CHAPTER - 10

"Alena? Love? May I come in?" Emile knocked on the bathroom door, waiting for the Alena to answer the door. It had been too quiet for the last ten minutes. He heard the shower had stopped, so was the sound from the electric toothbrush and the running tap water. "Alena? Are you alright?" He knocked again. He tried the door knob but it was locked. If it wasn't, he would have barged in already. A very bad feeling ran down his spine. Then the lock on the door clicked. He did not even wait for the door to open, but impatiently twisted the door knob and opened the door.

"Alena?" He held himself back from swinging the door open, but gently opened the door, expecting Alena right behind it. But she was not in sight. Instead, he found her sitting slumped on the floor, hugging her knees with her head buried behind her hair and the pregnancy test was still in her hands.

"Alena." Emile squatted down and tugged the hair behind her ears. He removed the test stick from her hand and tossed on the counter. He did not need it to confirm his fear. Alena's silence already did.

Alena looked up and her lips were quivering. "How did it happen? Is this a joke?"

"It's my fault. Come. Get off the floor." Emile took the blame. Though it probably was a technological failure in the contraceptives, whatever could soothe her panic, he would just say it. He pulled her up from the floor and wrapped his arms around her shoulder. She hung her head low as she walked back to the bed, totally defeated.

"This is not supposed to happen. It's not." She mumbled as she pulled the cover over her body.

"Well, it happened." Emile climbed next to her and pulled the cover over his body.

"But I prayed. I made peace with Him. I didn't ask for the baby anymore." Alena's eyes were now welled up with tears. She was not crying in the bathroom. She was panic. Now that Emile was on her side, her emotions floodgate just lost all the control. "What are we going to do now? How are we going to cope with everything, and a baby? This is all wrong." The tears finally escaped her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

"Alena. We'll deal with it as it comes." Emile wiped her tears with his thumb. He did not know what else to say. All he could do was to pull her close, gave her the physical comfort that he knew would calm her.

He was all in this together. He had the same fear as she had, peculiar situation in the office, a sick parent, a demanding tot and single income. If anything happened to Mark, he would need to take on the responsibility of Rhonda too. Mark did not plan for such an early retirement. Above all things, he now had a weeping wife leaning on his shoulder. It was just all too heavy on him. Unfortunately, as the head of the house, he had no choice but to take them all on. He gently stroke Alena's hair a few times and then laced his fingers with hers. How he hoped he could lean on her too. But it probably would be too much to ask. He kept his silence, deep in his thoughts, trying to map out the future in his head.

"Emile?" She whispered and eyes still moist. "I am scared."

"I know." He pulled her across his chest, half lying over his torso. His hands never stopped caressing her hands and arms, as if he was assuring her his presence. His mind, however, was all messed up with images of how the future would turn out. None of those images were assuring at all.

Alena took a deep breath and hugged him tight. "I guess this time we'll need my mom to help out." Alena tried hard to pull herself together. She must be so totally defeated, otherwise she would never think of such option. She knew her own mother would not be a suitable caregiver for an infant. But with all the problems stacked up against them, it looked like that this would be the most logical arrangement.

"Don't be silly. You know I will never agree to this." Emile sighed, recalled a few occasions when they had to leave Candy in his mother-in-law's hands for a couple of hours. Incompatible parenting or grand-parenting pretty much summed up their differences.

"You think we have choices? We can't count on Rhonda anymore. She has Mark to take care of." Alena bit her lips and rolled to the other side of the bed. The future looked so grim and she wanted so badly to hide from it. Yet, she could not help but mapped out all the possible arrangements in her head, which included asking her mom to help out, finding a job real quick herself and possibly cutting some of Candy's extracurricular activities, just to save some expenses. But she detested all these arrangements. This newly discovered pregnancy totally threw her a curve ball and she hated it.

Emile kept his silence. He did not know what to do either. He rolled over to her side of the bed and gathered her against his chest. He started kissing her arms and neck. He needed to have her in his arms. He was not sure if he was comforting her, or needed her to comfort him. Her closeness always brought him comfort and now, he needed it very much.

"Emile." His name came out like a sigh. Alena turned around and looked into his eyes. She was expecting an assuring look from him, but instead, it was only desperation that filled his eyes. Not once did she look into his eyes since she came out from the bathroom, and what she saw now completely shocked her. She was so absorbed in her own fear and was totally unaware of Emile's emotions.

"Emile," she whispered his name softly and kissed him gently on his lips, "I'm sorry." She kissed him again and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Her eyes were once again welled up. They were altogether in this, another lesson of which the Lord had put in their paths. They needed each other, assuring each other that they could pull it through.

