Salazar Mister Nott! Threats are not allowed" Snape snarled before glaring at Rose, "Now lastly Mister Riddle, you will be partnered with Miss Black. As much as it displeases me to say she is my best student-you will be able to catch up the quickest with her" Snape's voice was laced with disgust, how such a smart girl came from a man like Sirius Black was beyond him and he hated it more than anything.

Four particular boys showed a reaction to this.

Theo, Draco, and Whitman all shared a glance of communication at the fact Rose had been partnered with Mattheo Riddle with pure disgust-Blaise on the other hand simply leaned back into his seat with a smirk before speaking to Crabbe.

"Let the show begin"

"Show?" Crabbe whispered confusedly, "What show?"

Blaise patted his shoulder before grimacing at his sweaty face, "You have much to learn young one"

"But we're the same age-"

"Shhh shhh" Blaise shushed him, shooting a lazily playboy grin to Rose as he watched Mattheo head to her table. "The details do not matter Crabbe-chaos is on the horizon"

Snape spoke loudly over the room, "You will be making a shrinking potion today and have til the end of class to finish. Zero exceptions"

Rose jumped up before Mattheo could even make it to her table with a misssion in mind. She stopped by Blaise's chair and painfully dug her nails into his shoulder, "Stop talking about me and stop with those flirty smiles Blaise"

He smiled up with a wince, "No can do darling but please inform me on your time with Mister Riddle....my jealousy issues run wild these days"

"I'm going to kill you soon" Rose rolled her eyes before walking over with a light smack to his head in the process. When Mattheo sat he watched and waited as the girl started pushing past people with clear annoyance at their slow movements-standing on her tip toes as she swatted away Goyle who kept attempting to help with the top self.

Rose rushed back to the table, dropping jar after jar onto the space with a grin. "This will be super simple, just tell me if I'm moving to fast"

Mattheo nodded and stayed seated, cursing Snape for partnering him up with the one girl he wanted to avoid.

He watched as she pulled out a ratty journal instead of the textbook that was infront of him. She noticed his gaze and leaned in to whisper, "The textbooks are all wrong, I'll share my secret journal with you if you promise not to tell anyone" Rose sat back up, quickly opening up her journal starting to measure ingredients without another word.

They ended up being the first ones done and she didn't mean to not let Mattheo do anything, it was automatic for her to forget everything around when doing potion work.

Snape walked over to them as Rose crashed down into her stool. The professor began testing out their potion, sneering at the girl with spite. "Perfect Miss Black and Mister Riddle, ten points to Slytherin"

Rose leaned back, glancing over at Mattheo. "Do you like potions Mattheo?"

He simply nodded at her and Rose could tell he was trying to speak to her the least amount possible. She sighed, "You know your going to have to talk to me at some point, you do have to sit here for another hour while everyone is working and as much as I enjoy silence-I can only take so much"

Mattheo scoffed at her, of course he was right, she saw right through him like glass.

"Tell me where you learned all the stuff you filled up in the ratty journal of yours"

She just grinned at him, not caring about his attitude in the slightest. "Walburga started teaching me young. I took to it quickly so she taught me everything and told me if I ever wanted to be the best I had to ditch the textbooks and make my own, so I did"

Mattheo was way too interested in the girl for his liking, so he made his voice sound as bored as possible. "Walburga, that is your grandmother right?"

"Yep" she said popping the 'p' as she started to pop her fingers, something she did when she was uncomfortable-the sound making him grimace.

"That sounded terrible"

She laughed at his bluntness, "Give me your hand"

He looked at her as if she was crazy, getting an eye roll in return before she snatched up his hand. Rose quickly popped all his fingers at a inhumanly speed, he yanked back immediately as she finished.

"What was that for?!"

"I just wanted to watch you squirm a little more" She winked before continuing, "It helps with nerves, you know?"

"How does it help with nerves?"

"It doesn't, I just like to believe that"

He let himself give her a side smile without realizing it, Rose only laughing in response.

Both quickly realized they were staring at each other and looked away before Mattheo cleared his throat-changing the subject back to potions, "Do you plan to become a potioneer?"

"Sorta, I want to be a alchemist. But I do plan on making my own potions, I have already made a few" Rose shrugged, "I like to experiment a lot, I have to do it in secret here but I have some help keeping it hidden from our resident poltergeist"

Mattheo quirked a brow at her, "Resident poltergeist?"

She gave him a mischievous smile, "Peeves, of course! He will most definitely make himself known to you eventually. He's rather hated by most of the ghosts and students but we have a odd bond. I like him more than I like most people"

"And why is he so hated?"

