~Chapter 15~

AN| So you don't get confused the bold print are her own thoughts about herself not her wolf's

*

*

*
"Get the baby. Get the baby. Get the baby. Get the baby." I hear someone say while poking me.

"If you poke me one more time Jordan I'll punch you in the face, you get her your already awake," I growl out.

He must have thought I was playing when he went and poked me again and not even a second later I was straddling his waist and my fist came in contact with his once perfect face.

"Three days Jordan! Three days of barely any sleep! I do training come home and she cries all flushing night, and when I close my eyes there's flames and fire and I. Can't. Breath. I'm so scared. I would wake up and you'd be gone and I... I just," before I could finish the sentence, what I thought where muffled sobs escape.

Jordan was gone for the pass three days to help his father with another pack while I stayed behind and trained for the fight that's going to happen today. I knew that me and Jordan had been falling asleep in the same room but I didn't know he was the reasons my nightmares hadn't returned.

Emmerlyn had long ago fell back to sleep while I was going off on Jordan. He moves closer to me probably trying to give me a hug but I edge closer to the end of the bed. I'm in my feelings I'll admit that, and I'm starting to think I'm more moody now than I was during my whole pregnancy. In a way I was mad at him but I wasn't. I wanted to blame him for leaving me but I also wanted to jump into his arms and sleep the day away, knowing I can only do one thing I think about my options.

I could be a raging bitch or sleep until the sun comes up. The last one sounds amazing right about now but the first one seems so tempting. Jordan waits patiently as if he knows I'm deciding his fate and I lean more towards the last option but as if my body makes its decision before my mind I scoot over towards him and he takes that as the perfect opportunity to wrap me in his warm musclier arms.

You know that feeling when you get goose bumps. That's how it felt when his arms first wrapped around me. It felt funny and strange but at the same time I craved for it. I wasn't use to longing for something or someone not like this and it scared the shit out of me.

I need Jordan, and I wasn't about to get into some sappy shit because it's honestly the worst thing that could happen to me. Knowing that I needed someone didn't make me happy.

Weak. That's how I felt. I simply allowed myself to grow weak and I could understand why my father is so disappointed in me. My father didn't raise a weak child he didn't raise a failure. What strong person cries every week? What strong person lets herself get raped? What strong person allows themselves to break down at the smell of smoke or the sight of a fire? What strong person fails at the one thing she was basically made for? What strong person basically depends on others around her to get by?

I wasn't strong enough to do this, I couldn't do this. The doubt was eating me alive and even as Jordan fell asleep with me wrap tightly in his arms my mind raced like the cars on a race track. My thoughts drowned me like water. Pulling me down deeper and deeper until everything stopped and my eyes finally drifted closed.

~<.>~

(3RD PERSON POV)

The whole group of friends could tell something was wrong with Jamie that morning when she woke up. None of them but her mate knew what happen last night but he knew this was different than her being mad at just him.

She distance herself from everyone and moved around as through every foot step weighed 200 pounds. Her actions were sluggish and her face seemed blank for someone with mood colored eyes. Speaking of eyes they where a new color today that no one knew the meaning to. They glowed a bright hazy gold.

She was normally a good listener but this morning when they tried to figure out what was wrong she stared forward as if she didn't even realize that someone was speaking to her.

The idea that she might have went into warrior mode for the battle today came to everyone's mind but that would mean she would still be aware of her surroundings and everyone could tell she wasn't. The group quickly jumped to the bad conclusion until Jordan told everyone she was probably just tired and that made more sense than the things they were saying.

Not to long after everyone finished eating and Jamie went up to her room alone, no one thinking anything was majorly wrong. No one realized that their friend Jamie was quickly sinking deeper into the waves of depression.

As the hours passed Jamie seemed to move as if she was on autopilot. She was there physically but mentally she was a goner. By the time the hours until the battle ticked to minutes she was able to break surface no longer being drowned by the waves of doubt, but that didn't mean the doubt had left she had survived the water but now the wind whispered feeding her with doubts while she struggled to stay afloat.

~<.>~

(JAMIE PIPE POV)

The whole pack seemed to be here waiting to see their possible future Luna fight to get a place in their pack. It was as if I could feel everyone there and I knew that everyone was here to support me but my mind keeps telling me they're here to watch me fail. I've never been a person to get nervous easily especially when it comes to fights but right now my hands are sweaty and my body's shaking. I can hear my heart in my ears but it's still not blocking out the whispers floating through my mind.