"So did you pray for a girl or a boy?" Because the question was so out of the blue as Emile pulled away from the kiss, Alena looked once again into Emile's eyes, bewildered.

"I was thinking if we can reuse some of Candy's clothes." Emile chuckled, amused how he managed to interrupt her distress.

"Is that what you were thinking when I was kissing you? Recycling baby clothes?" A weak smile escaped from Alena's lips. His humour worked some magic once again. She would never know that it was her understanding hug and kisses which gave him the courage to see through this hard lesson.

"Got to think ahead, right?" He lied comfortably in the bed and pulled the cover over his body. Alena did the same and snuggled close to him.

"So have you thought about who's going to be the sitter then? You're sure you don't want my mom to help?"

"Alena, you know she is not suitable. She never liked taking care of kids anyway. Why stressing her out? It's a lose-lose for all of us."

"You have someone else in mind then? I'll need a job now, with two kids?"

"Yes, I do have someone in mind."

"Who?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding? We have two kids now! I need to get a job now, don't you think?" It was such an incredulous moment for Alena. For months, it was Emile who wished she would get back to her career. Now, it was him who wanted her to continue to stay home.

"Sleep on it Alena. You can't think straight right now. Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"You know very well I can never sleep on it. Everything has to be out of the system before I close my eyes."

"Yes, I know."

"So?"

"So sleep." He switched off the lights by his bedside table and closed his eyes.

"Emile." She sighed. She knew it was him who needed to sleep on it. He needed a good sleep before he could think straight. She had no choice but to close her eyes and hoped she would sleep through the night.

They did sleep through the night, though not so soundly. They managed to start the day just as any other day. Candy had her favourite rainbow-coloured cereal while Emile made the coffee.

"I may visit Nora today." Alena was fixing her oatmeal when she blurted that out. Nora was a good friend and also her family doctor.

"Good idea. You need me to pick up Candy from school, then?"

"It's alright. I'll see if I can squeeze in this morning. It's just a blood test."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything." Emile poured out a cup of hot coffee and headed towards the study.

"Emile, you're sure you want me to stay home again? Don't we need some extra income now?" This was on her mind the whole morning. She was working on starting her own business just days before, and then the pregnancy pushed her over the edge, thinking she now needed a job. It never crossed her mind that Emile would want her to stay home.

"Sweetheart, why don't we discuss this tonight? You are in a hurry and I am in a hurry. If we are going to have an argument, let's not have it in the morning, shall we?" Emile gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and marched into the study.

She felt as if Emile was dodging the issues. She looked at the clock. Emile was right however, they were all in a hurry. She quickly moved on to the daily routine and took Candy to school.

**

Luckily, she managed to squeeze in an appointment in the morning with Nora. The clinic was not very busy, which made her feel more relaxed when she was sitting in the examination room.

"So how are you feeling?" Nora was checking her with the stethoscope. Why she was doing it, Alena had no idea.

"I am feeling fine. I wouldn't know I am pregnant if I didn't do the home test."

"You were pretty sick last time. But every pregnancy is different anyway. When was your last period?" Nora quickly scribbled some notes on the examination record.

"Let me check. I always forget." Alena pulled out her PDA from her purse and told Nora the date.

"So you are about 7 weeks along then. Well, we'll know better with the blood test."

"I supposed."

"I guess you didn't plan for this, huh? You aren't too excited. I can tell." Nora leaned back to her chair and cast Alena a concerned look.

"Not at all. You know about Mark. Why would we plan for a baby in time like this?"

"What did Emile say?" Nora pulled her brows together.

"He is very stressed out too. His company is not very stable. He travels quite a bit these days. You know, doing his PR round in the tech world."

"Anyone helping you with the house chores? You will need some help when you become heavy." Nora now leaned a bit more forward, which made Alena slightly uncomfortable with the atmosphere. She left like she was in a hot seat all in a sudden.

"Well, probably not. I was hoping to find a job but then Emile is now expecting me to stay home. I have no idea what he is thinking. But at least we are going to talk about it tonight." Alena sighed, thinking about the talk sure made her feel more uneasy.

"You remember how to watch out for the signs, right?" This question totally caught Alena off guard. Nora was referring to the signs of her clinical depression, which she would never forget. "You cannot take any medications if it recurs now." Nora looked at her with such a stern face which sent cold shivers down her spine. Medications and pregnancy did not get along well.