"Because he tends to prank people and mess with them any chance he can get, he doesn't like anyone really. I could try to get you on his good side but it's doubtful" She nudged his shoulder with her own.

"Should I be concerned about the closeness you share with a poltergeist?"

"Of course not, he's better company than the average Hogwarts student!"

He laughed, a real genuine laugh.

One thing Mattheo now knew for sure, he was so screwed. How was he possibly supposed to stay away from such a odd but interesting human?

From a few tables up and to the left Rose could feel someone's eyes lingering, she turned slightly to be met with Draco staring back at her with that same implacable one he wore after the funeral as he leaned back in his chair with Tracy Davis speaking a mile a minute next to him.

Mattheo started talking to her again but Rose couldn't hear a word he said, too busy staring back at Draco.

She held back an annoyed sound at Tracy smiling at Draco without realizing he wasn't listening either. With the usage of her sudden anger, Rose easily pushed into his mind and spoke clearly.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to your partner?"

Draco piercing eyes raked her over before sharply pushing into her own mind to speak, "My attention has be taken elsewhere" Before she could retort, he leaned up and nodded towards Mattheo. "Should you be paying attention to your partner? He's been talking for a while now but I seem to be holding your thoughts"

Rose cleared her throat and stood up quickly, "Professor!"

Snape turned from Ron and Whitman's desk, "What now Miss Black?"

"I have to be excused" She yanked her bag up off the floor, steadily walking away from the desk.

Draco laughed under his breath as he watched her, smirking devilishly as she passed by. Mattheo looked over at him oddly, forcing Draco to drop his smile and roll his eyes in annoyance.

*

A week of classes had zoomed by in a flash and the boys had only gotten more worried about Rose, she was quieting down and acting standoffish to Whitman.

Theo had a way of knowing every action and step she would take, he often felt like his body could find her blindly-always feeling drawn to wherever she was.

He had forced everyone into letting him handle finding her after much debate, knowing he was the best to handle it along with Whitman but the latter didn't need to be here for this-Theo had to figure out why she was pushing away. If there was one thing Rose wouldn't be okay without, it was Whitman-meaning a deep decline was bound to happen soon.

That was how Theodore Nott found himself walking to the black lake with the sun fully set, darkness slowly taking over the sky. Not a soul was out right then, all in their houses or roaming the indoors of the school at a time of early nightfall.

He spotted the willow tree Rose always had taken a liking to by the lake, it was so far off that one would miss it if they didn't look hard enough.

The distance made it impossible for him to see if she was actually there but he could feel it in every inch of his bones. He made his way over quickly, pulling the black hood off his head with relief to find her sitting there against the trunk.

There was smoke being blown around her long, dark brown hair as she kept her knees pulled up, staring out at the reflecting water.

When Theo sat down beside her, leaning his back against the trunk, she didn't even flinch or look in his direction. Instead, just simply took a long drag of her cigarette before holding it out to him.

Rose always had something to say even if it was short and quiet-but she was never silenced in this way unless a true storm was happening in her head.

He grabbed the cigarette and brought it to his lips as he internally begged her to drop that cold expression she wore like a mask-like a shield.

As Theo blew out the smoke he looked ahead of himself as she was, their arms pressing together like gravity. "Are you okay love?"

Rose shrugged, reaching into her bag and pulling out another cigarette before cupping her hand around it as she lit the tabacco. Theo looked back at her, awaiting the response he already knew the anwser to.

Once she took a painfully slow drag, Rose let their eyes lock. "No"

The night with Adrian had brought up a lot of things she attempted to push down.

Theo slipped his hand down her arm before gently taking hold of her palm as she rested her legs out straight, "If you're ready-we can talk about Orion now"

The words tumbled out of her quicker than meant to, "Why doesn't Whitman care?"

Theo tossed the cigarette down, his brows furrowing together. "Is that why you've been-" He stopped himself, "Baby you know Whitman cares about you more than anything"

"I'm not talking about me!" Rose pushed out harshly, "Why doesn't he care that Orion died? He lived there with me! He knew Orion better than anyone and he doesn't care!"

"Listen love-" Theo began but got cut off by Rose who yanked her hand away and shrugged off any of their touching limbs, refusing to let him calm her down.

And he knew right then where the night was going, Rose always had moments like this-she split and became someone else in a clouded mind of overwhelming emotion.

