Chapter 15

Candy was watching her favourite cartoon, Dora the Explorer, in the playroom while Lily was so focused on playing with the Little People play set on the floor. Being an almost eleven-month-old baby, she could now played by herself more often. Thank God that they were so pacified by these things. If they were to fuss for whatever reasons, Alena really couldn't handle it anymore. Or maybe, their fussing could be the perfect excuse to stop this annoyance?

Alena needed to get herself occupied or she would soon say something that she would regret later. She was in the kitchen, facing the sink. She reached to the cabinet for a coffee mug. She turned on the coffee grinder and grinded the beans. She already had some grinded coffee in the fridge, but in reality, she now needed to noise to grant her a moment of serenity.

"Are you listening?" Said a voice which she barely heard.

Finally, the grinder stopped.

"Are you listening?" Alena's mother, Helen, asked again impatiently while pacing back and forth inside the kitchen.

"Yes, mom. I am listening." Alena did not turn around, but continued to pour water into the coffee maker. She then dumped the grinded coffee into the filter and pressed the brew button. The bubbling sound of the boiling water was what she focused on.

"Tell me what I should do?" Helen sighed loudly. "I really don't know what she is thinking. She has never managed a business, let alone started one. I really don't understand why she wastes her entire retirement saving in a coffee shop!" This time, she sighed angrily. She took a seat nearby the breakfast table.

"Just let her be, mom. It really isn't your business anyway. She is a sixty year old woman and you are only her friend. She doesn't need your permission to spend her money." Alena poured the coffee into the mug and put two spoonful of sugar in it. She stirred the coffee gently while putting some coffee cream into the mug.

"But that's a stupid thing to do. I have to stop her from making this big mistake!"

Helen was greatly disturbed by the news that her best friend was about to start a new business with her retirement money. For the last few days, she already called Alena several times, just to rant about the news. Alena tried so many times to calm her down without success. Today, Helen decided to come over to Alena's house, and continued her rant.

"Alena, she is not young. She is a sixty year old woman and she cannot afford to fail with the business at all. She is a widow and has no children. If she fails, she will have no one to support her. Just imagine if that happens, what is she going to do?" Helen continued.

"I don't know what she's going to do. All I am saying is that she doesn't need your permission to do anything. She is responsible for her own decision. So just let her be." Alena sat down beside Helen and took a big gulp of coffee.

"Just let her be? Even if I know she is about to ruin the rest of her life? But I am her best friend!" Helen sighed again.

"Alright, just do whatever you feel right if that makes you happier." Alena gave up and finished up her coffee. She could never convince her mom with reasons. She might as well let go.

"Can you come with me and convince her then? You worked with so many businesses before. She will listen to you." Helen suddenly beamed at Alena.

"What? No! I am not going with you! I won't meddle with her business. She is an elder, mom." Alena protested.

"But you will be very convincing." Helen pleaded.

Alena almost laughed out loud. Convincing? She couldn't even convince Helen to drop the issue!

"Mom, I am not going. End of story. Please." Alena decided to put her foot down for this one. Or else, her mom would continue to bug her.

"Alright. I will let her be then. I have no idea how to convince her anyway." Helen stood up and headed into the playroom.

Wow! Is that the end of the conversation? Alena couldn't believe that the issue was dropped so easily this time round. She couldn't help but smiled a bit.

She followed her mom into the play room and noticed that her mom was just sitting on the couch, doing nothing in particular, not even playing with Candy and Lily.

Alena bit her lower lip, hoping that her mom is not employing her old trick, which was turning the pretended defeat into another round of nagging. God! Help me please!

Alena went over to Lily and picked up the baby from the floor. Lily protested as she didn't want to move away from her play set.

"Just leave her alone. Why do you disturb her?" Helen was agitated.

"I'm just checking her diaper." Alena gently squeezed the diaper and it felt squishy. Lily's diaper was obviously full. But the baby didn't really care. She only wanted her play set.

"Come now, Lily. Diaper's full. Time to change?" Alena soothed the baby in her musical voice. The baby just grabbed the nearby figurines and continued to play with them.

Alena walked over to her diaper bag and took out a diaper. She laid the baby on the play mat and began changing the diaper.

"You know, if she was like 30 years old, I would just blink an eye with this, but she is a sixty year old! This is like gambling her life on it, you know." Out in the blue, Helen continued her rant.

