13 years young
March

The time had drifted by and what seemed like a month had gone by before the female found me. The hours had been cold and repetitive with that blonde male visiting me regularly. The warden forcing us to eat and the green of nature taking me to a different world.

I had never seen such green in my life, these colours in my books were muted by the black of the underground villages and the flickering red of the poorly lit lights. The books didn't tell me of this vivid green, red, blue, orange, it only told me about the brown. The dirt that we came from and the dirt we were sent to the gods in.

The brown that was tinged red with my parent's blood as she shoved me deep under the earth.

There had been no green in my life, just darkness and colours of death and decay, of rot. So to see the green of nature was as if I had been reborn, as if I had been enveloped in the twisting earth and made new. The fresh smell of the wet leaves and the sweet of the flowers brought a light to my life that only Mother Nature could.

She made me placid but inside I was ticking, just like the hours that had gone by since I had seen the brown of the thin lady who had entrusted me with her heart. Those sounds haunt my days and nights, the fear of not knowing always on my mind. I feared that she too would end like my parents and those kids would be like me. Alone and cold.

I sat by my favourite tree, the long branches shading me from the harsh sun and hiding me from the wandering eyes. Many of the girls here were different from me, they were... Naive? I think that is what it was.

They sat by and giggled about futures, plaited hairs as they thought on what male they would have. As if their families had not been ripped apart and felt the heat of the whip. Many of these girls were happy though. They saw light and they were fed. We were fed well.

There was no rationing, no undercooked meat and no stale bread. We were good, many of the female's stomachs getting plump with the nutrients. How quick these things worked.

These wolves were brainwashing us with food, feeding us well as long as we stayed inside these walls. These pretty glass walls. I wanted to break them down, trash the place. In my mind I had burnt this place down to an ash numerous times. The black smoke a beacon of my freedom. Me and my loneliness in our cloaks of black danced our merry dance with sticks of flames. Plumes of black and grey ascending into the sky as I finally flew.

My mind was a wild place to live but I never followed through. I was not like the female in my mind, I was weak and submissive. I nodded my head and shook it when needed, I waited in line and I didn't smash down these glass walls like every part of my body begged me to.

It was weird what a week or two in this place had done to my mind, that cool indifference that stood like a wall was crumbling. Small cracks at a time gave room for new emotions. I felt anger and most of all hope.

Hope was a tricky thing, when you thought you had killed it it would crop back up like an errant weed. You could never remove hope no matter how hard you tried. I tried to keep my mind void but hope always found a way to come through.

I was going crazy. I could feel it. My mind was turning against itself. I would have been crazy by the end of the week if she hadn't come for me.

Her beautiful brown skin was darker than it had been and her face a little rounder, the face of death no longer one she wore. She looked healthier though a harsh wind could probably still blow her away. The same could be said for me.

Her dark hair was tied back from her face and she was clad in our prison garb, the navy making her skin stand out. Not washing her out like it did mine.

Her eyes glowed with a strength that harboured deep into my soul. They spoke of home. My heart thudded as she stepped through those glass walls, her eyes flickering about as she searched. I hoped she looked for me. That male whispered in her ear nodding in my direction as the children made themselves known.

The little girl tinkling through the high grass, loving the feel of the blades on her skin. Her blonde hair was like a halo, it glowed as did her skin. She was like a beacon, a heaven sent beacon. Her brown eyes alight with joy as she chased a butterfly, those errant creatures. Beautiful to look at but impossible to catch.

The boy followed close behind. His presence opposite to the girl. Where she glowed he seemed to wither, as if he had seen too much. Had I failed him?

My heart pounded in my chest as his pale blue eyes met mine, the colour flickering that unique violet before they were hidden behind his long lashes.

Looking back to the oldest female I could see the resemblance between them all. Though their hair colours and eye colours were different, their features were similar. They had varying shades of brown skin but they seemed to glow from the Suns love. They were no longer that sickly yellow or orange but golden. The deep tones of their skin made mine seem like a blank canvas.

As they got closer I took in their narrow noses and wide lips, on the children they looked a little weird but the female showed that with age they would only frame their faces well. They all had a strength to them one that showed they had been beaten down but that they had survived. They borrowed each others strength, even from where I sat I could see the life force that connected them as one.

It was not visible to the naked eye but when you stared closely you could see how they almost moved as one. When one suffered they all did. They were a true family in every essence and that was a rare find because in my village, family was different.

As an orphan I had known that firsthand. There was no room for extras and even less room for sons who could not pull their weight or daughter's who talked back or would not marry for a good price.

This family was different, the love they shared was obvious for everyone to see. It warmed me even though I was not a part of it. I felt blessed to even be in their presence.

As she came closer I felt my heart stop for a second, the organ slowed to a halt and then started back up. Galloping along into the rhythm of theirs. In time to hers. Neema's. The sound of Carson talking was completely drowned out by the sound of my beating organ. It flowed with new life, it was rejuvenated and given a new meaning one that spoke of love, family. I had hope, that damn emotion that would never be crushed for long. I clung to it instead of the familiarity of my loneliness.

Staggering to my feet I made my way to her beautiful brown, her arms wrapping around me. Dwarfing me in her mother's love under mother natures great tree.

"Vanya" she murmured, lips curling around my name like I was a prayer, did she not know that she was mine. She was the prayer that I had said every night but could never admit in the light of day because to do so would to admit that I believed in the gods. In the night when I couldn't see my skin in the darkness I could fool myself that my prayer was a dream and not a bid to the gods.

She whispered comforts in my ear, she made me feel young again. Like a child who cried in their mother's arms and only ever felt love and comfort. She gave me both as she reassured my weary soul that times were changing. I wasn't alone anymore

It felt so good to not be alone anymore.