"I don't want to be comforted or talk about how sad I am over Orion!" She attested, her voice cracking. "I want to know why Whitman doesn't care! No bullshit answers"

Theo shook his head, keeping his hands away respectfully-he always knew how to handle these moments. "I don't think you need to hear that right now love"

"Just be honest! I want the truth and then I'll calm down I swear!" Rose yelled. "Please Teddy"

"Take a deep breath for me and then I'll tell you"

"No!" Rose scoffed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Tell me now!"

Theo placed a steady hand on her arm, giving her a reprimanding look that made Rose give in and take a shaky breath with him. He repeated the process three times with her before rubbing his hand down and speaking softly, "I know we've talked about Orion some already and I can only understand so much about how hard this is for you but Whitman never cared about your grandfather-he hated him and you know it"

"No" Rose shook her head, "Orion was good-"

"He wasn't good Ro," Theo said pained, "He stayed silent while his Wife abused you and the things he did to you-"

It seemed they were beginning to take turns cutting eachother off, "He didn't mean to hit me! Anytime he did it was a accident when he got too angry! People get mad and do stupid stuff!"

Theo begged her to see reason, "It doesn't matter how angry anyone is! They should never put their hands on you! That's not love-love is not abusive"

Rose sniffled and shoved his hand off, "How am I supposed to know that? That's the only love I saw! He was just a angry person and maybe his way of loving someone was different but-"

"Please stop!" Theo pleaded gently, trying to swallow his own emotions. "There is no excuse for what he did on too many occasions to count that you've just blocked out! I love you, Whitman loves you, Blaise loves you, hell-even Draco loves you no matter what you both want to say! Do you really think any of us would ever put a hand on you in a foul way no matter how angry we were?"

"No," Rose sqeuaked, "But-That's not the point!"

"That's exactly the point baby" He affirmed, his eyes becoming glassy. "But he's gone now-he can't hurt you anymore so it's fine to just try to remember the good but you have to also realize how much he didn't deserve you"

"But Whitman!" Rose cried, "Why can't he be sad? Why can't he miss Orion too?!"

Theo gently took ahold of her cheeks, brushing the tears back with his thumbs. "Whitman can't miss someone who harmed the person he cares about most-it's not possible" He paused, "Me and him, we're going to find a way to get out through this and get away from Walburga so you don't have to be hurt anymore"

Rose dropped her face into his heads, muttering under her breath. "No no no"

"I'll fix it baby-I'll fix it" Theo promised, "I'll fix everything"

Rose suddenly pulled away, her voice raising to yell once more. "You can't fix it!" She shakily started getting up to her feet, "I'm being abused Theodore-you cannot fix that!"

Pain flashed across his features so prominently she had to glance away as he stood up and reached for her.

"Just stop!" Rose backed up, "Stop trying to help me! I don't want you to love me, I don't want your help, and I don't want to see your face!"

Lies upon lies.

Theo let his frustrated tears roll, even if he knew she didn't mean it-each word still hurt. "You don't mean it and you can't push me away, okay? I love you"

"I'm not what you or anyone needs in there life!" Rose choked out before quickly beginning to walk away, she heard him following after and without hesitation pointed a finger at herself-making her body turn invisible before she took off.

Rose realized then the same thing she had a million times over. She didn't deserve Theo or Draco or Whitman or anyone because she wasn't the type of girl that the got the guy in the end. No matter how much she wanted to be good and full of light and happiness that helped bring someone out of the darkness, she would always be the opposite. She would always drag whoever was close by into her bullshit and make their life harder. There was countless times she mourned the person she could've been, and Rose couldn't think of time she didn't wish to be a girl in the pages of books-the innocent sweet one who healed everyone around her.

As cliche and disgusting as it sounded, that girl's life was easier.

That wasn't her fate though, because no matter how much she helped everyone and loved them, they always get two times worse the shit they dealt with from simply existing near her.

As she rushed across the grassy hill a lump formed in her throat, the allegories between books and herself becoming too much. A epiphany came, people would always want her with the worst option-the villian. They'd be the type to go to the author signings and say how how they thought the good hearted love interests deserved someone not as broken or not as troubled as her, that she would be incapable of loving or giving them what they needed to heal but 'that's not her fault' they would add on. Rose hated it so much, she didn't want evil-she had enough of that in herself.

She wanted someone to love her in the pure way.

And she did have that, but she didn't deserve it.

Everything she had every touched, she turned around and harmed repeatedly.

But of course, no one viewed her how she viewed herself.

Quite the opposite actually.

