Disclaimer: Mia is my only baby in this story.

Warning: Violence. Scarring. Romance. Innuendos like no tomorrow. Fluff.

Beta: Lavendor Queen

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"It's good to be back," I said, beaming. I was holding Tobi's hand and we swung our hands back and forth as the Akatsuki began to make their way to the HQ. Even Nagato and Konan left their private tower (on the other side of Amegakure) to greet us (though, Nagato still used his Deva Path).

Hidan snorted. "Just don't get kidnapped again, bitch."

"Seriously, un," Deidara agreed. "And next time, make sure that X guy sends your letter."

I blushed sheepishly, ducking my head. "I didn't even think that he wouldn't."

"Which was idiotic," Sasori chimed in.

"I know, I know," I sighed.

Tobi squeezed my hand. "Tobi thinks that everyone's being too hard on Mia-chan. But, Tobi also thinks that if Mia-chan ever does something so stupid, he'll have to punish her - no chocolate!"

I gasped in horror and flung myself away from Tobi and to Itachi. "Itachi-chaaaan, do you see how mean he is to me?"

Itachi patted my back sympathetically. "It is definitely cruel to take away sweets."

"I'll take away your sweets if you side with her," Kisame threatened. "Tobi has the right idea. Mia, shame on you for being so trusting."

With another dramatic sigh, I went back to Tobi and grabbed his arm. "Aw, come on, be gentle with me. Besides, I totally stole you guys a bunch of shit."

"Oh yeah?" Hidan snorted. "And where is it?"

"... With X."

There was a collection of rolling of eyes, snorting, and exasperated looks.

Konan gave me a soft smile. "Did you at least have fun?"

"A little, yeah," I admitted.

"Shame on you, un," Deidara scolded. "You got to have fun while we worried sick about you?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you worry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, young lady," Kisame said, grinning widely.

"Damn," I said. "What do you want?"

Nagato (via Deva Path) shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done and you are home now. Let us focus on our plans again."

I gave a hum of agreement while the other members mumbled their own consent. I skipped ahead of the group, thankful that Nagato had canceled the rain for a bit, and reached the front door to the large building.

I placed my hand on the doorknob. "I guess I'll go ahead and bake a cake in celebration. I'm craving some blondie blast cake like no tomorrow."

And as I twisted the door knob there was a keening sound and then arms were around me and we were leaping back, but not before I saw what had happened.

Fire erupted from the building, flaring up and going in all directions and my savior just wasn't fast enough to entirely escape the flames.

Because all of a sudden, with an indescribable sensation of utter pain, my vision went black.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily. I flexed my hands, noting my right hand was bandaged.

"Are you awake?"

"... Tobi?" I whispered.

"Hey."

"I can't see."

"Yeah."

"Why can't I see?"

"I think you know why."

I started hyperventilating.

"Shh, shh," Tobi said, and I could hear the rustle of cloth and the small squeaking of the mattress as Tobi leaned on the bed. I could feel his rough, leathered, gloved hands cup my face and his thumb brush across my cheek.

He smelled like ash.

"It's okay," he whispered softly. "It's just temporary. You're okay. You have some minor burns and your eyes will need treatment, but you're okay. I promise you."

I swallowed roughly. The sheets seemed too warm, and I squirmed under them. "... Everyone else...?"

"Hidan was severely burned, and so was Deidara. They'll be okay with treatment and Konoha is already sending a team along," Tobi whispered. "So don't worry, okay? Just focus on resting."

I managed a small smile. "I'm surprised you aren't in panic mode and super pissed. This... this was an attack, wasn't it? On the Akatsuki, I mean."

He grew silent.

At his silence, my lips started to frown.

"Obito..." I drawled, realizing something, "... this attack... you know who was behind it, don't you?"

I could hear Obito shift anxiously. "... Perhaps."

"This attack... it couldn't possibly be because of a certain obsessed wanna-be that already tried to kidnap me...?"

Obito did not reply.

"You know," I said, my voice growing harder, "the one I specifically said to specifically kill for the specific reason that he was specifically not a good person and I reminded you to specifically make sure he was specifically dead?!"

"Now, now, Mia," Obito said hesitantly, "don't get worked up. It's all under control."

"Come here so I can hit you," I snapped. "I told you, damn it. Now look what he's done - he blew up our headquarters! You're lucky no one died, Obito."

Obito grabbed my hands, holding them in his. I huffed and I was tempted to withdraw my hands and ask him to leave - I cannot believe he was so stupid to allow him to live - but I held my tongue. Obito might not have been caught up in the explosion, but that didn't mean he wasn't hurt by it, either.

