(p.s. this chapter is super short and meant to be a set up for the next one and it's honestly sad but  don't let it make it you sad because we've had enough of that to the point where I cannot bear it anymore, okay? okay!)

draco pov

' tried to change the ending,
peter losing wendy'

Anxiety? Yes. Crippling actually. Honestly at this point in my life I should just have the condition scribbled atop my own forehead because it control every decision I make in the most literal sense. Rosie had been good, in a way. She was giggling and smiling, not putting a wall between herself and our group. Well, there still laid a wall of sorts, her eyes hallowing out when no one seemed to be looking. Distance she kept by clinging onto Mattheo and letting him place her in solitude, clearly trying to avoid Theo and myself.

But she's okay, somewhat, and that's the only that truly matters.

And when Rosie is okay, she does not miss class.

Never.

While this wouldn't seem like cause for concern to most people, it definitely is when it came to her.

This morning she ran late because Bowie gave Nyx a small fever, promising to be at breakfast after stopping by the hospital wing. All of us tried to offer her company but she refused, of course. That was the last time she was seen.

Suddenly Snape is walking up to us just as breakfast is about to end and demanding, not telling, that we attend all of us classes before checking on Rosie. When asked what happened he simply said 'she came down with a fever' and 'Miss Black has asked to be left alone'.

The fuck?

A fever?

We all undoubtably tried escaping every class and failed miserably each time because Snape would appear out of thin air. Literal thin air. I mean, it got to the point I thought about chunking my cauldron at his head.

By the time dinner rolled around we were all freed to go see her, the others heading to the hospital wing incase she went there while I discreetly headed off to the dorm.

Am I smarter than them?

Yes.

Stepping onto my dormitory steps, I stopped short upon spotting Adrian Pucey slide out from our door.

Adrian pushed his hair back before taking note of me, halting a step above myself. He lets out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes.

Me other hand, well, I can only manage a disgusted glance before stepping by him to grab the doorknob. "What are you doing in my dorm?"

He turns toward me, voice blank as always. "I don't think that's any of your business considering other people share that room with you, hm?"

My thin patience is a curse because I cannot help from how quickly my eyes snap over to him, "Spill it Pucey or so help me, I will curse you into oblivion."

Adrian shrugged, leaning his shoulder against the wall. "Have you ever thought of hopping off the poor girl's back? She can barely breathe—quite literally"

Releasing the doorknob, my words come out spiteful. "Let's make one thing clear, you know nothing about her or her life." I laugh dryly, finding humor that he believes to have any knowledge about such. "Rosie makes you think she's not a good liar, some open book, but she's not. She's the best damn one I've ever met so whatever she's made you believe—she wanted it that way."

"Maybe you should think about that too then," Adrian replied, "Because I wonder if she was okay...why is she asking me for drugs again?"

No.

No. No. No.

My heart dropped.

Does he mean drugs as in something other than pot?

Obviously, you fucking idiot.

Adrian clearly sensed my shock, scoffing under his breath and turning to walk down the steps.

I would've punched him square in the face if my heart didn't pick back up all at once, becoming a beating drum.

Opening the door quietly, I saw Rose sitting on the edge of the trunk placed by her bed. Head hanging low and fist clutching something tightly inside.

With a deep breath I walked over before squatting infront of her legs, "Rosie,"

She slowly lifts her head and my heart shatters from the sight. Her eyes were swollen like she had been crying for hours, bottom lip bruised with teeth marks from biting it so hard and she was shaking slightly.

"Oh," Rosie's voice is weak, a tired smile gracing her cheeks. "Hey Draco"

"Hey Rosie," I reach out for her free hand, smiling with closed lips. "I'm here."

She sighs tiredly, "Just a bad day, you know? Nothing to be worried about."

"Tell me what happened."

"I—," She shakes her head, looking away from my eyes. "When I was leaving the hospital wing this morning I saw Hermione heading there with Harry so I quickly walked off and then hid, of course...wanted to hear what they'd say"

If I had the best time turner in existence, I'd go back and make sure Rosie never met any of them because I have pretty good feeling of what's coming next.