Theo wiped the tears off his face as he followed after what he assumed would be her path to the school with his mind running rampant as he slid a hand over his mouth. Rose had always been talented at pretending her childhood and current living situation didn't affect her, almost anyone who knew her from passing wouldn't think she had anything less than a perfect life. There were times like this though that everything showed through, her casual dismissal of anyone physically or emotionally harming her. And the times she was sad, angry, exhausted, or on edge. She would snap, spit the most harmful words to the people closest to her with no remorse and in an delusional state.

She felt like a stranger then.

Theo knew every time it happened that she was bound to run away after, break down alone and suddenly have all that sadness and anger turned upon herself for what she had done but she felt like she couldn't control it. So Rose hurt the people that meant the most to her every single time, and she always thought that it would be the finale-that they would finally be over dealing with whatever had been happening to her since birth. But then Theo, Whitman, Draco, and even Blaise when he was around would come after her and hold her patiently until she was okay-always offering reassurance that they knew she didn't mean anything said.

That was real love.

*

After rushing up to her dorm, Rose found only Blaise there. All the others out looking for her in different places.

Blaise jumped up as she came in, his usual humor not present. "I've been worried sick"

Rose wiped off her reddened face forcefully as she shut the door, "I only disappeared for two hours"

"I know but you've been-" He stopped himself, they never exactly came up with a word for when Rose was shutting down. "You know I'll always worry about you"

She nodded meekly, looking around the room for Nyx while staying by the exit. As if Blaise could read her mind, "Nyx went with Draco"

"Okay" Rose muttered with nervous fidgets, trying to prevent the come down with guilt to follow. Blaise crossed the room, making Rose jump slightly as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Give in to my love or I'll keep you here forever"

Rose let out a rush of air, a spark of happiness peaking into her at his words but everything felt so heavy. She draped her arms around his waist tiredly, burying her face into his chest.

"No one's mad, you know?" Blaise began, soothing her hair down as he rested his chin atop her head. "You're not to blame for how you feel right now but it'll pass like it always does-be better when you wake up tomorrow"

Rose pulled away abruptly, "No no" she shook her head and backed away as she did from Theo, Blaise was giving her too much comfort-something she didn't deserve right now. "I can't do this"

"Rose everything feels really intense at the moment as it always does when you get like this but if you just relax with me for a second it'll go away and you'll feel better"

Rose let out a pained sound as she opened the door, "Just-just tell them I went to stay with Hermione"

"Rose!" Blaise began to plead, stopped by the door slamming in his face. He would've ran after her, but if there was anything he knew about Rose-he would need his wand when he did find her again. So he turned around, rushing over to his trunk and grabbed his wand before exiting.

*

Rose didn't quite know what to blame, the mania or the depression. She had found herself dodging each boy that night before deciding if there was any way to numb her emotions and her love for someone, it was covering up the wound with alcohol and another boy whom she had no emotional attachment to.

Maybe she could forget about being in love with someone if she was distracted enough.

Forget about being unworthy of that love too.

That's how Rose Black found herself knocking on Mattheo Riddle's dorm door. She could hear rustling before the door opened, revealing a pleasing sight of him in a loose Henley as he peered down at her with a confused look.

"Do you still have that bottle Blaise gave you as welcome gift after your second night?"

Mattheo raised a brow, leaned on the doorframe. "Why may I ask are you here?"

"Do you want to get drunk with me?"

His arms crossed, annoyingly making him appear bigger than he already was. "Are you using me to hide from those friends?"

Rose laughed dryly, stepping closer to him. "Is that a problem?"

Mattheo's lips quirked before he stepped to the side, "No"

She patted his chest as she walked by, "Good boy"

He rolled his eyes as he slammed the door shut, Rose curiously looking around the dorm that was the large size of her own but appearing much bigger from only holding one bed and a couch.

"This is just cruel" Rose turned to face him, "One should not be in such a large space at school"

Mattheo brushed past her, stopping at the foot of the bed and opening the trunk. "I much prefer solitude"

"I don't believe you" Rose muttered as she pointed her finger at the empty fireplace, flames instantaneously beginning to appear. "Much more homely"

Mattheo sat back up and shoved the bottle at her with a blank look, "Shut up and drink Black"

Rose grinned, grasping onto his wrist. "Be glad I like that your an arse"

*

An hour passed of them drinking, both seeming to avoid becoming too drunk in fear of what would be spilled to one another in the safety of the private room.

Mattheo was leaned back against the headboard of his bed in the center of a wall, a tense expression on his face that Rose was sure never went away but his eyes seemed different-relaxed.