Obito said softly, "I'm sorry."

I sighed through my nose and moved over on the bed. "Mask off, and come here."

There was a rustle of cloth and the soft tap as Obito sat his mask on the end table. He sat next to me on the bed and I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close to me, sitting up straighter so I could rest my chin on the top of his head. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's okay," I said. "I'm not mad at you anymore - besides, it's nothing permanent." I smirked. "Maybe you just learned your lesson that I'm always right."

Obito snorted, resting his head on my chest. "... Well, you're right in this case, at least."

"Hush, you. You still haven't learned your lesson, then."

Obito snorted again, turning his head and wrapping his arms around me. "Shut up, pillow."

"Oh, I'm just a pillow now, am I?"

"Yes," Obito mumbled, burying himself against me. "It's your fault I wasn't able to sleep. The least you can do is act as my pillow now. Think of it as repayment for the movie night, too."

"Please; I was your blanket, I don't need to repay you in the slightest. You, however, are not my blanket for the moment so you do need to repay me. So long as I'm blind, you have to be my se - er, I mean, slave. Just slave."

Obito snickered. "So long as you continue to be my pillow, I see no reason not to be generous enough and assist a blind person."

"Good," I said, nodding my head firmly. "Ah... You do know you're going to have to be my seeing-eye-dog now? Or does this mean I can actually get a seeing-eye-dog now? Ooo, that'd be so awesome."

"That's actually not a bad idea," Obito admitted. "The whole getting you a ninken thing. I think it's pretty clear now that not everyone will be able to keep you safe... unless I put you in an alternate dimension..."

"Don't even think about it," I told him seriously. "But are you serious about getting me a dog? Really?"

"Sure. You're friends with Kakashi and Tsume, aren't you? We can talk to them when you return to Konoha."

I kissed the top of Obito's head, squeezing him tighter against me. "Yay."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"To the right, Mia," Kisame said.

I fumbled and turned to the right, my arms outstretched. "This isn't funny, guys!"

"Yes it is, un," Deidara said.

I raised up my hands in the air, flipping everyone off because I wasn't sure where the hell they were. My barefeet padded along the tile flooring of the Amegakure hospital as I tried (in vain) to find where the hell they had hidden my chair.

"I just want to sit down and listen to music," I whined. "Give me back my chair and laptop, you cruel sadists!"

There was a loud crash to my right and Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara started laughing. I turned my head in the direction of the crash. "What? What happened?"

If anything, they just started laughing louder.

"You guys are rude pricks!"

Hidan started howling and clapping his hands. "O-O-Oh, Ja-Jashin, shit."

My shin connected hard against some sort of table leg and I hopped backwards, shifting weight to my other foot so I could clutch the stinging leg. "Damn it!"

"Here, Mia," Itachi said softly. I guess he had just entered the room, because Kisame, Deidara and Hidan weren't laughing nearly as loudly. Itachi took my hand and placed it on his shoulder. "Your chair is by the door with your laptop sitting on it."

"Thank you, Itachi-chan," I chirped, following behind my spy-buddy. Due to the whole kidnapping fiasco and now this, Itachi and I hadn't really had a chance to talk about our plans. Not that we really needed to at this point - spending years working on them had really nailed out the majority of the flaws. "I'll make you some cookies as a reward."

"Can you even do that?" Itachi asked incredulously, after a pause.

I pursed my lips. "... I don't know, but I'll try."

"Do not bother yourself, Mia," Itachi said gently. "Just focus on getting better."

Not replying, as I wasn't sure how to, I just grasped my chair. I bent down to pick up my laptop and I plugged in my earphones before I sat back down on the chair, uncaring where it was.

Before I turned my music back on, though, I heard three definite smacks and two oophs let out.

I smirked triumphantly.

"Just because Sasori and Kakuzu are away capturing the Rokubi (because you two are too injured to do so), doesn't mean you can misbehave. I will be informing your partners of your misconduct when they return."

Best spy-buddy, ever.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Damn, girl."

I immediately hit pause on the audio-recording of Bill Cosby and turned around. "... This better not be another prank, Akatsuki..."

A hand fell on top of my head. "It's not. Sexy Anko is back, baby!"

I laughed, setting my laptop on the end table and standing up from the chair. I hugged Anko tightly, and then there were more arms around us. "... Who else is here?"

"Me," Tsume said.

"Kuromaru," Kuromaru said, brushing up against me.

"We are, too," Hinata said softly. "That is, Sakura, Ino and I."

I grinned brightly, pulling out of the massive hug and beaming. "This is awesome! What are you guys doing here?"