"I...I...never thought about that." Alena looked away, scenes of stupid things she did during those dark periods flashed right in front of her, just like a movie. She did not need to be reminded of such illness. It took her two years to recover and she vowed that would never happen again. But now, Nora managed to scare the hell out of her. Could she be depressed again? The answer was, highly likely. With so many odds stacked against them, a recurrence of the depression would just be the last thing to stack up on the pile.

"You'll need some help, Alena." Nora reached to Alena's hand and started rubbing it, as if she knew how cold her hands were even before touching them.

"But no one can help me now, Nora. I am stuck with it." Alena huffed out an uneasy breath as if trying to let everything out of her system. "I wanted another baby, but that was before all these problems happened. Never have I imagined Emile's company could be at risk. They were doing so well. And who would have imagined, Mark, of all people, can have cancer? He is always the most health conscious in the family. If any happens to him, Rhonda will be our responsibility too. I mean...what choice do I have now? I can only run with it. I never imagined I would be upset with another pregnancy, but I am now." She was now choking on her words. All these horrifying thoughts were rushing out from left, right, centre and jumped right in front of her eyes.

"Have you thought about giving it up?" Nora hesitantly suggested.

"Give it up? What do you mean?" Alena's head shot right up.

"It's not unheard of, Alena. If you don't want it, you don't have to keep it." Nora winced as she heard the loud gasp from Alena. This was a horrid thing to suggest, but she worried about the well-being of Alena. If she ended up in a depression, it could only bring more damage to the household.

"You mean...abortion?" Alena said that word in disgust. No, not over her dead body could she ever think of getting rid of the baby, a human being made out of love between her and Emile. It might not be what they had planned, but the baby is innocent. A baby's face which looked just like baby Candy appeared right in front of her eyes. No, no one could do any harm to this angelic face.

"Though I may be troubled with it, Nora, never can I think about getting rid of it. This has to be a blessing from God. He never fails me." She never thought she would say such things, but the words came out involuntarily, as if they were meant more so for her, than for Nora. A gust of confidence just shot through her body.

"Well, that settles then, I supposed. Can you promise me you will watch for your signs?" Nora gave her hand a little squeeze.

"Certainly." Alena held her head high this time. She knew, if God surprised her with such a gift, it certainly would be a good one. He always did things for their good.

She left the clinic with a smile on her face. She could face it now, knowing God was watching over her, just liked He always had.

*

"Alena, what are you doing here?" Emile was so surprise to see Alena and Candy in his office later that afternoon. She was sitting on his guest chair watching Candy, while Candy was standing on the other chair, drawing on the white board with the markers. He just finished his meeting with Pierre and Marcus.

"To surprise you, of course." Alena put on a big grin while Candy climbed down from the chair and ran to Emile, hugging his leg, liked a little monkey trying to climb a tree.

"Daddy." Candy smiled sweetly to Emile.

"Hi Sweetie." Emile looked down on Candy and patted on her head. He looked at Alena again, still could not figured out why she just showed up in his office. "To surprise me? What's the occasion? It's not our anniversary yet, is it?" He quickly pulled out the blackberry device from his pocket, trying to figure out if he had forgotten something important.

"It's only May, Emile. I hope you are not thinking about another anniversary you may have with another person." Alena playfully teased. She obviously was in quite a good mood.

"Love, what's the matter with you? You look so happy." Emile gently released Candy from his leg and walked towards Alena. Candy just eyed her parents curiously.

"'Cause I am happy." Alena stood up from the chair and circled her arms around his waist. She brought her face forward, hoping to steal a kiss from him.

"Alena!" Emile tried hard to keep a stern face but a chuckle still managed to escape from his throat. He quickly pushed her away and turned his head slightly towards the big glass behind him, hoping no one saw how his wife boldly advanced to him. He was always uncomfortable to publicly showcase their intimacy, even it was just a peck on the lips. But then Alena, on the other hand, always enjoyed seeing how he squirmed in her arms, dodging her lips.

"What? I am looking out for you. No one will notice. Come, give me a kiss. I miss you." Alena inched her lips closer again. She sure was enjoying such moment of embarrassment, at Emile's expense.

"Mommy. Man coming." Candy yelled so loudly just when Alena's lips were centimetre away from Emile's.

His heart skipped a beat and he pushed Alena away. He turned around and Mason was walking towards to his office with a big grin.

Emile turned around and glared at Alena. He was blushing feverishly while she was giggling crazily. He was so embarrassed to be caught like this.

"Am I interrupting?" Mason marched into the office, amused that he caught him in such a moment.

