I stare at the picture of Kinzua Bridge that I hung up above my bed so many years ago, a picture of its former glory before a tornado collapsed a large part of the bridge in 2003.

I remember when our primary school teacher showed us a picture of the old viaduct. It was love at first sight for Gemma and me.

Until the collapse of the structure that nearly coincided with the collapse of our friendship.

More than 17 years ago.

So much has happened in my life since then. Marriage, children, a nasty divorce, a new love. I had always thought that Gemma would be there for all of this. We would be each other's rock in turbulent times. Until we weren't. Until the summer of 2003.

My gaze lands on the tiny red dot flashing in the left-hand corner of my phone. Gemma has replied.

My index finger hovers over the home button, trembling so hard the first three attempts at waking up the phone fail.

Probably my only shot at making amends.

What if she still can't see I had to do what I did or for not getting in contact sooner? What if we have changed so much that the bridge between us cannot be rebuilt, that it will remain permanently broken?

It isn't my fault that it took me so long to contact her. I tried more than once but never got her contact details. Then, out of the blue, I got this Facebook recommendation.

Gemma Hart, one mutual friend.

Her name was Gemma Turner, but the profile picture is unmistakably her. A little older, a few wrinkles, but still my Gemma.

I sent her a friend request and a message immediately, letting the words flow.

Hi Gem, it's Soph. I can't believe I finally found you! I still miss you every day. I know that I broke your heart, and I understand why you cut me out of your life. I want to be honest with you. If I had to, I would do it again. I'm sorry. I never wanted to see your brother in jail, but I saw what I saw. How could I have lied under oath? Please, Gemma, I never said he did it, I merely stated what I saw that night.

You have a different surname these days. Are you married? Do you have children?

I have so many questions. If you want, you can contact me on WhatsApp. My number is on my profile.

Love, Sophie

That was yesterday. I didn't sleep all night.

I swallow and click on her message.

Sophie, I always wanted to write, but I was too scared. You have nothing to apologise for. I would have done the same thing, had I been in your shoes. Sean was never innocent, and I was an idiot. Forgive me, please!

My eyes watering, I look back up at the bridge. Maybe it will be rebuilt after all.