"No... No... Angela... Run!"

I couldn't move. I wanted to run near her. To save her from the man behind her who was pointing a gun at her. But, fuck... No matter how I try, I couldn't fucking move.

"L-Lester..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at napatitig sa mukha n'ya. She looked so pale. Some strands of her hair were now on her face. Her eyes were bloodshot because of unshed tears. She was trying to walk towards me for a while now but it seemed like with every step, our distance was just growing bigger. Kahit hindi ako gumagalaw at nananatili lang na nakatayo sa harap n'ya, hindi pa rin lumiliit ang distansya namin.

I saw the man load his gun. He has an evil smirk plastered on his lips. Kinabahan agad ako. I tried to move again but couldn't.

"Angela!" I called to warn her about the man.

Pero nanatili lang ang tingin sa akin ni Angela. There was that determined look on her face. She wanted to get near me. It took all her strength to walk towards me. Kahit pa mas lumalayo lang ang distansya namin sa isa't isa, hindi pa rin s'ya sumuko sa paglapit sa 'kin.

"Lester..."

I heard gunshots. Sunod-sunod. Nakakabingi sa ingay. I tried to break free from whatever's holding me pero masyadong malakas ang pwersa at hindi pa rin ako makagalaw.

Hindi ko alam kung kaninong sigaw ang narinig ko. Kung kay Angela ba... o sa akin. Ang alam ko lang, pakiramdam ko ay tinamaan rin ako ng bala. The pain was unbearable as I watched Angela falling to the ground.

Ang sunod kong namalayan ay hawak ko na s'ya sa mga bisig ko. I was on the floor, holding her body full of blood. Her eyes were just fixated on me. Parang ayaw umiwas ng tingin. Parang ayaw na mawala ako sa paningin n'ya.

"Angela—"

May bumara sa lalamunan ko. Nanlalabo na rin ang paningin habang nakatingin kay Angela sa mga bisig ko. My hands were trembling so much.

Damn it! I knew this was going to happen. Alam ko na! But fuck. Why can't I still do anything? Why can't I do anything to save her?

"Angela, I'm sorry... I'm sorry."

She was looking at me and I couldn't do anything but weep as I watched her slowly losing her life. Hindi n'ya inalis ang tingin sa akin hanggang sa unti-unti kong nakita ang pagkawala ng buhay sa mga mata n'ya.

"Angela!"

The scene changed. Nasa loob na ako ng kwarto ko sa private suit ng hotel na ako mismo ang humahawak. It was dark and quiet. Compared to the fast beating of my heart.

Another nightmare again.

I took a deep breath. Mariin kong naipikit ang mga mata ko, sinusubukang kalimutan kung anong napanaginipan ko. But it was hard.

How can I forget it when it really happened in my life? Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang nangyaring 'yon.

"Lester."

Natigilan ako. Muling napadilat pero ang madilim na kisame sa kwarto ko ang sumalubong sa akin. I thought I heard a soft voice. Isang boses na kilalang-kilala ko kung sino ang may-ari. She was the only one who called me by that name too.

Pero tahimik ang paligid. Maybe, I was just imagining it because of what I dreamt earlier.

"Lester," I heard that voice again and this time, I knew that it wasn't just my imagination.

Bahagya akong bumangon pero natigilan nang makita ang isang babaeng nakatayo sa may paanan ng kama ko. My lips parted as I stared at her. Hindi ko inalis ang paningin ko sa kanya habang tuluyang umuupo sa kama.

"Angela..." I muttered her name, still not believing what I'm seeing.

It was her. The love of my life. She was wearing a simple white dress that reached her knees. 

Ang tuwid at mahaba n'yang buhok ay nakalugay lang like how I remembered. I remembered how I love to caress that soft long hair.

She was looking at me and I couldn't help but stare at her. She still looked the same. The same innocent girl I loved and will ever love.

"Am I still dreaming?" halos bulong kong tanong.

Angela was here in front me, looking at me. Hindi ko na magawang alisin ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ni hindi ko magawang kumurap. Natatakot ako na sa oras na gawin ko 'yon, mawala na naman s'ya sa paningin ko. And I would suffer again in a world without her. In a world where I couldn't see her.

