Chapter 6:

                Finally home alone with nothing planned she picks up her cell phone, admiring the screensaver from Michael and hers second anniversary, giving a weak smile she sighs. “We were so happy then…” the words a low whisper to herself, she dials his number hoping to finally hear his voice again.

                “Hello?” He says with an attitude, startling Carson just a bit.

                “Hey, Love, what are ya’ up to?” she asks in a hopeful voice lying back on the couch, he makes like a growling noise on the other side.

                “Working, not that you care.” He says plainly taking the gloves off his hands, he signals to his phone at his boss that glances over, when he gives his nod of approval he walks out of the barn into the open field.

                “Why would you even say that? Of course I care, Michael, you are my world.” Rolling his eyes he lets out a low laugh, “What is wrong with you?” she snaps her insides starting to boil with anger.

                “I was your world, key word is was as in not anymore. You think I don’t know don’t you?” he snarls tightening his grip on the phone, Carson flies up on the couch now sitting up right.

                “That is ridiculous, you will always be my world! And know what?” she asks her voice rising with frustration she hasn’t talked with him in weeks and he had to ruin this moment by starting a fight. He bites his bottom lip trying to hold back his need to scream at her,

                “I know about you and that scrawny ass punk, what did you think I wouldn’t find out? You do realize he is technically a celebrity right, therefore nothing is a secret in his life.” He snaps punching the side of his truck he has given so many years of his life to this girl and she is just throwing it away for some tattooed asshole.

                “What are you talking about?” She laughs with relief knowing this was just a misunderstanding, once she explains Phil and her are just friend he will laugh too.

                “Are you laughing?” He yells into the phone, she giggles a little more “I have half a mind to just hang up on you right now and telling you don’t bother coming back from Chicago.” He adds making her smile vanish she cuts in quickly,

                “No, no, you don’t understand…babe this is a pointless fight, Phil and I am just friends and really that isn’t quite true. I met his sister when I first came here and she is like my best friend so yes I hang out with him but only sometimes.” She pauses waiting for him to reply she could hear is breathing faintly in the background, “Trust me.”

                “Then why were you at a restaurant in the picture, an intimate place at that?” he questions, she furrows her brow thinking back these past couple days trying to figure out where he means,

                “Ohh…” she finally says remembering. “That wasn’t a date, his sister was there with us but of course they don’t post those pictures. I went thinking it was only going to be Sel and I, I can’t help her and Phil are like best friends.”

                He leans back on his truck taking in her words, “I believe it wasn’t a date, but if you are telling me you don’t have feelings for that kid, you are a liar. Anyone who looks at the picture I saw, can tell by the way you are staring up at him there is something there, Carson.” Her jaw drops at his bluntness, how dare him accuse her of loving someone else.

                “You are being awfully accusative, normally when that happens the other is guilty.” She says plainly waiting for his response her jaw tightens her lips making a straight line,

                “Are you saying, what I think you are trying to say?” He mumbles holding back his own anger, “You haven’t even bothered to call me once this past month, you have some nerve.”

                “Yes, I am. And don’t give me that, the phone works both ways why the fuck do I always have to call you? Phil was so right…” she mumbles the last part rolling her eyes that were starting to water,

                “He was right about what?” He snaps.

                “I told him that I had to give you a call and he pointed out that I do all the calling, so he told me to see if you really care and don’t call you. Guess you don’t even care enough to ask how I’m doing…Michael why are we together if you don’t care about me?” She asks the question that has been on her mind since Punk brought it up,

                “I do to care about you!” he replies the instant the question is thrown his way, he had no doubt in his mind he cared about his first love.

                “Fine, do you still love me?” she asks just getting it all out into the open he pauses, unlike earlier he wasn’t sure of this question yeah if she was dying he would donate her a kidney or something like that but was he passionately in love with her like when they were high school? That was a question he has been refusing to ask himself these last couple of years.

                “Carson, I have to get back to work…let’s talk about this another time, bye.” He says hanging up the phone he slips it in his front pocket resting his head on the side of the truck letting out a sigh, hoping tears don’t come. He sucks in a deep breath turns on his heels and heads back into the barn to finish working.

                Unlike Michael, taking in a sharp breath didn’t work for Carson the tears still burst out heavily as she covers her face with her hands curling into a ball on the couch. “What is wrong with me?” she sobs, realizing she has been crying nonstop since showing up in Chicago before than she hadn’t cried in nearly four years. Where did the happy woman she used to know go?