Next to him Rose sat with her knees pressing into his left thigh as she talked antimatedly about the how the lunar cycle was affecting her, getting taunted by Mattheo who insisted she was just crazy-the universe had nothing to do with it.

Rose giggled at his comments before leaning up and over him to set the bottle on the beside table, holding onto his shoulder as she wobbled a little. Mattheo reached up, grasping tightly onto her waist.

That was the first time he had really touched her and it had sent a electric feeling through his body. Rose let out a breath as he guided back down to sitting on her knees. When he went to remove his hands she grasped them with a slight hint of seriousness in her tone, "Not to be a puss or whatever but thanks for not giving me bunch of alcohol I guess? I usually don't drink like this"

"So you're saying you usually black out?" Mattheo looked her over as she let go of his hands, "You can get a buzz from only drinking a little and you'll feel much better in the morning"

Rose went to open her mouth but he cut her off, "Don't think I'm doing you any favors out of care-consider it a deed to myself to not have to deal with you drunk"

She smiled, "You are such a dick, has anyone ever told you that?"

"'Mhm" Mattheo looked at her unimpressed, "Yaxley usually phrases it differently though"

"Yaxley? That's who raised you?"

"No answers until you take one of my questions"

Rose sighed heavily and gestured him off with a lofted chin, "Hit me with it Matty boy"

"Do not call me that" He said darkly and horrified at the same time.

She bit her lip to hold down a laugh, becoming momentarily distracted as she studied his face that held a scar on the right side of it, starting above his eyebrow all the way down his cheek in a straight line.

"Tell me about Walburga"

"What?" Rose blinked, "What do you mean?"

"I'm observant," Mattheo started, "You tense every time she's mentioned and you started popping your fingering repeatedly-something you clearly do when anxious"

She seemed baffled, but only for a moment before smiling sinisterly. "Have you been watching me Mattheo?"

He scoffed, "That's nothing to feel special about"

Rose didn't drop her smile, feeling victorious at the fact he had been paying such close attention to her.

She'd indulge him.

"She's just a cruel and bitchy cunt" Rose shrugged, "Funny right?"

Mattheo studied her carefully, shocked but not at how easily the words rolled off her tongue. "I don't know if cruel people are very funny"

Rose fell silent, not really knowing what to say after the night she had. After a few seconds Mattheo wanted to punch himself for craving to hear her voice again, nevertheless he broke their peaceful silence.

"Tell me about her"

His curiosity couldn't be helped, he knew there had to be more underneath the way she acted. He couldn't escape her nor could he suppress his interest in the girl. She was so unreadable but didn't present herself that way, like she was tricking one into believing she's an open book when really there was nothing open about her.

He hated the way he wanted to punch Theo, the boy was constantly touching her, kissing her forehead, and staring at her like he would do anything for her.

And for fucks sake, he could tell Theo hated his guts even if the Nott boy was a naturally silent person-it was obvious.

It was almost painful to watch Rose be so oblivious to the fact that Theo was in love with her. He wondered how the girl was number one in all her classes but couldn't see that her best friend wanted to be with her.

Mattheo didn't know why it bothered him so badly, he barely knew the girl. He shouldn't care that some boy is touching her, but he did stupidly.

He wanted her out of his head, and he was honestly already sick of constantly having people around.

Rose was shocked by his real interest because ever since his second day at Hogwarts he went out of his way to avoid her, avoid looking at her, avoiding speaking to her.

It was too clear.

She understood though, she never liked getting close to new people either.

Rose began to pop her fingers and Mattheo quickly put his hand over hers out of instinct, remembering what she had said about doing it to get rid of nerves.

Rose blinked as her eyes went from their hands to his face, finding him looking at her so intently she felt a chill run down her spine. "You remembered"

"I pay attention to every detail about a person"

There it was, the tiniest bit of raw honesty she needed to continue.

Glancing down at their hands, she twisted them around so her own was now on top of his. Mattheo wanted to pull away but he felt as if he didn't have control over his own limbs.

