Disclaimer: Mia's my bitch, but Naruto and the gang are Kishomoto's bitches.

Warning: Conspiracies and Anko.

Beta: featherstofly

Editor: Sansho

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

A couple of days after the massacre, I was making my weekly trip to the market when I passed by a most interesting scene.

It was at a bar, and as I was walking by, a man came flying out. He landed on his face, promptly going unconscious. I could hear the jeers and laughter coming out from inside and that was when the one and only Anko came out, grinning like a madwoman.

"No one touches this ass and gets away with it," Anko snorted, staring down at the comatose male.

"Not even you?" I wondered out loud.

Anko turned to me, raising an eyebrow. She gave a sort of leer, and immediately the civilians around me backed off. "Oh? What have we here?"

"The amazingly epic Mia. And you?"

"The amazingly sexy Anko."

I nodded in a sort of accepting way. "I see. You seem like a dango-loving girl."

Anko quirked her eyebrow again.

"I have a shit ton of dango coupons Iruka-san gave me and I'm trying to figure out ways to spend them," I elaborated. "I love dango, really, I do, but sometimes it tastes better eating with someone else."

Anko grinned, rushing over to me and throwing an arm around my shoulder. "You're my kind of girl."

"Excellent."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Today?" I squeaked in surprise.

As soon as Naruto had left for the academy the following day, Obito had wasted no time in appearing behind me—scaring the shit out of me from a backwards hug in the process—and informing me that I would be meeting the Akatsuki.

Today.

Right, then.

"Nervous?" Obito teased, a taunting edge in his tone as his lips twisted into a smirk.

"Yes!" I admitted unashamedly. "I wasn't quite... Oh, boy. Okay, let me grab a few things. And, you know. Get dressed. Unless of course you want me to go in my pajamas."

"Tempting," Obito said dryly.

"I know. Everyone loves the kitty pajamas."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I smoothed down the hem of my (okay, Obito's, but he left it at my place. It was so forfeit. Not to mention I doubt he particularly minded seeing how the bastard stole my blankets. My poor, poor blankets) hoodie, staring at the Konan and Nagato.

"Hi," I greeted lamely.

Nagato stared back at me cooly whilst Konan remained impassive at his side.

"I'm Mia, as you already know, and I'm apparently the Akatsuki advisor," I began again, anxiety and butterflies churning through my stomach. "I know Tobi already briefly mentioned my plans, but I'm not quite sure what he told you."

"Madara only mentioned your assistance would be most beneficial to our cause," Nagato replied.

"Mm. Well, yes. First things first: I need to know how you envision the Akatsuki going," I said, my eyes finally meeting with his.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you plan on extracting the bijū? How do you plan on capturing them?"

"Do you not already know this?" Nagato's eyes narrowed.

"I do. I wanted to know if you had actually put any more thought into it," I admitted, feeling a little disappointed that he hadn't. I'd overestimated him then, strategic wise. "I'm a little disappointed you haven't, but I suppose that's what I'm here for. To start off, how do you think the villages will respond to losing their jinchūriki?"

"Most villages loathe their jinchūriki," Nagato pointed out blandly. "I doubt they will protest too much."

"Wrong. So, so wrong." I shook my head. "Taki, Konoha and Suna are the only villages that resent their jinchūriki. And even then, I doubt that will last very long. Kiri's jinchūriki is actually their Kage, and don't even get me started on Kumo. If you want to make Akatsuki a success you will have to make sure you aren't found until there's nothing they can do."

"Explain," Nagato demanded.

"I think we can all agree here that stealth is a must, as is discretion," I explained. "But what you lack is a cover."

At their silence, I continued, "When the villages get around to investigate their missing jinchūriki—and believe me they will—what are the first places they're going to look?"

"Each other," Konan answered, her brow furrowed.

I nodded. "Next?"

"Anyone suspicious," Konan replied.

"Right. And you don't think Akatsuki will seem a little suspicious? Don't even try and tell me that they won't notice the Akatsuki. Of course they will notice the Akatsuki and they will keep tabs on the Akatsuki. The villages are too paranoid not to. Especially if the Akatsuki is going around and recruiting missing-nin from their own villages. What Akatsuki needs is a cover. A damn good cover. Something that will not only provide them with safe reasoning to be inside any of the villages without arousing suspicion, but at the same time allow them to come out on top and in a good light."

