Word count: 2336

Eren P.o.v:

My fingers were beginning to go numb and my teeth were chattering thanks to the cold and harsh late night wind. It whipped in between the small gaps in my clothes, meaning that any attempt to keep warm was futile.

"Eren?" A voice called, I turned and saw Jean walking briskly towards me. The tears were still slipping down my cheeks, however not as quick as they were when I first ran from Levi's house.

Jean stopped when he got to the bench before sitting down next to me. He was breathing heavily, letting me know that he had probably run all the way here.

Jean put a hand under my chin, moving my head so that I was facing him before wiping my tears away with his thumb. I sent him a small smile, to which he returned before wrapping an arm around me.

He was warm. I slipped my hands under his jacket, resting one of them on his side and the other wove around his back in a side hug.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

I rested my head on his chest and heard his heart beating erratically, from the running I assume.

"I... I had a panic attack b-because Hanji didn't know about my mom and she kept a-asking questions."

Jean hummed and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Can I ask you something?" Jean asked and I nodded.

"Why did you decide to come to me of all people?"

I thought about my answer for a second, chewing my lip unconsciously.

"You know me better than a-anyone... except maybe Mikasa, but I couldn't t-talk to her. I don't want Levi to notice I'm getting bad, he n-needs positivity to help him get better, especially after the accident. I c-care about you and I know that you care about me. Th-that's why."

Jean bit his lip.

"But... Levi needs you, and you're spending all this time with me..."

"I can't help him if I'm m-mentally unstable myself. I trust you with my life Jean. He w-wouldn't be able to handle something like this, it'd push him straight b-back to square one."

Jean thought about my response for a while before nodding in understanding.

"Okay. Thanks... for trusting me."

"Of course."

We sat there for a while in a comfortable silence, until Jean suggested we go to his house and get out of the cold before we got ill.

I nodded but didn't move, leaving him to physically shake me off, grab my hand and pull me off the bench.

I let him guide me along by the hand, my mind occupied by other things.

Levi.

He knows. He saw it was Jean on the phone, he heard me say I love you. He doesn't understand that I didn't mean it in that way.

"Eren?"

Jean pulled me from my thoughts with a small, reassuring smile. 

I smiled back and decided not to think about it until later.

We finally got to Jean's apartment, still connected by our hands, he lead me in and sat me on the couch.

"Drink?" He asked, to which I shook my head gently.

He walked to the TV and turned it on before grabbing a pile of films and bringing them over.

We eventually agreed on one, and he moved to slot it into the DVD player before finding some blankets and coming to sit down next to me.

The film started and I lay down, draping myself over his lap.

It was about half way through the film that Jean started to play with my hair, softly lifting it and then letting it fall down again. I smiled and let out a yawn.

My eyes started to feel heavy as I tried to focus on the screen, I played with the material of Jean's shirt, something I tend to do when I'm sleepy.

Jean also yawned, pausing the movie to look down at me.

"You getting tired lamb?" He asked, still playing with my hair. I nodded slowly, half asleep.

Jean chuckled and picked me up, knowing I wouldn't move on my own. He walked me to his room and put me down so I could sit on the bed.

"You want something to sleep in?" Jean questioned, turning to his dresser.

I hummed in response and looked around his room. He's redecorated since I was last in here. The walls were now painted a titan green, the carpet surprisingly white. He had posters of his favourite bands tacked to the walls and some photos stuck right above his headboard. I moved closer to look at them.

There were loads of them. A blurry selfie of him and Armin when they were drunk (with Connie in the background showing his middle finger, of course.) Pictures of his old dog Wolf, pictures of him and his family. A picture of him on the ground and his nephews climbing all over him... and then finally, a picture of me and him when we first moved in together.

We look so happy...

Jean chuckled and moved to stand next to me, handing me some clothes.

"Heh, I remember that day." He said, nodding to the photo of us smiling. 

"Me too... can you believe that was two years ago?"

"Was it really? Wow... it seems like only yesterday you tripped up the stairs carrying all the moving boxes."

"Hey! It wasn't my fault, they were big, heavy boxes!" I said loudly, blushing slightly at the memory.

"Suuuure." Jean said with a smirk, rolling his eyes in a teasing manner.

I grabbed the pillow from his bed and hit him with it, he stumbled slightly before catching himself and looking me dead in the eye with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, you did not just do that."

I stuck my tongue out at him and smirked.

"Oh, I did."

Silence.

"You're on Jaeger. This is war." Jean hissed as he grabbed the other pillow and tried to whack me with it. I squealed and ran around to the other side of the room, holding my pillow up as a shield.

Jean ran after me, batting my shield away and hitting me over the head. I giggled and rushed at him, my body crashing into his and knocking him backwards to the bed.

I took the pillow from his hands while he was still startled and threw it to the other side of the room before retrieving my own. Jean's eyes widened as he realised the situation.

"Mercy! Have mercy on my poor soul!" He cried, holding his arms up in defense.

"Sorry, no mercy for you Kirschtein." I cackled before climbing on top of him and hitting him repeatedly with the pillow.

Jean laughed and tried to grab my arms with closed eyes. He finally managed to do so and threw my pillow across the room to join his.

I laughed loudly as I saw him sigh with relief.

"Don't start a pillow war with the Jaeger meister, horseface." I managed to say, my giggles finally dying down. .

Jean smiled and looked up at me before his eyes widened slightly again.

I cocked my head to the side in confusion as a faint pink colour began to dust his cheeks.

