17 years old
Decem 

"Is this okay?" His hand clenched along my back. His fingers stroked along my spine enticing my senses to a wake.

"Coz I wasn't sure if this was a bit much" he was clearly nervous, his heartbeat skyrocketing in my ears as my head lay against his chest.

"Much? We are literally just laying with each other" and we were. My body was half on his as we lay in the shade of some tree.

This was our first official date as a couple and I was a bit nervous. We had been friends for a couple months before we decided that we wanted more.

He had whispered it in my ear one night when we sat around the campfire and I couldn't say no. He was the perfect male. So kind and considerate. He saw the real me, the Vanya that I sometimes struggled to see. He saw that woman and he cared for her, he wanted her. He wanted me. It felt so good to be wanted. These past months with him had been gods sent.

He had helped me get through a difficult time in my life. He helped me get past my attachment to Carson but more importantly he had been there for me so I could help support Neema and Khan.

Those first months had been the worst. Even having her whole family around her hadn't eased that pain. Her sister Lara had come down for one of her yearly visits earlier than usual just to help Neema. But Lara was a new mother and the the baby was just a reminder of what Neema had lost.

Neema had been inconsolable for days. Staring at her room wall as she cried out her grief. It had been hard for all of us but she was better now. There were still shadows beneath her irises, especially now that her third child was on the way.

She took life easily even though she was only 2 months along. It was understandable she didn't want to risk anything and I didn't want that either. We all wanted this baby to be okay so I helped out a bit more.

Every day I took the kids out for adventure time. We would traipse through the massive garden and pony out all the wild life. We would draw, make sculptures of animals out of scrap materials.

When adventure time was over, we would form a circle and I would encourage them to tell me there favourite part. The twins at nearly 4 years old were absolute adorable little hellions. They were nothing like Jana was at that age.

They pulled plants from their beds, they tried to sneak bugs into the compound and they love, loved to jump in mud. They were wild little kids but what could I expect from the children of Neema and Khan.

When they were all cleaned up and I had given them lunch, I would have me time. Which was what I was doing now. A lot of me time meant mean and Eliza time. Which automatically meant me and Cobalt +Eliza and Samyuri time.

Yep, we were those people. Those couples that double dated even when we weren't going anywhere.

"I know but like, you're my woman now." His breath tickled my ear and sent shivers down my body. His deep voice did things to me.

"Yeah I am and I like it. I'm more than fine with it."

"Good because I know you're still getting over your situation and I'm fine with that. I just don't want to rush you."

He was a considerate male, he knew my situation and I knew his. We were together and it wasn't because some bond told us to. It was because we chose to be with one another.

"Cobie. Listen to me. I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want more just as much as you do."

"Good because I really like you Vanya." My head was propped on his chest a I stared into the eyes his mother named him for.

"You like the short awkward sentences yeah?" My fingers sifted through his thick brown hair. The short waves so luscious and soft.

"Haha, yeah and I like how observant you are. You're naturally loving and I really love that."

I felt heat rise to my cheeks at his compliments, no male had complimented me until Cobalt came along.

"Good because I really like you, Cobalt. I really do." My lashes fluttering as I bit my lip in apprehension. He read the want in my eyes and met me with his.

"Hmm" his lips skimming against mine as he kissed me softly. It was slow to start, a tentative first kiss.

He coaxed me into moving against him and when I did, we blended so well. The fire burned within me and the kiss became hot. His large hand sweeping up as he pawed at my back, gripping me tighter in his strong embrace.

He made me feel so loved even in the first few days of our relationship. As a friend he made me feel important and as his girlfriend he made feel like a woman with so much worth. He made me feel like a queen.

His tongue twined with mine as he rolled on top, his chest against mine as we struggled for breath. I didn't want to separate from him he made me feel so good. His lips moved to my neck as he kissed and sucked on it. My hips swivelled and met that hard junction of his. Throbbing, throbbing, gods I was throbbing for this male. This beautiful male with a loving soul.

"Look at these two lovebirds" Eliza's chirping voice disturbing our afternoon romp.

She threw her body to the floor and rolled so her face was right beside mine. Her slanted hazel eyes staring up at Cobalt like the creep she was.

"Leave them alone Eliza" chuckled Samyuri as he made his way to the carpet.

Cobalt was still on top of me making the situation so unbearably awkward that I couldn't help but burst out laughing. My laughter was joined by his and then the couple that had joined us. Tears trickled from my eyes even as I lifted off the ground. My body now free from Cobalt's lithe form.

"Gods that was awkward" chuckled Cobalt, his hand wiping across his face in embarrassment.

"No more awkward than walking in on Eliza calling Samyuri Daddy during sex" I snickered.

Eliza stuck her tongue out at me like the petulant child she was and we all started laughing again.

Being around these people was one of the best parts of my days.

My old friend in her black cloak was no longer all I needed. I had friends now. Even when I was alone I was never alone. Loneliness could not grasp onto my soul like she could before because even when I had no one around me my heart was full.

