Disclaimer: I OWN NOOOTHIIIIIING... EXCEPT MIA. MIA IS TOTALLY MY BITCH.

Warning: Language! Seriously.

Beta: Lavendor Queen

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"This... is... awesome!"

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at me, awarding me with an eye-smile. I kept my arms wrapped firmly around his neck, and my legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me through the trees.

Naruto grinned brightly, slowing down to run beside us. "I'm glad you're having fun, Kaa-chan."

I beamed at him. "Of course I am. I have some of my favorite people in the world with me, I'm getting a free piggy-back ride, the wind is rushing through my hair and I have chocolate in my backpack! Totally awesome."

"Why do you like piggy-back rides so much?" Kakashi wondered.

I shrugged. "Hell if I know. There's just something nice about the thought of someone carrying you around."

Sakura giggled. "You would think that, wouldn't you? Anko told me, though, that it wasn't so much you enjoyed being carried around, so much as the position - "

"ALALALALA!" Naruto shrieked, screwing his eyes shut and placing his hands over his ears. "Kaa-chan is innocent! Kaa-chan is innocent!"

Naruto slammed into a tree due to his lack of sight and I gasped. "My baby!"

"He's fine," Sasuke dismissed, and the group didn't falter, pressing on. "He's survived worse."

"Worse!? I don't want to imagine my baby going through anything worse than a tiny little itty-bitty bruise. And even then..."

"How have you not gone insane from your anxiety?" Yamato asked, smiling in amusement and glancing back at us.

I shrugged again. "Luck. And denial. Lots of denial. For instance, Naruto has never broken a bone before. Ever. At all. Not even a little bit."

Naruto, who just caught up with the group, looked confused. "What? Yes I have. I think I've broken at least all the bones in my body at least twice - "

"Yep," I said, completely ignoring him. "Not a single bone in his body has ever been harmed. He hasn't even had a scratch on him before."

"Ignoring what just happened a minute ago," Kakashi said slowly.

"What happened a minute ago?" I asked.

"That is some heavy denial," Yamato declared.

Sakura shrugged. "At least it works. I'd rather have a happy Mia in denial, than a sad Mia having anxiety attacks every other minute."

I smiled. "Don't be silly, sweetie. I wouldn't be sad. More likely, I'd just snap, build a machine gun and head off to slaughter the world, or die trying."

"That's even worse," Naruto whined.

"Don't worry, sweetie. My denial is pretty damn strong," I said firmly. "And I make sure I always carry around my anxiety pills."

"And I brought her sedatives," Sakura chirped.

"Then we're all set," Kakashi said dryly.

"Gosh, how long are we going to be running, anyway?" I wondered.

"Forever," Kakashi deadpanned.

"Well, shit, I'm already bored."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Snow!" I squealed, as soon as we reached the land of iron and the scenery was covered in a beautiful white blanket. I squirmed on Kakashi's back. "Let me down! Please!"

Kakashi obliged, dropping down to the forest floor and placing me on the ground. I clapped my hands happily and scooped up some snow. My fingers were already growing numb, and Sakura pulled out my jacket as she landed next to us. The rest of the team landed in the snow, pulling out their own cloaks and whatnot.

I patted the snow into a ball and while Kakashi turned away to kneel down to grab his cloak out of his bag, I moved towards him. I then dropped the snow on his head, smiling brightly and dancing away.

Kakashi shook his head, using his hands to brush the snow out of his hair. I slipped on my heavy coat, and my gloves that I kept in its pockets. I pulled on my hat, and I grabbed Tobi's scarf, wrapping it around me. "Yes. I love snow. Why can't Konoha be in, like, the tundra?"

"I like Konoha just where it is," Sakura said pointedly. "Sasori says it's a good place to make puppets, because of all the excess wood."

"Suna is too hot, Kiri too wet, Kumo too windy, Iwa too bland, Tetsu no Kuni is too cold, and Konoha is too... normal," Sasuke grunted.

