The only person I know will never leave me is a stuffed bear. She's pink and white and her name is Holly Bear. I refuse to change it to Ava Bear. Holly Bear is only right. Besides, my father made her before I was born, so, in all technicality, I'm named after her, so there's no reason to change her name. She's perfect. She's been with me since day one. She'll never leave me.

I remember being a little kid, listening to my parents argue, sitting in my brother's room, holding her. Or maybe I made those memories up. I'm not sure. I have at least one memory of me crying, my parents screaming at each other, sitting in my brother's room, him hugging me. That can't be fake. I don't want it to be.

I also have memories that go something like this:

I'm a kid, I'm trying to sleep, I have school the next morning, I get up, I go into the living room where my parents are fighting. "I'm trying to sleep, can you please stop fighting?" I ask.

"Yeah, Ivan, she has school tomorrow, we really should stop," My mom would say.

"Here you go again, running away from your problems," My father would spat out.

I remember watching my mother and brother cry, after my father yelled at them.

I was spanked as a kid. I was one of those kids who was told "I'll give you something to cry about". I've brought up to my father, now that I'm a bit older, the affects of what spanking does to kids and how it hurts them in the long run.

I thought maybe I'd get an apology.

I thought maybe we could talk about this.

I thought maybe we could work through our issues, recover our relationship.

No, no, no, no. Instead, I get told that we've been doing it like this for hundreds of thousands of years, so there's no reason to change. And, also, something about those studies being rigged.