The fight was about to begin. I was up against a warrior named Dimitri, he's tall standing around 6'3 with wide shoulders and arms that would put trees to shame. One good hit from him and I was a goner. If this was another time, at another place, and for another reason I would be honored that they think they would need such a huge man to defeat me but it wasn't and now I was already wanting to scream knowing that I wasn't going to make it in the pack that my mate lived in.

My face throbbed and I was literally knocked out of my thoughts by Dimitri's fist, the fight must of started while I was thinking. I pull my fist back ready to swing at him but he hits me with a right hook successfully knocking me over. I get back up and shake it off before getting back into a fighting stance. He swings and I duck under, another swing and I step back causing him to miss once again. I start to smile, I got this and he comes at me again this time quicker and I doge out the way.

You're pathetic did you actually think jumping around like a crazed monkey would do anything?

My face jerked to the side. He had hit me in the face again and without even waiting a second in between he hits me once more. My mouth taste as if I'm eating a handful of nickels and I spit out the blood. My vision blurs in and out but I try to get my head back in the game.

I pull my fist back and sending it forward with as much strength I could muster aiming for his stomach. I deliver punch after punch not easing up until he's double over. My knee's next and I bring it up to his face and smile when I hear the crunch alerting me of his broken nose. Blood drips down my leg but it's not mine so it doesn't matter. Before I can get in another hit a light gray wolf has me pinned to the ground.

Weak

Useless

Waste of space

How do you expect to beat this man when you're to scared to sleep on your own.

You're not worth anything and you'll never be a good mother let alone Luna.

The large wolf growls at me drool dripping from its mouth and its lips pulled back into a snarl. It goes for my neck and I tilt my head to the side avoiding what would have been a kill shot. What just happened slowly starts to register in my head. He just tried to kill me! He just tried to make a kill shot, is that even allowed? That was enough to get my mind out of what ever state it's in even if only for a little while.

I kick the wolf off, jumping up onto my feet I leap landing in wolf form on the wolf's back. They may have been trained better in wolf form but I was taught that when it came to life and death you give your all and that's what Dimitri had just made this fight, life and death and he just started a very dangerous game.

I slide off his back and growl giving off a warning, no more games he'd either submit or he wouldn't leave the battlefield today and I just hoped he picked the first choice. I latch onto his neck not as a kill bite but hard enough for me to easily make it severe if needed. He claws at my stomach scratching me good at least twice and I let out a low whimper but still bite down harder. He lets out a loud whimper but doesn't give up and tries to shake me off. Tried off trying to make him submit I step away and change back to human form I let out a growl that would send most people to the bathroom but he doesn't stand down in fact he come closer going for my leg. Fed up with all of this and ready for the fight to be over I deliver a blow to his temple, he doesn't fall like I expected but I deliver two more blows successfully knocking him out. I don't know why I didn't do that in the first place I think to myself but then I remember why and the doubts start to resurface but before I can lose myself to the waves I'm wrapped in multiple pairs of arms.

"For a second their sweets I thought you weren't gone make it," Maki yells.

"I believed in you 100 percent," Jordan says right after Maki.

"Girl everything all right that took a lot longer than it should have?" This one July asks.

"Yea I'm good just was a little tired at first," I say.

"Hey I know Jordan, July, and Maki might not have a problem hugging a naked girl but I have a mate and she won't like that so can you get dress so I can get a hug too?" Clark asks.

Heat rushes to my face and I let out a nervous laugh, "Oh yeah of course, Jordan let me see your shirt."

He gives me a look but takes his shirt off and hands it to me. When I have his shirt on and they get everything ready again I sit down beside the fighting grounds and get ready to cheer July on. I don't know the name of the man July's fighting but he has a similar built to Dimitri. July starts it out in wolf form her earthy colored red wolf shorter than the mans by only a few inches. He attacks first but she swiftly moves out of the way. They start to circle each other and she does a whole bunch of things to confuse him even making some pack members laugh.

July would be such a better Luna than you.

She can actually take care of herself.

You don't see anyone in her family disgracing her.

You don't hear her mate calling her a whore do you?

The doubts ate away at me. Maybe she would be a better Luna than me the pack seems to like her. She's actually a full blood wolf. She could protect everyone. She's nice and kind plus she can make anyone laugh let's not forget to mention the fact that she's absolutely gorgeous.

Someone squeezes my hand bringing me back to the fight that seems about over. They're in human form now the guy looks tried and he's breathing real hard while July smirks she's having fun playing with her pray and I'm glad she's enjoying herself better than I did.

