❝ I'd like to be gone forever ❞

You are the brightsest star in my dead galaxy and you didn't realzie how impotant you were, you didn't realzie that it hurt me so much when you talked about dying. You talked about death like it was your best friend.

You talked about dying like it didn't hurt at all, while I had a brush with death that left me alive in a wheelchair. 

And you had death looming behind you like a shadow. You are a warrior and I'm jealous of it. You can talk about the Universe like it's a great place to live in. I still remember those days when you were healthy. You were the epitome of goodness and I liked your joyous smiles and intoxicating laughs.

Then death welcomed you with cold hands and you fell into its grasp but you never once gave up. 

You welcomed it with a smile. 

 ━━

We sit next to each other. Ruston drove us to the next town because we didn't want to be spied upon. It was only a twenty minute drive from Kinsfield Borough and I was happy to get away. 

He's sitting on a white lawn chair and the light of the sun bleeds onto his face, making it ghostly yet beautiful at the same time. We watch in silence as the first people come for coffee at the small cafe. They look at us once, glancing over their paper cups of morning drinks. 

We don't pay attention to the onlookers. 

We stare at the clouds like it's the most amazing creation.

"Are you scared to die, Esme?" 

The question makes me look at him. I bite my lower lip. What am I supposed to say? I was dying and my dad was already dead.

Was I scared that day?

Maybe I was terrified, terrified that I would lose my dad.

"I'm scared to lose someone to death. I don't mind dying unless it's not painful"

Devon looks at me. The sun reflects his blue eyes, making it more elegant and wonderful. I swallow before looking away.

"Really?"

"My dad died in the accident" my voice is weak.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you went through but I know it was... terrible" Devon smiles weakly if that's even a smile.

"I don't want to relive that moment, Devon. It was excruciating, painful and not right. Like the Universe wanted to avenge me" My eyes are glazed now, and I feel thick tears brimming on the surface. I don't want to cry, not now.

Devon wraps an arm around my shoulder and he has to bend awkwardly to do that. I curse myself for not being on that lawn chair with him. Maybe then I could have leaned my head against his shoulders.

"I hope you won't" he responds and I let the tears fall because that's not true.