Alena really didn't want to say this, but it looked like that she really had no choice but to go down this path, so as to end this torment.

"Mom, let's face it, you are always conservative. You never have the bone to start any business. You didn't even let us take summer jobs that were commission based! You are just not a risk taker."

"I was only doing the best for you and your sister! Did you really want to worry about closing a sale and waiting for the customers to say yes? I only wanted you two to be professionals like what you are doing now! You don't have to worry about making a living now, do you?" Helen defended.

A light bulb suddenly lit up in Alena's head. Perhaps that was the culprit for her failure in closing deals? She lacked the early trainings and her upbringing was too ingrained in her? Could it be that she had no bones to build a business too?

Don't be absurd! I'm not my mother. I helped many entrepreneurs starting their businesses in the past!

Alena pursed her lips and didn't say a word. She focused on the task at hand and wiped Lily's bottom. But the light bulb in her head bothered her very much.

"People can lose everything in their businesses, Alena. What's wrong with being conservative?" Helen didn't like the silence. She needed a response from Alena.

"There is nothing wrong with being conservative as long as that suits the individual. If one wants to take the risk, let them be! It's not a one-size-fits-all thing. See, Dad and you were conservative and that was how you chose to live your lives. But there are many people who choose to take risks and build businesses too. Of course, some people fail and some people succeed. That's how the world goes."

Helen suddenly lapsed into silence. Alena dared not to look up. She didn't know what Helen was thinking. Did she offend her beyond redemption now? She carefully rolled up the soiled diaper and put on a fresh one for Lily. She then helped the baby up and settled her back with the play set.

"I was the only one." Helen quietly said.

"What? You are the only one? You are the only one what?" Alena was confused.

"I was the only who was conservative. Your father just loved me too much and went my way."

"Yes, I know you always have your way with him." Alena couldn't stop the words from rolling out her tongue.

"I know. We were his baggage, Alena. He was a traditional man and didn't want to put his family into misery. You, your sister and I were the ones who held him back."

Suddenly, the conversation was too heavy to continue. Alena needed this to end now. Who knew which memory lane would Helen begin walking down? She didn't want to rake up the past. Let the past be buried in peace.

"Hey, Candy. Where is Dora exploring today? Benny's farm?" Alena deliberately turned the focus onto to the kids, a good zag way to get out of the topic on hand.

"To Abuela's house. Can we go to Abuela's house too?" Candy darted her eyes to Helen, waiting for her to answer.

"Who is Abuela?" Helen didn't understand the context.

"Abuela means grandma in Spanish. She is asking when we can go visit you." Alena supplied the explanation.

"Oh, anytime, sweetheart, anytime." Candy's smile and request totally distracted Helen. Alena was so glad that Candy came to rescue.

*******

It was almost midnight when the kids were sleeping sweetly in the slumber land, and hours after Helen went back home. Alena continued to work on her research proposal for a potential client. She focused her eyes on the computer and her fingers were flying on the keyboard. There was so much to do. She vowed that if she couldn't close this deal, she would break from the partnership with John. She really couldn't face her failure anymore. The conversation she had with her mom earlier still nagged her. Perhaps she was not entrepreneurial material? But how should she rebuild her career? Should she get a real job instead? But then, she would have to leave Candy and Lily with the nanny.

Oh no. She wouldn't forgive herself. She couldn't hand her children to a nanny. In any case, Emile already gave her the ticket out now that his job was much more secured. Perhaps she could stay home for a little longer? No. Emile would be very disappointed. Alena stopped typing as her thoughts came to this brick wall. She buried her face in her hands.

"Still working?" A warm kiss landed just behind her ear.

"Hmm." Alena smiled. She was so lost in her thoughts and she didn't even realize Emile's return. She leaned her face against his and let herself be absorbed in this comforting moment.

Emile's voice was always soothing to Alena. He hugged her from behind the work chair and kissed behind her other ear. She missed him very much for the last few days. She didn't really like him traveling that much. She didn't have any choice either, but to share him with his clients, his company and the technology community.

"How was the flight? Did you have dinner yet?" Alena stood up and turned facing him. She hugged him around his waist and kissed him deeply on his lips. This man was her fortress, her hiding place and her "not so hunky" prince charming. Nonetheless, thank God, this man was hers! She smiled sweetly with her lips on his, as these thoughts raced inside her head.

"Not really. You know how much I dislike the meals served on the planes." Emile muttered.

