"This will break me,
This is gonna break me
No don't you wake me
I wanna stay in this dream
Don't save me,
Don't you try to save me
I need a way we,
I need a way we can dream on"
Like Crazy -Jimin
*****

A/N: Make sure to read the Author's Note at the end of the chapter for the explanations!
***

*JIMIN'S POV*

Confusion fills my brilliant eyes as I reach my palms out to touch him again, but they simply pass through his head. I try again. And then again, until I starts losing his mind.

"Jungkook," My bottom lip trembles as I whisper, until my expression turns maddened as I start pulling on my hair frustratingly. I try to reach for his shirt — failing again.

He helplessly stands there as I fall to the ground, curling my knees up to my chest and resting my arms over them— hiding my face— hiding myself.

"N-not you... not you too," I cry silently, "I can't lose you too, Jungkook," My voice rises to a desperate high pitch, "I..I lost Mum when I was too young, I can't... I can't afford losing you too."

Confusion fills his brown orbs before he frowns, "Your mom died when you were just born, my Angel," His voice is soft, as he continues, "You've never actually met her..." He sits down in front of me, gently pulling on my forearms to look at me.

I violently shake my head, "N-No, you're clearly mistaken, Jungkook," My eyes widen in panic as I start explaining with a lot of hand gestures," She died when I was seven. She used to bake cookies for me, she... she even took me to the foothills of the mountains, she-" more tears start streaming down my face as I collect the memories of my mother from the broken corners of my brain.

A sad smile forms on Jungkook's face as he takes my left hand in his tattooed one and intertwines my fingers with his, "Do you recall how she died, my love?" he questions, and when I fearfully shake my head, he continues, "Can you remember the feel of her touch? Or the smell of those cookies?"

My mouth opens and closes like a fish, before I completely shut up and start bawling my eyes out. This couldn't be happening. My memories of her couldn't be false. My whole childhood couldn't be illusory.

"My love... the panic attack you had earlier, it was because of this, hm?" His voice is soft when he speaks, "You've been dreaming for far too long, Jimin. You need to wake up, my Angel."

The spinning of my head begins, along with the swirling of memories, dreams — I can't categorize out one from the other.

A moment of full consciousness, and I realize I've been holding Jungkook's hand. I am able to touch him again.

I reach my index finger out to his chest and it passes right through again. I'm out of my mind.

His fingers flex under our intertwined hands, and I realize that I can't quite feel his touch. I just know of it's presence.

Panic surges through me as I look at him with horrified eyes, but he simply smiles at me. His free hand cradles the side of my face and I lean into his touch, hoping that would make me feel it as well.

It doesn't help.

"Mi Cielo, you've come a long way..." His fingers trail up the side of my hand, playing with my messed-up dark locks, "And... I believe it's time for you to differentiate reality and dreams — hallucinations — Jimin."

Shaking my head, I try reaching out to him again, but fail, "I-I'm fine. I know you're real, and that's all I care about."

He lets out a dry chuckle, pulling his hand away from my hair, "I'm afraid, Jimin, but, this is time for me to say goodbye, my Angel."

I desperately throw my hands in his direction, hoping they land on his body — they don't. My whole body starts shaking as tears continue running down my burning-hot cheeks. A strings of pleadings fall out of lips as I shake my head like crazy.

With sorrowful eyes, he pulls his hand away and stand up, leaving me on the floor gaping at him with my neck craned. I place myself on my knees in front of him, and hang my head down. The droplets of my tears fall on the glittery floor beneath me.

"Please, don't leave me," my shoulder shakes as I start practically begging him, "Please, Jungkook. I can't... I can't live without you."

His fingertips graze my chin and make me face him, "I'm not leaving, Jimin," He smiles softly, "I'm in your complex mind, in your beautiful heart," he bends down until his breath falls on my lips, "My name is etched in your soul, Mi Cielo."

Pause.

Everything turns gold. A feather-light kiss presses against my lips and then a whisper, "Live for me, Jimin."

Pause.

He's gone. He disappeared, leaving my face still facing up — but, now at the yellow bulb on the wall in front of me. Not even is his musky scent is left to embrace me in the warmest of his hugs.

"Go for it then everything will disappear."

A voice echoes in my head, before I realize it's another memory. At this point, I'm not even sure if all of my life had been a dream, a mere game my mind played with me, or just a complete lie.

I crawl towards the wall until my back rests against it, and start wailing. My small fingers furiously pull on my black locks, my toes rubbing against each other as I curl into myself. I want this to end. I want everything to end.

"Glitter, you're next."

A husky voice calls me out and I whip my head up to look at the man standing at the door. His expression turns concerned for a moment, seeing my unsettled state, before he speaks in a softer voice, "We'll get backup for now. Be quick," his face hardens again, "We can't have your show getting cancelled, Glitter."

My shoulders slouch as I nod timidly. The door clicks shut before I wish to have never been woken up — I wanted to stay in this dream.

Jungkook.

His name chants in my mind like a prayer, going over and over in my head until I can't think of anything else anymore. But, one voice prevails— the fucked-up part of me gives me an awful reminder:

"Glitter, Glitter, Glitter. That's who I am, and that's who I always will be." 

***********************************************************************************************

Author's Note: 

Firstly, to everyone who expected this to be a happy ending, I'm sorry to tell you that it wasn't ever planned to be that way. It was supposed to end tragically, but beautifully. 
(There's literally 'angst' mentioned in the tags.)

A few of the explanations which I'd like to make, is: Yes, Jimin was schizophrenic. There had been a lot of character traits of his which hinted at this (such as: hallucinating, lack of motivation for life, emotional confusions, self harm, hearing voices, incoherent speech at times, etc.)

The ending if this book isn't defined, on purpose. It's up to y'all, as readers, to choose the type of explanation you wish to have for this.

Personally, I wanted it to be like, Jungkook actually being nothing more than a fabrication of Jimin's mind. Since, the literal meaning of 'chimera' is: an unrealizable dream. This is the explanation I wished to have for Jimin's chimera. 

But again, you can have various versions for this, such as Jungkook being Jimin's Guardian Angel — who couldn't fulfill the task he was provided — saving Jimin. He, in turn, committed a sin by falling in love with the person he was supposed to protect.

Furthermore, he, in a way, helped Jimin to love himself, to learn to be vulnerable and showed him his worth outside of his physical appearance. But, it also shows how all of that amounted to almost nothing when Jimin lost Jungkook in the spark of a minute.

However, Jimin stays alive, as Jungkook wished for him to. That's him holding onto the thread of the last words of his first — and probably the last— love.

Nonetheless, you, my gorgeous readers are free to accept any ending you like, and even make some theories of your own!

I'd love to know what the creative minds of my readers made of this book!

Thank you very much for reading Chimera. This book has been an emotional ride for me as well, and it was a splendid experience to experiment with this.

One more thing I'd like to add on is that I'm in no way trying to make fun of/undermine Schizophrenia. I, in no form am an expert over mental health, and the portray of the said mental illness is NOT going to be correct one hundred percent. Please keep in mind that this is fiction, which might have somewhat altered effects of Schizophrenia.

A gentle reminder to NOT spread hate in any way. Read my books because you want to enjoy a story, and not because you want to hate on the ship/characters/the ending just for self-validation.

I'm always open to reviews and constructive criticism, only if you're willing to do such politely and in a friendly manner. I'm not an AI who can't make any mistakes. Feel free to let me know of such!

Vote and comment in order to support the book and let me know of your thoughts!

xoxo,
Estella