TELL ME EVERYTHING you little slut," Richard joked, yet still had a hint of seriousness as he actually desired to know what happened.

An annoyed sigh escaped my lips, as I thought of all the reasons as to why I shouldn't tell Richard everything, and one of the reasons wasn't because Richard called me a slut. I knew he was joking because I wasn't a slut. We both knew that. "Nothing."

A confused look was painted on Richard's face. "What the fuck do you mean, nothing?" He spoke, clearly surprised that I wasn't telling him what happened.

"I didn't go, Richard," I lied simply, not wanting to talk about it and I wasn't sure as to why. Of course I trusted him, I trusted him with the whole of my heart, and even more perhaps, but I just didn't want to talk about it.

Richard's eyebrows arise as he shakes his head. "Please don't lie to me, Kim," he stated, as he saw right through me. After a few minutes of a seemingly boundless silence, a sigh too leaves his lips. "Do you not trust me? You know I wouldn't-"

"Yes I do know that," I reply harshly and I immediately regret it as the following words outflows my lips. "I'm sorry," I whisper quietly, "I don't even know myself, to be honest. It was... nothing I expected, to say the least."

"What didn't you expect?" Richard questioned, ignoring my apology as he was used to them, and that's when I felt guilt building up within me. He must be so sick of my shit, yet he's still here.

"That it would be over," I confess, as I lean on my hand and smile, "but he so didn't."

A smile takes over my lips. "Richard, you would never understand, no matter how hard I try to explain it. He is so, different, so rare and god," I shake my head, "so fucking perfect, to say the least."

A smirk takes over his lips. "More perfect than me?" He retorts automatically, as I smack his arm.

"Way to ruin the fucking mood," I mumble and we both laugh in unison.

"Now, Kimmy," Shit. That nickname was only an introduction what absolute bullshit was going to come out of his mouth next. "You fancy him, don't you?" Okay, maybe not complete bullshit. I mentally salute you, Richard.

"Another question please," I plead, as Richard smirks.

"I'll take that as a yes," he takes note before bringing up another question as I sighed and he rolled his eyes. "Kim, if you didn't like him, why would you always blush at the mention of him? Do you not think I realise what he does to you? It's so utterly obvious. The goosebumps he gives you, the way you tremble whenever he comes near. You can use the excuse of the fact that he's an anxiety trigger, but remember, I know better."

I part my lips in shock. I didn't expect him to say that much, and I didn't even know that he noticed all of those things, especially since I didn't even notice them myself. Fumbling with my fingers, I realise that Richard continued to wait for an answer. "It isn't that easy to accept," I shut my eyes before exhaling and opening them again. "To accept the fact that you like someone that you have zero chance with."

"Why do you think that you have zero chance with him? You've kissed once, and probably twice, now," Richard quizzed, as a slight blush took over my cheeks, remembering the kisses me and Alex had shared.

I don't actually know why I think I have no chance with him other than the fact that it's my fault. My fault I'm not anywhere near good enough for him. He was and is too perfect and unflawed for me, and I was just... me. I was nothing. Nothing compared to him.

"I'm no where near good enough for him," I say.

Richard rubbed his forehead in irritation. "Why on earth would you think that?" He asked. "What could possibly make you think that? You are good enough. You are too good to even be a person, and it would be such a pleasure for Mr Turner to have you, Kim."

I smiled weakly at him. "Unfortunately not."

"Honestly though, what parts of yourself do you not like? There isn't anything not to like about yourself, actually."

I shrugged. "That's your opinion, though. I don't see anything good in myself. Just because you may see a shit load of good in me, that doesn't really mean that there is."

"Well that works both ways," Richard retorts quickly, "Just because you may see nothing good in yourself, that doesn't necessarily mean that there is no good in yourself."

"It does to me. I can think of a million things that are wrong with me, I could go on for hours and hours. I'm incredibly fat, annoying, stupid, ugly, selfish, rude, cl-"

"NONE of that is true! Not a single bit of it! Okay?" He screeches, "You are not worthless. You are not fat. You are not clumsy. You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not selfish. You are no-"

"Yes I am! Okay?" I scream back, tears filling in my eyes, "I am annoying! I am stupid! I am," I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. "I am," I whisper. "I am!" I shriek.

Unknowingly I collapse on the floor from weakness, tears streaming down my face faster than waterfalls. You aren't good enough. You don't mean jack shit to anyone. Everyone hates you. Alex is playing a game with you. He doesn't even like you. He's just pretending.

It was coming, I could feel it. The anxiety; it was crawling towards me, slowly. I was shaking; the world was rotating around me, causing me to feel incredibly nauseous and sick. My heart was racing so rapidly I couldn't keep up with what was going on. At every attempt to breathe my breath shortened. The feeling of feeling faint resided in me as I felt my mouth go dry.