"What do you have in mind?" Nagato inquired.

My grin expanded, nerves nowhere in sight. "You've already recruited Kakuzu and Sasori. Let's put them to use. This plan will take years to accomplish, but it will also take as long, if not longer, for the Akatsuki to begin their hunt anyway. Get Kakuzu to sabotage all of the economic systems of the lesser countries with the exception of the Land of Iron, and Ame."

"Why?" Konan asked, her eyes widening at what I had asked.

"Weaken them. Drive them down," I said. "Then use Sasori's spy network to implant rumors in all of the countries that make it seem like the larger countries intend to take advantage of the situation, like they're actually considering starting a war with them." Even though that would more than likely not happen. The major villages were still recovering from the last huge war and all that it entailed. Iwa suffered terribly (thanks to Minato) and would be in no shape to go to war so soon with neighboring villages, even if they were small. Because they risked incurring the attention of the stronger villages (like Konoha or Kumo for instance) and attacking them while they're busy with war. The same could be said for all of the other countries, though Konoha wouldn't go to war because they were still recovering from Kurama's (and Obito's) massacre.

"Why?" Konan asked again, her brow furrowed.

"When they are weak, Amegakure must appear strong. When they are desperate, Amegakure must be there to provide a hand. When they are at their most vulnerable, have Amegakure propose a meeting between the countries—only to the lesser, smaller ones. Make sure you send a strong diplomat. There, you can propose the idea of the Akatsuki. The cover."

"And what is the cover?"

"Guardians of the smaller countries, in summarization," I hummed. "The Akatsuki will be the first defense of the lesser countries against the larger ones. Who better to defend their borders than someone who knows the enemy like the back of their hand? This can give you reason to employ missing-nin, not to mention I highly doubt the smaller countries particularly care where they came from, so long as they can be protected."

Konan gave a small smile while Nagato eyed me. "This way the Akatsuki will be welcomed into any of the lesser villages with opened arms and the larger ones will have no reason to think they are anything less than what they appear to be. Missing-nin taking advantage of a dire situation and turning it for the better in their self-interest. To go from hated by their home villages and loved by the new ones. Who wouldn't want that?"

"Not to mention when we gain enough grace and favor with the lesser countries, those that are allied to the larger ones are certain to spread the good word into them. We can slowly gain favor with the larger countries through them. Ensuring their trust as well."

"This is an interesting plan," Nagato allowed, still eyeing me. "But I have many questions."

I grinned. "Well, it's a good thing I have plenty of time."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"Hiya, Itachi-chan!" I chirped, sitting next to the quiet teenager. Itachi's head snapped in my direction, his eyes momentarily widening before he forced a more stoic expression on his face. I let my feet dangle off from the deck, still smiling. "Surprised to see me? I have Sasuke-chan's letter for you."

I held out said letter, as Itachi stared back at it.

I tilted my head. "Come on, Itachi-chan. I know about the truth of the massacre and the fact that you're actually a spy in the Akatsuki—Oh, don't give me that look. I haven't told anyone else. Well, no one you need to immediately concern yourself with." Itachi continued to stare at me. "What? Now you're wondering what I'm doing here? Isn't that obvious? I'm on your side. You'll be my ally in the Akatsuki, and hopefully my right-hand-man in the grand scheme of my plans."

"What?" Itachi's brow was furrowed. "Mia-san, are you a spy as well?"

"Not really," I admitted. "Well, I guess I kind of spy for Tobi, or as you know, Madara, every once in a while, but no. Not really. It's not my main job, anyway. I'm the Akatsuki advisor, or at least that's how the majority of the Akatsuki will know me, with the exception of my allies. So far my allies consist of you and... Yeah. I guess I should say ally, huh?"

"What makes you think I would want to be your ally?" Itachi asked incredulously.

"For the better of Konoha, your brother, and you can keep in contact with him via PenPals and he wouldn't know any better and I will buy you so much dango," I bribed.

Itachi stared at me impassively. "How do I know you are not lying?"

"You've been staring at me with the Sharingan during this entire conversation," I deadpanned. "I'm a civilian with no shinobi background, no chakra system of my own whatsoever. Do you honestly think I'm so good of a liar that I can deceive you?"

