CHAPTER 9

May 2005

"Mama, look! Yellow flowers!" Candy picked up the very few dandelions in the backyard, grinning ear to ear. It was now early May and most of the sidewalks were covered with budding dandelions. Some people might adore how the little yellow flowers decorated the time of the year with a tint of innocence. Alena, however, did not appreciate these little flowers a tiny bit. They reminded her how uncontrollably they could spread in any lawn, like cancer. A well taken care of lawn should be green and weed freed.

"Good girl. Pick more!" Alena encouraged Candy, hoping she could get rid of the few lone dandelions in the yard, which had escaped the weed control people. Alena went back and forth between the garage and the backyard, bringing the trays of small flowers and bulbs she just bought from the nursery into the backyard. The gardening service people would be there in a couple of days. She better had everything lined up for them to work on.

"Mama, flowers for you!" Candy gathered a bundle of dandelions and offered it to Alena.

"It's beautiful. Shall we put these in a vase?" Alena tightened up the straps once again on Candy's hat as they came loose from all the tugging when Candy tried to take the hat off.

"I want more. More for papa and more for grandpa." Candy handed Alena the bundle and happily skipped back to the lawn, looking for the few dandelions hiding between the bushes.

Candy had missed Emile and Mark for the last week. Emile had been away while Mark was resting at home after the new drug was recently administered. But Candy was expecting to see them soon. Emile was already on his way from the airport, and Mark would be visiting the next day. So, Candy was so eager to prepare these gifts for the two precious men in her life.

"Okay. Don't take too long. Papa will be here in any minute." Alena put the small bundle of dandelions on the patio, shoved the last tray of small flowers in the corner and dusted the dirt off her jeans. She looked at her hands grimly as they were not those of a lady's. Nails were cut short and the skin was chapped. Now, they were also smeared with dirt. Gardening was really neither her forte nor passion. She preferred her hands nicely manicured.

"See mama. These are for papa and these are for grandpa." Candy ran back to her with a few more dandelions in her hand.

"I think we have enough now, sweetheart. You want to help me preparing dinner?" Alena took the flowers from Candy and held her little hand as they walked back to the house.

"Look at my dirty hands," Candy flung her hand free from Alena's. She held up both hands and wiggled the little chubby fingers, also smeared with dirt. She was trying to scare Alena and her grin was devilish.

"Oh no, dirty hands, go away!" Alena faked a screech which only made Candy giggled more.

"Dirty hands coming. Dirty hands coming." Candy continued to wiggle her fingers as if they were monstrous and her giggles were like wind charms. She chased Alena all the way to the washroom. Well, it was actually Alena who half ran to the washroom, leading Candy to the sink.

"Hands are washing, hands are washing, wash them till they're clean. Put some water and some soap and wash them till they're clean...." Candy sang the hand-washing song she learned from school as she scrubbed her hands with soap.

"What a big girl, Candy. Show me how you'll rinse off the soap and turn off the tap?" Alena praised Candy.

"Not yet. You need to wash your hands too. They are so dirty." Candy grabbed Alena's hands and ran them under the running water, "you put on some soap now," she ordered.

Alena stifled a giggle and groaned a little. Candy would not even be three until a couple of months later. But she was already bossing Alena around. Oh boy, what would happen when she became a teenager?

Just at the very same moment, Emile appeared behind the washroom door.

"Daddy!" Candy was so excited to see him.

"Some water fun, eh?" Emile swooped up Candy and threw her over his shoulder. He kissed her silly on her tummy which made Candy throwing her wet fists on his back. She laughed so much that she hiccupped.

"Put her down." Alena dried her hands with a towel and gave Emile a disapproved look. Though she was happy to have him back, any disruption in what she was doing was not very welcomed.

"What? She is laughing. See?" Emile gently put Candy down and smirked at Alena. "You feel left out, aren't you?" He leaned closer to her and brushed her lips lightly with his. Alena tried to glare at him, but the tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lips betrayed her.

"I can give you a raspberry on your tummy too, you know?" Emile whispered at her ears.

"Go away." Alena shoved him aside, but her smile was just too noticeable to escape Emile's mischievous eyes.

