Monstadt is home for a lot of normal people, but not me🤪. I'm too quirky. Though I have lived in Monstadt for quite some time, it never felt like home because I'm a fucking loner lol I will probably never get dick. It's not like two hot guys fuck me at Chuck E Cheese or anything🥴. Anyways, this is my crazy love (seggs?) life.

One day, I was being my usual loner self when this hot yet chill sexy eyepatch man walked into my life. His bulge was begging to be freed, and you wonder how he fits that pp in those tight ass pants. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him and his bob window, he was so hot I felt like I was gonna cum😩. "Outta the way, loser, no virgins allowed!" he exclaimed, pushing me to the side. 

"I- I- I- I- I- I- I'm so sorry!!! G- G- G- G- G -G Gommene, I w- w- w- w- w- w- w -w -w -w was just...😖" I was too shy to finish my sentence. 

"What's wrong? Can't handle my sexiness?😏" he smirked and disappeared like my dad when he left to get the milk. He was right, I couldn't handle it... but I wanted more.

"Yo whattup guys, I heard there was some shit going down,😆" a voice said. A smug face appeared in the shadows with hair as bright as a Cheeto. Man, this guy is so white. If you held a jug of milk to his face, the color would match perfectly. He just screams white supremacy 👨🏻‍🦰. He was hot though, I couldn't believe I was attracted to a white ginger mothertrucker 👨🏻‍🦰. If he is into drama, I should show him some of my favorite Nigerian shows that I watch while I cry about my loneliness. We made eye contact for a split second before I decided that being outside with sexy peeps was too much and fled the scene. I retreated back to the safety of my home faster than you could say Dwayne the Croc Johnson. 

"Hey! Ugly virgin who is obviously the main character of this story! Can we talk for a bit?😀!" he called out to me, out of all people, me.

 "H-h-h-huh? Y-y-you're talking to m-m-me?" I said, shocked. 

"Duh, you're the only ugly bitch here. 🙄" he rolled his eyes, walking towards me. 

"W-What could you possibly want with a loner virgin like me?" I inquired, nervously looking around. 

"Do you happen to know a sexy eyepatch guy🤨? He has been stealing my bitches without permission and I have been horny recently...😩" He explained, he seemed really sad. 

"You mean....you're looking for that guy I saw earlier today? I saw a man who matched that description," I replied. "He went that way." I pointed 👉 at the nearby tavern, Angel's Share.

As I watched the ginger enter the tavern, I couldn't help but follow him. What's the worst that can happen😶? It takes no time at all for the ginger to find the eyepatch man, as he is sitting out in the open laughing and drinking to his heart's content☺️. 

"Hey... are you the bimbo who's been stealing my bitches?🤬" he begins, glaring at the blue-haired eyepatch man. "Who are you calling a bimbo? .....Bimbo!"

He fucking smacks him and they have this epic anime fight, complete with baguettes and sexual tension. You watched in horror as they seductively bitch-slapped each other, grunting loudly at each slap. After a few slaps, they peer into each other eyes and start making out. They nibbled on each other's crusty crispy dry skin, making it a competition to see who would cum first. Before they could zip their pants down, however, a very angry redhead appeared, yelling, "Get that gay shit out of my tavern!" 

"'Kay," They replied in unison, as they calmly left the tavern holding hands and groping each other's pancake ass. They want to continue, NEED to, but they can't do this in public.

"Come now, Kayak, gimme that juicy limited-edition Kaeya Fried Chicken with gravy on the side! Boneless wings with no wings. Extra cum, SPECIFICALLY on the RIGHT side. Make the mac n' cheese more orange, like my hair or Donald Trump's skin depending on who you ask. No pubic hair, extra chest hair.  Make it crunchy, but not too crunchy. Medium rare, too. We don't want them biscuits any dryer than yo pussy. Don't piss on the order. Extra large Coke, but instead of Coke, Pepsi. No onions, extra gravy," Cheeto BEGGED him, but the Cumalry Captain seemed upset.

"Oh, so sorry, but I can't afford to risk it - my reputation as Cum-I mean Cavalry Captain is on the line," Kayak shied away. Quietly, he added, "I'm not going to jail again."

"H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hey g-g-guys," I begin, my sad attempt at getting a piece of that cool lesbian action. 

They stop all of a sudden, and look down as if they had just come across a Nikocado Avocado OnlyFans video while trying to look for some new quality fap material. They look disgusted.

"Shut cho dumbass up," they reply in unison, roundhouse kicking me into the next dimension.

You die cutely.

Can I publish it now, mommy?