                The phone beside her rings again and she chokes on her tears trying to pull them back, looking at the screen she saw Phil’s name. It was so weird it was almost like he was stalking her, he was always around at her lowest points to cheer her up she didn’t get it. Frankly neither did Punk he wondered why he was calling her as he heard the phone ring, but he couldn’t fight it. Something inside him was screaming something was wrong so he waited for her to answer to prove him wrong.

                After what seemed to be the millionth time the phone rang, it had finally subsided letting her cry in piece. Or so she thought, the apartment buzzer kept going off she ignored it hoping the person would give up and leave her alone. That is until there was a knock on her actual door, she shoots up knowing Selene knows where her spare key is, looking down at her outfit she realizes she isn’t wearing the clothes Selene chose but her own. Just as she darts for her room the door swings open, “Thank God, you are okay.”

                Turning around to Phillips voice, she half expected him to cringe at how she looks her eyes were red and buffy though she wore no makeup there where clear tracks down her cheeks from the repeated tears. “Mhm,” she musters up, he stares at her his heart in pieces he has grown so close to her it hurts when she is even slightly sad let alone this down.

                “What happened?” he asks his throat sore with his own tears wanting to escape, that is when he notices her outfit a simple dress to the top of her knees and a pair of light brown cowboy boots. The look was familiar but at the same time he couldn’t help but think how much more beautiful she is when she is in this more natural look than in her sexy outfits.

                “Michael and I might be over,” She whispers, blinking several times trying to hold in tears he rushes over to her pulling her into his arms. This is what he wanted, right? Than why does he feel so horrible to have been begging for it, she lets go of the tears again not able to fight it with him holding her so close she grabs on to his waist like if she let go she would crumble to the floor.

                “Shh, don’t cry. It’s just the distance, Cars. Once you get back in Texas and he sees you in person I would bet everything I own that he will come crawling back… and if he doesn’t than he is a complete idiot, and since I bet everything I own I would have to come live with you.” He teases, and just the way he says it makes her smile in his chest. He could say the simplest thing and all the stress and sadness would leave without questioning it.

                “It’s not just that, I’m so stressed out with the new job, with how Sel keeps trying to change me, with missing my family, and whatever this is-“ Carson starts but the words get caught once she realizes she just said that aloud to him, she slowly raises her head to look at his expression he had on a strong poker face so she just couldn’t see what he thought of the last part.

                “Obviously I can’t change the work stress, but what’s this about Selene changing you?” He asks making sure not to mention the fact that she may have just admitted that she is considering the fact that she may like him.

                “Nothing, she just keeps trying to switch me from a country gal to a city girl. It’s sort of frustrating because this is who I am and I thought she became my friend because this is who she likes but it seems to me she doesn’t like the real Carson too much.” The tears bead in her eyes, this was the first time she was admitting this aloud and going further into thought, he nods knowingly.

                “Don’t take that to heart, trust me, I’ve never seen Selene so committed to a friend. I think the only reason she is doing that is because she is afraid you will get so home sick you will leave her, she really likes you.” He whispers in Carson’s ear wiping the tears from her cheek, Carson stilling holding on to his waist.

                “How do you know?”

                He lets out the lightest of chuckles, “Because she is trying to keep you away from me, she only does that with the friends she really cares about.” He presses his forehead to hers and suddenly she couldn’t remember why she was crying in the first place. Staring into his eyes he had that cocky smirk that she used to hate but now she could see he only used it to hide his insecurities.

                “And why is that?” she asks playfully, he adverts his eyes away from hers not moving his forehead though she sensed he was ashamed to say. “It’s okay.” The simplest two words someone could offer, but when she said it all of his shame left and he looks back into her eyes feeling accepted for all his mistakes.

                Placing her hand on his cheek in a soothing way, his throat starts to close up as he feels the need to cry suddenly. “I have to go, I’ll be gone until Thursday.” He chokes out his voice not quite his, she furrows her brow as sadness starts to return in those loving blue eyes of hers, “work.” Was all he says and she nods, pulling back he swiftly turns around on his heels quick to exit afraid he would turn around and press his lips to her leading her back to her bedroom. The moment he closes the door both of them sick with the sadness of not being able to see each other for a while, surprising Carson more than Phil.

                Sitting down at her computer she types in Google, searching for the picture of her and Punk curiosity getting the best of her she needed to see what had Michael so sure she had feeling for him, when she wasn’t even sure of it. When her eyes land on the picture of her looking up at him, with such love she knew…she was in love with a punk.