CHAPTER 6

It looked like they would have a white Christmas this year. It was only a few days away from Christmas when a snow storm hit the town. It was exceptionally cold. The wind was blowing the snow off the ground and back up in the air. The wheezing noise it made through the window gaps sounded like a woman was weeping.

Being awoke by the noise, Alena tossed around the bed. She automatically snuggled up Emile's side of the bed, hoping to get some warmth from his body. However, she found herself alone in bed. She sat up and glanced around the dark room. Emile was not in the ensuite bathroom as it was dark and quiet there. She patted on the pillow next to her and it was cold. She then looked at the closed bedroom door and saw rays of dim light creeping in through the door cracks. She quickly got off the bed and snatched the night robe which was lying on the armchair next to her side of the bed. The heat weakly blew through the vent and she shivered as she put on the robe. It sure was cold tonight. She looked at the digit clock by her bedside table and it was 1:30 in the morning. This meant she only slept for an hour. She opened the bedroom door and wondered why Emile was not in bed yet. She tip-toed down the stairs and found Emile was still very much engrossed in his work in the study.

"Why aren't you in bed? It's one thirty in the morning!" Alena sounded annoyed. Though Emile usually stayed up late when he had to meet a pressing deadline, it was very unlikely that anything would be due just before Christmas. Alena assumed that Emile was just once again being a workaholic, sacrificing his health to his enjoyment in work. Alena shivered once again and rubbed her arms as if it would help to warm her up.

"I am almost done. Why aren't you sleeping? Were you reading?" Emile replied as he continued to type whatever he was typing. He then looked up from the screen and noticed that Alena was rubbed her arms, shivering, "are you cold?" He then looked at the computer screen once again, just to make sure his document was properly saved.

"No, I was actually sleeping. The noisy wind woke me. It's freezing." Alena yawned, covering her widely opened mouth with one hand and continued to rub her arm with the other hand. Absentmindedly, she walked closer to Emile and looked at the computer screen, trying to see what he was working on. She saw an excel spreadsheet with columns and cells in different colors. The names such as Mason, Conrad, those of the consulting team and the software engineering team, along with their salaries were neatly tabulated. What caught her eyes were some of the names highlighted in red. Alena instantly recognized what this was. Emile was working on a staffing plan. She was no longer sleepy but wide awake with the new information she just gathered.

"What's this?" Alena exclaimed, looking at Emile with concerns in her eyes.

Emile sighed a little and closed the top of his laptop, putting it into the standby mode. He walked out of the study and into the kitchen. He opened the cupboard, grabbed a mug and a tea bag. He quietly poured some hot water from the boiler and seeped the tea bag. He was still quiet without a word.

"Emile, are you hiding something from me?" Alena was now pleading, looking straight into his eyes, trying to read his emotions. She knew something had happened in the company and Emile had kept her in the dark.

"Here, have a cup of tea. It will warm you up." Emile handed her the mug and then rubbed both of her arms with his hands. Emile was debating whether he should spare her the gruesome reality, or just came clean with the truth. She saw the spreadsheet already. How much could she tell from it? He quietly thought.

"Please, Emile. What's wrong? Are you working on the staffing plan?" Alena was getting anxious.

Emile huffed out a small breath. He concluded that she knew. She saw the staffing plan. Nothing could escape from her now.

"I guess you are not sleepy anymore. Come. Let's cuddle up in our bed. I will keep you warm there." Emile clasped her shoulder and walked her back to the bedroom. Alena reluctantly followed him. She knew she had to be patient this time, not letting her emotions kick in.

Alena sat up on the bed while hugging her cup of hot tea. Emile tugged the blanket tight from her waist down. He then climbed onto his side of the bed, also sitting up against the headboard.

"Ryan and Marcus want to shut down Mason's team," Emile quietly told her the truth. He was not looking at her, but instead staring at the ceiling while his mind flashed back to what happened in the last several weeks.

"What? But Mason's team was the money generator in the company. What do you mean they want to shut it down?" Alena was so shocked that she turned quickly towards Emile and the hot tea was sloshing in the mug. Luckily, it did not spill or else Alena would be even more agitated with the situation.

"Even you can see how ridiculous this move is," Emile shook his head and tugged a weak smile at the corner of his lips. Alena still retained some of her business instincts after all.

"That can't be true, Emile? What are they thinking?" Alena continued to press. She put down her mug on the bedside table and listened attentively to what Emile had to say.