I don't mean for my voice to sound so mad and stern but it does, "What did they say about you?"

She pays no mind to my anger, "Harry commented about how he couldn't believe I was still avoiding Hermione, himself he could understand but not her." Rosie huffs out, seeming to subconsciously clutch onto my hand tighter. "I could practically hear Hermione turning her nose up and she sounded so mad at me—I means it's valid but still..."

No it's not valid.

I wait and wait for her to continue.

"Well she's a Black, isn't she?" Rosie repeats the phrase with a sickened undertone. "Stupid to be upset over, I know that but," She rolls her eyes, sniffling after as if displeased at herself for sad. "I tried everything to not be seen as a Black...really tried."

"They've known you for what? Four years?" I say spitefully, "It's not stupid to be upset about but you have to understand that neither of them truly know who you are."

"Doesn't matter," Rose shrugs stiffly, her eyes brimming with water. "I'm always going to be a Black, about time I start acting like one if that's all I'm ever going to be seen as."

"Rosie—"

She cut me off, "I just want to be happy. Timer turner would be nice, go back to summer..."

I fully dropped my knees to the floor before tilting her chin up with my free hand. "Just because people make you feel happiness doesn't mean it's going to fix everything" I say, "You taught me that. As cheesy and rhetorical as it sounds, you have to love the person you see when you look in the mirror for any true happiness to stick."

"I did," Rose shakes her head again, "I do, I mean." I looked at her expectantly, but she just quickly focuses her eyes away from me prior to continuing and clenching her jaw. "I just cannot tell you what's holding me back..."

It was impossible to know what she meant but clear that Rosie would refuse to tell. If she could prevent letting someone help her—then she would.

Pushing my hand onto Rosie's cheek, I slightly pull her face back to me. "You've carried my pain all by yourself, let me be here for you."

"What don't you understand? I cannot tell about that but," She sighs almost too heavily, "What Hermione said made me think about the stuff that idiotic therapist told me the other day...she claimed most abusive situations don't really hit us until we leave them. That's—that's why I needed a day off from school. Everything came back to me at once."

Before I could respond she pulls my palm away from her cheek and speaks again, "I miss the pain. I miss the torture. I miss the way it felt my soul was being torn in half. I miss feeling punishment for every mistake I made. I miss someone telling me exactly what the voices in my head say. I miss Walburga, so much." Rosie pauses for a moment, "I would take all of the pain if it meant she could be here and fix the thing I can't tell you about...I can't do it on my own, Draco. I'm still a kid."

"What could she fix? Tell me and I'll fix it." I ask and attempt to sound understanding because I can be in a way. You want the cycle abuse to stop, but the minute it does you feel empty. You don't know how to live without it, leaving you to crave some sort of agony to infiltrate your life. It's not right but it's realistic.

She doesn't answer my question. Only smiles so sadly my gut hallows out. Her fingers reach up to brush my cheek and it instantly burns, "You look so beautiful right now, unreal almost."

My throat closes and heart rate picks up as a tear rolls down her cheek while she seemed to be admiring my face. Beautiful, a word I didn't hear very often.

I want to tell her the world doesn't deserve her.

Maybe I don't deserve her either. But, I would sell my soul, I would lay down my life. I would do anything in my power to give her the world, or I'd burn it down for her. I would let myself be drowned a million times over if I meant I got to still love her. It didn't matter if I never had her as mine. The pain of loving Rosie would never deter me from letting her hold my heart in her palms. The idea of loving someone else didn't even seem like a possibility. She captured every inch of the man I was from the beginning, and our story began a long time ago.

Rosie pulling away brought me back to reality, her voice coming out in a croak. "Can you get me some water?"

Nodding, I stand up quickly. Going to the desk in the far corner of our room and grabbing the water pitcher.