"Since you are in such a good mood, I assume the conference was good?" Alena ran her fingers through the messy hair as she walked back to the kitchen. Candy eyed her parents curiously. She could not tell if Alena was mad or not.

What Emile really wanted to do at that moment, was to grab Alena by her hair and wrapped his arm around this woman. He would then kiss her silly on her neck until she laughed with tears and cried for help. Cracking her cold pretence could actually be really funny. Unfortunately, with Candy already confused with their exchange of words, he could probably spare her this complicated lesson on "relationships".

"It was good. Candy, come see what I've got for you." Emile gave Candy a warm smile and dragged his carry-on luggage to the playroom. He opened up his luggage and pulled out a Hello Kitty plush toy.

"Kitty!" Candy eyes just beamed with happiness. "Thank you, papa." She hugged him and kissed on his cheeks. "I got you some flowers too." She dashed to the kitchen and grabbed the few dandelions she just picked. "Here, Daddy." Candy handed him the flowers and ran to the playroom, eagerly setting up the tea party with her new kitty.

"Another Kitty? She has one already." Alena sounded annoyed as she started preparing the dinner.

"Well, the Sanrio store was so big in San Francisco, I cannot leave empty handed. And I have something for you too." Emile reached inside the luggage and pulled out a gift wrapped box.

"What is it?" Alena smiled and wiped her hands clean with a towel. Emile never bought her anything on a business trip. His schedule was always packed and shopping would be the last thing on his mind. But he sure would get something for Candy, be it a cheap key chain found in one of those souvenir stores at the airport. Kids could not be disappointed, and a wife would understand.

Alena ripped open the gift wrap and found a box of Hello Kitty chocolate underneath. She giggled and her heart was totally warmed. Emile did remember her favourite Sanrio character was Hello Kitty and not Melody the bunny. This kind of chocolate was also not so commonly available in any food mart. They were available only in the Sanrio stores.

"Chocolate always pleases you, huh?" Emile opened the pantry and poured a glass of water.

"So, I bet the conference must be a huge success? And you must be so happy that you need go on a shopping spree?" Alena tilt her head and looked at Emile with a grin.

"Shopping spree? This hardly could be a shopping spree, love. But yes, the conference was good." Emile finished his water and washed his hands under the tap, getting ready to help Alena with the food preparation.

"Here, cut the spring onions. We are having Korean Bulgogi tonight." Alena handed Emile a bunch of spring onions while she went on marinating the beef. "So how was it?"

"It was good. I was talking to the head of the Java group from Sun Micro. They were quite impressed with my presentation. They want to meet again in a couple of weeks with the head of their mobile group." The new products that Emile had been working on had stirred up some interests among the technology gurus in the field. He was invited to a mobile technology conference as a speaker in the west coast last week. For the last while, not only had he been speaking in the technical conferences to preach about the technological advancement that they had achieved, in order to attract more attentions from the potential buyer of the company, he also had embarked a road show with the business development team to generate some hype among the potential customers and buyers.

"Wow, that's something. So when are you going again?" Alena mentally huffed out a sigh. She did not like these frequent business trips. Even when Emile was in town, he would be torn between the office and the hospital. Though Alena was never a needy wife, lately, she found herself very lonely. She juggled between Candy, house chores and her plans to kick start her career once again, all on her own. She yearned to have Emile around, so she could lean on him, be wrapped in his arms, not miles away. But she could never make such demands as she knew it was his job to travel and to nurse his father.

"Probably in two weeks. I want to schedule a few meetings around the same time. Better kill a few birds in one trip. Here." Emile passed the neatly chopped onions to Alena.

"In two weeks? So will you be there for Mark's next treatment? Or you want me to go with them?" Alena did not want to raise her head and met Emile's eyes. She felt bad for bringing up Mark's condition right in the front of Emile's mind. Did she ruin his afternoon? She sure hoped not.

"Oh yes, I will go with them. I can schedule the meetings after the treatment. Have you talked to them?" Emile turned on the faucet and cleaned his hands under the running water. The topic of his father did not ruin his mood at all. Not only had he made headways with the new products, but he also finally came to terms with his father's sickness. He decided to take every new day as a bonus. He was counting his blessings.