"They want to get rid of the consulting business because it is labour intensive and low margin. They want to bet on higher margin products and make us more acquirable." Emile quickly summed up what was happening. "Since the cash cow will be sacrificed, they want to cut some people in Conrad's team as well, to save some cash. I have to say the idea is not half as bad as it sounds. It is very risky, no doubt. But the problem is they want to have it done, like NOW. That's the crux of the problem. We should at least test the water first with the new products and see if we will have a leg up against the competitors. But no. They want to do everything at once. " Emile quickly blurted out what he had to say and continued. "Sometimes I just don't understand what's the rush? Yeah, time to market, window of opportunity, I know all those. But kill the cash cow? What do we gain from it other than the so called 'team focus'?"

Emile was now letting the flood gate open. Whatever was stored up in him, he had to let it out. He felt the connection once again between Alena and him. Whenever she willed to listen to his "business problems", he just couldn't resist the temptation to pour his guts out.

Alena, on the other hand, was so ashamed of herself. As she listened to his words, she couldn't help but recalled how she selfishly resented Emile in the last week. Since she found out he did not want another child, she sunk into resentment and never once had she put herself in his shoe. She purposely occupied herself with Candy and her own school work, while distanced herself from Emile. Not that she was cold or indifferent to him, but she deliberately maintained her ignorance about his work. After all, he did not want to talk about it anyway. So why should she care? That was what she told herself. But now knowing the ugly situation in the office, she felt so guilty of pressuring Emile on the baby issue and how self-centered she was.

"Can you still work with them?" Alena could hear his frustrations in his narration vividly. Though she knew she was being selfish once again, she needed to know how the situation would affect the family. Did he mean that he wanted to quit now?

Emile looked into her eyes and saw the concerns and confusions. He pulled her close to his chest and kissed her hair. "Honestly? It's getting harder everyday to deal with them. When people are blinded by greed, they aren't the same anymore. I once respected them very much. They were the ones who funded this company. Without them, I could never be where I am today and I am grateful. But..." Emile paused, thinking how he could tell her what he really wanted, without alarming her, causing her more distress.

"But what? You want to hand them your share and walk?" Alena assumed that she had caught onto his train of thoughts. If he was thinking about giving up and walking out, she would not allow it. This was his baby. It was built with his sweat and blood. It was also their only source of income. She needed to kick him into the fighting gear again.

Emile secretly hid his smile in her hair. How wrong she had been this time. "No, I don't want to hand them my share and walk out, not that it hasn't crossed my mind. The only thing I am not sure is how to maintain some sanity in the day-to-day, and carry out the crazy plan. This is the time they need me the most. They need new products and I am the only who can do it."

Alena looked up into his eyes with more confusion. She could not comprehend the whole mess. He sure hated the new strategy, but yet he did not want to walk away from it? It seemed that he would not fight against it either. What was he thinking?

"I need you to understand that this plan is very risky and we may lose the company, Alena. That's why I don't think it is a good time to think about a second child." Emile looked into her eyes, pleading for understanding and support. He was asking her forgiveness on the baby issue.

Alena held her gaze and whispered, "I understand." She truly did understand. He needed her support emotionally to do his job, and financially if the plan flopped. They could start from square one once again. She kissed on his lips gently, showing her weak support. She forgave him for rejecting her idea of having another child and how he hid everything from her. But the pain in her chest, thinking that Candy could really be her only child, was not easy to ignore either. She secretly prayed that everything would turn out fine and she could have her baby soon.

"It's almost two thirty now. Come on, let's sleep." Emile said after quickly looking at the clock. He kissed on her lips one more time, lied down and pulled the blanket over their bodies. They eventually fell asleep in each other's arms.

The noisy wind finally ceased. The weeping-woman sound had stopped. The storm outside appeared to be over. Had THE woman really stopped weeping? She sure was holding on to her thin thread of hope.

********

Alena woke up with a migraine. That happened almost every time when she had very poor sleep. She could never survive a less than 7 hour sleep. She felt like her head was splitting in halves and one of her eyes was throbbing. She sat up while rubbing the painful side of her head, hoping the pain would ease, though she knew it would be a useless attempt. She looked around and Emile was no longer in bed. She heard some noise coming from the playroom and kitchen. She vaguely remembered Candy was asking for her through the baby monitor a little while ago. But she could not remember what happened after. She felt so ill. She put on her robe and walked down to the kitchen. The aroma of coffee filled her nose, but what she really wanted now, was her super fast pain relief migraine pill.