A frightened look took over Richard's face as he tried to help me get rid of the currently existent panic attack, but I knew, deep down, that it was useless, my panic attacks were not worth fighting; they were too strong.

At least for me.

Panic attacks were indescribably horrible, despite my repetitive experience with them, it didn't decrease how it made me feel; like Alex. Just because I had seen him millions, didn't change how I felt, not the slightest.

Richard came to me and rubbed my back, like he used to and cradled me tight. "You're smoking, you're mouth is tingling from that bitter taste. Your smoke pollutes the air and you can feel a little bit of you slipping too, and you close your eyes and everything starts to fall into place," Richard says, trying to paint a picture to calm me down.

For the first time, it all stopped; the rapid beating of my heart, the feeling of being faint, the rotation of everything. I don't know why, or how exactly, but that was another question I had in my already never-ending list of questions that already existed.

Richard obviously noticed this and attacked me with a hug as I shut my eyes gratefully. "Thank you, Richard. Thank you," I whisper, only for him to hear.

"Do you think you can tell me everything now?" Richard asks gently, trying not to be too persistent in fear that it might be too much for me at the moment, obviously because of the fact I had just had a panic attack.

It was sweet of him to think like that, but I was honestly fine with it. "I don't see why I shouldn't," I reply and he smiles in response at my openness. Pushing a strand of hair behind my ears, I mentally rewind, trying to remember all details; I didn't want to forget anything.

"Well?"

"It's quite a lengthy story, Glen," I warn before laughing a little at how it went. It was a wonderful experience of course, but not your typical romantic sort of scene. "I don't want to give all the details though."

Richard shrugged it off as though it were nothing. "Of course," he speaks, probably thinking I was foolish for him wanting to know everything that happened. "Just the main bits."

"Well, I went up to him and we you know, err greeted," I say, looking over at Richard to check whether he was following or not, which he was. "Laughed a little, cried a little. I asked questions and then we kissed. That's all really."

Richard wiggled his eyebrows and I automatically assumed the worst of the worst. Fucking hell, Richard. I can't wait till I know all about your fucking love life. "Kissed, eh?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "It's not such a big fucking deal, you twat," I jokingly slap the back of his head, "I bet you and Cathy have done that millions. Possibly each other too."

With the mention of Cathy's name Richard's face flushed red in a heartbeat, causing me to smirk and hold back a giggle. Take that, you little teasing leprechaun.

"Fuck off would yer?"  Richard retorted sheepishly, causing me to snort at how he retorted it in a way that no power was given; he sounded like a whiny five year old attempting to be sassy.

"I'd prefer to know the 'main bits'," I quote, purposely attempting to annoy the absolute crap out of him; it was my favourite thing to do, to be completely and utterly honest.

Richard rolls his eyes, very similar to my response, I mentally note, knowing he mimicked the way I responded to teasing yet he acted the exact same himself. "Please, Kim."

"Don't you think I notice-"

"Shut the fuck up, Kimberly," he retorts in seconds as I sarcastically suck in air. Damn, Richard.

"Fine. Tell me later; I've got to go. See you, Ri," I smile perkily and present him with a wink before leaving. In a friendly, loving response, Richard lifts up the middle finger before I blew a kiss. What a fucking sweetheart.

Heading to English, I suddenly remember how Richard has the same class as me right now and I begin to laugh a little; he can come himself. I shrug it off and continue to my journey to English as another storm approaches me. Alex is my teacher.

What the hell, I felt so fucking stupid. How could I just march off to English without knowing that Alex was my teacher? It had been two fucking weeks already.

I guess things weren't so uncomfortable between the two of us now, since we had slightly worked things out. Not completely, but just slightly enough for me not to be dying with curiosity.

Maybe we'll have to see how it goes, for now, but until then, neither of us wanted to slap a label on what we were together; we obviously didn't know.

I gulp as subtly as I could muster, which wasn't very subtle at all, before scurrying off to my seat without taking a glance at Alex; if I looked at him once, I'd never be able to stop.

I don't think anyone would understand me unless you were as attracted to him as I was. It seemed as though every chance I got to see him was a miracle, or a blessing. Every time I went outside my house I would just imagine the possibility of seeing him again, and all the excitement that came along with that made it so worthwhile.

I slowly look up to him, trying very, very hard not to make it seem as though I was staring and to make it seem that I was looking at him like any other student.

He runs his hand through his gelled hair, which couldn't look more fantastic. All I could imagine was how my fingers could run through his jet-black hair, messing it up, yet he would end up looking fucking amazing as usual.  "Right," he speaks, awaking me from my little trance, "last lesson, you lot were starting your pieces, and I think I'll let you finish them off-"

What pieces?