"I did this morning. Rhonda was saying that Mark was well enough to have dinner with us tomorrow. They will come over." Alena put the marinated beef aside and began working on the seafood dish, garlic shrimps.

"Coming over? Dad was well enough?" Emile was surprised with the news.

"Apparently so." Alena washed and dried the shrimps. She cut out the legs and tentacles with the scissors. She did not want to sound too excited about such news. Though she wished Mark could once again be strong again, she had little faith in any permanently positive progress in the treatment. After all, he had terminal cancer.

"You don't sound right. What's the matter?" Emile caught the hesitation in Alena's tone.

"It's just...it's just...I don't want you to have false hope." Alena dropped her hands into the kitchen sink and turned her head towards Emile, even the tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lips was gone.

"I don't. Don't worry. I know how ill he is. But I can still cheer in something positive? Something's bothering you. What's wrong? You want to talk about your feelings?" Emile's grin was filled with sarcasm. He was teasing her with her line, asking her to talking about "her feelings".

"I don't know. I am just a bit overwhelmed? Too many things are happening." A weak smile showed on her face once again. Having Emile around sure had calmed her mood, even with his tease.

"You stressed yourself too much." Emile stroked her cheeks with the back of his hands, "how's it going with your consulting business?"

"Slow, I'd say. I am meeting with Ben tomorrow. I spoke to him on the phone the other day. He said he might have a couple of small jobs he can introduce me to." Ben was one of the partners in the venture capital firm that Alena once worked in. He had invested in a few technology start-ups and was very connected in the industry.

"Small jobs? What kind?"

"The government has made available a grant for technology start-ups. They are dishing out funds from a quarter to half a million per company. Ben thinks that I can help a few of his companies to apply for the funds. You know, writing proposals and business plans."

"And what is the compensation?" Emile was intrigued by the idea.

"Usually other consultants would charge a two percent of the fund granted."

"Two percent? That's really a small job. What if the application fails, then what?"

"Then I get nothing! It would be a risk that I bear. I am the weaker one on the bargaining table. I have been away for 3 years now. I have to sweeten the deal." Alena sighed.

"What happened to the Health club, with the French boy?"

"He is no French boy. For the hundredth time, he is local." Alena glared at Emile. She knew he was teasing her, referring the way she used to describe the German exchange students, "and my part is done."

"Done? Done that he is going to pay for all the work you have done for him, or done that he decided he could not afford your service anymore?" Emile raised his brows. He knew that Alena had given Lance a lot of advice over the last few weeks, helping with the business proposal and introduced him to a few angel investors. What Alena was hoping to achieve, was to turn this kind of "business advices and favours" as a business consulting services. She was highly skilled in running start-ups.

"The latter one. He is still struggling to get his feet off the ground with the angels. He'd rather save the money for the new equipments than for my service. I won't blame him. I should have told him sooner about my consulting idea. Oh well, now I learned." Alena sighed, shaking her head. After helping Lance with a few tasks, she realized that she could be a start-up consultant, helping people who did not know how to turn a business idea into reality. But this idea came in too late in her dealings with Lance. He thought she was helping as a friend and never crossed his mind that she wanted a business out from it. Therefore, he was disappointed when she mentioned that she would want to help him as a consultant. Oh well, that's the end of it.

"It's alright, love. Take it easy. Candy is about to start her summer holidays. No need to rush into anything right now. You may as well wait till September when she goes to school full time. Come on, are you done with the shrimps? Can we cook now?" Emile carefully diverted the subject and focused Alena with the work at hand.

Without knowing, Alena had actually spilled her guts out. She worried about Mark's health, worried about Emile's overall well being, frustrated with the lack of progress in her career. The only comforts she could find were the smiley faces of Candy and the soft caresses by Emile.

*

The next morning, after dropping off Candy to school again, Alena met Ben in his office. The office she once worked in. He was also an acquaintance with Marcus and Ryan. After all, it was a small circle among the technology start-ups. Sixth degree separation sure held true among these people.

"Good morning Ben. Long time no see. How are you?" Alena was led to his office by his secretary.