"Mama!" Candy greeted Alena with a big smile as she walked into the kitchen. She was drinking her milk and waiting for her bowl of rainbow colored cereal.

"Good morning, love. What's wrong? Feeling sick?" Emile was preparing the cereal for Candy when Alena walked in. As soon as he saw her rubbing her head, eyes cringed, he knew she was not feeling well, she looked awfully pale too.

"M..mi..graine..." Alena was feeling so sick that she needed her migraine pill really fast. She leaned on the kitchen counter, both hands grasping the edge. She could hardly talk.

Emile quickly poured and handed her a glass of warm water. He opened the cabinet and found the pill she was in desperate need of. He peeled off the seal and took one tablet out. Alena quickly swallowed it and then sat on the breakfast chair.

"Mama, sick? Me kiss you." Candy looked at her with concerns. She climbed down from her booster seat strapped on the breakfast chair and walked towards Alena. She kissed her on her cheeks which totally warmed Alena's heart, though she was feeling so sick.

"Why don't you go lie down on the bed?" Emile suggested as he walked to the table with Candy's bowl of cereal. He put the cereal in Candy's usual spot. He picked her up and put her back to the booster seat, while his eyes were fixed on Alena's very pale face.

"I...I can't. I need to...to take Candy to school. The meds will kick in s...soon." Alena was struggling to compose herself without much success. She finished the rest of the water, hoping it would alleviate the nauseating sensation in her stomach.

"No, you go back to sleep. I will take Candy to school. It will be at least 30 minutes before the med kicks in. Come on, don't be so stubborn." Emile pulled her up in a standing position, insisted that she should be resting in bed.

"No. Y...you don't be stubborn. Candy w...will cry if you take her." She hissed without much strength as the migraine was killing her. But she knew Candy would not be happy if things were 'out of routine'. She always took Candy to school.

"Candy? Why don't let Daddy take you to school today? Can you show me the snowman in the playground there?" Emile gave up on Alena, and turned to Candy instead.

"Okay. Snowman is BIG, Daddy. Come see it." Candy's eyes widened as Emile reminded her about the snowman that was built by the elementary kids in the playground.

"Problem solved. Now go to bed. Candy, come help mama to bed." Emile dragged Alena up the stairs while Candy happily pushed the behind of Alena, trying to give Emile a hand. Emile helped Alena to bed and pulled the duvets over her chest.

"Now, you rest. I will bring Candy to school today and I will pick her up too."

"Cut...cutting the day short? Working from home?" Alena asked weakly.

"Well, you know very well how long it takes you to recover from a migraine attack. I will be back by lunch time. I have a meeting with Conrad in the morning. You want me to get you some pasta on my way back?" Emile asked as he walked into the walk-in closet and changed his wardrobe.

"Sure." Alena relaxed in the bed, thanking God what a lovely husband He had given her.

"Candy want MaDonno, papa." Candy tagged along Emile, hoping Emile would grant her wish.

"Sure, sweetie, you can have your happy meal." Emile knew Candy's favourite was actually the cheap toy that came with the McDonald's Happy Meal. He led Candy back to her room so as to get her ready for school. He shut the bedroom door, leaving Alena to rest peacefully in bed.

*****

Later in the morning, Alena was feeling much better after sleeping for a couple of extra hours. She took a hot shower and prepared herself for the day. She changed into a T-shirt, put on a pair of sweat pants and tied her long black hair into a ponytail. She walked into the study and turned on her computer. She logged into the school intranet and tried to finalize the classes in her last semester of studies. Yes, she would have her master degree in just a few months.

Her father would be proud of her if he were still alive, she quietly thought. Perhaps it was the month of December and the snow that made her thought about her own father. He had passed away years ago at the young age of 46 because of cancer and his birthday was in December. He was a man whom she looked up to. He always had high expectation on her, hoping she would become some kind of executives in a large corporation. She focused on the computer screen and carefully chose her classes, Marketing Research, Business Strategy, Business Sustainability and Management Accounting II. These were the things she had never done in her engineering career, but yet she wanted to explore some fields she had never set foot on. The last term would be very interesting. Learning was a lifetime process.

As soon as she finished with the course selections, she walked into the kitchen and opened the pantry. She wanted to have her chocolate fix for the day. As she reached for the jar of colourful M&Ms, she held back. Chocolate was one of the triggers for migraine. She really should not be having any since she just recovered from one attack. But the colourful M&Ms were tempting her through the glass jar. Just by looking at them, she could imagined how she would crack open the chocolate inside her mouth and skilfully using her tongue to separate the peanut from the chocolate. She took a deep breath. It was so mouth watering. After an intense debate with her evil self, she pushed the jar of chocolate towards the far end of the counter and tried to keep a distance from it. It would do her no good. She decided. She walked away and then buried herself in a book.