"Girl's night, tonight," Anko said firmly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You went and got yourself blown up, so we figured you'd need a nice break surrounded by people who won't let you get blown up."

"Tobi takes offense to that!"

"Go away Tobi," Sakura retorted. "This is a girls night."

Tobi huffed. "Tobi was just making sure Mia-chan had her dinner. Sheesh!"

"I did, thank you, sweetie," I said. "So wait, you guys all just decided to come up?"

Hinata gave a soft giggle. "Not entirely. Because the Akatsuki representatives for Konoha had been... injured... and couldn't return to Konoha yet, Tsunade-sama thought it would be best if Konoha sent representatives to show their support. Ino and Sakura are technically those representatives. The rest of us are just volunteers to escort them here. We'll have to return to Konoha tomorrow morning."

Someone else wrapped an arm around my waist, I assumed it was Tsume as she sounded closer. "So we figured we might as well take advantage of the opportunity and whatnot."

"Ah, wait, so if Sakura's here, does that mean team 7 is done with their mission?"

"Yeah. Naruto's having another panic attack because he couldn't come 'cause Jiraiya-sama went and kidnapped him for more training. I think it has something to do with Sage...?"

I nodded my head sagely. "The Sage Arts, yes. Sasuke-chan's okay, though?"

"Well, you know him," Sakura said, and I had a feeling she was rolling her eyes. "He didn't outwardly respond to anything, but he's probably having a panic attack, too."

Anko snorted and then giggled, taking her hand off my shoulder so she could make some sort of motion. "Yeah, he's probably like this."

Whatever expression and motion she was doing must have been pretty funny, because the rest of the girls started to giggle. I tilted my head and Tsume retracted her arm to (what it sounded like) hit Anko on the shoulder. "Mia-chan can't see what you're doing. Don't be so insensitive."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," I said. "Let's grab a video camera before we leave, though. I wanna be able to see everyone's expressions eventually."

"Ooo," Ino said, "that's awesome. I'm so photogenic."

"I'm not," Hinata sighed. "I'll be camera girl, then."

"We'll take turns," Tsume said.

"You'll have to be my seeing person," I said, smirking. I reached out a hand in the direction of Anko's voice before I hesitated. I then retracted my hand and reached out in Tsume's direction, then stopped again. "Damn it! I don't trust either of you to not lead me into an embarrassing situation!"

The two women laughed.

"Here, Mia," Sakura said, taking my hand. "You can trust me."

"You're Anko-chan's student, I really can't," I disagreed. "Hinata-chan, guide me!"

Hinata giggled and I could practically feel Sakura's pout. Soft hands gripped my own and HInata said gently, "Don't worry, Mia. I'm here."

I beamed. "Excellent. I would expect nothing less for my future daughter-in-law."

"Y-Yes, ma'am," Hinata squeaked.

"Ma'am? Do I look like a ma'am to you?" I pouted.

"I don't know. You can get pretty scary," Anko leered, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leaning in to whisper in my ear, "Just look at what happened at the t - o - u - r - "

Realizing what she was spelling out, and that we were in the company of young and impressionable girls, I elbowed her in the gut and hissed, "Anko-chan!"

Anko laughed with glee. "No matter. Where shall we go first, ladies?"

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"No, no, no," Sakura laughed. "In every horror movie, you are forbidden from having sex. If you wanna live, you gotta stay a virgin. That's the number one rule."

Anko huffed. "No. The number one rule is that you can't go anywhere alone."

"I would say you need to pay attention to your surroundings," Tsume put in mildly.

"I would say don't run away. Carry several weapons and prepare to beat the shit outta what's following you. If you're gonna die, better take that bitch down with you," I disagreed. I then giggled when the lady tickled my foot. There weren't a lot of spas in Amegakure (only one, I believe), so it was fairly crowded. Thankfully, we managed to stay seated near each other.

Hinata gave a giggle next to me (she was tickled, too, I assumed). "I-I would agree with Anko. Unless you're a couple. Couples should stay far away from each other."

"Unless they can kick ass," Ino corrected. "Then they can go Mia's style and take those bitches down."

"Alright, that's two votes for staying together, what do you say, Ino?" Sakura asked.

Ino hummed. "I'll go ahead and go with Anko's rule, too."

"So that's the number one rule for horror movies. What about thrillers?"

"Aren't those the same thing?" Hinata asked hesitantly.

"No," we chorused.

"What about haunted house horror movies?" Anko wondered.

"Number one rule: leave the goddamn house," I said firmly. "Don't even take your shit with you. Just leave. If that ghost wants to haunt their house in peace, let 'em."

Tsume laughed. "I'm with you on that."