"Alena. How are you, dear?" Ben hugged her tightly. He was a man not quite the age to be her father, but not quite a young age to be her brother either. But their relationship was more than just employer and employees. He was the one who spotted her talents and skills as soon as she worked under him in another software firm, way before he himself became a billionaire. He had given her many opportunities throughout the years, up until she removed herself from the workforce and lived as a stayed-home mom.

"Same old, same old." Alena smiled.

"I'd agree. As beautiful as you always had been, huh? How's your girl and man treating you lately? Sit down." He led her to a chair nearby and sat himself across the desk.

"I am beautiful? Well, thank you. Emile is traveling a lot these days. My girl will be attending school full time in September." Alena sat comfortably in the chair.

"Oh, I've heard. Emile's latest idea definitely had made quite some noise in the industry. I was talking to Marcus and Ryan the other day, they seemed to be quite please with what's happening." Ben leaned back on his chair, rather relaxed. "So what's your plan? You mentioned you want to start your own consulting?"

"That's what I am thinking at the moment. I need some flexibility in my schedule. I cannot really work the hours I used to. You know. There are other responsibilities that also need my attention."

"That's too bad. I was hoping I could convince you to come back. I can use your skills, you know? Well, I guess you are only interested in the small jobs I told you about?" Though Ben was not happy with her decision, he needed someone who could help him with one hundred percent of effort and attention. A part-timer would not work for him.

"I am definitely interested in those jobs you mentioned. But I was hoping, perhaps you have something bigger? I have just finished my MBA and I can do a whole lot more than I used to. I am thinking to help people with their business ideas. Help them with their business proposal and planning. I am good at marketing research and consumer behavioural studies too. I am sure some of your companies can use my skills?" Alena boldly proposed her ideas, trusting that he would appreciate her offers.

"Alena, I trust that you have the skills to do all those. But unfortunately I have no jurisdiction over those areas. Besides, my investments already have a contract with a firm to do most of those things. I am sorry." Ben felt bad that he had to squash her hope. After all, he did want to help her. "Listen, I will keep my eyes and ears open. If there is anything suitable for you, I will swing them your way, how's that?"

"Thanks Ben." Alena could not help but her disappointment was quite evident. After a few more moments of catching up, Alena left his office, feeling diminished. She did not understand what the crux of the issues was. Was it that she could only work part time, or did she just not has the proper skill set or experience in the new areas she proposed?

Feeling defeated, she was sulking on her way to pick up Candy. However, as soon as she saw Candy, she was reminded to be a strong mom. Emile needed her, Candy needed her. She quickly filed her defeats away. She put on a brave smile and hugged Candy tightly.

By dinner time, Mark and Rhonda arrived at the door steps. Alena and Emile were surprised by how good Mark looked. Though a cancer patient that anyone can easily recognized, by his baldness and weaker posture, he appeared to be stronger than a few weeks ago. He could drive a short distance, walked without assistance and his breathing was no longer wheezing.

"Grandpa. Grandma." Candy sheepishly greeted Mark and Rhonda as they entered the house. True that Mark did look better, but to Candy, the images of Mark lying sick in bed was still troubling her young heart. She had problems dealing with the situations just like everyone else.

"Candy, my dear. Come to grandpa!" Mark walked slowly towards Candy with his arms opened. He cherished every single moment with his family while his heart was still beating.

"Candy, why don't you get the box of puzzles out? Show grandpa how fast you can put one together." Alena gently shoved Candy forward with a pat on her back, encouraging her to go and have some fun with Mark.

"Puzzles? I am very good at puzzles, you know?" Mark squatted down at Candy's level, trying to close the distance between them.

"Dad, be careful." Emile walked briskly next to his father and steadied him with his hand under his elbow, "I don't think squatting is a good idea. Come. Let's go to the playroom."

Emile guided his parents to the playroom and helped Candy pulled out the boxes of puzzles. They played blissfully for a while, until Alena gathered them around the dinner table.

The dishes were specifically prepared with Mark's diet in mind. Though there was no specific kind of food that he should avoid, Alena made all the dishes that were light and easy on the taste bud. It was a rather delightful evening for all of them. It had been Emile's doing in lightening the mood at the dinner table. He kept Candy in conversations, having her telling the grandparents every single details of her school life. Mark and Rhonda were so fond of their granddaughter that they were temporarily being taken into the little girl's world, enjoying every single playful moments of her, as if they were there alongside with her in school.