"Let me make you some noodles. Why didn't you grab something to eat in the food court before you board?" Alena gently touched his chin and walked towards the kitchen.

"I didn't think of it." Emile hesitated, not sure if he should provide more details as he followed Alena to the kitchen. It was not that he didn't think of it, he was just too absorbed in the conversation with Conrad. He almost missed the plane, let alone eating anything.

Alena opened the cabinet and took out a pot. She filled the pot with water and turned on the stove. She then opened the pantry and grabbed two packs of instant noodles.

"Do you want a fried egg too?" Alena gently stirred the noodles in the pot as the water began bubbling.

"No, it's fine." Emile opened a drawer and took out a pair of chopsticks.

"So how was the meeting with the investors? Everything went well?" Alena carefully poured the noodles into a big bowl. She wanted to chat with Emile and at least temporarily, forget about the proposal she was working on, the conversation she had with her mother earlier and the turmoil racing inside of her.

"It was good." The noodle was so hot that the steam was fogging Emile's glasses. For a few seconds, Emile was so glad that the fogged glasses hid him from Alena's scrutiny. The reality was that he had a great day. He hadn't been so excited for a long time. The meeting with Conrad was better than great. He was so ready to jump into this new opportunity. But then, how should he break the news to Alena?

He slurped a big gulp of hot noodles into his mouth.

"So they like everything you are doing? Any big plans coming up? You know, as much as I like how they are counting on you, I just wish you don't travel this much." Alena pouted and gently stroke his forearm.

"I take that you missed me?" Emile teased.

"Of course I missed you." Alena wiped away the drop of soup at the corner of his mouth with her thumb, and smiled sweetly at him.

The fog began to fade away from Emile's glasses and for a second, their eyes met. Alena's sweet smile always melted his heart. But this time, instead of melting, it ached. He had a big secret hiding from her and he just didn't know what to do.

He smiled back but immediately lowered his head, slurping another big gulp of noodles into his mouth.

Should he tell her? How? Maybe he should start with the mobile reading opportunity? No, she wouldn't care. What about the cool app that Conrad did? Or should he just tell her that he no longer felt passionate with his company?

Emile never felt so helpless, not knowing how to come clean with his wife. He didn't like keeping her in the dark. He had to let the cat out of the bag. But how should he break the news? He went quiet as he fought this internal battle.

"You are so quiet." Alena couldn't help but made the comment.

It was obvious that Emile wasn't in a foul mood or anything liked it. He returned home with a relaxed demeanor. His touches and kisses were certainly warm and welcoming. But Alena just couldn't explain his quietness.

"Am I? I am just hungry." Emile looked up and spoke between bites. He then slurped yet another big gulp of noodles into his mouth. He looked down to his bowl. To his great disappointment, all the noodles were gone. Not that he was still hungry, but he couldn't hide behind his noodles anymore.

"Well, I hope you feel better now that you finish the bowl." Alena stood up and put away his bowl in the dish washer, while Emile reached for the mug in the cabinet, and made himself a cup of hot tea. She didn't really buy his excuse. Her intuition was telling her that something was on his mind.

"So did you have a good day?" Emile tried to start the conversation. One way or the other, he needed to do this.

"It was okay. My mom came over. Lucky you. You didn't have to listen to her rant." Alena didn't really want to talk about her mom. "How about you? Anything interesting?" She reached into the cabinet and got herself a mug as well. She now awaited his response.

"Yeah, you can say that." Emile reluctantly replied as he took a sip of the searing tea.

"What is it?" Alena kept her eyes on his as she took a sip of her searing tea.

Both of them sensed that this wasn't their normal chit chat after a business trip. They kept their eyes on each other as if they were trying to read beyond what was put on the other's face.

"I met with Conrad today." Emile decided to go straight into the matter.

"Conrad? What was he doing in San Francisco?" Alena now was more than confused.

"No, I didn't meet him in San Francisco. I met him in Vancouver." Emile walked causally into the play room and sat on the couch. In reality, not a single strand of his muscles was causal at all. His body was so tensed that he felt he walked like a robot.

"In Vancouver? I don't understand." Now, Alena was beyond confusion. How did Emile meet Conrad in Vancouver? He was supposed to be in San Francisco meeting with investors. She followed him to the play room and sat on the spot next to him on the couch. She crossed her legs under her thighs and hugged her tea close to her chest.

"I took a detour and met him in the airport before I flew back." Emile took another sip of tea and watched her under his lashes.