"You must be," Itachi retorted. "You dare refer to yourself as Naruto's kin yet from what I understand of the Akatsuki..."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm so not deceiving him, At least not in the way you think I am. The Akatsuki will never lay a hand on my boy. What kind of mother would that make me if I actually went along with it? As for the other jinchūriki, I don't really care. I know that sounds horrible, but I don't know them. Besides, I have to let Tobi have a few to keep him satisfied enough for my plan to work."

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "You mentioned your plans before. What are they?"

I gave him a sly smile. "I'll tell you if you agree to be my ally. Oh, hold on."

My brow furrowed and I whirled around, scowling furiously at the sudden appearance of a new chakra signature. Ever since my training with Jiraiya, I was able to garnish some of the infamous sage traits. One of them being sensitivity to other chakra signatures. I had gathered up some nature chakra before my conversation with Itachi, being sure he wouldn't listen in.

"Zetsu, get the hell out of here. Can't you see I'm having a conversation with Itachi-chan?" I snapped.

Zetsu appeared, half of his body emerging from the ground as his white half chuckled. "Sorry, Mia-chan. Tobi's looking for you. It's almost time to go."

I snorted. "Right. You two so weren't planning on eavesdropping. Hence, why you hid your chakra signatures. Didn't Tobi tell you I was hypersensitive to chakra systems?" Or at least I could be when I wanted to be.

"He failed to mention that. I see. Sorry for the bother, Mia-chan. We'll tell Tobi where you are," Zetsu said, heading away.

When he was gone I huffed. "Well, we don't have long. What do you say?"

"What would being your partner entail?"

"help me fine tune my plans, give me your suggestions," I said. "That's all I ask of you for now. I know it'll take time to earn your trust and before you're more comfortable to do much else. In exchange, I'll continue to be your go between for you and Sasuke, and I'll back you up in the Akatsuki."

Itachi was quiet for a long moment before finally deciding. "I tentatively accept this arrangement. I have the right to back out at any point though."

"Fair enough," I snickered. "Though I have a feeling you won't want to. I'll be coming back with Tobi next week, around Thursday. After a meeting with the leaders, I'll have a bit of free time. We can talk more then."

"Agreed."

"Mia."

I turned to Obito, smiling widely. Bidding Itachi goodbye, I hurried over to my best friend, wrapping an arm around his waist as he transported us away.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Time passed and I slowly settled into a new rhythm. Once a week Obito would steal me away to Amegakure where I would either discuss plans with Nagato, Konan and himself, or with Itachi. Itachi, it had seemed, had begun to ever so slowly trust me enough to give his own input on my plans. Let me tell you, Itachi was a sheer genius when it came to strategy. I didn't want to jinx myself and say my plan was foolproof—but damn, it had been close. The boy was more anal about fine-tuning plans than anyone I ever knew or heard of.

Naruto seemed even happier. He had developed a rather tentative relationship with Kiba, Shikamaru and Chōji. Sometimes he would even stay out late to play with them. I was a little pleased to say that my relationship with their mothers was actually growing as well. I felt that soon enough I could even consider Tsume a best friend.

Anko was quickly becoming a dear friend as well. When I originally attempted to befriend her, it was a half-hearted attempt, but I could sincerely say I was a pleased pickle that I had. Anko was the sort of crazy-friend everyone needed and eating dango with her was beyond entertaining (as she always managed to either kick someone's ass or cause a scene at the shop). After a week or so, I carefully introduced her to Sakura, only telling Sakura that Anko was a poison mistress.

A week after that introduction, Anko had sort-of taken Sakura under her wing. Sakura was still dedicated to being a medical-kunoichi, but she was definitely loving the art of poisons, and Anko seemed to enjoy her presence. I could see how Anko was influencing her, too. It was subtle, but it was there.

Sakura was confident.

It wasn't long after I was sure of her confidence, that I suggested changing her PenPal, which she readily accepted.

She and Ino were friends, and still friends. Sakura had already encountered Sasuke and after much persistence on both Anko and my part (more like threatening on Anko's part), she readily admitted she was too young to hold any sort of serious infatuation with Sasuke. I could safely say that her fan-girl tendencies would not be making an appearance. At least for Sasuke

Akatsuki was slowly making its move. Kakuzu had already successfully sabotaged all the necessary countries and Sasori was beginning to plant his seeds. Nagato estimated that about two months from now, a meeting would be held and 'Akatsuki' would begin its cover. It would still be years from now before they would start their bijū collecting, but by then they would have the necessary support, funds and cover to do so.