Upon turning around I was welcomed by a sight that disturbed me deeply. Rosie had opened up the fist that had been clutching something tightly in it. Three small looking pills laid in her palm as she moved them around carelessly.

Those weren't a party drug and definitely not muggle-pot. Pills. Pills that I watched Walburga cope with.

I accidentally let the glass slip through my fingers, shattering on the stone floor. Her eyes snap up to mine with a confused expression before realization seemed to settle in, Rosie quickly closing her hand up.

Stepping over the glass, every muscle in my body turns tense. Pain taking over my expression, "Rosie, do you even know how dangerous those are?"

Her voice instantly turns full of spite, "It's no one's fucking business what I'm doing, okay?" Rosie glared at me with anger flicking through her gaze, "These aren't like from before! They are just supposed to help me sleep tonight!"

I hate myself in moments like these. My anger always takes over without letting me think about my choice of words. "You cannot be serious? Did you forget that you almost died on the bathroom floor?!"

She rises up from the trunk, spitting her own anger out at me. "I'm not a fucking house so why don't you stop thinking I need to be fixed!"

I scoffed while attempting to fight off the anxiety crawling up my spine, "How many times are you going to say that? No one is trying to fix you!"

"Is that so?" Rosie titled her head up with a emotionless glare making it's way back onto her features as the distance between us closes automatically, "Then why are are you incapable of believing me I just got them to sleep?! Stop, just stop acting like you care or I'm some responsibility!"

My brain seemed to shut down as I stepped so close our chests almost touched with my own emotionless face taking over, "Really Rosie? You want everyone to stop? Do you not realize how insane you sound? I have lived my entire life by your side!" My heart beat starts to sound off inside my ears, "This is what you do, who you are! You either are the happiest person in the fucking room or the most miserable, self-deprecating person present! You never are in the middle or slightly one way, it was one extreme or the other so yes, I am scared to care so much about you when you care so little!"

Rosie grabbed my chin roughly, turning my head back to her own, "Consider your responsibility released," Before I could retort her grip tightened, "Wouldn't want you to be so scared all the time!"

I yanked her arm away as my nostrils flared, "You'll kill yourself if you keep going down this road! You have an addictive personality and you very well know it!"

"If it means the conversation will be over?" Her eyes welled up with more tears, a sadistic smile spreading onto her face, "Happily let me die!"

A panic attack was highly likely now. I could feel the buzz of it spreading through my limbs but that didn't stop harsh words from tumbling out of my mouth with a even crueler voice. "You're being the most selfish person in this world."

I watched as she stepped back from me, realizing I've called her the one word too many times. The one word that could never be used to describe her. Rosie was anything but selfish, she cared for the people she loved more than herself.

Somehow though, my voice stayed harsh despite the my wrongdoing. "You're being unfair to me, to all of us that care about you!"

Rosie had a flood of tears roll down her cheeks at once, taking a deep breathe and putting a hand over her heart. "Do you want to know what things I was talking about only Theo and Whit knowing all those months ago? Should we just lay everything out on the table now?! Let's address all of our issues since you want to fight!"

I didn't know how much longer I could hold off the panic attack threatening every fiber of my being. Therefore, I let myself reply with anger to cover it up, "Yeah, actually I do. Go on but I doubt there's anything I don't already know!"

And just like that, she snaps.

"Really?! Did you ever stop to think that when I got sorted into Gryffindor I cried myself to sleep every night for months because I didn't get to be with you guys? Then you abandoned me like I meant nothing to you! Did you know that I was in love with you as much as a child could be? Did you know that when I went home for Christmas during first year Walburga tortured me to no end for my sorting, but you were the only thought running through my head, that regardless of me having Theo and Whitman all I wanted was for you to be the one to come and tell me there was nothing wrong with me being stupid fucking house!"