"Oh. That's interesting. What brought you there?" Alena was totally on her guards now. This was so out of his character. He always told her about his itinerary and never would she imagine that he would take a detour without letting her know. She took another sip of tea.

"We were discussing a business opportunity." Emile was trying to test the water, inch by inch, centimeter by centimeter. He then rested the mug in his hands.

"What kind of business opportunity?" Alena had a strong feeling that Emile was dragging his feet in this conversation. Perhaps he was sure that she wouldn't like what he was about to say?

"You remember I mentioned that he is working on a mobile reading app?"

"Yes. You said he wanted to pursue it or something along the line?" Alena quickly ran through her memory and tried to remember the conversation they had weeks ago.

"Yes, he is going to pursue it full time." The corner of his lips curved a tiny bit upwards as he thought about this exciting venture he was about to embark. He looked away and hid his smile behind the mug.

"Pursuing it full time? What about his consulting business?" Alena narrowed her eyes.

"Putting it aside, you may say." He answered evasively as he poured more tea down his throat. She sure was venturing into the touchiest part of the conversation. This wasn't an easy conversation to start off with and her interrogation certainly didn't make it any easier.

"And he needed you for some advice? That's why you met him in the airport?" Another thought was actually creeping up her spine, but she tried hard to shake it off. It was so scary to even think of it.

"Well, we were discussing the opportunity, trying to work out a plan to get it going." Emile supplied the answer which was only half true.

"He wants you to be his advisor?" A voice shouted so loudly inside her saying, please say yes! Please say yes! This would be the most she could accept in this case. But the scariest thought was now front and center in her head.

"No. It's going to be more than that." Emile looked at Alena.

"You want to join him?" Alena didn't want to ask this, so nervous that his answer would be yes. She didn't want this scariest thing to come true. Emile would have to quit his job and look for some investment funding to fund the venture. Suddenly she felt her fortress was a big shaky, her hiding place was exposed, and her "not-so-hunky" prince charming...

"Yes. I do." He bravely looked into her eyes and answered her question with so much certainty that it shocked him. He sounded very defensive.

"You can't be serious!" Alena felt the blood quickly drained from her face. Her lips quivered, and her not-so-hunky-prince charming suddenly looked like the craziest guy she had ever met.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's going to be alright." Emile quickly put down his mug on the floor and moved right next to her on the couch. He took the mug out of her hand and put it down on the floor as well. He then held her hands in his, trying to soothe her panic that was so obvious on her face.

"You want to join him? What are you thinking!?" Alena looked at Emile with so much fright in her eyes that it scared him.

"Listen to me, Alena. This is a great opportunity. I can see it coming. Conrad and I know what we are doing. We know this will work. Trust me. We will be alright." Emile held her hands tightly as if he could infuse some confidence in her.

"We will be alright?" She looked at him with so many emotions inside her. Was he saying that he already planned out what they would do if it failed? She closed her eyes and tried to think through the situation.

"Yes. We will be alright. Trust me, Alena." Emile tried to reassure her. He had thought it out. He needed her trust more than anything now.

"How? Emile? How? You are about to quit your job! We have kids, very young kids. My business is not going anywhere, for Pete's sake. And...and how about your mother? If she suddenly becomes sick or whatever, we have to take care of her too. I don't see how we are going to be alright. This is too risky!" Alena looked earnestly into Emile's eyes. She needed him to see her picture. She desperately needed to talk him out of it.

Emile kept his eyes on hers and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. He still held one of her hands in his.

"Alena. I know this sounds crazy. But I have a hunch. This will work. This will be the next big thing on the Internet. We will transform the world." Alena had no doubts that Emile truly believed in what he was saying. He said those words with so much confidence as if he had already confirmed the future in his crystal ball. That in itself was the scariest part. It was not merely an idea that he wanted to try out. He truly would throw his life, and theirs, away to pursue this "next big thing".

After a long pause, Alena took a deep breath.

"Alright. Let's hear it." She released herself from his grip. She needed the distance. She wouldn't be a fragile woman who just begged and clung onto her prince charming. She would deal with this like the antagonist in any stories. She picked up her mug on the floor, stood up and walked into the kitchen. She poured some hot water into her mug and sat down on a breakfast chair.