All in all, things seemed to be looking good.

With the exception of myself because that goddamn fluttering wouldn't fucking stop!

Even as I sat across from Jiraiya at home (he had come back a day before Naruto's birthday and would be staying the week), waiting for Naruto to return home (he was out playing ninja with the boys), I still couldn't puzzle through why I was feeling like I was feeling.

"Sensei," I said, finally breaking the silence.

Jiraiya looked up from his writings, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I need your help," I informed him. "I think there's something wrong with me, but I can't go to a doctor yet because then he'll throw a hissy fit. You've been around Tsunade-sama enough to know the basics, so could you help me?"

Jiraiya gave me a smirk. "I'd be delighted to. What seems to be the problem?"

I pointed to my stomach. "I keep feeling queasy and nauseous. My palms get really sweaty at times, too, and every now and then I'll feel a bit lightheaded. Oh, and I think I've developed an irregular heartbeat."

Jiraiya gave me a deadpan expression. "Mia... Do these happen at certain times? Or randomly?"

"When I'm with my best friend," I explained before pausing thoughtfully. "No other time, actually."

Jiraiya continued to give me a deadpanned look. "I can't tell which of you are worse, Minato or you. You're both so incredibly dense it's painful."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I scowled.

Jiraiya shook his head. "I'm currently writing about a female protagonist. Whenever she's with the male antagonist, her heart skips a beat, she's lightheaded and feels generally nervous. She even has butterflies in her stomach. What's wrong with her?"

"She's in love clearly," I stated. "That's so cliché. The protagonist and the antagonist? How many times has that been done here—oh."

Horror washed over my face. "Oh... Oh fuck! No. No. No. That so cannot be true."

Jiraiya cackled at my reaction. "Come now, Mia-chan. When did this start?"

"Right after he comforted me in the hospital... No, no, no! It can't be true—I cannot have a crush on my best friend!"

Jiraiya's smirk widened. "Why ever not?"

"Because he'll never return the feelings," I snapped, a rush of anger, bitterness and irritation flowing through me.

Jiraiya's smirk slipped. "What do you mean?"

"He's obsessed with another girl," I muttered. "He will never return my feelings because he will literally destroy the world for her. How the hell can I compete with that? And she didn't even reciprocate his feelings! And she died! Yet, he's still massively in love with her."

"And he told you all of this?" Jiraiya asked in mild disbelief.

He doesn't need to, I thought irritably. The fact that he's still going after the bijū says it all. "A few times. He doesn't like talking about her, but he's confided in me before."

Jiraiya gave me a sympathetic wince. "If it's any consolation, I know how you feel."

That was true. Jiraiya was so massively in love with Tsunade. But Tsunade never returned his feelings because she was still obsessing over her dead lover, Dan. Well, she might have returned them on some level, but when she finally acknowledged them, Jiraiya was already dead—killed by Pein.

I gave a weary sigh, slumping out of my sitting position at the table and laying on the floor. "This sucks. Why couldn't I have liked someone I actually stood a chance with?"

"Cheer up," Jiraiya attempted to console. "If it's still in the crush phase, you can get out of it."

I looked up at Jiraiya hopefully. "Really? You think so?".

"Definitely. It's not like you're in love with him or anything."

I nodded my head, smiling. "Yeah, that's true. Alright... okay. Thanks, Jiraiya-sensei."

"No problem," Jiraiya dismissed. "Now when was Naruto coming home again?"

"Oh, he should be here any—"

"Tadaima! Kaa-chan, it's okay if Kiba, Shikamaru and Chōji have dinner with us, right?"

"—moment. Of course it is, sweetheart. say hi to Jiraiya-sensei before you get too wrapped up with your friends," I answered.

There was a blond blur of motion before Naruto could be found, slamming into Jiraiya. "Jiraiya-oji!"

Jiraiya chuckled, patting his head.

I smiled, my fingers itching for my camera. I so needed to get more pictures of the two of them.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Answer: Very little. I suppose kill anyone I love/cherish. Or seriously harm them. Or do anything harmful to kitties and doggies. :3

Question: Scariest movie you've ever seen, and why?

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