The words have barely sunk in before she's yelling at me again, "Did you know even though we made a idiotic promise to get married as kids you were still the one in some way I thought I'd end up with, even if it was just being by each others side? Did you know that when I was hospitalized at St Mungos for my eating disorder during second year that I waited and waited for you to come? I don't know why I did, but I did! And I still remember when you walked into that hospital room, clutching tightly onto Cissa's hand the relief I felt wash over me. It gave me some type of fucking sanity to know somehow you still cared! Did you ever bother to think how much you truly fucked with my head by keeping up with our arguments and rude comments but always coming to my defense anytime someone made one wrong move against me?!"

I didn't realize my own eyes were filling with tears as I attempted to stop her rambling. She was letting out every piece of anger that had been harbored against me.

My voice did it's own crack as I reached out to grab her arm, "Rosie—"

She pushed me away, not even bothering to wipe the tears as her voice got louder. Finger coming up to push into my chest, "I'm not done! Even when we weren't on good term I knew I would always be the person you ran to first! That regardless I would welcome you with open arms! But that's not even the worst part, it's that you've never apologized for any of it!"

Everything seemed to fade out as I tasted my own tears, "Rosie! Please—"

This time she pushes my chest forcefully, "Do you even know how terribly painful it is to love someone who can never decide if they hate you with every part of themselves or if you mean the world to them?" Her voice sounded more broken than I had ever heard as she said the next words with desperation, "You don't get to complain that I've been unfair to you, no, not when I've spent my entire life loving you, Draco."

My breath hitched. Heart fell down to the core of the earth. Now we no longer stood inside the dorm, there was no breeze blowing through. Nothing and no one else in existence mattered.

It was just us.

Me and Rosie.

I was ready, ready to tell her how I've loved her with every fiber of my being since she interlocked her tiny pinky into mine at six years old. I spoke with the same desperation she did, her standing in front of me becoming a blur from the water flowing from my eyes as my fingers latched onto her arms, "Would you just try to listen?!"

Rosie had a sob escape her trembling lips, "No! I can't do this again. This game—game of push and pull, I can't keep losing you over stupid fucking arguments. It's breaking my heart!"

I let go of her arms to grab her face, feeling my shaky hands become soaked. If I just told her the truth, the reason behind everything, maybe we could be fixed. Sounding so weak as I craned my neck down to her level, "You have to understand—"

Another sob came out of her as our eyes communicated a pain no one could comprehend, "I won't understand, I'm always understanding everyone and I'm fucking sick of it."

She pulled away from me and runs out of the dorm so quickly I cannot register it even happening.

Rosie wasn't wrong. She's always understanding everyone, justifying everyone, accepting apologizes, seeing everyone's side. It had to be exhausting to be so empathic.

How tragic is it that another minute and maybe I could've changed the course of our lives? I loved her more than anything in this cursed world. But she was like me, existing a reflection of myself, stubborn. So fucking stubborn that Rosie wouldn't listen if she had already decided not to.

She healed my pain, healed my soul in every way a person could.

And all I've done is crush her down again.

I need to fix it.

It's all my fault.

The truth of her words finally coming out haunted my mind as I stood still in the middle of the dorm. It was too much information at once. I didn't comprehend I was having a panic attack as I sunk to the floor.

I couldn't keep the cycle going either, I loved her too much to keep pretending.

It was breaking my heart too Rosie, breaking my heart more than you know to keep doing this.

I should've realized a silly argument would bloom into the truth barreling out one day.

_______________________________

A/N: ugh I'm so over sad chapters but rose had to let all of that out before the next chapter(it is actually so important)...this literally would've been posted last night if I wasn't trying to avoid writing sadness

—i wish this wasn't fast-paced or sad because I usually love writing Draco's point of view but what can you do?

—EVERYONE GET UP AND CHEER WE ARE SO CLOSE TO EVERYTHING BEING LAID ON THE TABLE

—the fact they were having a simply argument and it turned into a spiral

anyways everyone go hydrate because I have nothing else to say for once except if you've read song of achilles please tell me so I can rant about it to someone <3

my agitation at having to write something sad:

xx bri