Once again, fucking Alexa raised her hand, slicing the air like a blade. Alex nods his head in approval of letting Alexa ask what she wants. "What do you do once you've finished?"

"Hand it to me, then read a book or summat – whatever floats your boat," Alex replies kindly with a small smile and the jealousy creeps on to me.

Fuck off, jealousy. I just realised how jealous I can get over the smallest of things. Alex was just answering a question. Alex wasn't a fucking slut; it wasn't like answering a question was code for "let's shag."

I had to raise my hand now. Not because I was jealous and I wanted to compete with Alexa, but because I really didn't know what I should do. I wasn't there for most lessons, as most of them were just my panic attacks, and when I came back, it was the end of the lesson.

"A-Mr Turner," my hoarse voice speaks and his attention averts to me. "I wasn't here, and I don't know what to do."

He walks over to me and notices that all attention was on us. "Scurry off, you lot," he speaks slightly loud before they all did exactly that and did as he asked. "Alright, let me grab a chair and I'll be right with you," he says, giving me the cutest smile before grabbing a chair and returning to me. I wanted to die a little.

I nod at his words and he begins to explain things. "You look really lovely today," he whispers quietly, only for me to hear. My heart thumps loudly, almost hurting me.  The room wasn't achingly silent, but not incredibly loud. Somewhere in the middle that work could be completed but not assessment silence. A blush creeps on my cheeks as my heart warms with happiness. His compliments made me bloom, even though I didn't believe them.

"Thank you, Mr Turner," I whisper back and a small smirk is placed on his lips with a hint of slyness. He couldn't see it, but I could. Alex was a prideful dork at this moment, which made my heart swell with happiness. Tingles, tingles everywhere were slithering on me. "You look amazing, though," I fearlessly reply, an octave lower and a whole lot softer, but I could tell he could perceive it as his eyebrows raised in disbelief as I refrained a giggle.

I held his hand underneath the table, and I could feel his gaze on my - our hands - together, and he smiles.

"Right," he speaks in his normal tone once again, almost scaring me. You could tell that he was trying to distract himself, and so was I. I had to get some work done, honestly. Making direct eye contact with me, he finally starts to explain the task. "You are to compose a poem of some sort. Not any old poem as such, but something... I don't know, beautiful. Meaningful. I handed out some Clarke poems out the other lessons as an example. Don't worry about the privacy or who is to see it, because I can assure you, it is only me to see it."

I nod in response. "Thanks Sir." I smirk and his eyes are instantly widened. I squeeze his hand and let go of it. Rubbing his neck, he nods back and sits in his original seat near his own desk.

I open my grey English notebook, and scribble down the date and title with an inky pen. "Something beautiful." For starters, if it was going to beautiful, it shouldn't be about me, but what on earth could I write about? It wasn't as though I could write.

Well, I could write lyrics, I guess. Trust me, they weren't that good, they were... okay, but very close to dreadfully awful, but it'll have to do. Lyrics were a type of poem, but almost modern, I guess.

"You" I scribble unconsciously and let myself write whatever it wants, before looking over it to see how much of a disgrace it must of ended up like.

"You"

You don't want me, no

You don't need me

Like I want you, oh

Like I need you

And I want you in my life

And I need you in my life

You can't see me, no

Like I see you

I can't have you, no

Like you have me

And I want you in my life

And I need you in my life

Love

Love

Love

You can't feel me, no

Like I feel you

I can't steal you, no

Like you stole me

And I want you in my life

And I need you in my life

I pause; hearing Alex's smooth and soothing voice echo through the room as everyone prepares to leave. I don't, however. I watch cautiously, as I steal a few glances now and then to see him say goodbye to each of his students with a little forced smile so he wouldn't seem rude.

"Kimberly?" I hear Alex's voice, right next to me. I look over to him, and he's staring at my work as I self-consciously shut the book. "Is-is this about me?"

My heart starts beating faster as my leg shakes uncontrollably. I turn over the book. "Don't read it. It isn't-"

"Is it about me?" Alex questions once again, looking at me directly now.

"Does it matter, Alex, I mean you-"

"Eve," he says, sitting opposite me, his gaze locked on me.

I shut my eyes and exhale slowly. "Yes," I whisper and look over to Alex who seems as though his entire world has been crushed. I immediately edge closer and stroke his cheek.

He rests his large hands on my incredibly fat waist, as well as resting his forehead against mine as we heard each other's pattern of breathing for a little while. "I do want you. I do need you," he speaks, as something within me just screams. "I never say this, but god. Kimberly fucking Browne, you drive me crazy. Absolutely crazy."