I could feel the tightening in my chest as I stared at her. God... It's been so long since I was able to stare at that beautiful innocent face. It's been so long since I heard her lovely voice. I thought I wouldn't see her again. I thought I wouldn't be able to hear her voice again.

But she's here now... Right in front of me.

"Lester... Paano mo nagawa sa akin 'to?" she asked.

Natigilan ako sa tanong n'ya. The happiness inside me quickly died when I saw the anger in her eyes. It was hurting me, so much that it felt like my heart was being ripped apart into pieces. At damang-dama ko ang lahat ng 'yon habang nakatingin kay Angela.

But I couldn't look away. I wouldn't look away. I don't want to lose her again. So if it means that it'll hurt me just for her to stay by my side, then so be it. I just want to see her again. To hear her voice. Wala na akong pakialam kung mamatay pa ako sa sakit.

And I know that I'm at fault too. I was the reason why it happened. Tama lang kung magalit s'ya sa akin.

"Bakit?" puno ang sakit sa boses na tanong n'ya.

I stared at her while trying to find the answer to her question. Pero wala akong mahanap na dahilan kung bakit kailangan mangyari ang lahat nang iyon sa kanya. Wala akong maisagot sa kanya.

"I'm sorry..." was all I could manage to say.

Fuck... How could I ask for her forgiveness when I couldn't even forgive myself?

"Ang dami mong kasalanan sa 'kin," there was accusation in her voice. "Nagsinungaling ka. Hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin kung sino ka talaga."

"I'm sorry..."

I could feel my hands trembling slightly as I stared at her, hearing everything she was saying. But fuck, it's okay. As long as I could see her, as long as I could stare at her face again. It's okay...

"Pinatay ako nang hindi ko alam kung bakit. Wala naman akong kasalanang ginawa. Bakit kailangan kong mamatay?"

Tears fell down from her eyes. Gustong-gusto kong lumapit sa kanya para punasan ang mga luha n'ya pero napapatigil ako sa tuwing naaalala kong ako ang dahilan ng mga luhang 'yon.

"I'm sorry..." my voice croaked.

"Ang sabi mo, poprotektahan mo ko. Nagtiwala ako sa 'yo. Pero binigo mo ko. Hindi mo ko nagawang protektahan."

I had to take a deep breath. Hindi na yata ako humihinga sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko. I couldn't breathe. The pain was too much and it's killing me.

She was right. I couldn't protect her. Ang tanga ko para isipin na mas ligtas s'ya kung nasa tabi ko lang s'ya. Pero mas pinalala lang no'n ang sitwasyon.

"I'm sorry, Angela. I'm sorry..."

The pain as I tried to take several deep breaths was excruciating. I was trying to breathe to stay alive, to keep myself alive. But it was painful.

I stared at Angela. The anger in her eyes was so much that it could burn me. The regret was also there, regret for meeting me. And the pain...

No, please... I couldn't take it anymore. Stop. The pain was too much.

Napatingin ako sa damit n'ya nang makita ang unti-unting pagkalat ng pulang likido doon. I tried to reach her, to stop the bleeding, to mend her pain but she just stepped away from me. Na para bang ayaw n'yang mahawakan ko s'ya. Na para bang mas gusto n'ya pang masaktan kaysa sa mahawakan ko.

"Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako namatay, Lucius! Ikaw!"

I thought that I would feel the happiest when she would finally call me by my real name. But fuck, sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. The tightening in my chest was too much I don't know what to do. Sinubukan kong kumuha ng malalalim na paghinga pero wala akong hangin na makuha.

"I'm sorry... God, I'm so sorry..."

"Ikaw ang pumatay sa akin! Ikaw!" she shouted.

Halos mabingi ako sa sigaw na 'yon. Sigaw na unti-unting pumupunit sa puso ko. Sigaw na nagpapasakit sa buong pagkatao ko.

"Pinatay mo ko, Lucius! Pinatay mo ko!"

