(Disclaimer: This is a personality. I'm not like this in reality. A true review will be at the end of the story. This entire explanation is just like a show for you all to enjoy. So remember, anything mean I say is just for fun.)

Well, here we are again with a big RWBY story that I'll probably end up hating. Everyone will think I'm an elitist who thinks his story is the best and all are inferior to me... which is true at times. It's good to know who's better and who's worse than you, after all. But saying, "Ha, I'm better than you!" Never feels good to me. Good thing I'm uncaring for tearing others down!

Okay starting off with the description... and it's not really a description. I actually hate this in all stories. Authors treat the description like an author's note and not a real opening to the story.

"This is a male reader X team rwby story. It may be postponed or discontinued if people show little interest in it. And be warned this is a dark story. Also if lemons are requested enough then there will be lemons of your choice.Also, I do not own any pictures or anything to do with RWBY that is owned by RoosterTeeth and various artists."

"You've been all over Remnant within eleven years. You've been forced to learn from a variety of teachers from a selection of schools. Now you're coming to Beacon, but for how long? All you know is that you're to finish your training there, and your new father is none other than Professor Ozpin: Headmaster of Beacon Academy (Male Reader x Ruby Rose"

Do you see the difference? One actually is more immersive and the other is just talking. It's a pet peeve of mine that a LOT of stories do. So already I'm annoyed at the description... great. Also is this a harem? I hope not or I'm going to have a whooooole other thing to bitch about.

Aaaaand first paragraph is problematic. So little old reader is lying on the floor, bloody and beaten, after being abused by his parents. Why was he abused? Because he has a semblance! So, what's the problem? Well, the reader has a semblance which means we have Aura. If we have Aura that means we have a shield that's ALWAYS ON. This means the parents beat him so badly that our Aura depleted. Regular people probably couldn't get through a Huntsman's Aura. Yes, the reader might not be a Huntsman but still, do you think some regular dude walking along the street could deplete Ruby's aura? Eventually, yes, but it just seems dumb. Hell, punching Jaune hurt Cardin's hand! Fucking fuckidy fuck. Get Aura right. It's just so aggravating.

Anyway, the grammar is odd. I'm not going to nitpick every mistake unless it's bigger or REALLY dumb. These ones are just a nuisance.

By the way, this is the FIRST PARAGRAPH. I've complained this much about the first paragraph... there's thirty-six left... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

So we skip to a flashback that takes place thirteen years ago to when they were in daycare. A Huntress is there just in case and who would have guessed that a Grimm hoard would attack. Unfortunately, there's no real build up to this. We don't get to see the children playing, us interacting with the others or even any down time. No explanation where we are, why the Huntresses are needed, or even the Huntress talking with other adults.

Also, there's an inconsistency where Mr. Souls refers to the Huntress as a simple "hunter" and nothing else. First off, they never refer to them as Hunters. It's always been Huntsmen or Huntresses.

I think some build up to this would have been better. But the Grimm attack and... ughuhgijnldasbhkfbekwrfn

Script format... fucking script format... okay, this is going to be a major detriment to the story's rating. Let me get this out of the way. Script format is used for... someone guess, come on... yes, SCRIPTS! It's for movies, voice acting, plays, NOT BOOKS. There's a reason why professional books aren't written like this. It isn't proper, it's straight up wrong! This story is, I'm sorry, basically trash because of it. I don't know how the actual story or anything is but because of improper formatting, it's terrible. So right away you guys know it isn't getting any higher than a 2/10. If any of you reading are writing something in Script format I beg you to redo it. I want to get rid of that format entirely!

But back to the story. Grimm start coming in trying to kill everyone here. Some parts are written oddly since it'll go, "You saw everyone crying and started yourself as an alpha Beowolf was charging at you all." First off, did he look around to see the kids in tears and just follow along cause it was cool? He wasn't crying before? He's just giving into peer pressure? What a pansy! Man up you four-year-old! Plus... I mean you can see how that sentence is structured. I don't have to pick it apart.

Also, lack of commas or proper sentence structure is annoying. "That's when it happens you stood infront of the group arms spread and crying." Like... goddamnit.

So you save the group by you covered yourself and everyone around you in an iron layer which the Beowolf couldn't pierce. You black out, wake up in a hospital, get asked some dumb questions, ask a dumb question.

Actually, other than referring to them as "hunters" again, we find out that the parents are Huntsmen. But they weren't happy so they beat you... for some reason... why, who knows? At least this gives reason to why they go through your aura but... meh, still. They just do because fuck you feel bad you suck kill yourself! No, actually. You get suicidal from your parents beating you. Apparently, you're super sad so you make no friends and it's just such a sob story that's not even written well. Know what would have been better? I wanna see this character fall into depression. It's just told to us and makes it boring and frankly, I don't care. I'm not connected. I actually dislike the character already.

ALSO THERE'S A PLOT HOLE! So you cut yourself with your weapon but your Semblance manages to save you. Remember what I said earlier? If you have no Aura, you have no Semblance. That's how it works! There aren't exceptions. If it was an ability and not a semblance than I'd be fine with it, but that's not how it works! Even I've worked around this. Harrier and Jet have healing semblances but that takes up all their Aura, thus they get impaled or sliced. This one... no. No. PLOT HOLE YOU FUCKED UP!