July wins by kicking him in the stomach causing him to bend over letting out a loud whine signaling that he's finished. July leaves with a busted lip that will heal in a hour or two and a long scar starting at the tip of her eyebrow down to the center of her face.

"Tonight we come together once again to welcome two new members to Sheer Shadow Pack. Please report to the pack center no later than eight for the celebration and joining ceremony," the Alpha's voice booms over the clearing.

~<.>~

The ride home was quicker on the way back. There wasn't much time the fights ended at five and that meant we only have three hours to get ready. I run up the stairs to the bathroom and take off Jordan's shirt. I go to turn on the water in the shower but stop when I notice something in the mirror. Three long jagged claw marks run from right blow my boobs to my waist. The idiot wolf had left me scared and I'll forever be able to see the long three claw marks across my once flawless skin.

I quickly get in the shower not wanting to see it anymore. Once I'm out and lotion myself I change into one of Jordan's clean shirts then braid my hair. Next I go and pick up Emmerlyn from the Luna's room and get her ready for a bath.

I dress her in a gray dress with flowers and a light pink ribbon. I brush out her hair so she can wear her little curly afro and put a pink bow in her hair. Once she's all dress I feed her then put her down for a nap and finish getting myself ready.

My dress is white and gold. The top half goes around my neck in sheer see through fabric with diamonds and pearls the bottom half is what and it hugs all my curves. With twenty minutes left I add some mascara and lipstick then put on my gold pumps and jewelry. Once everything's done I take out my braids so my hair's curly.

I lay Emmerlyn inside the car seat and buckle her with her little blanket. Walking downstairs I wait for everyone else. July comes down first in a beige half top that has gray beads creating a pattern she also has a matching pencil skirt. Since she had just got some hair put in she had some of it in a hump while the rest was down. The boys came soon after and we where on are way to the pac's center.

Traffic was a female dog and the destination is only ten minutes from the pack house so even though the Alpha said eight nothing started until eight forty-five. Everyone looked wonderful in their fancy clothes but the Luna took the show. Her dress was floor length and had a slit all the way up to mid thigh, her dress was a light brown or maybe a dark cream it has black lace outlining the dress and going diagonally across the stomach area. She looked stunning.

Because of the delays as soon as we arrived the ceremony begin and we were called up on stage.

"Jamie Renee Pipe was once a member of Luperca Pack and now wishes to be apart of Sheer Shadow Pack. Moon goddess with the light of the sun she has shown us something that can help benefit our pack and now we ask with the light of the moon for you to allow her to switch packs peacefully and officially become a member of Sheer Shadow Pack."

The Alpha pulls out a knife that every pack owns. The blade is made of sliver but not enough to permanently leave a scar. The handle is made of iron and has your pack's name and history craved into it. The knifes are enchanted so every event that it deems fit will appear onto the knife. I take in a deep breath before he slides the blade across my palm. He then does it to his before grabbing my bleeding hand in his.

"Repeat after me, I state your name."

"I Jamie Pipe."

"Promise to care and protect every member of this pack for they are family."

"Promise to care and protect every member of this pack for they are family," I repeat.

"I promise to always be loyal to the Alpha and Luna and always put them first no matter the situation."

"I promise to always be loyal to the Alpha and Luna and always put them first no matter the situation."

"And I promise that when the time comes I will be the best Luna I can be, I promise to love, care, and provide for the pack."

"And I promise that when the time comes I will be the best Luna I can be, I promise to love, care, and provide for the pack."

"With that said Jamie pipe you are now apart of Sheer Shadow Pack," the Alpha announces.

Everything's good until I let go of his hand then I let out a scream. I felt as if I was dying. My brain pounded inside my head as if it just became my second heart. My chest felt like someone left an iron rod in a blazing fire then decided to use it to slowly rip my heart apart. Memory after memory after memory popped up in my head. The time we had our first meeting, the times we went out hunting together, the times we threw holiday party's, the times we had snowball fights or pool party's, and so many more all gone puff. I still remembered everyone in the pack and things like that but I don't feel as if they're my family or like I'd do anything for them I simply felt as if they're cousins that don't visit a lot so I love it when they come over.

After a few minutes the pounding settled to a small throb and July started to take the oath. We waited ten minutes after she finish for her head to calm down before we started the party. Me and Jordan retired early knowing tomorrow would a busy day because of the hunt.