I winced in pain. I couldn't take it anymore. Tinakpan ko ang dalawang tenga ko para hindi ko na marinig ang sigaw ni Angela. I wanted to hear her voice pero hindi ko na makaya ang sakit.

Mas diniinan ko pa ang pagkakatakip sa tenga ko pero naririnig ko pa rin ang sigaw n'ya. It feels like it was already in my brain so no matter how I tried to cover my ears, I could still hear her scream. It was just getting louder and louder that my ears started to bleed.

"Ikaw ang pumatay sa akin, Lucius! Namatay ako nang dahil sa 'yo!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" paulit-ulit ko lang sinasabi 'yon. I couldn't even do anything but apologize.

Kahit maubos pa ang boses ko, kahit sumakit pa ang lalamunan ko. Hindi ako titigil sa paghingi ng tawad sa kanya.

Angela was still screaming. It's making me crazy pero wala akong magawa para pigilan s'ya. I didn't even try to stop her.

It was the truth.

"Nagsisisi akong nakilala pa kita. Hindi sana ako namatay kung hindi kita nakilala!"

"I'm sorry, Angela! I'm sorry."

"Sana hindi na lang kita nakilala!"

"I'm so sorry..."

"Sana hindi na lang kita minahal, Lucius!"

"Angela, no!"

I jolted awake with the sound of my phone ringing on my bedside table. But I couldn't care less about it as I felt excruciating pain in my chest. Like my heart stopped and just started beating again. I winced in pain and tried to get up, trying to calm the fast beating of my heart.

Sumandal ako sa headboard ng kama at ilang sandaling nanatili sa gano'ng posisyon. I took several deep breaths. Unti-unti nang nawawala ang sakit. I realized I was sweating bullets and was even breathing hard.

I had another nightmare about Angela. Again. Hindi ko na mabilang kung pang-ilang beses nang nagyari sa akin ang ganoon. Magigising sa umaga nang hinihingal at masakit ang dibdib. Sometimes, my face was wet with tears too.

But I don't care. I deserve it.

Napatingin ako sa phone kong nakapatong sa bedside table nang muling tumunog iyon. I took it and tried to get out of bed. I groaned when I felt my head was aching so bad. Like someone was trying to crack it open.

Sinagot ko ang tawag habang naglalakad papunta sa glass wall na nahaharangan ng itim na kurtina.

"Fucker! Where are you?" bungad sa akin ng tumawag pagkasagot ko. It was Hunter.

I frowned and opened the curtains. Nasilaw pa ako sa sinag ng araw.

"What?" I asked.

"Anong what?" halata ang inis sa boses ni Hunter. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. "Nakalimutan mo yata na ngayon ang kasal ni Kylo?"

Dahil sa sinabi n'ya ay nailayo ko ang phone sa tenga ko para tignan ang date. I groaned inwardly.

November 15th.

"Shit," I cursed. Nakalimutan ko.

"Pupunta ka pa ba?"

"Yeah... Yeah, of course," sagot ko habang nagmamadaling naglakad papunta sa banyo para maligo.

"Bilisan mo. Nandito na kami lahat sa simbahan."

"Alright," I said and ended the call.

Damn it! How could I even forget what date it is today?! Bakit ba kasi kagabi ko pa naisipang uminom?!

I looked at the clock and cursed when I saw what time it was. I only have a few minutes left to fix myself. Ayoko namang pumunta sa simbahan ng amoy alak kaya kailangan kong maligo.

The feeling of the cold water helped me calm down a bit. It kinda cleared the chaos in my head. Bahagya din nawala ang sakit ng ulo ko. But the pain in my chest was still strong. I bet nothing could take the pain away.

Every night, every damn time I was falling asleep, hindi pwedeng hindi ko mapapanaginipan ang tungkol kay Angela. Ang nangyari sa kanya. It was painful, to remember the way she dies. I could still feel her cold and lifeless body while I was holding her.

It was torture.

Natakot akong makatulog nang dahil doon. I tried to keep myself awake for so long. Pero hindi ko rin nakakayanan kaya kung minsan ay nakakatulog ako. And I would always dream about Angela.