Sakura gave him an incredulous look. "Is there no place that satisfies you?"

Sasuke was quiet for a moment, considering her question. "... Nothing comes to mind."

I shrieked in surprise when I felt snow shoved down the back of my shirt. Twirling around, I found Kakashi giving me a smirk. "You ass!"

"Revenge is best served cold," Kakashi told me.

"Oh, it is on," I said, scooping up some snow. However, when I straightened up, a snowball was rudely introduced to my face. I spluttered.

"Preemptive strike," Kakashi said.

"Oi! Be nice to Kaa-chan," Naruto threatened, grabbing some snow and hurling it at Kakashi. Kakashi sidestepped with ease.

"Guys, don't do this..." Yamato began hesitantly, but then Sakura nailed him with a snowball in the face. Yamato wiped the snow out of his eyes. "Oh, it's on, bitch."

"Bring it tree-fucker!"

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by idio - " Sasuke's sigh was cut off when Kakashi's snowball hit him in his open mouth. "I'm going to murder you."

Kakashi gave him an eye-smile. "Bright. It. On."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I shivered in my clothes, sneezing. I was soaked to the bone from all the heavy snow-damage I had taken. Despite Sasuke and Naruto's best attempts to keep me out of the cross-fire, my stubbornness to be in on the mass-chaos that was shinobi-snowball fighting was too strong. After our fight, we realized we burnt too much of our time and had to sprint the rest of the way.

Being soaking wet in a snowland, going pretty damn fast on a shinobi's back (thus causing the wind to blow straight through me), was not the greatest feeling in the world.

I sneezed again and Kakashi looked back to give me a sympathetic look. Unlike the others, I couldn't generate chakra inside of me to warm me up.

"Almost there, Mia," Kakashi said soothingly. "Then we'll get you some hot chocolate. How does that sound?"

"Heavenly," I confessed, sighing. I buried my face in his hair, hoping to keep the wind off my face for a while. I had already lost feeling in the tip of my nose and cheeks. I didn't feel like losing the rest of what little feeling I had in my face.

I could hear that one of them had moved closer to us. And after hearing them speak, I determined them to be Yamato. "Still love the snow."

"We're destined to get married someday," I mumbled into Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi chuckled. "Does Tobi know he has competition?"

"Oh, yes. His biggest enemy, though, is chocolate."

"I'm not surprised." Kakashi said.

"But there's no competition for your favorite child, right?" Naruto asked, and I could practically see the grin on his face.

Sakura giggled. "That's right. Of course it's me."

"Bitch! I don't think so," Naruto snorted. "It's me. I'm the one who lives with her, and I've known her the longest."

"If she has a favorite, it would be me," Sasuke reasoned. "I'm not hyperactive or insane."

"You are insane, though," Naruto retorted. "Anyone who swears vengeance on Valentines Day because they get too much chocolate is insane."

Sasuke was probably glaring at Naruto, because Sakura giggled again.

"I love all of my children," I said through Kakashi's hair. "But Naruto is technically my only child. The rest of you refuse to let me legally adopt you, so..."

Naruto gave a triumphant shout and Sasuke and Sakura cursed.

"It's not that I don't want you as my kaa-chan, so much as my biological kaa-chan would probably be a bit upset if I legally made you my kaa-chan," Sakura objected.

"I don't care too much for you having legal rights over me. I don't care too much for anyone having legal rights over me," Sasuke said bluntly.

"I'm the favorite, I'm the favorite," Naruto sung.

"By being her only child, you also realize you're her least favorite, too, right?" Yamato pointed out.

Naruto gasped. "Lies!"

"That's right, baby, you tell that hater. I don't have a least favorite," I said, my voice still coming out muffled from having buried my face in Kakashi's hair. "Kakashi. You're hair smells wonderful."

"Thank you."

"And it's insanely soft. What shampoo do you use?"

"Yours."

"What?"

"I got lazy, I figured you wouldn't mind..."

"... I don't. I just... why can't my hair get as soft? That's not fair."