Emile of course was tailing after her. He added some water into his mug and sat on the other breakfast chair next to hers. He looked into her eyes, trying to gauge how high her fence was. Without a doubt, this was going to be a difficult discussion, but he never wanted this to be a battle. He needed her to come on board, not watching him by the sideline, or worst, fighting his every step. However, judging from her stance, even though she was only sitting, hugging her tea in her tiny hands, this extraordinary task would need a lot convincing.

"The idea was to create a website, where people can share whatever they have written. Others can read them on the website, or from their mobile devices." He paused briefly, waiting for her response. But unfortunately, there wasn't any.

"It will be an interactive platform where people can give feedback and message others. Like Conrad put it, it will be very much like YouTube. What YouTube did for videos, we want to do the same for books." She still didn't response. So, he purposely took a sip of tea and hoped that Alena would take the cue and say something.

"And the business model will be ad supported? I suppose the mobile part is what you are trying to differentiate yourself?" Alena calmly asked and then took a sip of the tea, a cue for Emile to answer.

"Yes. It will be ad supported and mobile is going to be the game changer. I see that mobile computing is the future. Soon, cell phones will be people's de facto device to get onto the Internet. People in Japan already use their cellphones to do everything, from buying train tickets, to reading and surfing on the Internet. The European countries are already evolving like that too. I know that it's just a matter of time that North America will follow suit. So we need..."

"But North America is different! And it is a rather huge market and the one you most familiar with. People here go onto the Internet through high speed connections, not cell phones, unlike Japan or Europe. Here, people can't even reliably surf the net on their phones now. Besides, the cellular network is very primitive here. It may take years before the market is close to ready. So, your point of using mobile as the differentiator is mute. If you plan to bank on that differentiator now, I doubt there will be any investor who will fund it. They will not look at this seriously until the mobile piece is widely adopted." Alena took another sip of tea, hiding her victory smile behind the mug. Inside her, she could hear a loud shout, "SCORE!"

Emile just blinked and couldn't believe she hit the bull's eye so quickly. What she said was totally right. That's what he was about to explain.

"You are correct." Emile confidently replied and Alena was taken aback by surprise. She didn't think he would agree with her on the first argument. She didn't even go to the second point yet. She just looked at him, her eyes filled with confusion.

"That is exactly why we are not going to look for external funding until we have a few proof points. We need to study the mobile usage in..."

"What do you mean by not looking for external funding?" Alena just cut him off as she was completely startled by this particular piece of information. "You plan to self-fund this venture? I'm sure Conrad wouldn't agree to that." This sounded so not right to Alena. They would have no income and living off their savings until......until whenever?! All her alarm bells just went off crazy inside her.

"I already worked it out with Conrad. While he is working on the product, I will stay put. As soon as he needs me full time, that's when I will move on."

"And he agrees to that? He lets you continue to earn money and feed the family, while he has zero income? What's he thinking? I think both of you are out of your minds!" Alena was exasperated.

Emile took a deep breath and then poured more tea down his throat. He looked down at the empty mug and muttered, "I gave him some money." Soon or later, she would know. He better came clean with this.

"What. Did. You. Say?" It was amazing how fast Alena's face turned from angry-red to sheet-white in merely fractions of a second.

"I gave him some money. It's only fair, Alena." Emile looked into her eyes, begging her to understand.

"How much?" Alena cover her face with her hands. She couldn't look at him. She wouldn't let him see how heartbroken she was. How could he not discuss any of these with her before? Why was she kept in the dark? How long had he been hiding this secret from her? Why did her being so gullible and believe he was her fortress, her hiding place, her prince charming?

Emile muttered a number. Alena looked at him in shock! That was worth a few of her engagement rings! She vividly recalled how hard they were saving for that one ring years ago. In just a blink of an eye, he gave Conrad a few of them! Oh, she was beyond livid now. He dug into the kids' education funds to pursue this "hunch"?! What would he do if they needed more funds? Put the house on second mortgage? She wanted to strangle him so badly. But she needed to keep her calm.

"So you just gave him a few of our engagement rings." She leaned back on the breakfast chair, resuming a more relax stance. She was boiling inside but Emile didn't need to know that.

"You can say that. But you shouldn't think that way, Alena. This is not about me loving him more than I love you ..." Oops, that didn't sound right. Emile halted right in the middle of the sentence.

"So what is this about then, Emile? Put yourself in my shoe and see what I see. You kept this from me for God knows, how long?! Then out in the blue, you come home from a trip, purposely took a detour which you didn't tell me before, and then tell me that you gave Conrad a few engagement rings! Tell me how should I react? Say GREAT JOB! You won't get that from me, you just won't!"