She started messing with the one ring on his pointer finger as she spoke without a care, "Walburga made me strong, she helped me learn wandless magic and taught me everything she could about dark magic. She wanted me to know how to use it without letting it corrupt me, how to harness its power without it actually being evil. Every week during the holidays and summer we go to this store called 'Borgin and Burkes' we pick out some new dark artifact or object for me to study and collect, we sit together when we get home and talk about it while she puts on these goofy little glasses that we both laugh at. We usually inspect it together, battling to see who would figure it's secrets out first. I remember her always brushing my hair for me, while telling me how powerful I would become. Every weekend that I was home she would put on this old Victorian era music and would dance with me, I enjoyed that a lot. When I was sick she would lay down with me and read a old book out of our library. She would pick me apart, but Merlin be with anyone else who did it, she always rains hell down on the people who spoke a word badly about me. There were these moments like all those times I listed that I loved her deeply, I felt seen by her, I felt good enough for her"

Mattheo was about to open his mouth when all his fingers were popped, he didn't jerk away but simply lost the words he was about to say.

Rose looked up at him with another shrug, "Satisfied to learn about my grandmother you weirdo?"

"Yeah-really confusing but interesting to know" His smiled a little, "I'll call her a bitchy cunt though in your honor"

She sighed and started to hum to herself, Mattheo opening his mouth to speak again without reason. "If you can admit the good then you admit the bad-there's some free therapy as payment for doing all our potions work"

Rose cocked an eyebrow at him, "Where did you get so smart?"

He laughed slightly, "Accredit it to the years I spent in isolation"

What she did next surprised them both greatly, she grabbed his hand, only this time she laced her fingers through his.

Who knew why? Self numbing, distraction, alcohol, actually wanting to. There were many options in that moment.

He sucked in a deep breathe at the feeling, so unfamiliar and odd to be touched so gently.

"You don't have to be alone anymore, you know?"

Mattheo felt his chest tighten and he lowered his voice, "I will be alone for the rest of my life, I'm okay with that and I don't need you trying to change anything"

"If your ever not okay with that, I'll be here waiting"

He shook his head at her and stared at their interlaced fingers, "You barely even know me, how can you say that?"

"It just feels right"

Their eyes met again and Mattheo had the urge to kiss her but she was vulnerable right now and it didn't seem like something you should do in a time of haze.

It would also implode his already destroyed mission of keeping away from her.

Rose spoke firmly, "Why have you been avoiding me Mattheo?"

At that moment he was convinced she had him under some spell to make honesty spill out, "You made me feel something from the moment I looked you in the eyes and I hate you for it"

Rose reached her hand out and brushed some of the curls on his forehead away, her eyes rolling with attitude as she leaned forward. "Oh shut up"

He froze, her breathing fanning his lips from their proximity. "What do you think you're doing?"

Rose tugged on his curls ever so slightly, inviting an intense glare from him. "Silencing you-in other ways"

His breathing became heavy as he grabbed her wrist and yanked it down before roughly woving his hand into her hair. Rose gasped quietly as he pulled her face to his, their lips brushing as he whispered. "You're going to be the death of me"

"Then be the death of me too"

He pressed his lips to hers only for a moment before they parted, sharing a damning glance before Rose rushed back to him. He started kissing her so slow it felt sensual, lighting all her senses on fire as she pulled roughly on his hair and his free hand slid down on to her thighs.

Rose took the hint as his tongue move across her bottom lip, asking for access she willing let him have as she hitched her leg over his waist and began straddling him. Their tongues fought for dominance as his palm moved from her thigh to the side of her face.

He bite her lip so harshly it was sure to bleed before he pulled away, resting his forehead against her own while beginning to cup both her cheeks in his hands. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No" She breathed out.

Both their chests were rising and falling quickly as he leaned into her again and instantly slipped his tongue into her mouth. One of his hands moved down to her throat squeezed there before he pulled away enough to mumble against her lips, "Tell me to stop"

She couldn't bring herself to do so for many reasons. It didn't help that every time he even barely brushed their lips she was numb-like she was experiencing something new over and over again. Rose knew she was an awful person when Theo's face flashed in her mind-not hesitating to take that moment and push her lips back to his while imagining someone else.

And then Draco's face appeared.

And then back and forth between the two boys she loved.

Yeah, she was awful.

This time she took control and slipped her tongue deeply into his mouth. He groaned at the feeling and squeezed her neck tighter, his ring pressing harshly into her neck as her hips rolled against his and a quiet moan slipped out from her.

Rose brought both her hands up into his hair, running them through it. Mattheo pulled away after and started to kiss her neck, he groaned unashamed this time as he began to mumble against her skin. "You don't know what you're doing to me"

She only tugged at his hair harshly, resulting in pleasure shooting through him as he started to make his way up to her jaw, bitting harshly as he did. When he reached her jaw, he kissed it gently and brought his forehead to hers, both of their pupils blown wide from the euphoria of the kiss.

Rose giggled before pushing his face away, "What was that about hating me?"