"It's because you don't have chakra, obviously."

"... I knew it."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Aaand.. we're here!"

"Oh, thank Video-Game King," I exclaimed. "I've lost feeling in my ass!"

"Too much information, Kaa-chan," Naruto said, shuddering. I ignored him, stiffly releasing my grip on Kakashi and placing my feet on the stone ground. I looked up, finding myself staring up at a large fortress of sorts. Yamato was already moving towards it, knocking on the large wooden door with the giant handles. My eyes drifted away from it, and I looked up at the clear, night sky.

The doors opened, and my attention returned to them.

"Hello," greeted a young women, "my master has already prepared for bed, and would request that the meeting be postponed until morning. I'll show you to your rooms, however."

"Thanks," I chirped. "We'll follow you, then."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I stared around my room. I was several rooms down from everyone else, and I was given the largest room (which I thought was kind of weird, but then I remembered that I was technically the only one who would be representing Konoha, so I was kind of the leader of the mission, too...).

Yawning tiredly, I crawled into my bed and sprawled across the covers. I stared up at the wooden ceiling, before my eyes slowly drifted closed.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

With a snort, I woke up, blinking my eyes rapidly. I was shivering, and I clutched my bare arms. My head was pounding something fierce, and it took several minutes to gather my thoughts.

Feeling lightheaded, I looked around my surroundings.

What... the... fuck...?

I wasn't anywhere near civilization, from the looks of it. Instead, I was plopped into the snow, in the middle of a completely white land. Thankfully, it wasn't snowing, but if the oppressive clouds were anything to go by, it would be... soon.

From the fact that I hadn't died from hyperthermia and I still had some feeling in my fingers and toes, I estimated that I couldn't have been placed here too long ago. However, glancing around, I saw no trace of anyone having been here - I couldn't see any footprints, and I knew the window or snow couldn't have covered them, because I wasn't covered. Not to mention the snow didn't even look disturbed - it was perfectly smooth.

I sneezed, shuddering. Rubbing my forehead, I did a quick check to what I had. Thick sweatpants, Tobi's t-shirt, socks, slippers... and that's it.

My eyes roamed about, a small panic starting to run through me. Nothing. Just mountains and snow. Not even a single tree. There wasn't a mountain near the fortress for tens of miles.

A harsh wind blew through me and I shivered, my teeth starting to chatter. Already, I was beginning to lose feeling in the tips of my toes.

I had to move.

I lifted my right foot up, yanking it out of the two-feet snow. Caught off guard from the lack of resistance from the pull, I lost my balance and fell into the snow. Spluttering and spitting out the snow, I shivered again.

I really have to get moving. Get the blood flowing.

Scrambling up as quickly as I could, I stumbled again. However, determination (and fear) pursued me to continue on. Due to lack of sun (and time), I wasn't able to figure out which way to go, so I ended up picking a direction and moving.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I couldn't tell you the exact time that I had been moving, but I could tell you I had no feeling in my feet, my hands, and I was the coldest I had ever been in my entire life. Little flakes of snow were descending from the clouds, and I was feeling more than hopeless.

Not a sign of civilization. No proper gear or clothing. No sign of warmth anywhere. It's starting to snow. Middle of goddamn nowhere. Lost feeling in my feet - shit, I hope I don't have a serious case of frostbite. Can't be tracked by normal means, due to lack of chakra. Doubt anyone knows I'm gone yet, judging from lighting.

I'm fucked.

Royally.

Fucked.

Closing my eyes, I shuddered again, coughing and sniffling.

Still, I kept moving, because it was better than the alternative.

Every part of my joints were sore, and my body seemed to be screaming at me to just stop, to just lie down and sleep, because it was time to face it - there would be no rescue.

Snow fell around me, obscuring my view and forcing my eyes closed for the majority of the time.

When I stumbled again, falling into the snow, and having erupting into a coughing fit, I finally realized... I was actually going to die.

I was actually going to die if I kept doing this.