Telling her that he loved her was like pulling the trigger. How could he say he loved her when he made this decision completely on his own, and put the family's well-being in jeopardy? They weathered some very bad times not so long ago, and he had to purposely rock the boat this hard now? What on earth?!

Alena stood up abruptly and stormed out of the kitchen. She needed some space, but there was no escape, solitude seemed to be her only place.

Watching Alena walking up the stairs to the bedroom, Emile didn't follow. He just sat there, totally defeated. He messed up. Big time!

******

November 2006

In the office, Alena found herself procrastinating. Her business partner, John, was still in Florida. She didn't want to make any cold calls today. It would be a futile effort anyway. The last proposal she sent out was like throwing a stone in the ocean. She never heard back from them. She vowed that she would call quit if she failed with that proposal. So why didn't she call quit yet? She knew very well why she didn't break from the partnership. Though she didn't bring in any new business, working on the old clients for John she could still bring in some lunch money for the family.

No, scratch that! Not lunch money, only snack money.

She sighed. She left so useless and helpless. She hated being solitary. Not physically, but psychologically. For the last couple of weeks, Alena didn't talk much to Emile. Part of it was due to his travel schedule. He was still fulfilling his current obligations as the CTO, meeting clients and attending tech conferences. But it was obvious that his heart was no longer in this current job. Whenever he was home, she would find him chatting with Conrad on the phone during late nights.

She couldn't speak to him about her own struggle with this partnership, or the fear of financial instability. That would inevitably bring up the topic of his new venture. In fact, she had been avoiding any discussion about this new venture. Other than the mundane, day in day out conversation, there wasn't much exchange of words. But yet, she couldn't comprehend how he could still go on despite her silent protest. The heart-aching part was that there was such a chasm between them these days and he didn't seem to care. This crossing of theirs was not only about the risk or viability of the new venture, but also his plotting of the entire plan without ever seeking her consent.

Perhaps he really didn't need to ask her for permission. That thought just made her heart ache more. She couldn't help but to compare herself to her mother Helen, recalling the conversation they had previously about Helen's best friend. What an irony that she found herself in Helen's position. The worst part, she felt how Helen was feeling and reacted the same way.

But she didn't want to be like her mother. She sighed even louder. Helen was a traditional, closed minded and risk adverse woman, unlike Alena, who represented the modern culture which encouraged people to reach their full potential. At least she told herself that.

Was she encouraging Emile to reach his full potential? She groaned every time when that question popped in her head out from nowhere. To answer that question, it was a battle of its own.

"To be or not to be?"

"A bird in hand is worth two in the bushes."

"Failure is the beginning of success."

There were many more proverbs that she could use in this internal debate.....

"Shush!" Her inner voice shouted. Her head was about to explode. How did her thought come this far? She was thinking about her partnership with John.

"Come now, Alena! You know why you couldn't let him be. You just don't want to let go of this security blanket. You are just like your mom. You have the same gene, lady!" Her inner voice spoke again.

That thought almost shattered her. Did that made her and her kids Emile's baggage? The ones who held him back? She always thought they were a great match, were they not now?

Her mind involuntary raked up the memory of her father. She recalled how he lived. Not that they were hand to mouth, but he certainly worked like a dog for the family until his last breath. And even then, the family burden landed immediately on her shoulder. Could their lives be any different if he had been more risk taking?

But then, her father had always been a happy man. If what Helen said was true that she was the only one who was conservative, how could her father be content with what they had? He must have loved them so much that he put their well-being above his dreams and that alone, made him happy?

Did that mean Emile didn't love them enough? Could he not be content with how they lived now? Could he ever love them enough that he would sacrifice his dreams?

"What about you then? Do you love him enough and sacrifice your own desire?" Oh how she hated her inner voice.

She suddenly closed up her laptop and started packing her belongings. She needed to get out of the office. She couldn't listen to all these inner voices any more.

Did she love him enough? She knew the answer.

*****

Sitting in the office, Emile was procrastinating. He couldn't stand it anymore. He wanted his Alena back. This silent treatment was killing him. He couldn't go on with the venture without her being happy, without her cheering for him. Yes, he had Conrad. But her support meant the world to him. They needed to talk. She had to see what he saw. This was what he meant to do. He looked at his watch and it was five thirty already. He should get going any way. So he packed his belongings and headed home.

