There it was again.

The cold. This unbearable cold.

Then, something else appeared.

Pain. Unbearable pain.

It was so strong, your lips twitched. A silent scream escaped you.

The feeling of warm tears that ran down your face cut through the pain and cold. For a moment, there was this feeling of being alive.

But then, your body felt weightless again. It was as if you were floating, no gravity that put its pressure on your shoulders, no earth that kept your feet down.

A shaky breath escaped your lips. The air tasted cold, like ice in your lungs.

Then, there was the smell of winter. For trees, pinecones, ice and snow.

Everything felt so real, tasted so real and hurt like it was real.

Suddenly, the feeling of floating was gone. All at once, a strange weight pressed down on you, pulling you into something soft yet hard. It felt like a seat.

Slowly, you tried to move. First, the feeling inside your eyes returned. They jumped through the darkness, still trapped by the closed eyelids.

Then, your fingers twitched. The feeling crawled down your body, through the stomach, to the knees and into the legs until it reached the feet.

Finally, your neck turned to the side and your head fell onto your shoulders, feeling as heavy as a stone.

A soft sigh escaped your lips.

Out of nowhere, the feeling of a hand stroked your shoulder.

Alarmed, you tore your eyes wide open, straightened your back and reached out into the direction from which the feeling had come from. You grabbed it, squeezing your hand shut before realising that this hand felt familiar.

Still blind, your fingers stroked over the back of a huge hand. Veins were sticking out from between the long, narrow fingers. The hand was bigger than yours, felt rough and manly. But the way it touched your fingers in return felt familiar.

Your lips moved briefly, but your tongue felt too heavy to speak.

"It's fine.", a deep voice suddenly said. "Rest. I'll keep you safe."

"Ah...", you mumbled, endlessly tired. "Thank you..."

The feeling of soft lips pressing against your cheek chased through your body. Warmth filled you. Then, you fell asleep.

It was strange.

All those years, darkness and sleep had been your enemy. Both had tried to drag you down, further into madness until there was no way out no more.

But this time, you didn't dream.

You just slept, like a dead person. No pictures filled your head, no feelings forced your heart to beat faster. All there was was emptiness.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

A deep breath left your lips, as you slowly opened your eyes.

It was dark outside. In the distance, stars shimmered and the moon covered the snowy landscape with his blanked of liquid silver. The sky wasn't black this night, but blue and violette. It almost seemed as if somebody had painted this sky.

Just for you.

Mesmerised by the sight, you say up straight and stretched your neck.

There was not a single cloud in the sky.

Even the forest seemed like a dream. The snow was as white as a wedding dress, while the deep green of the fir trees peeked out from underneath. Long, blue spikes of ice hung from them, making the branches bend and almost break.

With a soft sigh, you blinked.

"Is this... how hell looks like?", you mumbled to yourself.

"Not quite.", a voice suddenly answered.

Startled, you turned your head to the side.

(E/C) met an icy blue.

Your eyes widened in surprise, a sound escaped your lips, surprised yet disappointed.

"Chris.", you gasped, feeling tears already filling the corners your eyes.

He smiled, sad and yet relieved.

"You're alive.", his voice sounded close to breaking. "I'm glad."

Swallowing hard, you bend over to him, slipping into the drivers seat to be able to talk to him through the open window.

He had his arms rested on the side of the car, a lot cigarette was dangling out from between his lips. As he noticed your gaze, he let it quickly disappear.

"Sorry, old habit.", he tried to laugh, but something was on his mind.

For a moment, his eyes just wandered over your body. He looked so heartbroken, so guilty.

You out on a soft smile and stroked over his cheek.

"Chris.", you breathed a kiss onto his lips, fighting back tears. "Are you... Are you alright?"

He nodded.

"I am. Because you're alive."

You had to chuckle, at loss for words.

"But... how?"

There it was. This painful expression on his face. This dark shadow in his eyes.

You frowned, carefully touching his cheeks with both hands and letting your thumb stroke his soft skin.

Suddenly, something wet touched your fingers.

Tears. He was crying.

"I made a decision.", he whispered. "I was selfish."

Without a word, you stared at him. Your sight was already a bit blurred, but now, even more tears grew. With a shaky breath, you fought them back.

"What did you do?", you asked in such a quite voice, that only he could hear it.

"I made a sacrifice. I chose.", as his eyes met yours, he couldn't help but let out a whimper. "I chose you. And even if you wanted me to chose otherwise, I couldn't. I just... couldn't. I was selfish. Even if you hate me for it, or will hate me in the future, I would chose the same way again. I'm sorry. But I couldn't do this. Not without you."

Now, hot tears ran down your face as well. With a pained expression and a deep sigh, you closed your eyes and let your forehead fall against his.

His hands moved up, carefully embracing your hands.

"It's fine.", you whispered after a moment. "I won't hate you."

He shook his head, unable to form words. The tears kept on running. They danced down his face, leaving dry trails and the taste of salt on his lips.

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. But being here, now, with you, he felt strangely relieved. It felt like a huge weight got lifted from his shoulders and he was able to properly breath again.

He knew that you were the only person he was able to cry in front of. It made him feel better. At least a little bit.

"You don't understand.", he breathed a kiss onto your lips. "My selfishness changed you as well. I'm sorry that I took that decision away from you. But I need you here. Next to me."