"Not at all."  Emile flushed from head to toes.

"Yes."  Alena smirked.

"So am I or am I not?" Mason leaned by the door frame and crossed his arms. He sure found this amusing.

"It's alright Mason. It's nice to see you anyway." Alena walked to him and gave him a hug. She turned to Candy who was still eyeing everything with curiosity. "Come say hi to Mason, Candy."

"Hi." Candy shyly said.

"Hi sweetie. You are such a big girl now." Mason smiled warmly to her.

"You need something from me?" Emile was annoyed but he had to maintain certain level of professionalism. Alena decided her prank should end now, so she hid her grin by lowering her head and picked up Candy from the floor.

"I was going to ask you something about the demo you want to set up for the New York Trip. But I guess it's not a good time?" Mason was still smiling.

Emile turned to Alena, not sure what to do. On one hand, he wanted to talk to Mason, but he had yet to found out why Alena was here in the first place.

"I won't take long, Mason. I just come by and let him know that I want to eat out tonight. Emile, I am taking Candy to the mall downstairs. Why don't we meet at five thirty in the Italian restaurant on the second floor?" Alena grabbed her purse and headed out of the office with Candy in her arms.

"I'll walk you to the elevator then. Give me a few minutes please, Mason." Emile put his hand on her back as he walked her out of the office. This probably was the most he could do in showcasing their intimacy.

"Did something happen? You are so....different." Emile whispered into Alena's ear.

"I'll tell you later. Come, I really want a kiss." Alena turned to him as they waited for the elevator. Emile was actually quite stirred by her words. He looked around and made sure no one was around. He then leaned forward and gave her a deep kiss. He wanted to linger a bit longer, but was interrupted by his daughter.

"Me too, Daddy." Candy protested.

"Sure. How can I forget yours?" Emile gave her a deep kiss on her cheek and tickled her tummy at the same time. Candy just laughed so hard that Emile could literally feel his heart was thoroughly warmed.

"I will see you in a bit." Alena then walked into the elevator with Candy and headed to the mall.

An hour later, Emile walked into the Italian restaurant and found Alena with Candy, sitting behind a booth.

"Did you order yet?" He sat down and picked up the menu on the table.

"I only ordered a glass of milk for Candy, but I picked something already."

"What are you having?"

"I want the seafood linguini and garlic bread with cheese."

"Ok, I will have the chicken penne then. You are sharing with Candy?"

"Of course. The kid's meal is too big for her."

So Emile waved at the waitress and she gladly took the orders. She also brought some crayons and coloring sheets to keep Candy entertained.

Alena was so glad that Candy was now occupied with her drawings. She could finally have a few minutes with Emile.

"So tell me why you want to eat out and surprise me tonight?" Emile really wanted to know. Just yesterday, Alena was moody about her career plan. Then later the surprised pregnancy further blackened her moods. Now, she was like a totally different person.

"Because I am happy." Alena sure liked to keep him on his toes.

"Happy? What makes you so happy then?"

"Hmm...Cheers!" She picked up the glass of water, gesturing to Emile that he should do the same.

"What for?"

"You won't believe what Nora said to me today. Come, let's cheer first." She insisted.

Emile picked up his glass of water and lightly touched hers with his.

Alena took a sip of the water and her smile showed that she truly was happy.

"So what did she say?" Emile was now very curious.

"She asked if I remembered to watch for the signs."

"Signs? What signs?"

"Depression signs!"

"She thinks you may go into a depression again? She thinks you'll be so stressed out with the pregnancy that you'll need therapy? And that makes you happy?" He had no idea why these words would ever make her as happy as she was now.

"Not those words. It was her suggestion." Alena continued to keep the suspense going strong.

"Suggestion? What suggestion?" He still could not connect the dots together. What suggestion could make her so happy?

"Abortion."

"Abortion?!" Now this was the panic moment for him. Never had he thought of aborting the pregnancy, just that word itself, sent a shiver down his spine. "She thinks you are unfit to have the baby?" He no longer contemplated on what made her happy. If Nora could suggest such an idea, she must have believed that Alena should not have the baby.

"No! She just suggested an easy way out of the whole mess." She was having fun until Emile reacted so drastically to her words. She quickly reached for his hand across the table, hoping to lessen his panic.

"She suggested that because apparently some people will do that for these unplanned babies. She just worries that with all the things we are dealing with now, I can be depressed again. She is just being logical. Don't be mad at her."