Mark and Rhonda did not stay long after dinner. Mark needed to take frequent rests as a cancer patient. They soon kissed Candy goodbye and returned to their house.

After Emile and Alena finished their bedtime routine with Candy, they returned to the bedroom and lied lazily on the bed.

Emile was encouraged by his father's progress in the treatment. Weeks ago, he thought he would be losing him rather shortly. But now seeing him showing signs of improvement, he could not help but hope just soared in him. God seemed to be opening doors for him. First was the success in the new products, or the potential success in the new product, he corrected himself. And now, granted him the wish of seeing improvements in his father's health. These thoughts racing through his brain brought a grin on his face.

"What's that smile for?" Alena also noticed his grin.

"Hmm? I thought you'd know." Emile turned to Alena and caressed her sleeveless arm with his finger tips. As soon as he touched her skin, a wave of heat just all in a sudden shot through his arms.

"Your father, I supposed?" Alena on the other hand, was not feeling quite herself. She blamed it on the meeting she had with Ben in the morning. But she did not want to share this with Emile. He sure looked happy tonight, so let him be. After all, she had been moody lately and Emile was convinced that she was just overly worried about her career. Though this time not so far from the truth, he would not notice the extra ounce of defeat she was feeling today. She curved her lips upwards, just for Emile.

"Yeah. It's a surprise to see him tonight, kind of normal, not so much of a patient, eh?" He continued caressing her arms and his mind was already racing into another realm, far away from his father. His heart was beating faster than just a moment ago.

"Can we not talk about my father now, love?" He pulled her closer and pressed his lips onto hers.

Alena was startled by such a change in him and she wanted to respond to him in reciprocal. After all, she craved for his embrace too. However, her body did not quite agree with her mind. She did not feel the stir she usually experienced with his kiss.

Emile also caught the lack of response from her. He pulled back and looked at her in the eyes. "Are you alright?" He whispered.

"I don't know. I am not feeling myself lately." She dropped her gaze.

"Was it the meeting with Ben?"

"Part of it." She lied. It was all about it, actually.

"It did not go so well, huh?" Emile pulled her to his chest and kissed her hair, trying to comfort her.

"No, not really."

"It's alright. You just started. Building a business takes time."

"I know that....but I just don't quite feel like myself lately."

"Perhaps, hormonal changes, you know?"He chuckled.

"Maybe. It's about time."

This last line just struck Emile like lightening and all the heat within just disappeared instantly.

"Hold on. When was your last period?" He sat up and looked at her in a serious face.

"I don't remember. A month ago, I supposed. I lost track. Why you ask?" Alena looked at him confused, not sure why he was so serious all in a sudden.

"I think it was more than a month ago, love." He stared at nowhere as he did some mental calculation. "Yes, I am sure it was more than a month ago."

"You can't be right. It's my body. I know better than you do." This argument sure brought a smile to Alena. How could he argue with her about her period?

"But you just said you lost track!" He exclaimed. He took a deep breath to calm down. "You could be pregnant. That will explain all the mood swings you are having lately."

"Oh calm down. There is no way I can be pregnant. Remember what I told you? God has closed all the doors now. He will not give us a child anymore. It's not right. I am sure my period will come very soon. I can feel it." Alena chuckled.

"Look, Alena. Can you please do a home test? You still have a couple of those lying around, right? I have seen them. Please, just ease my mind?" He insisted. He was actually quite convinced she was pregnant. The late period, her mood swings. It was exactly like the last time with Candy.

"Alright, I will do it right now. You are so worked up. What's with you?" This conversation sure was silly to Alena. But to ease his mind, she would do it.

She went to the bathroom and retrieved one of those home tests that she bought months ago, when she was trying to convince Emile about having another child.

She ripped the package open and followed the procedure which she knew by heart.

She left the stick on the counter afterwards and then brushed her teeth. She rinsed her mouth and washed her face. She picked up the stick absentmindedly....

"Oh God! This must be a joke!" If she looked into herself in the mirror just now, she probably would be doubly shocked by how white her face was......