It was full with love.

Maybe the male who the gods had designed for me didn't love me. I could take that and be sad. Be depressed. I could take his rejection and wither away in my black cloak with my friend as company. But why would I? Why would I when I was full to the brim with love from everyone else.

A whole year had passed since I had truly seen him. I occasionally caught a glimpse of him around the compound. He was always doing one of 3 things. Drinking, training or studying some book.

I hardly saw him with females anymore but the gossip still told me he frequented many beds. In all honesty I didn't care too much. He was out of sight and out of mind.

He was a blip on my radar. He could do whatever he pleased and I would continue to do the same.

I was a loving female and I would not let his neglect change my nature.

I would be the female that Cobalt always saw me as. I would love.

//--//

"Seriously Neema, I'm not going to wait on you hand and foot" it was a lie. A blatant lie and we both knew it.

Of course I would wait on her hand and foot because let's be honest, there was no way I was sending her downstairs into the kitchen late at night for some snacks.

She was 2 months pregnant and I wasn't about to have her traipsing around at night for some late night food for us to have while we watched a movie on the big screen.

By big screen I really did mean big. All Neema did was click some tiny little button in the wall and the picture screen appeared mid air. It was the size of the whole back wall of her room as per request. These new technologies baffled me.

"Okay so one more time what do you want?" With Khan gone away for a few days I was the one seeing to Neema's needs. We had other pack members that helped but let at night she liked it if I slept with her if the kids didn't want to.

"Umm I want some peanut sticks, some pickles. Chocolate drops and a big bag of those banana things."

Gods this woman could eat.

"Okay and I'll bring you a couple oranges to balance out all that crap" I smiled sweetly at her. Rushing to the door at the sound of her cussing, she hated oranges.

Chuckling to myself I made my way down the long corridors, past my room and down some more corridors. Turning on the light at the top of the stairs I continued my journey through the compound.

My feet moving subconsciously, it wasn't until I heard noises that I realised I had gone the long way to the kitchen. My body taking me down the route that led me by Carson's room. For a split second I debated turning around but it would be more time consuming. The big kitchen was just two halls away from Carson's wing.

It would be petty of me to go back, so I straightened up my shoulders, took a deep breath and kept going. My footfalls becoming lighter as I reached the corner that his wing was nestled into.

My breathing was coming in such harsh gasps I missed the sounds coming from within his rooms. The moment I walked past I saw what my ears had failed to pick up on.

The dim lamp light cast a golden glow over his naked body. Sweat dropped down his body as he kneeled in the centre of his bed. The few scars that marred his body did not subtract from his appeal, it only made him more manly. Sexier.

His thick curly blonde locks were tied back but some loose strands framed his face in a disheveled state. His broad chest was glistening with sweat that trickled down his body in small rivulets. His head tilted back as he clenched his eyes in pleasure. Thick lips bleeding as he bit them, but sounds still escaped from his mouth.

He looked like a god in this warm light but he wasn't.

His thick arms clenched onto the hips of some female. Not the black one he had before. This female was different. Her body was leaner and her shoulder length blonde hair whipped about her face as he thrust into her from behind. Her ample chest swayed in time to every piston of his hips. His ass clenching as he forcefully plunged into her.

His plunging so hard she rocked forward with every thrust. Her hands balling the blankets in her arms as she buried her face into his bed. Their skin flushed with the exertion.

Cries of pleasure left her lips as his hand lifted from her hips and gripped her short blonde hair. Hair that was nearly identical to mine in colour and length. When her face was forced up from the mattress the sight nearly made me gasp aloud. My hand trapping the sound before I could disturb them.

Her eyes were a pale blue, and her skin was a blushing pink from sex. This female resembled me, so much so that it was uncanny and quite uncomfortable.

Instead of feeling comforted that he was laying with females that resembled me I felt repulsed. It sickened me to my stomach but still I stood there, captivated by the sight of him and her. Imagining if that was what it would look like if it were him and me.

Would I let him take me this way, so impersonal. His face away from mine as he could literally picture any female. Was he picturing me now, or would he picture her when he was in me?

All these thoughts brought tears to my eyes but I welcomed them. I didn't shun my tears; they were just my souls pain. I would let them fall because by doing so this hurt that he continued to cause would not fester inside of me.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I forced my eyes away from this male having sex with a cheap copy of me.

He never failed to disappoint me.

Grasping the handle of the door, I pulled it closed so my eyes would not have to see this if I ended walking past on my way back.

My feet padded across the cold floor, my arms wrapped around myself as my body carried me away from that sight. Just as I made it to the end of the hall I saw a half clothed Carson make his way outside the room. His eyes searching frantically for who had closed the door.

Stepping out of the shadows I made sure he saw me in my short shorts before I turned my back on him and made my way to the kitchen. I pushed thoughts of him to the back of my mind. He was no longer my concern, he was not my male.

Cobalt was. A small smile glided across my face at the thought of him. Gods I was so lucky to have him.