"I am not mad at her. I am just, shocked, and worried. Hold on. Is that why you are happy? You find a way out?" All in a sudden, the two dots connected perfectly in his head.

"How can you think of me like that? You know I will never do such things." Alena never imagined Emile would think of her this way. She was hurt. She leaned back to her seat and released Emile from her grip. But then, it was her fault. She kept the suspense too long, letting him thought the worst of her. She sighed.

"I don't understand." Emile was so confused.

"Emile, not until she suggested such a thing, I didn't know that I was already in love with the baby." She frowned. "Yes, I was surprised by the whole thing and even now, I still think that its timing is all wrong." She turned her head just a little and glanced at Candy, who was happily scribbling on the coloring sheet.

"It is another Candy that I am carrying. How can I possibly think of ending its life, no matter how much inconvenience it's going to cost us?" She turned her gaze to Emile once again. "And I don't want our problems to ruin its life. Our bitterness and anger will pass onto the baby, if we fail to see how gracious our God actually is. He knows our lives are rough and that's why He is giving us a surprise gift to cheer us up. He never fails us." Her eyes were moist. She was touched once again by her own words. They flowed as if they were meant for her, more than for Emile.

"I'm sorry. I was just not thinking straight." He handed her the napkin, hoping the tears would not roll out from her eyes. That sure would scare Candy.

Alena took the napkin and quickly dabbed her eyes dry. Luckily Candy was still in her colourful world, oblivious of what was happening.

"Will you forgive me?" Emile reached for her hands once again, "for thinking the worst of you?"

"Sure, only if you kiss me here and now. And it has to be a deep one." Alena smiled. She had already forgiven him without him asking. But once again, she felt like playing a prank on him.

"You sure know how to get to me." Emile shook his head in disbelief. He was once again being cornered.

"Well, you asked for it." She brought her face closer to his.

"I guess I deserve it then." He leaned forward and kissed her passionately on her lips. He got to be crazy to do that. But he did not care anymore, for he also realized what a surprise gift that God had given to them. It was time to celebrate.

"Mommy! I'm hungry." Candy being the third wheel once again interrupted their kiss.

"Do you want a kiss too, Candy? Why do you always stop Daddy from kissing Mommy?" Emile turned to Candy with a big grin.

"I'm hungry." Candy could only giggle.

"Good. Here you go. Here is your pasta." Just now, the waitress brought them their orders.

The dinner they shared was good and most importantly, they were happy, celebrating a new life growing inside Alena.

"So, you wanna explain to me your choice of sitter then?" Alena sceptically asked the question, hoping this unavoidable discussion would not ruin the night.

"Because you are the best sitter I can ever get?" Emile grinned.

"Oh I know that and the most expensive too." Alena was glad that they managed to keep the tone light.

"I never said you are cheap." Emile continued to tease.

"So you're sure you want me to stay home?" Something was up her sleeves. The way she asked him was quite suggestive.

"Yes, I do. You care the most of our kids. You are the best person to take care of them. I know we are going to be tight and we'll need to dig into our savings or may even go in debts before you go back to work. But we are still young. We can recover from it later." Emile calmly led Alena through his plan. He was right. Alena cared about the kids the most.

"Hmm...my plan is even better." Alena's lips pulled up a little more at the corner. "I want to go on with my business plan too."

"You mean you want to build your business? Are you sure? Though I hate what Nora suggested, I share her very same concerns." Emile did not look happy with her plan.

"Listen. I am not planning anything grand. I am just thinking to do the small jobs offered by Ben. Perhaps I can do a few more small jobs like those through his referrals. At least this will help me to get my feet wet again in the industry. I can pace myself too. The money may not be much, but this definitely is not as stressful as a full-time job. I think I can manage." Alena gave Emile a look of confidence, hoping to convince him her new plan.

"Don't look at me like that. You are free to do whatever you want, as long as you can handle it. You know I always support you." Emile wiped his mouth with the napkin as he finished his pasta.

"Really? Always support me?" Alena was amused with that comment. Oh well, not the time to pick up any fight. She decided to let it slide. "So you want any dessert? It's time for a treat."

"Ice-cream! Chocolate Ice-cream." Candy interrupted the conversation once again, as if she had been listening all along.

"Sure. We'll have chocolate ice-cream then." Emile shook his head. This little girl was growing fast. He could not tell how much she could comprehend, but she sure was not a baby anymore.

The chocolate ice-cream was a delight in the evening. It was something this family of three loved having and sharing. The baby now growing inside Alena, was sure to be loved and cherished by this family of three, well, soon to be four.