It was then I noticed that I was straddling him and our faces were incredibly close.

I saw Jean's wide eyes move from my eyes to my lips, something he's done many times before in the past.

I completely froze, my heart was pounding from the sudden realisation and I felt myself swallow.

Jean seemed to be just as still, the only movement I could sense from the male being his chest rising and falling quickly underneath me.

Suddenly my body was lowering, minimising the space between us.

What are you doing?

Jean followed me with his eyes as I got closer, his face showing... hope?

Eren, stop.

Our faces finally got close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from Jean's skin.

Don't do it.

I felt Jean's eyelashes flutter to a close against my skin, our lips just barely touching.

Think about what you're doing.

My body seemed to be moving of its own accord, completely ignoring the part of my mind that was begging 'Stop. Move away. Get out.'

I paused for a second, trying to regain control of my body but then I felt my eyes close and soft lips on mine.

Jean's hands came up to rest on my hips as our lips moved against each others.

Fucking stop this right now.

My hand moved to cup Jean's cheek as I tilted my head to the side and deepened the kiss.

This is wrong.

Jean lifted my shirt slightly, massaging my hips gently with his thumbs. My tongue poked at his lips and he parted them, granting me access.

You don't love him.

Our tongues met in the middle, clashing and battling for dominance. I won.

You love him.

My hips rolled forwards ever so slightly, causing friction that made Jean let out a small noise.

Levi.

My eyes shot open and I broke the kiss, crawling off Jean and stumbling backwards so that my back was against the wall of his room. 

Jean sat up and sighed, but then smiled.

"J-Jean I-I didn't... I don't-"

"Don't worry. I get it. You don't have to explain yourself Eren."

He got off of the bed and walked towards me, kissing my cheek before hugging me and then leaving the room with a sad smile.

Tears slipped from my eyes as the door clicked shut. I moved my fingers to my lips, trying to fully comprehend what just happened.

I kissed him.

Holy shit.

I just kissed Jean.

I looked to the door that Jean had just walked out of, my breath shaky.

I grabbed the clothes that had fallen to the floor when our pillow fight started and stripped before pulling them on, wiping away the tears that had finally started to subside and hesitantly opening the bedroom door.

I slowly walked out into the living room to find it unoccupied, the kitchen was also found empty.

That was when I heard it. From the bathroom. Small sniffles.

Jean... Jean was crying.

I knocked softly on the door.

"Jean...?" I called. I didn't bother to ask if he was okay, it's pretty evident that he's not.

"I'll be out in a second." He said, a slight crack in his voice.

I shook my head and tried to calm down.

'Look what you're doing Eren.'

I'm sorry...

'You're hurting everyone.'

I didn't mean to...

'You can't help yourself.'

No! That's not true!

'This is why you're always left behind.'

Stop!

'This is why nobody cares.'

'But maybe... maybe it's for the best.'

'They both love you. But they won't for long.'

'Nobody wants someone capable of so much hurt.'

Maybe... it's...

The door to the bathroom opened and Jean appeared, turning the light out as he exited.

For the best...

"Eren. Don't blame yourself okay? I should have stopped you."

No.

"I shouldn't have done it..." I countered.

"You're not thinking straight."

"That's no excuse."

"Eren... please. Don't blame yourself. Tell him it was me, I kissed you.

"Like a coward!? No!"

"Eren, he's not mentally stable... I don't want you to have another argument so soon after you've made up."

"If we do it'll be my fault."

I've decided.

"Eren..."

"I have to take responsibility."

Jean bit his lip and shook his head, I found myself amazed at how Jean was always so good at looking normal when he'd been crying.

"I let you kiss me. Knowing you were with someone else. I let you kiss me. Knowing it would hurt you, me and that person in the process. I let you kiss me. Knowing you were trying to hold yourself back." Jean whispered, his bottom lip was trembling, his face beginning to crumble.

"You weren't you just then. I know that. It's my fault. Not yours."

I beckoned him over but he shook his head, I knew he was trying so hard not to cry in front of me.

"Jean... it's okay to cry." I said softly, walking towards him and pulling him into a hug. He buried his face into my shoulder.

"Let me take care of you for once."

"I'm sorry." He whispered, small sniffles making themselves known again.

I brought my arms up and rubbed circles into his back, letting him cry again.

When his small sobs died down and he had wiped his eyes, I took his hand and led him back to his room.

He had changed in the bathroom so I didn't need to waste time on letting him do that. Instead I pulled back the covers of the bed, layed him down and then crawled in next to him.

"Sleep. We'll talk in the morning okay?" I whispered and he nodded slowly.

He fell asleep first, his breathing slow but steady. I draped an arm around him and he leant into the touch in his sleep, making me smile sadly before drifting off to sleep myself.

•••

Ha... I'm so sorry... don't kill me...

Trust me Jean will find his One True Love soon.

Okay but he's actually such a bean, I can't wait until his next P.o.v.
He just wants Eren to be happy dammit.

Why do I do this to myself

;-;       T_T

(I'm just gonna highkey ship EreJean in this corner over here. Mmmkbai)

Reminder to go check out my other stories if you're interested.

Polyglot - Ereri
Drowning - Phan
Klance Oneshots
That's not me - Gratsu

I update when I can so some of them are short and all are incomplete.

let me know what you guys thought of this chapter...

HERE!

Let me know what you think is gonna happen next...

HERE!!

Constructive criticism and corrections are always welcome, as are you.

Much love ducks.

~Max
Xx