So he's trying to shoot himself (did he drain his aura already?) and Ozpin comes in, invites Reader to Beacon, and yeah, we're gone. That's the prologue and oh boy does it have some problems! I believe I said this but I won't point out every mistake... but don't make the mistake that there are none. It's not so much spelling but structure.

NEXT CHAPTER!

So we start with utter disaster. It says the Reader's waiting for the movement to end yet when it does they all talk... and then the movement stops again. It's inconsistent. Anyhow, we meet Ruby, Yang, and Jaune in the ship, I think, which is odd since Jaune didn't talk to Ruby until after the fiasco with Weiss and Blake. You could say things happen differently because of the Reader being there but he never did anything to change how events transpire, thus this is just inconsistent and poorly throughout.

Something strange about all this is we were led to believe the Reader doesn't talk to people. He shies away and hides. Yet in this chapter, he's actually approaching people and speaking. So already the character is inconsistent and it's the FIRST CHAPTER!

Anyway, all the characters don't go out of character, really, and we learn the weapon (which is an axe) is called "The Iron Monster." It has fresh-ish blood on it apparently... somehow... despite the fact any blood would have been dried up or cleaned by Ozpin on the way here buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut whatever. What do I know about this continuity? Hell, it doesn't even say they gave it back. He just left his axe with Ruby and them because... reasons?

So things play out as normal - Yang leaves, Ruby runs into Weiss, explosion, the Reader absolutely hates violence for no reason (definitely not because they were beaten. No way) so they try to break it up. "You absolutely hated violence for no reason and started walking over as you saw an explosion and hurried over checking on them and smiled seeing they were ok."

What a sentence. He immediately asks if they're okay despite saying they were okay anyway. Again, his confidence seems to be going up and down depending on what's necessary. Honestly, his interactions with the main characters seems more forced than anything. Ruby, Yang, and Jaune, despite being busy on the airship in the main canon, all get together and talk to him. Despite him being said to be reclusive is walking up to the main characters just so he can meet them. It's not organic. There's no real reason for him to meet them.

So Blake walks up and... says something different from the actual canon but... whatever. Anyway, he asks for their names and they actually answer despite in the show they both walked away from Ruby. Weiss doesn't even react to Blake's insult to her company. That's... wrong but whatever. Weiss just has more tolerance now? When they're introducing themselves Blake notices cuts on your arms which... nobody noticed before? How did she notice them? Did you roll up your sleeves? Were you sleeveless the whole time? Who knows, but only she can notice them!

ANOTHER PLOTHOLE REVOLVING SEMBLANCES!

Aura should have healed those wounds. There's no if ands or buts. Aura heals wounds like that. LEARN HOW AURA WORKS.

So after realizing Blake notices the scars that shouldn't be there the Reader runs away, still leaving his axe behind, and goes to the ceremony.

It does a time-skip to the night where everyone is getting ready for bed. He brings the axe to the bathroom, but apparently, its "ax" now, and... *sigh* start cutting himself. That's so pathetic. It's random, dumb, and still contradicts what the Aura thing from before. It's just pandering at the worst degree. But, oh no, Blake followed him and saw the dastardly deeds!

She gives him a hug and tells him it's alright, don't do this, people care about you, yada yada. This is actually out of character for Blake. She didn't care about anyone really, stayed to herself, and actually went to bed after Weiss and Yang stopped arguing. But apparently the Reader, someone who she only met once, is worthy of being stalked. It's so forced, like... maybe if they had more time together but nope. This just happens and now she's here to comfort him. She gives this speech on how Ruby and Yang wouldn't want you to do this, how she doesn't want you to do it, how they all want to learn more about you, and finally you end up sleeping relatively close to all of them.

Why? What purpose? Are they in love already? There was blushing and all that jazz? No, it's called poor development. I don't know who thinks depression and self-harm is cute or makes girl interested in them. It doesn't. Using this as a sort of hook or lure in a story is insulting to people who actually suffer from this. Know what it says? It says that cutting yourself gets you girls, it makes people sorry for you. While the latter is true, the former is false. But even then, people don't rush to your side and be your friend. They just say, "Man, that sucks" and stop caring. It's just... if the reason the girls fall for him is because of his suicidal thoughts then this story is straight up insulting.

Anyway, it finishes with Glynda complaining about the Reader being here. She's shown the report of what happened in the flashback which, honestly, isn't even that impressive, then is told to trust Ozpin. That's it.

NEXT CHAPTER!

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Next chapter?

Oh, neat. So Mr. Souls has learned about this review and has deleted the story. That's... extremely pathetic. But what can I do? I'm just trying to help people get better or let some well-done stories be discovered. I guess I'll get to the actual review portion.

Review

This story is... not well written. Sentence structure is poor, the reader is unlikable, silly changes, forced interactions, plot holes, poor understanding of in-universe concepts, and script format. I don't know if it got better over time, but because of Mr. Souls' cowardice, I cannot review the rest. So what we have here with one prologue and one chapter...

Rating: 1/10

It might have been more but there's nothing else to read. I hope this writer does better in the future. I hear they're rewriting this story which is the reason I wanted to do this review. I wanted to point out flaws they could fix in the remastered version, but that's impossible now.

Thanks for reading. If you have your own opinions let me know. This wasn't meant to come out today but with the unexpected end of the story, this is published now. See ya next time everyone!