Soon, Emile came back with Candy. He bought a Happy Meal for Candy, take-out pasta for Alena and himself.

"Mama!" Candy was half running towards her. They sure had missed each other for the last several hours.

"Candy sweety. Mama missed you. Did you have fun in school?" Alena held Candy tight and wooed her with tender words.

"Yea. Daddy see the snowman. It is b...big, as big as papa." Candy told Alena and circled her hands in the air, trying to show Alena how big the snowman was.

"Wow, this is big!" Alena replied with a smile, "now go wash your hands and let's have lunch."

Candy hurried to the powder room.

"You are feeling better?" Emile asked Alena, eyes not quite meeting hers. There seemed to be a tint of sadness in his eyes. Well, sadness might not be the best way to describe it. Perhaps "defeated"?

"I am feeling much better. Are you alright?" Alena asked Emile, trying to search his face for more clues.

Emile sighed, "Conrad resigned today." That was all he said.

Alena quickly caught on. Emile had just lost his 'left hand man' if Mason was his right hand man. Conrad would have played an extremely important role in the new products design during this turmoil. He was the best software engineer Emile had ever worked with.

"Why? What happened?" Alena tried hard not to press, but she needed a few more clues so that she knew how to bring comfort to Emile.

"He wants to be on his own, runs his own shop and stuff. He is moving to Seattle with his wife." Emile gave her the simple explanation.

"Seattle?" Alena tried to analyze why Conrad would do such a thing in this critical time. But she failed to draw any conclusion.

"Don't think too hard. His wife got a job offer as a lecturer in University of Washington." Emile smiled a little. It was her second nature to over analyze.

"Mama. Me want fries." Candy came back from the powder room and climbed onto her booster. Her clothes were all wet. She probably had more fun with the water, than just washing her hands. She grinned from ear to ear as Emile put the bag of happy meal in front of her.

"Come on, let's eat. I got you some pasta." Emile opened the pantry and took a couple of plates out. He then set the table for lunch.

From the corner of her eyes, Alena was looking at Emile. She knew how terrible he felt. Without Conrad, his job in implementing the upcoming changes in the company would be very tough. Not only would he lose Mason in a month or two, he lost Conrad too. Alena could not help but felt very sorry for Emile. If only she could help him in the office. This thought flashed in her mind, but she quickly suppressed it with a ton of guilt gathered up her chest. What about the baby plan? Is this how God was telling her to give up on the baby plan? Her eyes darted towards the jar of M&M sitting on the counter. Perhaps the baby plan was just like the M&Ms, tempting her to the bones, but yet, was not good for her. She should not have it. The guilt gathered at her chest turned into pain. She looked at Candy happily munching the burger and fries, and then swept her gaze towards Emile. She loved both of them dearly, yet she could not make up her mind on the baby plan. She sighed heavily. She had never felt so lost and indecisive.

Just as she was helping Emile with the cutlery, someone rang the door.

"Who could that be? Are you expecting someone?" Emile asked and looked at Alena.

"No. Perhaps it's just a delivery. Let me get the door." Alena put down the forks and spoons on the table and walked towards the main door. She opened the door and was surprised to see Emile's parents standing at the door steps.

"Mom, Dad. What a surprise visit! Come in. Candy will be thrilled to see you." Alena helped them into the house. Mark and Rhonda were covered with snowflakes from head to toe. Alena looked outside the door and was surprised by how dark it was. It started to snow again and another snow storm was already on its way.

"Mom, Dad. Did you have lunch yet?" Emile emerged from the kitchen and caught his parents by surprise. They did not expect to find him in the house at this hour of the day.

"Emile!" Rhonda half ran to Emile and started sobbing violently.

Alena and Emile were so shocked they both turned to Mark, who was trying so hard not to let the water spilled from his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Emile gathered his mom in his arms and asked the question, addressing both his mother and father.

Mark stepped forward to Alena and grabbed her arms with both hands, more to steady himself than to embrace Alena.

"I have lung cancer and it is already Stage 3." Mark weakly replied and then broke into a tears, "Alena, please help Emile to take care of Rhonda for me."

All in a sudden, Alena heard the noisy weeping sound again through the window gaps. The snow storm had never ceased.