I curled up in my place, biting my tongue to try and still the chattering - it did no good.

And suddenly, I thought of green.

Which reminded me... there was something I could do.

Either I die for sure from this, I thought, or I die potentially from doing that.

"F-F-F-F-Fuck this shit," I declared, closing my eyes. I could feel the warm thrum of chakra around me, and after years of pushing it away, I relaxed my guard. Instantly, I could feel it surrounding me, pressing around me. Opening my eyes, I found myself wrapped in a glowing green warmth.

I shuddered again, but this time from the drastic change in temperature. I willed the chakra to wrap tighter around me, to keep me warm. It wasn't as dangerous as manipulating it against something it wanted - here, here it wanted to be warm, and I was all too happy to oblige it.

I laid in the snow, my entire focus and concentration on the chakra. While the chakra wanted to be warm, I had to be careful in using it. My control had improved significantly from that first attempt - I could manipulate it enough to sense others, and regulate my body temperature, however, it took a significant amount of concentration because nature chakra was just a fickle thing.

It reminded me a lot like a prissy bitch who couldn't make up her mind on if she wanted the red shoes, or the black shoes, and if she couldn't decide, she would be prepared to take her frustration out on her pillow - me.

Opening my eyes, I stared up at the snow, watching it fall down and slowly bury me.

I can't move while I'm concentrating on the chakra. It looks like I'll have to move a bit without the chakra, stop and warm-up, then start all over again.

Dejectedly, I closed my eyes again.

I'm going to fucking murder whoever did this to me.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It was long. It was cold. It was painful. It was the second hardest thing I had to ever deal with in my entire life. I walked on and on, and just when I thought my fingers would fall off, I would stop, warm-up, and start all over again. I was soaking wet, my stomach was demanding food, I was sporting a migraine from concentrating so frequently on such a difficult task, and I was still in the middle of the goddamn nowhere.

Cock-socking, bitch-licking, cunt-guzzling...

Listing off every curse word I knew, I continued on.

Whiny-pansy-greasy bastard, bumbling fucker who can't fuck-fuck-fuckity-fuck!

When I ran out, I gave a strangled cry of frustration, and looked up at the sky. "Stop snowing already you cruel bastard!"

Of course, though, the sky completely ignored me and snowed onwards.

"I hate you," I muttered under my breath, shooting daggers at the clouds above me. "I hope that you are somehow sentient and that you die a horrible and painful death, you rude pricks!"

Before I could curse the sky anymore, though, I was racked with another coughing fit, and judging from how the tips of my fingers were starting to turn blue, it became a safe estimate that it was time to stop again.

"It's official," I grumbled, "I hate snow."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Finally, fucking finally, I found a road.

When I saw that beautiful, beautiful thing, I felt ready to cry from joy. I stepped onto its specially made chakra-rocks (rocks that were coated in a chakra-ink and then given an overlaying jutsu to effectively repel and keep snow off the road), I lowered down to my knees and kissed the ground.

"Thank Video-Game King," I whispered happily, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. Standing up, I looked in both directions of the path. "Alright, so I may not recognize it, but it'll still lead me to some form of civilization... right?"

Now to decide which way... I thought, frowning. ... At least it stopped snowing. Okay... I know Konoha is East, and I'm pretty sure it's morning now, judging from how it was insanely dark when I first started and it's gotten pretty lighter... The clouds may be thick, but I might be able to see where the light is brightest at...

Scrutinizing, I peered up at the sky, looking both directions.

Okay, it's brighter to the right, but not much. It could just be because the clouds are not as heavy over there, but... it's the best I've got.

Turning to the right, I set off.

I only hoped I didn't have to walk all the way back to Konoha. I was pretty damn sure I'd be screwed if that was the case, but hopefully I'd run into a familiar village or caravan on the way. Or, actually, just any village would do.

Please let this be the right way to go...

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Answer: Kabuto and Sai.

Question: Favorite dessert for winter?

Reviews are love!