By the time he reached home, the kids were at the dinner table. Alena was smiling warmly at the kids. She was helping Lily with her bib while listening to Candy's endless chatter. It was such a beautiful picture. Her smile melted his heart but then at the same time arched him more. When would she once again smile warmly at him? Would she ever come around and be by his side again? He hurt her by keeping her in the dark for too long. Could he make it up to her? What if she never came around? Could he go on with the venture knowing that it would cost his marriage? This last thought almost consumed him.

"Good evening, Sir." Julia greeted him from the corner, who was about to bring the bowls of rice to the table.

Alena looked up and their eyes met briefly before she looked away.

"Dinner is ready now. Come sit down." Alena gestured him to his usual spot.

Before he sat down, he quickly walked towards the kids and gave them a quick kiss.

"Daddy, we are eating trees today." Candy smiled sweetly at him. Lily on the other hand just busily dug her spoon into the food, working hard on self-feeding.

"Trees? What kind? Lemon trees?" Emile playfully joked with Candy while he sat down beside Alena.

"Daddy is silly." Candy replied.

"Not as silly as Candy. That's a piece of broccoli, sweetie." Emile picked up his chopsticks and picked up a piece of broccoli from the plate.

"But it looks like a tree, Daddy." Candy argued.

Alena didn't really participate much in the conversation. She just focused on helping Lily with her food. Once in a while she would laugh a little at some of Candy's silly remarks. The atmosphere certainly was not tensed, but it was not their usual warm and cozy that they usually shared. Emile really couldn't decipher what was on her mind for she was not giving him the silent treatment, but yet, she wasn't particularly warm towards him either.

After couple more hours with the kids, Alena finally tucked the kids in their beds.

Emile was sitting on the bed and aimlessly flipping the TV channels with the remote control in his hand when Alena walked in. She didn't want to look at him and headed towards the ensuite bathroom instead.

"Alena. Can you please come here? I really want to speak to you." Emile gently patted on her side of the bed. He turned off the TV and put the remote on the bedside table.

Alena reluctantly walked towards him.

"Alena. Please listen to me. I am very sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you by not telling you about the venture until it is a done deal.." Emile began his apology.

"It is a done deal then?" Alena looked earnestly into his eyes.

"Please don't make this another fight." Emile begged.

"I am not fighting with you. I am just asking if this is a done deal for you?" Alena asked softly.

"Yes, it is a done deal. Conrad is working on it already. He is making great progress. The site is already up and running. He is just finishing up the app now. Alena, I know you may not like how I handled it. But I know once you see the product, you will see our vision."

Alena pursed her lips and looked away. She didn't want to argue. She didn't want their relationship to go down the spiral. That wouldn't be right.

After a long pause, she picked up his hand.

"Emile, I am very very scared. The past couple of years had been rough on us. Now that we have two very young kids, our decision affect their well-being as well. I couldn't imagine what it will be liked if we screw up their lives. I won't forgive myself then, you understand?"

"Alena, I know. We will not screw them up. We will be responsible parents. How about this? Give me a year? If this business is not going anywhere in a year, we will just forget about it. We will see how it goes. Does this sound fair?"

Alena looked up and her eyes were all welled up. She couldn't believe that Emile would ever put a time schedule on it. He must love his family enough to make this decision.

She leaned forward and kissed him gently on his lips.

"Thanks Emile. Let's do it for a year. We will see where God is leading us to."

It was such a relief for Emile to hear that. He was so grateful that he hugged her very very tight. The love flew between them was so strong that they were connected once again.

"I think we should have a bath together." Emile whispered to her ear.

They then got off the bed and headed to the bathroom together.

********

Summer 2007

Inside a coffee shop in downtown Toronto, Emile and Conrad was looking at each other with a cup of coffee at the centre of the table. Conrad came to Toronto for a short trip to attend a family gathering of his.

"So? What are we going to do?" Conrad continued to drum his fingers on the table.

"Two bucks. Well, the revenue couldn't even buy us this cup of coffee." Emile sighed.

"I think you need to work full time on this now, Emile. Some business development effort may help, you know?" Conrad suggested.

"Perhaps." Emile picked up the coffee and drank it.

It had been more than seven months since they embarked on this journey. Well, there were only five months left in his one-year-promise. Could he make it happen? He certainly needed a miracle then.

***