Anko snickered. "I can agree with that. What about... slasher films?"

"Get a gun," I deadpanned.

"What's a gun?" Ino asked.

"Er... I mean... Get some bombs. Keep your distance. Kill 'em from a distance, that type of thing."

Ino was probably nodding at this, because she didn't verbally respond right away. "Hell to the yeah. Ooo. Camping horror stories?"

"Don't camp in the woods," I said. "Unless you can kick major ass or run really fast and have good hand-eye coordination."

Sakura gave yawn. "Nah. I'd say the number one rule is to stay in a fairly populated place. Not that secluded shit."

There was a collection of nods (I assumed), and I nodded my head in agreement, too.

"Speaking of secluded... how's your mentor, Sakura-chan?" Ino asked sweetly.

"Don't make me hit you," Sakura threatened. "Sasori-sensei is just fine. He'll be returning from his Akatsuki mission shortly, because unlike your sensei, he didn't get himself blown up!"

Ino huffed. "Deidara-sensei didn't blow up. He just caught himself on fire. A little bit."

Tsume snickered. "Enough that he can't perform his duties."

I leaned over to my right, to Hinata and whispered, "How bad does it look, anyway?"

Hinata leaned to me and responded quietly, "Pretty bad. Both of his arms are completely bandaged and he was in a wheelchair last I saw."

I sighed. Damn you, Kabuto.

"I just wish I knew who did this to him," Ino murmured.

"Kabuto," I said. "The same one who originally tried to kidnap me. Didn't Tsunade-sama tell you?"

There must have been an exchanging of glances, because silence followed my words.

Sakura sighed. "Not really. But... Kabuto... why does that name sound familiar?"

"Think back to your Chuunin Exams," I reminded her.

There were a couple of gasps. Sakura shrieked, "He dares to hurt my Sasori-sensei, that weak little shit?! Aw, hell no. Do you know where he is?!"

I shook my head. "Tobi told me he's looking for him, along with Zetsu, but..."

Ino growled, "He better tell us what he finds out, because I'll kill that son of a bitch myself."

"Not if I get to him first," Sakura snapped.

"Ladies, ladies," Kuromaru sighed, "this is supposed to be a relaxing night. You can't do anything about it now, so don't get so worked up."

"Oh," I said, "I just remembered... Tsume-chan, do you have any suggestions on a type of ninken I can get? I want to get a temporary seeing-eye dog, and then I would like keep 'em and have 'em as a guard dog. Tobi seems to be under the impression I can't properly defend myself."

"You can't," Anko agreed.

"Not even a little bit," Sakura said.

"Sorry," was all Hinata said, "but you really can't."

"Not ever," Ino said sympathetically.

"Poor girl," Tsume chuckled.

"My poor ego can't take this many hits."

"Aw," Tsume said, laughing, "don't worry about it. So you can't fight, big deal. You're the brightest scientist I know - a real technology genius."

I hung my head. "You only say that because you don't know any better. If you came to my old wor - er - land - you'd think I was mediocre at best. And no, I'm not just saying that, that's just how it is. But," I looked back up, grinning, "I'm the best damn cook you'll ever meet!"

Tsume patted my shoulder (as she was on my left, with Kuromaru in between us on the floor), "'Atta girl. You're a damn good mother, too."

I blushed. "Thanks. You're nothing to sniff at, either."

"Now to answer your question," Tsume said pointedly, "as it happens, I do have a suggestion. Two, in fact. As you know, a year ago Kuromaru and his mate had their last litter and we've been training them. The only two that aren't going to be familiarly bonded with clan members (as the clan members either already have their partner or are too young) are Haiiromaru and Shiromaru. If it's alright with Kuromaru - "

" - It is - "

" - then I would like to offer you either one," Tsume finished. "I know you'll take care of them, and Tobi has a fair point. You need some kind of constant protection and what better than a ninken?"

I reached over to Tsume, grasping her arm, then trailing down to grasp her hand. "Thank you, Tsume-chan."

Tsume placed her hand over mine. "Welcome."

"You know," Sakura said carefully, "we should go to the beach some time. Maybe after Mia's eyes are all better we can go as a celebration?"

"Ooo," Ino cooed, "we should invite the guys, too. No offense Mia, but I like the Akimichi's family BBQ more than yours."

"None taken," I said honestly. "I do, too."

Anko snickered. "We can have a volleyball tournament. The winners get to make everyone else as their slave for the rest of the trip!"

Sakura, Ino and Tsume cackled with glee while Hinata (probably) rolled her eyes.