I wasn't planning to sleep last night. Umiwas na rin ako sa alak pero kagabi, hindi ko mapigilan ang uminom. Then I fell asleep.

I didn't drink alcohol for so long until last night. I guess it was because her death anniversary was only a few weeks away.

Narinig kong tumutunog ulit ang phone paglabas ko ng banyo. Napamura ako. Hindi ko na sinagot ang tawag at nagmadali na lang sa pag-aayos. Sumakay ako ng kotse at nag-drive papunta ng simbahan. Doon ko lang din sinubukang isuot ang necktie ko using one hand.

Marami na nga ang tao nang makarating ako sa simbahan. Dumiretso ako sa loob at nakita ang mga kaibigan ko na nagkukumpulunan sa gitna. Their wives were with them. Mukhang hinihintay na lang ang pagdating ng bride.

Isa-isa ko silang tinignan. They were all here. Except for Gray.

"Lucius!" It was Creed who first noticed me. Naglingunan sila. I puffed a breath when I went near them.

"Akala namin hindi ka na pupunta," it was Hunter. I let out a chuckle.

"Pwede ba 'yon?"

"Anong oras na kasi pero wala ka pa!" He looked irritated.

I smirked at them. "Na-late lang ng gising."

"It isn't like you," Creed commented.

Yeah... He's right. It wasn't like me waking up late and being the last one to arrive on an occasion like this. Noong kasal nina Creed at Hunter, isa pa ako sa mga tumulong noon. Pero iba ngayon.

Malapit na ang death anniversary n'ya. Kaya siguro naaapektuhan na naman ako.

I just shrugged my shoulders and didn't say anything. I don't want to ruin this day. I don't want them to know that right now, I'd rather be alone in my room and drank myself to death.

Natahimik sila. I know even if I didn't say anything, they knew. Nakakaramdam sila. Baka nga alam nila ang dahilan kung bakit ako na-late ngayon. But nobody tried to open that topic.

Nobody. Ever since the game ended.

"Your tie is crooked," it was Eresh who spoke.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. She was looking at my tie before her eyes met mine. There was something in them I didn't even want to know. So I looked down at my tie.

Yeah. My tie was crooked.

I was about to fix it when Artemis stood in front of me. I looked at her and she smiled at me.

"Let me," she offered. Tumango lang ako at s'ya na ang nag-ayos ng tie ko para sa 'kin.

"Thanks," I said when she finished fixing my tie. She just smiled and returned to Hunter's side.

"Nasa'n nga pala si Kylo?" I asked when I noticed the groom wasn't with them.

"He's outside. Vaping," Loki said.

"Kinakabahan ang gago," Creed said as he chuckled.

"Creed, nasa simbahan tayo," saway ni Fatima sa kanya. The fucker just apologized to his wife like a good kid.

"Parang kayo hindi kinabahan nu'ng kasal n'yo," natatawa kong sabi. Lakas ng loob mang-asar. Sila din naman.

"Kinabahan din naman. But it was Kylo's turn today kaya s'ya ang pagtatawanan namin ngayon," depensa pa ni Creed. Hunter even agreed with him.

Napangisi na lang ako at napailing. These fuckers...

The wedding organizer announced the bride's arrival. We did our part as the entourage. I tapped Kylo in the back when I got near him. Creed was beside him as his best man.

It was Ravi, Kylo and Amara Jean's son, who was the ring bearer. I saw Kylo smirked as he watched his son walk down the aisle. Ilang saglit lang ay ang bride na ang naglalakad sa gitna.

I looked at Kylo. His eyes were just fixated on his bride. His eyes were bloodshot, mukhang pinipigilan ang umiyak. But he failed and tears fell from his eyes as he watched her slowly walking near him.

I looked at my friends. They all looked happy watching the bride march down the aisle. I looked away and stared at the big cross inside the church. I balled my fist, trying to stop the pain inside my chest.

This place was filled with happiness... and I felt so out of place.

Everyone around me already found their happiness... while I am still drowning in sorrow.