Sakura's voice had a tone that gave the impression she was leering at me. "Besides, I bet Mia's just itching to see Tobi in a swimsuit."

"You know," Anko said thoughtfully, "I've never actually seen Tobi in anything less than fully dressed and with a mask on."

Ino snorted. "I don't think anyone, save Mia, actually has."

"He's picky about his appearance," I said vaguely. "Besides, I'm sure you, Sakura, probably wanna see Sasori. And you, Ino, wanna see Deidara. And you, Hinata, wanna check out my son."

There was a collection of denials and squeals from the girls and Anko and Tsume laughed at them.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

The rest of the night passed by smoothly. When it got too late to stay out, I was escorted back to Pein and Konan's tower (now the second Akatsuki HQ), and baded everyone goodbye (as they would be staying at the hotel). Itachi was the one waiting for me when I returned.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, and the two of us walked through the hallways. I gave a large yawn.

"Did you have a pleasant time?" Itachi inquired.

"Mm-hmm."

"We're going up the stairs now. There are twenty-two."

"Okay. Thank you. Is Tobi in our room?"

"I believe so. I'll take you there."

"Thanks."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"What's bothering you?"

Obito shifted in my lap, moving his head and rolling over onto his side. I placed my book down, and set my hands on his head, frowning.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Obito asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel like there is. So, what's wrong?"

Obito was silent. After quite some time passed, I began to think he wasn't going to answer me. However, he did, in a rather somber tone, "I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh."

"... I've been thinking about the plan and... and what to do. Mia... if I go through with it, you won't be able to enter the genjutsu with me. I would... you would essentially be the only person in the world," Obito said slowly, tiredly. "I can't do that to you. But, at the same time... I don't want all of this to have been for nothing."

"So what you're saying is," I said, feeling a smug smile crawl its way on my face, "you need help determining the next step to make?"

"Yes. Why are you smiling?"

I began to laugh. "And you're asking me for help?"

"Yes. Why are you laughing?"

I threw my head back and laughed harder. "A-And you're ready to d-do what I have planned?"

"Maybe. Why are you laughing?!"

"B-Because," I giggled, "I've been ready for this for years. The whole reason Itachi and I have been hanging out in the first place to was to derive a plan for this moment. And guess what? We have one."

"What."

I nodded my head. "Yep. I had a back-up plan in case you weren't going to back down, but I'm really glad you did. Saved us a lot of trouble."

"What."

"Alright, so first thing's first," I began, switching my language to English in case anyone I didn't know was listening in and pressing onwards with the plan, "is that the war has to happen. I know, I know, a lot of people are going to die - you are not killing Neji - and all that, but the end result is good. Because it forces all the nations to work together to defeat a single enemy. We want peace, right? I know it's not perfect - it's just not possible to achieve world peace in one fell swoop, but it's a good start. A good step. Onoki even acknowledges that this war is different."

"What."

"So the whole Kage Summit needs to happen - the only exception being that it's not the Akatsuki that are stealing bijuu, but a whole other group. We can use Sasori's spy network to spread the word of another group of wanna-be old-school Akatsuki and that they're the ones stealing the bijuu."

"What."

"Oh, but first of all, you need to get rid of Kabuto. Just... seriously. He blew up Amegakure HQ, and is a royal pain in the ass. Do whatever you need to - just don't give him any more chances. Anyway, so while Sasori's spreadin' all those rumors, you and I will be watching the war - and yes, I'm finally allowing you all the juicy spoilers - so that way you can properly portray and manipulate the battle in your favor."

"Mia. What."

I stopped. "... What? Too much?"

"A little, yeah."

"I haven't even gotten to the good stuff," I pouted.

"It's just... you and Itachi have seriously been planning this behind my back for... how many years?"

I frowned at the words behind my back and said, "Don't make it sound like that. You know how I feel about you. I just want you to be happy, and I knew that one way or another... you'd need help. Did you honestly expect me to just sit back and allow you to dig your own grave?"

"Why are we still talking in English, anyway?"

"Because Zetsu will kill you if he finds out you're betraying Madara," I said simply. "He'll take over you because you're technically made out of him, or at least part of you."

Obito stiffened in my lap. "... Do I need to take him out?"

"... Before he takes you out?" I finished softly. "... Yeah. He can't be persuaded; he's literally Madara's will personified. And Madara... as sexy as he is... is not a good person, and an even worse enemy."

Obito sighed. "... Alright. Then... this plan you have in store...?"

I smirked. "Mm-hmm. And, you know... if you want... it can even be arranged so that way you can be... you."

I could practically see Obito frown at that. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... to the world... do you want to be Uchiha Obito again, and not be blamed for the war?"